Chapter 10:

A/N: Thank you all for your answers about my other story. I really appreciate your input. The score is four for the original and two for the toned down version.

Thank you: westc0astsm0ker, xkayxvenx, darkphoenix2345, :xPercyx:, Casismyfavorite, and bearberry915 for the reviews and again thank you to the ones that answered my question, your input is definitely considered in my decision making.

I hope you all that live in the states had a wonderful 4th of July!

I wake up to incessant knocking. I groan and wait for someone else to answer the front door but no one does so with a sigh I get up and pull on a pair of sweatpants. I make my way downstairs and to the door and open it. "Dean?"

"Hey Cas, I brought breakfast." Dean holds up a bag filled with contents of the unknown. In his other hands are the drinks, snug in the holder.

"What did you do, kick the door?" I ask with a slight hint of a smile.

Dean smirks at me. "Maybe."

I roll my eyes and step aside to let the taller man through the door and inside the house.

I hear footsteps coming down the stairs as Dean and I go into the kitchen. "Angel, who was at the door?" Lucifer stops dead in the doorway as soon as he sees Dean.

Dean smiles at the guy, though you can tell its mocking. "Hey Lucifer, long time no see."

Lucifer scowls. "Not long enough." He then looks to me. "Angel can I talk to you in the living room for a sec please?"

I roll my eyes and nod, following him out of the kitchen where Dean is setting up breakfast. "Please don't lecture me about Dean, Lucifer, please."

"Okay we won't talk about Dean, it's your business and none of mine." Lucifer sits on the arm of the couch and crosses his arms while I stand in front of him with my own arms crossed. "I want to talk to you about something else." I scrunch up my eyebrows and tilt my head in confusion. Lucifer pulls out a bottle of pain killers, the same bottle he bought earlier. "I've been noticing that we've been going through these like candy. You've also been a little distant. Put two and two together."

I squirm under Lucifer's watchful eyes. "Well I don't know what to tell you."

"How about the truth." I swallow feeling nervous. "Angel, are you getting high off these?" He shakes the bottle in front of me.

"No!" I jump to my defense. "Of course not!"

"Yes he has." I spin around to see Dean standing in the doorway, leaning against the door frame. "I was going to tell you but I only found out the day before yesterday, so I haven't gotten the chance. That's one of the reasons why I came today."

I stare after Dean in complete astonishment and hurt. Not because he just gave away my dirty little secret but because he didn't come here to see me... or at least that's how I feel. Lucifer, too, looks utterly confused. "Um... thanks Dean... then... I guess."

"I thought you weren't going to tell him." I accuse as Dean walks further into the room.

He shrugs. "Did you really believe I was going to let you get high all the time?"

I glare at him and honestly, at that point in time, I hate him. I hate him so much that no matter how far I dig, I can't seem to find the part of me that loved him. "Angel." I turn to Lucifer. "Why?"

I expected a lot of things to come out of Lucifer's mouth but 'why' is not one of them. I'm lost for words and I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. "I think it's because I left." I hear Dean say but I hate him so much right now that I can't even bring myself to look at him.

"Is this true?" Lucifer, surprisingly, looks sympathetic instead of the anger I expected to see. I want him to be mad, however, instead of the sympathetic look. I don't need his pity.

I shake my head in anger. "It's none of your business." Lucifer looks taken aback from my comment but I don't pay it much attention. Instead I turn to Dean. "And it's especially none of yours." I growl out at him. "It' my life, both of you stay the hell out of it."

"We're just trying to help Angel." Lucifer says calmly which makes even angrier.

I whirl to him. "Well don't!" I yell. "I don't need your damn help! It's my body let me do whatever I want with it!" I turn around and walk to the door, ready to storm out.

"Cas." Dean tries to stop me but I walk to the doorway then stop.

I look over my shoulder at Dean. "I don't ever want to see you again Dean."

All Dean does is roll his eyes and shake his head with a slight curve of the lips. I start to walk away again and I get half way down the driveway before I hear Dean call after me and then a hand grasps my elbow turning me around with a slightly amused sounding, "Cas." I look up into Dean's eyes and feel the anger starting to subside in those emerald abysses. "You really mean that?" He doesn't sound confused, more challenging and right there and then I know I'm going to fail this 'challenge'.

We stare at each other for a good minute and half before I give up, slouching my shoulders and looking down at the ground. I shake my head and mumble, "No." He doesn't say anything, just stands there holding my elbow. "Dean let go of me please." I whisper so quietly that I'm afraid he may not have heard me but he lets go of my elbow as directed.

"Come back into the house Cas, please. Drugs aren't the way to go." Dean says calmly.

I stand there without moving and not uttering a word for a while. Then I sigh and begin to walk back into the house and into the living room where Lucifer is still at. "Better Castiel?"

Ah, so he is angry. I think as he says my name. Lucifer never does that unless he's really pissed at me. Maybe I showed some hint that I wanted him to be angry? I think as I sit down beside him with a nod of my head.

"Good. We're going to have to talk about options eventually but first I want to hear from you why you are doing this." Lucifer places a reassuring hand on my back.

I look to the floor, holding my hands together in my lap. I feel awkward, about to spill my guts, especially in front of Dean. "Well I didn't start right away when Dean left but eventually the pain got too much and I figured… it's better than cutting myself right?" I look up to Lucifer and he nods for confirmation and to give me permission to go on. "It started out as an experiment, to see how it made me feel. It got rid of the pain and I couldn't stop."

"Are you still doing it to get rid of the pain?" Lucifer asks.

"Sort of." I bite my bottom lip quickly then continue. "Now I think I'm doing it for the pain but now more because I'm… getting…" I don't want to say it but I know I have to. "addicted." I see from the corner of eyes Lucifer nods and Dean sits down on the arm of the couch. "It's like… I don't know… 30% getting rid of pain and then 70% for the addiction. I like the feeling and apparently my body does too." Talking about it makes my hands start to shake and I unconsciously look at the bottle of pain killers, feeling my mouth water. I struggle to tear my eyes from the cylinder but I do and continue. "That's why I failed all my courses in college because I was too high to go to them." I don't say anymore because I have nothing more to say.

Lucifer nods again. "Okay so now I guess we talk about your options. As far as I know you can either try to quite on your own which is extremely hard, you can go to AA meetings and get support there as you try and quite on your own, or you can go to a rehab center."

I stiffen at the mention of a rehab center. I stand up quickly. "No I'm not going back to that place."

"It's not the same place Angel." Lucifer explains.

"It's close enough. I'm not going to be locked up in some place again." I claim. "Please Lucifer."

Lucifer rubs his face in frustration and sighs. "Okay but I don't think you should try and quite without some support, you tried to do that all those years ago with the cutting but you still ended up doing it in the psychiatric hospital."

"So you want me to go to AA meetings?" I ask in astonishment. Lucifer nods. "No, I'm not going to go tell my problems to a group of strangers, I didn't even like doing that with my psychiatrist, Balthazar. We even had to do group meetings in that hospital and that was hell, that's why I never even spoke in them."

"And look how long it took you to get out of that place." Lucifer shoves the fact in my face. "You've got two options Castiel, you either go to an AA meeting willingly, or you go to rehab and is forced to go into group meetings."

I look at him incredulously and huff my disapproval, crossing my arms over my chest and sitting back down. "Fine, I'll go to stupid AA meetings." I shake my head in disbelief.

"I'll do the research for you and find one that you can go to." Lucifer thumps my back three times. "Now, how about that breakfast Dean brought us?" He gets up and goes into the kitchen.

I stand up and begin to follow when Dean stops me. "Still hate me?"

"I never said-" He cuts me off.

"You didn't have to, you could see it in your eyes man, vicious, like a rabid cat." He says.

"Oh so now I'm a cat?" I joke.

Dean chuckles and wraps his arms around my shoulders. He then guides me to the kitchen. "A rabid one."

I chuckle back as we walk into the kitchen and see Lucifer looking the food over. "You're so mean."

We get to the island and Dean and I grab our food and look up at Lucifer who is looking annoyed but you can tell it's a mock annoyed look and that he's just playing with us. "Where's my food?"

A/N: It's short, I know, but I felt like this is a good place to stop that way next chapter can be mostly focusing on the AA meetings.

Casismyfavorite, about your answer… I'm just curious on how you think I should label it carefully? I already took out my warning of how graphic it is at the beginning but I'm not sure what else to do… :(

bearberry915, I was just wondering what you meant (or elaborate on) what you said about "just open a side account and post your story if it gets taken down." Please and thank you.

Thanks for reading everyone. :)