Why? Why I had to tell him? Why I had to be so stupid and couldn't keep my mouth shut?! If I hadn't told him I wouldn't be here crying like a perfect idiot. How could I ever think he could love me in some way? But, how I didn't see it? It was in front of me.

The distance he had created between us the last couple of weeks, was because in somehow, he knew how I felt; what I felt. He knew me better than anyone. How I didn't guess he would know it?

I looked through the window with only a few tears in my eyes, all garden was bloomed. There were all kinds of flowers, there were beautiful. They looked happy.

I wished I were I flower. They didn't had to worry to fit in, or to please anyone, or if anybody loved them. They came out in spring and hided in summer. They were just happy. I wanted to be happy.

I felt a hot touch in my arm. I hadn't heard anyone approaching. I looked up scared and there he was.

I stood up in a blur and ran into his arm. I was weeping again. I wanted to be happy with him. He was the only person I could ever be happy with and he didn't want me.

But part of my happiness was him to be happy. If he didn't want me, if he was happy with someone else I had to let him be. If he was happy I was happy. I had to convince myself of this, it was for his good. I had to make it for him.

I was still in his arms trying to block my tears; he couldn't see me this way. He took my head with his right hand I didn't let him go. He looked into my eyes and I met his gaze. I heard him swallow and his heart was beating fast.

"Nessie, I…" he said in a voice a human wouldn't have heard, he hesitated for a moment "I wanted to know… eh… why are you crying?" I broke in tears again. I couldn't tell him I why I was crying, I wanted him to be happy.

"I don't know Jake" I said between the sob "I don't even know why I'm crying" I had to keep this away from him. He deserved happiness, and even though he didn't love me; me suffering would have made it impossible. I hide my face in his chest and his heart was beating faster this time.

"Shh… don't worry honey. It's ok, it's ok" he said caressing my hair and pressing me to his chest "Cry everything you want to, it's ok. I'm here, I won't go, I'm here."

I cried harder. How could I be so selfish? I knew he was unhappy seeing me this way. I knew he was unhappy if he stayed with me, but I wanted so badly him to stay.

He sat on the floor dragging me with him so that my head rested on his chest. He caressed my hair, my back, and the back to my hair and so on. He rustled a song I didn't recognize swaying back and forth. The sun was still in the sky.

I didn't know at what point of his swaying I felt asleep. In my dream, Jacob and I were in the emptiness holding hands, I would sometimes kiss him and he kissed me back. He would caress my cheeks, my eyelids, my lips. I was happier than ever.

He looked at me and I saw his face, the more beautiful face that I had ever seen. His full lips with a smile printed on it. His hair, covering his eyes the way I loved so much. And then I stopped in his eyes; they didn't seem as happy as he seemed to be. They didn't look happy at all. In the depth of his eyes, he was sad.

"Jake, what's wrong?" I asked worried at his sadness.

"Nothing's wrong" he answered quickly. But I knew better.

"Then why are you sad?" I asked

"I'm not sad" he said frowned.

"Yes, you are. I can see it" I replied.

"I can't tell you" he said.

"You can tell me anything. You know it" I encouraged him.

"If I tell you then you will be sad too" he said.

"I don't care. I love you" this time he had listen. He waited a moment.

"That's the problem" he said reflecting the sadness of his eyes on his face. "I don't love you, not the way you love me. I'm with you because I want you to be happy. I would do anything for you to be happy, but I can't handle it anymore. I cannot lie to myself and I cannot lie to you" I couldn't speak. He dropped my hand and started walking toward the nothingness.

"Then stay" I yelled. My world trembled. How I could do this to him? "Don't go Jake, don't leave me. Stay with me, please." I pleaded.

What I was doing? I was condemning him to a life without happiness, a life of sadness. He took a deep breath, turned back and walked toward me. He gave me a kiss in the forehead and I smiled.

I woke up moaning with my eyes full of tears. Jake wasn't with me. I started to cry lauder. How can I be such a monster? How could I do that to him? When even in my dreams, the only thing he wanted was my happiness. How could I deny his?

Mom, Alice and Jasper entered in my room in a blur. Between the tears I could see their alarmed expressions, which made me cry even lauder. I was making them unhappy too. Was I able to make at least one person happy?

"Jasper!" Alice told him with an expressive look while mom had already her arms around me.

"Shh… don't worry sweetie it's just a dream, it's just a dream" mom repeated swaying me back and forth. I started to feel better. Surely because of Jasper.

"Thanks" I said between sob. "Sorry for scared you guys…"

"Don't worry Ness, we're here now." Alice said comforting me.

"Now" mom said while I pulled her away "Are you going to tell us about your dream?"

"Nightmare should you say." I clarified

"Well?" She asked again.

"I don't want to talk to about it." I said. Mom frowned, I wanted to talk to somebody but not my mom. She knew how I saw Jake, yet she didn't know I was in love with him and it was kind of embarrassing. He was mom's best friend. "Not know."

"It's ok honey. When you're ready." Mom said hugging me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Well I didn't know you had such a short memory Renesmee, but just a few minutes ago you were screaming…" Jasper said and I just rolled my eyes.

"I mean, you guys were supposed to arrive at afternoon." I clarified looking to Alice and Jasper.

"We took an earlier flight." Jasper said. I stood up and hugged them both.

"I missed you so much." I said.

"We too Ness" Alice pulled me away "but honey," she said looking at me from head to toe and shaking her head "you're a mess!!!" I chuckled and mom finally stood up.

"Well at least I have an excuse, I sleep and I just woke up" I said "what's yours?" I asked joking. Her mouth was hanging open. Everybody laughed except her. "Just kidding!! You always look gorgeous!" I said hugging her.

"This is the first time I see someone take by surprise Alice" mom said.

"Of course she's always gorgeous" Jasper said kissing his hand. She launched onto him sucking his face.

"Oh please! Get a room." I said rolling my eyes

"Ummm… yes! I see it… thanks for the idea Ness…" Alice yelled already out of the room. Mom and I giggled.

"So, do you want to eat? Or drink?" Mom asked.

"Ummm…" I always hunted with Jacob, were we alone or not. And he wasn't around. "Eat" I said looking away. Mom noticed it.

"Ok, get dress" She sprinted out of the bedroom.

I took a deep breath and went to my huge walking closet. I took a look of myself in the mirror. Alice was right, I was a mess. I decided to take shower to calm my nerves, they were coming back and Jasper was gone.

I tried to relax feeling the water go down my body and prohibiting myself to think in Jacob.

If I was going to let him be happy, I had to give him his space. I had to pretend not to be miserable and desolate doing it. My dad would notice it, I had to ask him please not to say something and respect my decision. I hoped he'd listen and pleased me.

I took some pretty clothes and dressed up. The smell of the eggs mom had made, impregnated the whole house. In the kitchen I could smell Esme, Carlisle, Mom and a smell I hadn't sensed in many time. I was in shock. I went downstairs as fast as could. And there she was, looking at me with her unforgettable Vampire face. That wasn't a face easy to forget.

"What are you doing here?" I said still in shock from the base of the stairs. She slowly and delivery took a big step and launched onto me "Zafrina!!!" I yelled.

"My Nessie!!" She said "you have grown so much! You look stunning" I blushed.

"Thanks! You are, well you are the same!" She chuckle "How is that you are here?" I asked recovering.

"Did you like you surprise?" Carlisle said.

"Ehh… duh!!" A if it wasn't obvious. "Grandpa, grandma!" I said greeting them.

"Hi sweetie" – Esme said calmly. I went to her side and kissed her on the cheek.

"Hi twinkle!" Carlisle said giving me a on the forehead.

We sat in the table and mom served me two eggs with bacon in a smiley face form.

"Thanks mom! How are Kachiri and Senna? I haven't seen them in years!" I said to Zafrina taking a bite.

"They are very well my dear. They sent their regards" she said with a smile. I smiled too.

"Why they didn't come?" I asked. Mom gave her a look.

"They had some issues to take care of over there." She said frowned. Ok this was weird. I took another bite "How is your Jacob honey?" I swallowed. She blew away all my attempts to not think of him. That's how I used to call him, my Jacob. He would never be mine. I took a deep breath.

"He's ok" I said trying to sound normal. I didn't succeed.

"I'm very glad my dear. Is he coming today?" She asked with curiosity.

"I guess so" I hope so. NO, you cannot allow yourself to hope. "Hey where is dad?" I asked to mom trying to change the subject and taking another bite. I hadn't seen him.

"Ehh… he's out" mom said looking away. She wasn't a good liar "with Jacob" she added looking down. I swallowed harder than before.

"Oh…" shit!! My dad had seen my dream… and he was going to tell Jacob… no, he wouldn't do that. Would he?

"Where're Alice and Jasper?" Carlisle asked cutting my thoughts. I appreciated that.

"You wouldn't like to know" mom said.

"Oh! I see…" Carlisle said in a laugh.

"So what do you want to do?" I asked Zafrina

"Actually, I am a little thirsty" she said "the travel was a little long."

"Well, as you obviously already know we cannot allow ourselves to hunt in town." Carlisle said politely. Zafrina didn't share our vegetarian diet.

"Do not worry my old friend. I already know regulations." She replied with a smile. Carlisle gave a smile too, though I knew he didn't like the fact someone would die.

"But it's sunny" Esme replied.

"That's not a problem, Nessie could get Zafrina a ride out of town" mom said winking at me. I knew dad didn't like me to drive, though I did it better and more prudently than him. How ironic. He didn't mind me hunting a bear, but me behind the wheel that was a different story. Puf! Over protector.

"Yes, of course I wouldn't mind" I said with a big grin. Anything to not be here when Jacob arrived, with dad. Though I desired more than anything to see Jake's smiling face again. Don't think about it! I told myself.

Zafrina and I caught up in everything that had happened since the last time I went to Amazonas to visit her coven. I felt kind of bad, for being a little absentminded while we talked.

We waited I few more hours to leave. I drove her till the outsides of Seattle. I must admit, I was a little tented to join her in the hunting trip. But I caught myself. Though I had drunk human blood, I had never killed a person I my whole life, I wouldn't start now.

I liked more the human blood; but not that much to see my eyes on red, that was one of the reason I stopped drinking donated blood. I hated it and Jake too. Though he didn't like it, he never judged me for what I am.

I couldn't hold myself with all these things I had inside of me. I needed to talk it to someone. But the only person I talked about my problems was Jake.

How could I talk to him if he was the problem? No, he wasn't the problem. He was the solution to all my problems. But even so, if I could not talk to him. Who I could talk to?

My dad, puf! He would have monopolized the conversation with all the whole teenager crap. My mom, NO! Absolutely not; she was his best friend it would have been so awkward. Rose, ummm…could be; but no, besides she was in Germany, she would have told me I was too pretty to be with a mongrel. Esme, too sweet; she probably wouldn't have paid attention to what I was saying and just told me everything was going to be alright. Carlisle, well he would have been perfect, but he was my grandpa and I was his twinkle. Jasper wouldn't have let me feel my own emotions, which was probably the best thing; but I couldn't have spoken honestly. Emmett, NO!! No, no, no, no; he would have make infinites jokes about it and awkward questions like: "how it feels to be licked by a dog?" he was absolutely discarded. I would have thought in Grandpa Charlie, but he and his need to know crap wouldn't have let me tell him everything.

The only one left was Alice. She was weirdest and the less insane at the same, though she had been in a mental hospital.

"Alice?" I said by the phone "do you have a minute?" Stupid question, she had all the eternity.

"Sure sweetheart, where are you?" She asked.

"I'm in the old cottage" I said

"I'll be right there" she shut the phone.

The old cottage, my old room, my old life. Everything seemed to be so perfect when I was a kid; technically I was just 7, but that didn't count. When I was, practically, unaware of the things that happened around me. When I could be with Jake without the concern I had now. When I was simply happy.

Alice arrived sooner than I expected. She stood in the frame door for a while looking calmed. I had made a good choice to call her.

"Are you ready to talk?" She asked sitting by my side in my old bed. I nodded. " Can I ask a question before you start?" I looked at her "Why you call me? I mean is not that I'm not glad, but, why not Bella?"

"Because she is my mother and you are my aunt" I sighted "and besides I cannot talk to her about this." I added.

"Because…?" She asked. I had to be honest to her.

"Because she's Jacob's best friend" I said

"Oh" She seemed to understand, as if she knew something.

"What do you know?" I asked.

"Ummm… Why don't we start from the beginning? Show me everything" she extended her hand. I show her my dream.

"I see" She said blinking "Nessie" she seemed hesitant "What exactly do you feel? I mean, about Jacob"

"Huh!! Don't you have an easier question?" I asked sarcastically. "I… I don't know if I can explain it…" I said.

"Give it a try" she encouraged me. I took a deep breath, this wasn't easy to explain.

"When I see his face, when I see him, is like nothing else in the world existed. It's like…" I sighted "Like I was drawn to him, like I was attached to him with millions of chains" I stopped, my heart had started to beat faster and I had to breathe. I had never had said this to anyone. Not even myself.

"Go on honey…" she said smiling.

"When I'm… when I'm with him I feel… safe, safer than I feel with anybody. I feel… loved"

"Ok. Then…" she doubted "Why don't you tell him that?"

"You didn't see my dream, do you?" I asked in a low voice.

"Yes, and it's just that. A dream" She said very confident.

"But he doesn't love me" I murmured.

"How do you know that?" She asked.

"Alice… who could ever love me? Besides you…" I cut off.

"Renesmee! If you don't stop being stupid, I'm going to leave" She said with folded arms. I didn't want her to go, not her too.

"Sorry" I said.

"Now" she said lowering her tone "You want him to be happy? Right?"

"Yes" More than anything in the world.

"And since your dream" she pointed it out "he wants you to be happy? Am I right?" I nodded "So, given we're following the dream… I really think you should tell him Ness…"

"No" I shook my head.

"Let me finish… you say you want him to be happy, so he's happy getting want he wants; and he wants you to be happy and you are happy being with him. That lead us to the point that you should tell him for you to be happy and he will be happy to see you happy and you will be happy to be with him" She ended her conclusion with a huge grin and a sigh.

"I think I lost it when you said happy" I joked. "I mean, I do get your point. But what if he does want me to be happy but he does not love me?"

"Honey, life is about to take chances" She said "I mean, look at your parents. You think it was easy for them? But they gave it a try, and look at them know!!" She said with a smile.

"No, I don't want to. Is gross…. Eww!" I said with a face. She laughed. We stayed in the cottage for a couple of hours.

"Do you feel better?" She asked.

"I think so" I said nodding. I was still confused but at least I did feel better.

"Are you ready to go?" She sighted.

"Uhm… yes" I didn't know if I was going to tell him, but I definitely wanted to see him. I haven't seen him in all day and I missed him too much.

We got to the house. I knew he was there I could smell him. My heart bumped.

"It's ok honey… breathe" Alice told me how to breathe as I hadn't ever breathe. I mimic her. It was good to feel some air in my lungs. "Better?" She asked when my heart beating slowed. I nodded.

"Alice? Can I take your hand?" I was too nervous. She smiled and took my hand.

There were all in the living room. Carlisle and Esme on the small couch, Zafrina on one armchair, Jasper on the other one, mom dad and Jacob were on the big couch. Alice took a deliberated step toward de room I froze in place and she pushed me getting me out of trance.

"Hi everyone!" She shouted in her tiny voice. It was good to have her back home.

Mom stood up and hugged us both. Then Alice went to sit by Jasper side she winked at me and I could only see dad's face, he was almost giggling. This is fun to you?? He nodded. Well I hope you enjoy yourself. I made a mental face. Then he leaned his head and turned his eyes toward Jacob Are you encouraging me?? He rolled his eyes and nodded.

"Hey Jake!!" I said looking down.

"Hi" he said looking his food. Dad rolled his eyes.

What else do I do? I said mad and went to sit with folded arms between Esme and Carlisle, like I used to do when I was little, every time mom and dad scolded me. Everyone but Jacob and I chuckle. Shut up dad!!

They kept talking about what they were talking before Alice and I arrived. All of them but Jacob and I. We were like two tell off children. He was sitting beside mom, eating bite by bite. His body was there, his mind not. It was like it had been abducted by aliens. This put me to the top… I got up and went to the porch, I couldn't be in the same room he was, thought I wanted to. Dad followed me. Dad, pleaseeeee

"You want me to go?" he said

"No, don't want you to go. I want to be alone" I clarified.

"How are you going?" he asked.

"Ha! I'm going nut!!" I said. He sat by my side on the step.

"Are you… are you going to tell him?" His asked frowned. Dad… I don't know.

"I don't know if I can, I mean look at him. He doesn't even know where he is!" I said a little too laud, he wouldn't notice. And by this point everybody should know what's going on… dad laughed; his was in a good mood tonight.

"Actually… they don't know what's going on. Only you, Alice, Bella a bit, and of course I'm aware of everything. Even of things I would prefer not to be aware of. But…" he shrugged "What can I do?"

"Dad, seriously. Suppose that he can get out of the trance and that I'll tell him" I said "Everybody is watching and hearing. Is awkward and embarrassing"

"If you really want to tell him I can fix that" He sighted "Do you want to tell him?" You a vampire, are helping your only daughter to declare her love to a werewolf? "Tell me before I regret" he said frowned.

Did I really want to tell him? What if…? No! I had already said that I had to give it a shut. Dad what he feels? His eyes popped out.

"No! No no no, no a clue…. I don't hear you!" He said with his hands I his ears. Like that would help!

"Dad pleaseeeee… I'm begging you" I got down on my knees "Please?

"Nope! I can't tell you… is his mind, is his privacy" he said shaking his head. Well it was true; at least he respected people privacy. He relaxed to my thought.

"Ok dad" I said standing up, resigned I wouldn't get nothing of him. I need your help…

We got into the house again, I went to the living. Mom was practicing unlock her shield with Zafrina. He wasn't there. Where was he? I leaned my head to the kitchen; he was washing the dish where he had eaten. The others were in the music room hearing the Carlisle's new composition. I went to the living room and sat on the big couch. Zafrina's illusion covered my eyes.

Suddenly I was in a mountain, surrounded by ancients trees taller than buildings, its trunks were covered by tree ferns. There was all kind of exotic birds tweeting around. I could hear the sound of the water crashing with the rocks; it was the sound of a stream passing by my right.

"Ehm Nessie?" What? That wasn't part of the illusion, oh! Was dad. Zafrina freed me from the illusion "Would you mind go with Jacob to the plot of land I told you? I'd like it to have the approval of all the family, including Jacob" he said leaning his head and eyes toward Jake. What that hell dad? NOW??

"Yes dad, no prob" I'm gonna kill you dad, you could have told me!! "Can we go in aunty Alice porche?" Dad I don't care a damn the porche… PLEASEEEE TELL ME!! I said with my best scolded puppy face. Jake's face relaxed, Oh my god!! Why he have to be so perfect? I'm going to dieeeee… I told myself

"Nope" dad answered.

"Ok" I'm serious dad!! Watch your back… "Jake? Do we go?" He nodded. Thank you dad. I said sarcastically.

Ok. We are into the car. He's by your side. You have to tell him. You have to speak. Don't forget to breathe. Tight your hands, they're trembling. Breathe! He cleared his throat, look at him… What? ANSWER!!

"Uhm… sorry?" I asked. He had talked to me?

"Where were you? Before?" He asked. What am I supposed to say to him? No I just was telling Alice how much I love you. I was supposed to tell him at some moment. But I had to make sure he was really listening this time.

"Uhmm… don't know, just around, wandering" he's looking at you control yourself. I could control myself, but not my heart.

"Eh… ok" he said looking away.

After we arrived to mom's future art studio; I showed him every room in the house, the beautiful view to the shore from the main room and he would nod once in a while without answering. This was going to be difficult if he didn't speak. Like I said, I had to make sure he was listening this time.