There From The Start Chapter 10: Ballad, a glee fanfic

^(10) There From The Start

"You just need to come home right now!"

"You're scaring me mom! Why?"

"... It's your father... He's here."

And that's what you missed on Glee!

Just like that, Blaine's mind went blank and his blood ran cold. You know those moments in life when something's so heavy it feels like you've been slammed down on the ground? The only thing you can feel is your pulse throughout your entire body and the tingling sensation of just being. Suddenly you can't breathe right and your eyes start to water because this can not be happening.

Blaine felt a lot like that.

He doesn't remember the drive over there, or hanging up with his mom, all he remembers is sitting in his car in the driveway, terrified of what he might find when he faced what was waiting for him in the house.

He got off his car and headed through the door. The sight of his father sitting on their couch greeted him.

"You need to leave." Blaine said, voice shaking.

His father furrowed his eyebrows, looking rather hurt. "Are you even going to listen to what I have to say?" He asked, absolute sincerity in his voice.

"As a matter of fact, I'm not!" Shouted Blaine. "Because all I know, is last time you were here, you called me horrible things, beat the living crap out of me every chance you got, and left my mother with a bruised cheek... Its been years! You can't just leave a broken home like that, come back and expect it to be all clean and fixed up for you!"

Blaine's father just sat there calmly. "That's why I'm here... To clean up my mess. I've changed, Blaine, I really have."

"Bullshit." He spat angrily.

His dad shook his head. "One of the worst tortures in the world is not being able to see your children."

"Really? Because I have three scars from broken ribs that would beg to differ." That shut his father up for a while.

"I feel horrible about that..." He whispered, looking away in shame. "And I wish I could go back in time and stop it from ever happening, because no child should have to go through that... But I can't, and all I can do is apologize." He got up and took a step forward; Blaine took a half one back. "It doesn't matter to me anymore that you're gay... I realized that, to hate someone for that, someone I created, who is a part of me—"

"Don't remind me."

Harold shook his head again. "It doesn't matter what you are to the world, but to me, you are my son. And I should love you like one, no matter what... I've talked to Cooper already, and he's... Processing. I just want you to give me the same chance."

He took another step forward and reached out to try and place his hand on Blaine's shoulder. Blaine responded to the motion with a flinch accompanied by a sharp intake of a breath. "Don't," he said firmly, shaking his head. "Don't. Fucking. Touch. Me. Or I swear to god I will call the cops..."

His father slowly put his hand down. "If you change your mind," he offered. "I'll be in town for a few more days..." And with that, he grabbed his coat and left.

Just then, his mother came out of the kitchen, where she'd been listening, but still giving them space. Blaine turned to her. "How could you just let him walk in here?"

"I know you hate him, Blaine." She went to him and hugged him tightly. "But I also know you miss your dad. I was just hoping to give you that chance again."

Blaine sniffed. "I do miss him... But not the way he was at the end. I miss when he was actually a father and not some stranger who walked in through our front door every night, drunk off his ass, and taking his anger out on everyone who got in his damn way..." He looked up at her. "I'm just having a hard time believing him... I need time to think, that's for sure."

She nodded, kissed the top of his head gingerly and headed upstairs, leaving Blaine with nothing but his thoughts.

XXX

"Ballad," Mr. Shue began his lesson. "From Middle English ballád. Who knows what this word means?"

Rachel and Kurt raised their hands. "It's a male duck," Brittany blurted out.

The entire class gave her sideways glances.

"Kurt," Mr. Shue pointed at him so he could answer.

"A ballad is a love song." He said. Do not look at Blaine, do not. Maybe a glance would've been fine before but not now.

"Sometimes," Will explained. "But they don't always express love. Ballads are stories set to music, which is why they're the perfect storm of self expression."

"So," began Kurt. "Hypothetically, a ballad could be about feeling like someone's left you behind or forgotten you?" He threw a glare in Blaine's direction, but the shorter boy didn't notice. In fact, he seemed to have one hand supporting his head. He looked absolutely exhausted.

Will nodded. "Exactly! Stories and music are the way we express feelings that we can't get out any other way. Now, Sectionals are in a few weeks, and as a new rule this year, we have to perform a ballad! So here's our assignment, I'm gonna pair you off, and you pick a ballad to song to your partner."

"I pick Quinn." Stated Finn.

"No, no, no." Will interjected. "Too easy. Your partners will be chosen by fate." The room filled with choruses of anticipation as Will walked to the piano. "I've put each of your names into this hat! Whoever you choose is your partner! Who's up first?"

Puck was the first to go and ended up with Mercedes. Next went Artie, who got Quinn, followed by Finn who was paired with Kurt. Santana and Brittany ended up together, and so did Mike and Tina.

"Guess this means you're with me, Blaine." Said Rachel.

Blaine sighed, defeated. The universe just wasn't on his side this week, was it?

Artie raised his hand. "Do you mind clarifying what type of songs you want us to sing, Mr. Shue?"

"Why don't you let Blaine and I show the class?" Rachel asked, well, more demanded. "Endless Love in b flat, please." She told Brad.

Before he knew it, Blaine was somehow sucked into singing a duet with Rachel. How did that happen?

He sang along mindlessly to the song, it was a classic, so he was basically on auto-pilot the whole time, his head somewhere lost in thought.

I can't believe he's back... Jesus, its been so long, how am I even supposed to feel about this... Maybe I can talk to Kurt and he'll know what to do, he's always been there for me before. I just hope I won't have to talk to him. I've learned to deal with his absence for three years, he can't just come back when it suits him the—wait... Why is Rachel looking at me like that... Ok she's making these really intense faces wtf is she ok. What is up with the googley eyes? Jesus Christ... Ok, I am beyond uncomfortable...

The song ended and the petite brunette made her way over to Blaine. "That was really great, Blaine." Cooed Rachel, hanging on to Blaine's arm.

Blaine glanced warily at her. She had this doe-eyed look on her face. It was weird.

From the risers, Kurt watched Rachel fawn over Blaine and rolled his eyes. He was mad at him, sure, but that didn't mean Rachel was allowed to throw herself all over him.

Thankfully, the bell dismissed them, and he wriggled out of her grasp.

Blaine saw Kurt getting up to leave and followed him. "Hey, Kurt! Wait up!" The younger boy kept walking. Blaine furrowed his eyebrows. Maybe he didn't hear me... "Kurt!" He kept walking. Blaine picked up his pace and caught up with him. "Kurt, what's wrong? You didn't sit next to me in class, you didn't wait for me like you usually do... What's with the cold shoulder?"

Kurt scoffed. "I'm sorry," he huffed. "Are you feeling, abandoned? Maybe like someone forgot you? Or like your being ditched?" Blaine's face was blank. Kurt sighed, crossing his arms. "If we were lying on top of each other and kissing like we were yesterday, would that jog your memory?"

Blaine's eyes went wide and he gasped a little, covering his face with his hands. "Oh, my god, Kurt! I am so, so, so sorry! My mom called me home and there was a lot of shit I had to deal with." He ran his hands through his hair, feeling absolutely horrible.

Kurt bit his lip. He'd be lying if he tried telling himself he didn't still like Blaine. But he wasn't ready to forgive him just yet. "You just left me there, waiting for you to come back, like an idiot! And I did! I waited because I am an idiot, I waited for nearly an hour!"

Blaine looked at him, sad and somber. "I really am sorry, Kurt... I have a lot going on right now, and I'm not sure how to deal with it... But that doesn't excuse what happened!" He couldn't tell Kurt what had happened with his dad. It wasn't that he didn't trust him or anything, but what if someone overheard them in these crowded hallways. He thought of a compromise and smiled. "I'll make up for it. Coffee at the Lima Bean, tomorrow at 4? I promise I'll explain everything there, where it's more... Private."

Kurt stood for a while, thinking about Blaine's proposal. Finally, after a few seconds of contemplation, he nodded. "Ok... I trust you..." He smiled.

Blaine breathed a sigh of relief. "Great."

"But," Kurt interjected. "We also need to talk about... Whatever this is... Between us." He pointed to himself then to Blaine.

Blaine nodded. "Absolutely." He smiled. "Is it safe to assume its something good?"

Kurt gave him a crooked little smile, and just before he left, answered Blaine with "Maybe."

XXX

"How do we even do this assignment?" Asked Finn.

Kurt sat at the piano, tapping some keys nonchalantly, and shrugged. "Just sing whatever you feel."

"What does that mean, though?"

Kurt sighed and sat up. "How do you feel, Finn?" He asked in monotone.

The taller boy shrugged. "I'm kind of tired, I guess. I hate that everyone pressures me to be something I'm not, like all this weight on my shoulders, with the baby and Quinn's parents and I just..." He sighed. "I have a daughter. And there are so many things I need to say to her, that I'm never going to be able to..."

"Like what?" Kurt got up and sat next to Finn, realizing he really needed some help.

"Like... I don't want her to think that her father just abandoned her. How I would do anything for her. How no matter what I do I'm always thinking about her. How I'm going to spend my whole life loving her and she's never even going to know..."

"You gotta let it out." He suggested.

"How..."

Kurt twisted his mouth in thought. "I'll Stand By You, by The Pretenders. It's in your wheelhouse and I know you know it from the radio because its a classic..."

Finn sighed. "I do like that song, but how is it going to make me feel better, again?"

Kurt stood up, pulling Finn with him. "Imagine your little girl, sitting right there, and you're singing to her." Kurt made his way over to the piano. "Good thing I've never missed a lesson," he said to himself as he started playing the slow intro to the song.

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now

Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'Cause I've seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothin' you confess,
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you...

When it was over, Finn let out a breath. "Wow... That did help." He threw a smile at Kurt, then his face twisted in curiosity. "What about you?"

"What do you mean?" Kurt cocked his head to the right.

"I mean," continued Finn. "What song would you be singing? How do you feel?"

Kurt sighed, playing the keys on the piano slowly and tediously. He shrugged. "Confused. A little hurt. Hopeful... And scared to get my hopes up."

Finn looked like he had no idea what can of worms he had just opened up. But there was no going back now. Kurt helped him, and now he was gonna help Kurt. "Care to explain a little further."

"You sure you actually wanna hear about it?" He asked. "It's guy problems..."

Finn furrowed his eyebrows. "And? I'm a guy."

Kurt shook his head. "No, I mean guy problems..."

Finn's eyes widened in realization. "Oh! That kind of... Oh..." He shrugged. "I'm sure just, vent, or talk about your feelings or whatever..." He nodded.

Kurt sighed. "Well, like I said, its a guy." He began. "He's in Glee club, key member of the football team, and he's been just an amazing friend to me..."

"Do you think he likes you?" Asked Finn.

Kurt shrugged. "I mean, I thought he did but..." He shook his head. "We were always singing flirty duets and he was always asking me to go to his house, he even invited me over for dinner with his mom!"

Finn scrunched up his face, thinking hard. "Just so we're clear, we're talking about Blaine right? Because the only two other possibilities are Puck and Mike and I'm not too sure they fit the criteria."

Kurt threw him a glare. "Yes... We're talking about Blaine..."

"I knew it!" Finn shouted. "I mean, the way he looks at you and talks about you like, all the time, no joke, we can't even get through one round of Call of Duty without him being all 'Kurt is so cool' and 'Kurt this, Kurt that!'"

Kurt tried to stop himself from smiling, he really did, but the thought of Blaine rambling on about him, the way he does when he talks about something he's really passionate about was just too cute not to.

"Uh, earth to Kurt?"

He snapped back to reality. "Huh?"

Finn snickered a bit. "Thinking about Blaine?"

"No!" Kurt defended. Finn gave him a sideways look. The shorter boy sighed. "A little."

"I don't get it." Finn admitted, shaking his head. "You guys are best friends, was what happened between you two really that bad?"

Kurt twisted his mouth, deep in thought. "Maybe it wasn't, necessarily... I didn't even really give him a chance to explain... He said he'd explain everything to me tomorrow."

"Look, I don't know what he did to hurt you, but take it from me," he said with complete sincerity. "Blaine is a good guy." He gave Kurt a small nudge and a smile. "Give him the second chance he deserves."

XXX

"I've picked the perfect song for me to sing to you." Rachel exclaimed. "It says exactly how I feel." She said, moving way to close to Blaine for his comfort. "And then I have a song picked out for you to sing to me."

"Uh, I thought we were supposed to pick our own songs?" He questioned.

She shrugged. "I'm sure it's fitting."

"Are you sure about that Rach?"

She smiled widely. "Rach? Are we moving on to pet names now? That's fine," she went up to him and stroked his hair. "You can be my Blainey day."

Uh oh... "Look, Rachel—"

She brought a finger up to his lips and turned her head away dramatically. "Sh! Don't speak... I understand perfectly."

He tried to say "I'm not sure that you do," but her finger kind of prevented him from doing that.

She turned away and pushed play on her stereo.

I see ya blowin' me a kiss
It doesn't take a scientist

"Rachel..." Blaine tried but she kept going.

To understand what's going on baby
If you see something in my eye

"Rachel?"

Let's not over analyze
Don't go too deep with it baby

"Rachel!" He reached over and turned off her stereo.

She gave him a what are you doing glare. "You turned off my music?"

He sighed and shook his head. "Look, it kills me to have to say this, and even stranger that I have to but... I don't like you like that, Rachel..." He shrugged. "So I need I put an end to this before it gets out of hand... I respect you as a musician and you're a great glee clubber but..."

She shook her head. "Are you sure?" She asked, rambling on. "Because you don't have to be afraid of your feelings for me, I know I can be intimidating and admittedly high maintenance, but—"

"I'm in love with someone else!" He blurted.

Her face fell. "Oh..." She sighed and buried her face in her hands. "God I'm so stupid!" She screeched.

Blaine looked up to the ceiling and silently asked himself why he was the one stuck with the job of comforting her. He sighed and sat next to her. "No, you're not. And you know you're not."

She looked up at him with puffy red eyes. "Yes I am!" She said. "First, I fall for a guy with a kid on the way and next I like a gay guy in love with someone else!"

Blaine didn't really know how to respond to that, but he did his best anyways. "Well... Things can change..."

"No, I'm pretty sure Quinn is staying pregnant and you're never gonna be straight—I have two gay dads I should've known! It's just... You and Finn are the only ones who don't hate my guts, is it so bad for me to want you guys to be available?"

"Ok, not everyone hates you... Puck made out with you, didn't he?" He shrugged.

Her eyes widened. "Who told you that!?"

"Oh," his face fell and he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Us guys, we kind of tell each other everything when it comes to that—whether or not we want to hear it..."

She sighed. "Yeah we went out for a while, but he broke it off because he knew I was still kind of in love with Finn..."

Blaine twisted his mouth in thought. "Finn has an obligation to his daughter, not to Quinn..." He finally said. Rachel gave him a curious look, head tilted to the side. He shrugged. "All I'm saying is that they could break up, and you might still have a chance with him..."

She smiled and gave a simple "Thanks..." There was a long pause and then. "So... You and Kurt."

He looked taken aback. "I never said—"

She laughed. "You didn't have to... Honestly, its kind of obvious. You guys are always sitting together, holding hands, whispering and laughing at inside jokes. We were all wondering when you'd finally get together..."

He sighed, face falling. "That's the thing," he explained. "We're not exactly together..."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Well, why the hell not?"

He threw his hands up in confusion. "Two minutes ago you wanted to jump my bones and now you're asking why I'm not with Kurt!?"

She crossed her arms. "I can be very fickle, deal with it."

He shook his head, sighing and biting his lip. He did not want to tell Rachel everything, considering what a big and loud mouth she was. He didn't think he could deal with all the stares and pitiful looks he'd get if he told her about his dad and she blabbed about it. It was bad enough when he came out, and he couldn't do that again. He decided to go with a vague answer. "Long story short, I'm an idiot, Kurt's pissed at me, and though I'm hoping otherwise, things will probably never be the same between us..."

"Wow," she said simply. "Quite a story... Well, you were the one that just told me that things change so..." She shrugged. "Maybe things will get better between you and Kurt."

He smiled gratefully at her. "You really think so?"

"Definitely... And it better happen soon because we've all made our wagers."

XXX

The next day, Blaine started his school day with a new sense of optimism.

And that lasted a while until he ran into Puck in the bathroom. The mohawk haired boy was repeatedly slamming his fist into the wall. "Stupid..." He muttered.

Blaine rushed up to him and held Puck's fist back. "Puck! Stop! What are you doing!?"

He spun around on Blaine and shoved him. "Leave me alone so I can deal with my shit in my own fucking way, okay!?"

Blaine exhaled loudly. "What is your problem?"

"My problem?" He scoffed. "My problem is that Finn gets the sympathy, he gets the girl, he gets everything and he's not even the father!"

Blaine's heart stopped and his eyes widened. "What? How-how do you know..."

Puck sighed. "Finn's not the father... I know because... Because I am..."

Blaine's mouth hung open, he shook his head, taking a deep breath. "Ok, look here Puck..." He looked up at him. "Finn is your best friend, and you were the one who got Quinn pregnant, so you owe it to her to respect the fact that she chose someone else to have this baby with..." He sighed. "If Finn finds out, you and I both know him well enough to know that it would completely destroy him."

The taller boy grunted. "Ok... I get it... Finn can't find out."

XXX

By the end of the day, all Blaine wanted to do was collapse in his bed.

Puck had just dumped the mother load of plot twists on him, Kurt was still giving him the cold shoulder, he hadn't gotten much sleep since his dad came back, so he'd fallen asleep in three of his classes and gotten in trouble for it.

He walked out of the school and squinted at the sun, looking for his car. He furrowed his eyebrows when he saw a familiar lean figure with dark hair and a confident smile standing by it. He came closer, it wasn't... It couldn't be...

"Cooper?"

Blaine's face broke out into a smile and he practically sprinted towards his brother who opened his arms and scooped him up into an embrace. "Nice to see you, Squirt!"

Blaine pulled back and glared at him. "Don't call me that." His glare changed back into a grin. "I can't believe you're here! What're you doing here—I just... It's been so long..."

Cooper shrugged. "What, a nearly famous actor can't come and visit his kid brother? I mean, it's great for publicity." Blaine snorted. "I'm here to take my little brother home, that's all."

They climbed into the car. "You're telling me you came here all the way from L.A. to give me a ride home in my own car? Are you sure this has nothing to do with," he shrugged sarcastically, "I don't know, our estranged father coming back?" Cooper gripped the steering wheel tighter, his silence confirming Blaine's suspicions. "He told me he went and talked to you..."

"Did he?"

Blaine nodded. "Yup..." He paused. "What'd he tell you?"

Coop shrugged. "He mostly apologized—best he could—and asked me how I was doing. I told him I was doing fine... He filled me in on his life..." He trailed off, wondering if he should tell Blaine what he knew. He decided it would be best to. "He's getting married."

Blaine's head snapped towards his brother. "What!?"

Cooper just nodded. "He wants us to go to the wedding..."

"Does she know?" Blaine asked. "About what he did to us, to mom?"

Cooper shook his head. "I don't know."

He swallowed. "Does she have kids?"

"I don't know..." When Blaine stayed silent for far too long, Cooper looked over at him. "How are you handling this, squirt?"

Blaine didn't even scold him for using the pet name. He just turned his head out the window and closed his eyes. "I don't know, honestly... It seems like everyone's dumping their crap on me, and I still have to go home and figure out how to deal with my own problems." He looked up at his older brother, fighting the lump in his throat. "It's just so hard, Cooper." His words came out choppy, like he couldn't say them without falling apart, and half a second later he had his hand covering his eyes, wiping away the tears.

He hadn't even noticed that he'd pulled over. Cooper leaned over and wrapped himself around his little brother. "Sh," he comforted. "It's alright, squirt, it's ok."

Blaine shook his head. "No, it's not," he choked out. "Everything is falling apart, and I don't know if I can do it anymore, I just can't handle it."

"Hey! Hey, Blaine, look at me." He lifted his head. "Don't you ever say that to yourself, because you are one of the strongest people I have ever met. You've been through so much, and you've always made it through. Do not let yourself, for even a second, think that you are too weak to handle it, because you can. And if you need help, that's why you've got me." He offered a teary eyed smile.

Blaine nodded. "I just... He wants me to talk to him..." He laughed bitterly. "There are three years of pent up things I need to say to him... And I have no idea where the hell to start, and how to say it."

Cooper nodded, then turned to him. "You've always had a way with music." He offered.

"I don't think that's gonna help, Coop..."

His older brother shrugged. "Some things are easier to sing to people than to say them... I think it would help, knowing you."

Blaine sighed as they pulled into the driveway of whatever place Cooper was staying at. He gave him a half smile. "Bye, Coop."

His big brother smiled back at him. "And hey," he pointed to him. "I know you're in Glee Club, so don't think I won't try my best to make it to your sectionals." Blaine's face lit up. "You're gonna be fine, Blaine... Everything's going to be ok."

XXX

Kurt debated not showing up to the Lima Bean, he really did, but he decided he owed it to Blaine to at least give him a chance to explain himself. Surely he had a good reason...

So at 4:30 sharp, Kurt walked in and grabbed a table when he realized Blaine wasn't there yet, and waited for him to show up.

And waited...

4:46

And waited...

5:20

When he finally realized that Blaine was—once again—not coming, he got up. "Fucking unbelievable." He muttered to himself. "Absolutely unbelievable."

As he was heading towards the door, a boy with sandy brown hair, freckles, and green eyes stepped in front of him. "Where are you going, doll face?" He asked. He was wearing a navy and red blazer with a matching tie.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I'm really not in the mood to deal with homophobic assholes like you right now, okay?"

The boy looked confused. "What do you mean?"

Kurt shot him a glare. "Doll face? Like I haven't heard that one before."

The stranger laughed. "That wasn't a slur, I was hitting on you."

Kurt took half a step back, slightly confused. Even Blaine hadn't been that forward. Hell, no one had ever been that forward, much less actually hit on him. When Kurt only hung his mouth open, the boy continued.

"Can I buy you a coffee? You look like you've had a rough day."

Kurt sighed. "Look, I'm flattered, believe me I am, but I'm really not in the mood to deal with boys right now. Besides, you're a complete stranger."

Said stranger shrugged. "To be fair, everyone is a stranger until you get to know them... I'm Sebastian." He outstretched his hand for Kurt to take. "I go to Dalton, a nearby boarding school."

Kurt stared at his hand for a few seconds before finally taking it. "I'm Kurt. McKinley, and I really should get going." He tried to head towards the door, but Sebastian stopped him.

"Wait," He pleaded. "This is a regular Dalton hang out, maybe I'll see you around?" There was a hint of hopefulness in his voice.

Kurt gave him just a small smile. "You just might."

XXX

Blaine was waiting in his room when his father walked in. His eyes widened. "Dad," he breathed.

His dad walked towards him, hand in his pockets. "Your mom let me in..." He jabbed a thumb in the direction of the door. "Said you wanted to talk to me?"

Blaine pursed his lips. "Sort of... I guess..." When his father didn't move for a while, he said. "You can sit down if you'd like." His dad nodded and took a seat on the bed.

Blaine got up and moved to sit behind his keyboard. "Um... In Glee Club, we've got this assignment this week..." He breathed deeply. This was a lot easier in theory. "And its to sing a ballad—a story set to music—to express our emotions..." He looked up and shook his head. "I want to talk to you, like a normal person, but I can't even talk about you without falling apart..." His voice cracked on the last two words and he had to take a moment to regain his composure. "I-I- think this the best way to show you how I feel..."

His dad nodded understandingly.

Blaine took a deep breath before slowly playing the notes to his song.

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery

I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Harold looked down at his feet in shame.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

Memories of Blaine, Cooper, and their father at the park, playing on the swings, or throwing a football around flashed through Blaine's mind.

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

The sunny summer days were replaced with silent dinners, yelling, slaps to the face, name calling, and a broken home.

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me

You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Blaine's dad looked up at him, pain clouding his eyes.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

When the song had ended, after a few moments of silence, Blaine's father sighed. "That's really how you feel?" He nodded. "I'm so sorry, Blaine."

The boy shook his head. "No!" He said forcefully. "I don't think you get that sorry just isn't going to cut it!" He yelled. "You don't understand how bad you have truly fucked up my entire life!"

His dad flinched. "I just want you to consider forgiving me."

"You don't think I've tried that!?" Blaine's voice was shaky. "For three years, I have tried forgetting what happened, making excuses for you, and I just can't!" His throat was tight from holding back tears. "Do you know what it does to an eleven year old boy when his father uses him as a punching bag?" His dad looked up at him with eyes red from crying, but stayed silent. "I had nightmares for months after you left. Some were about the dance... But I could just wake up and tell myself it was a dream, that it would never happen again. I couldn't do that when I had dreams that you were coming back. Because of this—exactly this—you coming back in here like you have a right to..." He scoffed. "Where have you been for three goddamned years that you couldn't send a freaking postcard or make a phone call to see if we were okay? Hell, if we were even still alive?"

Harold sighed. "Rehab," he finally answered. Blaine's face fell, unsure how to respond to that. "I wanted to make sure that I was completely safe to be around you guys before I came back... When I got the divorce papers, reality started sinking in that I needed to change my life. I've been sober ever since I checked in... No lie, I swear."

"No lies?" Blaine questioned. His dad nodded. "Then when exactly were you planning on telling me that you're engaged?"

His dad stiffened, then shook his head. "Cooper told you didn't he?" A smile tugged at his lips. "Boy never could keep a secret... I was going to tell you today. Her name is Nancy, she's a nurse... I met her when she took care of me in rehab..."

"Does she have children?" Blaine deadpanned.

His dad nodded. "A little girl..." Blaine immediately stiffened. "Lucille, Lucy for short... She's 9." Harold must have noticed his son's discomfort. "I would never h—"

"Yeah, you see, that's what I thought, too..." Blaine cut him off. "I kept telling myself you'd never hurt me because you were my dad and good dads don't hit their kids. I'd tell myself while you were doing it, that maybe it was something I'd done wrong... If there's anything I've ever learned from you its that even—no, especially the people you love are capable of hurting you."

"Blaine pl—"

"I think it's time for you to leave." Blaine let out a quivering breath.

As his father got up and headed out the door, he gave one last attempt. "I really am sorry, Blaine."

He shook his head. "Do me a favor and when you leave, this time," his father stopped and looked up at him, hope shining in his light brown eyes. "don't come back."

XXX

Finn opened up the trunk that had his dad's old military uniform and Kurt reached in, pulling out a jacket which the taller boy flung over his arms. They were looking for an outfit for Finn to wear tonight when he finally told Quinn's parents that she was pregnant.

Finn smiled and picked up an old army helmet, placing it on Kurt's head.

Kurt huffed and pulled it off.

"I know..." Finn started. "I know, it's kind of weird, but I like to come down here and just look through his stuff... Imagine what he was like... Like he's still here..."

The shorter boy gave him a sympathetic look and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "No, I get it." He admitted. "Sometimes, I like to go in my parent's bedroom and open up all the drawers because they still smell like my mom... I'll just... Lie there." He looked down thoughtfully. "Huh, the—the only other person I've ever told that is... Blaine..."

"Makes sense," Finn offered. "You guys are close."

"Were," Kurt corrected. Finn snapped his head back at Kurt and cocked it to the side in confusion. Kurt just shrugged. "He didn't show up yesterday... Stood me up... Again."

"I'm sure he's got a good reason." Finn tried to defend his friend.

Kurt shook his head. "You don't get it, Finn. I used to trust him so much—with my life, even, but... It's really, really hard for me to let myself trust people, especially as much as I did Blaine."

"Look dude," Finn started. "I've said this before, and I'll say it again: Blaine is a good person. There's no way he'd ever intentionally hurt someone—especially you!"

"I just need some time to think," Kurt sighed.

"But promise me you will?" Finn asked. He shrugged. "Because, you know, I consider you as my friend, now, and Blaine is one of my best friends... So I owe it to both of you to make a promise."

Kurt raised his eyebrows. "You mean you owe it to us to make me promise."

Finn mouth hung open and he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Yeah... I think..." He face brightened. "So you will..."

Kurt sighed. "I can try..."

XXX

Blaine was already walking in the choir room when a hand grabbed his shoulder and waited for everyone to pass them. Once everyone had gone inside, Kurt stared at Blaine expectantly. "Well?"

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows. "Well what?" Kurt just crossed his arms and pursed his lips until a mixture of horror and realization crawled onto Blaine's face. "Oh, my god... I didn't."

Kurt scoffed. "You did."

"Kurt, I am so sorry, believe me," Blaine pleaded.

"I don't. I don't believe you." Blaine looked pained. "We were supposed to discuss whatever this was, but I guess since you didn't show up, there is no us to discuss!"

"Kurt, please—" Blaine pleaded.

But the other boy shook his head and cut him off. "You know, sometimes I think that it's hard for me to trust people... Maybe I have trust issues, but considering what I've gone through my whole life, I doubt anyone would find that surprising. It's not easy for me to let someone in, especially as much as I've let you. I thought you understood that." He sighed. "I've never had a boyfriend before, been in a relationship. I don't know how any of this stuff works, I don't know what I'm doing! So... Until I do, I just... I need some space, and some time to think... Because I am clueless, and confused, and frustrated right now." He looked at Blaine intently. "I need you to respect that, at least for now."

Blaine nodded understandingly, doing his best to suppress the lump in his throat. He just couldn't do anything as his best friend, the only one he could possibly talk to about his father other than Cooper, the only one who had listened to him when he came clean about his past and comforted him when he woke up from a bad dream, the one he was falling head over heels for... Walked away.

Mercedes came up to him. "Hey, Blaine, you okay?"

"Huh?" He snapped back to earth.

"You look a little..."

He just shook his head. "I'm fine." He managed.

"Ok, then... Lets go in, Finn and Quinn are waiting for us for the surprise number!" She exclaimed.

Blaine did his best to smile and took his place, but as the music to Lean On Me started and he danced along, all he could do was wonder how he managed to mess things up so badly.

XXX

A/N: I FINALLY FINISHED THAT CHAPTER

No seriously it took me forever...

Anyways... Up next: Blaine doesn't give up that easy, but troubles are ahead! And sometimes, when people are hurt, they say things that they regret...

Wow that was a shitty summary but its 232 in the morning so I am too sleepy to care :)

Also, yes, Sebastian will be making at least one more appearance in this story, but it's only to set up something for later ;) (I promise I'll explain in the A/N of the chapter when he makes his next appearance)

One last thing, I really thought I had mentioned it before, but apparently I DID NOT? Blaine's mom is Philippine because I can and "Sam is the least gay and least Asian" and "We would have eurasian looking babies" I just feel like Blaine is a poc okay byeee

Review?