Garnetio Solozari here with the next installment of UN:GE! But of fun in this chapter to counter balance the serious tones of the previous chapter. I had a lot of fun typing this up and again during the proofing. Hope you enjoy it.
About Leon: I had a reader comment on the guy getting the short end of things, and I won't argue with that at all. I am here to explain to everyone that this is exactly how he is in canon. He is very cold and uncaring towards his team for a long time until a pretty young thing who takes no shit helps him connect with his sensitivities. Just keep reading to see how he develops as a person blossoming out of his crusty shell and into the fleshy and beautiful Leon people know and love from Kingdom Hearts, okay?
"I'm a big mother trucker talkin in yo big dome, son."
"I'm a big mother trucker talkin all up in yo grill, pot-nuh"'
'This is me thinking about how I want those two to stop talking like that…'
The door to the elevator dinged softly before opening to reveal a very sleepy Uzumaki Naruto. He held in one hand a hot cup of coffee, and in the other a take-away style bowl of ramen that he had grabbed on his way by the Cafeteria. Normally this wouldn't have been an appropriate breakfast, but the Kitchen staff had decided to treat the young man to an extra special 'first day on the job' meal. Had he not been drained from the long night before, he would have most certainly been late to his meeting with old man Cid due to a random bout of vitoritus dancitis. He had thanked them several times before leaving to attend the meeting, and made a b-line for the elevators before the lower grade students would be scrambling up and down the thing for classes.
Cid was seated behind his large desk sifting through mountains of paperwork. He loved the stuff, but there were a few that annoyed him to all hell. One specific document was thrown into a small incinerator built into the side of his desk, spewing flames as if he had tossed some foul creature of evil into the fiery pit. Grumbling about 'bastards downstairs,' he then noticed the young man walking in the door and smiled warmly. Naruto had noticed the little tantrum but decided to let it lie while he took a seat without being offered. Cracking open his breakfast he said a half-hearted prayer before digging in. Cid was a friendly guy, and this kind of behavior amused him rather than offended him, but the smell of the coffee made him crave a cup of his own.
"Wish you had two of those." Cid gestured to the foam cup setting on the edge of his desk.
Naruto finished sipping a small bit of broth before swallowing a chunk of egg, "Sorry old man, I am going to need all the caffeine I can get if I am going to stand up on my own feet today."
"Its fine, I will get my own soon enough. For now, I wanted to talk to you about your position, as well give you a special item that goes along with it." Cid replied good naturedly.
"Right, this title you announced last night. Guardian Enforcer has a very nice cinematic feel, but I don't really understand what its about. Shiva was a bit… preoccupied last night after the big reveal." Naruto placed his half finished ramen down in his lap to speak.
Cid's eyes sparkled a little, "Well my boy, you are now the representative between our SeeD cadets and Agents, and the Guardians themselves. Too many of our SeeD assume the Guardians are mere tools for our use in battle. They have forgotten the old stories, and never study the histories as they should. Shiva made it clear that you are aware of their divine status, and because of human ignorance many of them have abandoned us. It is the work of the Sorceresses of old manipulating them and downplaying their significance to the world. To reconnect with these beings, we need someone of our own kind to listen and speak for them. There is where you come in. Besides your normal missions, you will be charged by order of Shiva and Quezacotl to find and reconnect with as many GFs as possible."
Naruto finished the last of the broth in his bowl while listening to Cid describe his responsibilities. When the old man had stopped speaking he set his bowl down and sighed contentedly, "Okay, I think I can do that easily enough. I should warn you though, there was something very strange going on back in Dollet. It involves this secret side mission of mine."
Cid wore a serious face that was completely out of place on the normally cheerful man. He motioned for Naruto to continue after he hit a button to seal the doors.
"There was a GF stuck inside of the monster that attacked the team at the Comms Tower. Unlike a normal Junction that is more spiritual than physical, this GF was actually sealed completely inside the beast and her magical essence was being eaten gradually over time. Had she not been a GF, she would have been consumed long ago, but they produce vast amounts of essence to sustain their existence here on the physical plain. I have only seen such magic in one place… back in my own world. It wasn't the same exactly, but there were so many similarities that it gives me the shimmy shakes. I have a bad feeling this sort of thing is going to become very common very soon, and my bad feelings are usually spot on."
Cid rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he eyed the wooden box behind his desk. A GF sealed inside a monster… where had he heard of such a thing? Of course! Naruto had spoken to him about having such a strong entity forcibly sealed away in his own body! But, how could such magic exist? And who would do such a thing? What would be the benefits of such a fusion? He looked up at Naruto who sat waiting for him to speak again, his coffee cup in hand.
Cid lifted the box up and placed it on his desk, "This may interest you, Naruto. You say this GF was sealed inside a monster… I wonder if such a thing could be done with an object… like this."
Naruto watched the old man open the wooden box to reveal pillow with red satin and golden braided trim. Setting on the center of the pillow was an old fashioned oil lamp straight out of some cheesy genie movie. The thing was a wicked black color and seemed to pulse with dark energy. Naruto went to touch it, but then thought better of it when he realized Cid was eyeing him warily.
"Ok, I'll bite, what the fuck is this thing?" Naruto asked gracefully.
Cid felt sweat trickle down his neck, "It's a cursed lamp. Research has turned up rumors that say a demon was trapped inside by a sorceress during the First Sorceress War years ago, but I have found documentation that it may have been made some time after that. I recommend you don't touch it… not yet, anyway. My colleague once gave it a rub and we never saw him again, sucked right into the lamp. It was the most bizarre thing I have ever seen, and I do not want the same fate to befall you, my boy."
A growling unlike the kind Naruto was used to hearing erupted in his mind, "That bastard is in there! I would recognize that putrid aura anywhere!"
'Ifrit, is that you? What's going on in there, big guy?' Naruto lifted up his hand to motion Cid to wait a moment while he conversed with the fire demon.
Ifrit huffed angrily, "That thing has one of our brothers in it. His name is Diablos. He governs the element of gravity, and the two of us have never seen eye to eye…"
'I feel like this is a trap…' Naruto looked at the lamp with narrowed eyes.
"It pains me to say this… but we will have to set the bastard free. I do not know what will happen when you touch that thing. I would recommend you go with a team if possible." Ifrit advised before letting the connection fade, probably to prepare for the confrontation.
"Is everything all right, Naruto?" Cid asked after sitting quietly for longer than he liked.
Naruto nodded and looked at the old man, "Your hunch was correct, there is definitely one of them in that thing. Might be a fight, so I think I will take it with me and open it up when I have back up."
"If you must, but I hope you know what you are doing my boy…"
After sealing the lamp away in one of his storage scrolls, much to the amazement of Cid, Naruto left the office to head down to the Cafeteria again. Arriving, he took a seat at his usual table near the back to relax and finish his still warm coffee. Counting down the minutes, he smiled when his buddy Zell burst in the doors right on time. He was panting and looking haggard, obviously the knucklehead had woken up late after the party the night before. When he caught sight of Naruto, he walked over and eyed him up and down.
"I never got the chance to mention it last night, but that outfit is pretty sick bro. But, what's up with the sandals? I figured you would switch over to sneakers or something." Zell said before kicking a chair around to sit backward.
Naruto eyed Zell in his very casual outfit. He wore a black vest with red décor down the zipper, black beater, baggy as hell jean shorts, and the loudest pair of red and black tennis shoes Naruto had ever seen. The clothes were deceptively armored underneath for added protection, and his shoes had hidden patched of steel reinforcement in their soles. His steel plated gauntlets were on his hands as usual. Naruto found the whole ensemble to be fitting for Zell, though he couldn't imagine fighting like that.
"Not all of us enjoy trapping our feet in those airless leather bags you call shoes, bro. Gotta let the puppies breath." Naruto took a deep breath dramatically sighing said breath out.
Zell rolled his eyes, "Whatever you say bro. How did the meeting this morning go?"
"Gah, that meeting was too early for my taste. And I got this damn trap thing to deal with. Actually… how about you and me go find Selphie? I am sure she would love to get a good look at this magical item Cid gave me." Naruto said and then grinned the same grin that promised hell for anyone involved.
"Uhh… look at the time, man! I gotta ru-FUCK, UNHAND ME YOU BASTARD! ALL I WANTED WAS A DAMN HOT DOOOOOOOOOG~"
Naruto had stood up and dragged Zell by the back of his collar out of the Cafeteria in search of Selphie Tilmitt, victim… he meant, his second best friend. As per the norm, the perky young lady was outside in the Quad, breakfast sitting to the side still wrapped in foil, desperately trying to get flyers made with several dozen prototypes spread across the unfinished stage. She never invited Naruto to help with the flyers because of the nature of the art she had planned for the event. So, imagine her embarrassment when Naruto suddenly appeared behind her as if from nowhere, his face a blank stare as his eyes moved from one picture of him looking like a fox, to another of him wearing some gaudy costume of a fox, complete with face paint to help bring out his natural whisker marks.
"…Do I want to know what you're doing with these?" He finally asked while she stood before him sweating up a monsoon.
Selphie drew a blank as she tried to speak, but eventually she spoke and her voice was unsure, "I…I am… really into… foxes?"
Zell, from his place on the ground where he had been dragged clear from the Cafeteria, whispered a desperate cry of, "R…run…"
Selphie couldn't hear his warnings as Naruto looked at the flyers, each one more embarrassing than the last, his blank stare never leaving his face. When next he eyed Sephie, his eyes narrowed, "Yeah… you're coming with me."
Naruto grabbed her over his shoulder and carried her away like a sack of potatoes while she kicked and hollered to be let down. Searching the halls, he knew of only two more people he would include in this… well three if only to see the look on the face of his next victim... err, his next good buddy. Searching for only about three minutes, he found him. Seifer Almasy was speaking with a Garden Faculty member in a heated debate over something. When Naruto came upon them, he heard only the tail end of it.
"You are to be punished severely for your unrestrained actions during the exam in Dollet. Six weeks of being restricted in your dorm will hopefully tame you." The Faculty member said while sneering behind his mask.
Seifer sucked his teeth as he crossed his arms, "This is outrageous… I can't believe you expect me to submit to… this... what he hell?"
Both of them looked over in shock at Naruto Uzumaki. The young blonde was dragging the almost corpse of the defeated Zell Dincht behind him, and carrying the submissive form of Selphie Tilmitt over his shoulder, the girl wearing a bored expression while he checked her nails. Naruto had the world's most bemused expression that either of them had ever seen before. The Faculty member felt a shiver run down his back and was forced to take a step back. Seifer merely tilted his head to the side while eyeing the posterior of the girl perked up on Naruto's shoulder. Cerulean blues narrowed and then a razor wire wrapped around Seifer in the blink of an eye.
Seifer screamed as he was dragged behind Naruto down the hall, Zell beside him still catatonic but able to whisper, "I know dude… I know…"
Quistis was having a great morning, considering how late she went to sleep the night before. Waking up bright and early, she went out for a run, something she never did after taking the Instructor position because of the early class schedule. After her run, she was able to take a long hot shower to relax her body without worrying about rushing to her next class lecture. With thoughts of her recently mended friendship and the promise of exciting field work soon to come, she had a breakfast of champions: an egg white bagel sandwich with baked hash browns. Body clean, spirits high, and coffee in hand, Quistis was ready for anything.
Imagine her surprise when she stood waiting for the elevator, only to see Naruto walking around the main walk way of the first floor with several of his fellow SeeD and one Cadet. The entire entourage was looking worse for wear, and one Zell Dincht seemed to be quietly speaking in tongues to channel some merciful God. Naruto glanced up at her and his face brightened up, though the grin he was wearing gave Quistis a terrible foreboding. From the bottom of the stairs leading to the elevator, he called out to her.
"Yo, Senpai, want to go on an adventure? We only have about an hour before these guys need to be on-call!" Naruto smiled up at her, but she was no fool, knowing he was trying to guile her… and it was working?
She blushed from the way he spoke and cleared her throat to get herself together, "Don't you mess with me, Naruto, I don't believe for a second that you are on any kind of adventure. Knowing your habits, this is nothing but trouble."
Naruto put on the puppy-dog eyes, "I thought I always had you…"
Silence filled the air, and a small tumbleweed skipped across the ground slowly behind Naruto and his friends. Selphie yawned lazily as she waited for this ridiculous nonsense to be over. Seifer stared angrily at the ceiling while ignoring Zell's quiet ramblings. Quistis stood with her hair casting dark shadows over her eyes. Finally, her voice broke the silence, and Naruto smiled brightly.
"I hate you right now."
"I love you too, senpai! Now come on, we need to find mister happy smiles so he doesn't miss out on some team bonding time!"
Seated at one of the study terminals reading a book on Guardian Force history, Leon felt a cold shiver run down his back. He slowly sat up, eyes staring straight ahead, a cold sweat soaking his forehead. In a swift motion, he turned around to eye the entrance to the Library. His eyes widened, and he ducked to dodge a hard iron weight attached to a long chain of light weight steel. Looking up again, he saw Naruto standing there with Quistis by his side. Selphie, Zell and Seifer were seated on the floor tied up with rope. Seifer was the only one of them still fighting anymore, but he even looked ready to give up. Naruto was the one holding the handle to the deadly chain whip while Quistis looked about ready to bash him over the head.
"I said not to aim for him, Naruto!" Quistis scolded softly, trying to obey the rules of the Library despite the fact that Naruto just smashed one of the desks to pieces.
Naruto grinned sheepishly while holding the handle toward her, "Sorry Quistis-chan, I think I got a little over eager there. I should leave the whip to the mistress."
Quistis fought back a blush while Zell perked up enough to laugh weakly, "That was dirty bro…"
Selphie woke from her boredom in time to drive the heel of her uniform boot right into Zell's calf harshly, "Pervert!"
While Zell howled in agony from the unrelenting strength of feminine fury, Naruto walked over to Leon who had recover and crossed his arms to eye the ex-ninja with narrowed eyes. When Naruto was in front of him he sighed and released the tension in his body enough to speak calmly, "Naruto... what the hell is this?"
Naruto struck a pose and pulled a microphone out of nowhere. A spotlight shone down over him while all other light went to dark. Leon eyed this with a twitching brow, wondering just how the hell Naruto was capable of such odd phenomenon. When Naruto spoke, his voice was far deeper than normal and had the kind of tone that announcers during movie trailers used to set the intense mood for action movies.
"In order to complete the mission he had been entrusted… one man would have to assemble a team. Only together as one can any of them hope to win the day. Danger... adventure… thrills… Team Maelstrom: Mission Improbable!"
For the second time that morning, all grew incredibly silent. And then the halls were filled with the echoing sound of palm slapping face.
Fifteen minutes later found the entire team of Rookies, the exam failure, the ex instructor, and one insane blonde standing together in the Quad. Naruto had them all lined up while he paced back and forth in front of them. His calculating eye was measuring each of them up one after the other, and oddly enough each of them was sweating bullets. Quistis wondered if this was how she was supposed to make her students feel, and if so then she had made the right career choice. There was no way in hell she had the ability to put this kind of trepidation in anyone.
"You've all been gathered here because each of you has one thing in common. You know me." Naruto turned on his heel to stare Seifer in the eye, causing the toughest guy in their group to flinch.
Leon huffed while speaking under his breath, "Joy…"
Naruto walked over and looked him in the eyes, "You say something, statue?"
Leon's face went blank save for the tiniest flinch, 'Did he just call me… statue?'
Seeing that Leon had let the lion catch his tongue Naruto moved on with his pacing, "I have with me an item of great power said to house a demon. This is a false illusion to protect what is truly trapped inside. Within this artifact is indeed a being of great strength… the Guardian known as Diablos. As you are most certainly aware, the word holds weight. Diablos is likely to be of a demonic nature, and one of my friends has informed me that he possesses power over Gravity magic. As the Guardian Enforcer, I am obligated to release this Guardian from his prison, however the likelihood of there being hostility is almost assured.
I have assembled you because you are all incredibly skilled and I can confidently depend on you to help me with this. Also… I enjoyed kidnapping the lot of you."
Zell pulled out a potion to sip at the healing tonic inside, "Son of a bitch…"
"I'm in." Seifer said, surprising everyone.
Naruto walked up to his fellow blonde and grinned, receiving a smirk in return. The two gripped each other's hands before Naruto turned to the rest of the group. The next to step up was Leon, and this only further surprised the entire group. Naruto walked over to Leon and looked into his eyes, "This is unexpected…"
Leon looked at him with a bored expression, "This obviously interests you… so maybe I can learn to appreciate the interest of the people around me…"
Naruto smiled and then patted his shoulder lightly, "Very good, Leon, you won't regret it."
Leon crossed his arms and huffed, clearly already feeling a little regret, but Naruto was proud of him for his willingness to try. Naruto turned to see Selphie and Zell walking up to him. Both looked irritated, but he could see that it was fading pretty quickly. Zell turned to Selphie and the two nodded to one another before he spoke.
"We're in, damn you. But next time, give us a chance to follow instead of going all… crazy psycho on us, bro!" He waved his hands around frantically while yelling the last part.
Naruto checked his nails in a very bored pose, "Don't know what you mean man."
Zell had to hold back Selphie who was about ready to throttle him, but Naruto just chuckled and waved his hand dismissively, "Hai, hai, I won't do what I did today to either of you ever again, I promise."
Everyone seemed to stare at him with very blank looks, knowing full well that the wording of his promise was full of loop holes he could exploit. Hoping to save him from a savage beating at the hands of the others, Quistis quickly stepped up from her position and over to his side.
"I'll help too, this could bring more strength to the Garden if the Guardian wishes to help." Quistis smiled brightly, "And I think your girl friend would be pretty angry with us if she found out we didn't help you out, right?"
Zell had the most evil smirk on his face, "Oh-ho! That's right! I wouldn't want to be punished by your sugar momma, Arctic Fox."
Everyone snickered at Naruto as he gestured a shaking fist at Zell, "Oi, coming up with teasing nick names is my shtick, you ass hole!"
"Come on… give the snow boy a break." Leon said with a very deceptively passive face.
Selphie was literally on the ground kicking her feet into the air as she tried to hold in her laughter. Naruto looked at Leon with wide eyes before he grew flustered, "That's snow man, you bastard!"
"Bet that freezer burn is going to be a real pain in the d-…" Seifer began saying but Naruto slapped a hand over his mouth.
"For the love of god, do not go there, believe it!"
Everyone proceeded to die, falling over on asses while tears rolled down cheeks. Naruto eyed them all with his face very red. How had everything fallen apart so quickly?! He growled angrily before smirking and pulling out the scroll with the box sealed inside. Unsealing the box in a small cloud of smoke, he kicked it open and grabbed each of his friends by whatever he could get his hands on. With the laughing bastards all trapped in his grip, he gave the odd lamp a rub and immediately the world went dark. One by one the group quieted as each took in the change of scenery. Zell was the last one to realize something was off, and he voiced his discovery with only the utmost sophistication.
"The fuck…?"
"How interesting…" A sinister voice surrounded them as it echoed off invisible walls, "One so similar to my captor has come. Normally I would simply crush you humans for coming here to taunt me… but perhaps we can… strike a deal?"
Naruto walked in front of his friends to stand as their leader, "Come out, Diablos, come and speak face to face."
A chuckling erupted around them, "Are you sure about that…? They say to be wary of what you desire…"
"If you wish to broker a deal then there is hardly a reason to fear asking you to come out of hiding." Naruto said while eyeing the darkness around them.
A portal opened slowly on the floor of pitch black, with bits of light streaking from the edges toward the center. The group found it eerily reminiscent of a black hole, and that made each of them very uncomfortable. From the portal emerged two feet, black as the night and curved like the feet of a vicious bird of prey. Sharp talons for nails promised the ripping of flesh to all those who oppose him. Next the legs of an athlete so smooth they seemed to reflect the non-existent light, each muscle glistening dimly. Hips and stomach followed, all perfectly muscled as if carved from smooth, black marble. The chest and folded arms that came next spoke of unrivaled strength, and dangerous clawed fingers sent chills down their spines. A set of great, black wings were folded lazily against his back, and finally his horned head rose from the darkness. His eyes were shut as if sleeping, but then they suddenly opened to reveal a menacing red that shined and pulsed. The pulse of red woke up patches of glowing red all over his body that gave the striking appearance of exposed muscle.
As he rose up, his body remained upside down… or so it seemed. His feet touched down on the ceiling, and then the team abruptly fell from the floor and slammed into the… new floor? Diablos cackled as he watched the humans suffer from his little gravity prank. They scrambled to return to their feet, legs shaking from the fear of falling toward nothingness. Naruto was even feeling a little off by then, but he was able to recover enough to laugh.
"Now I see, very clever prank there. Master of gravity indeed." Naruto bowed with flair.
Diablos returned the gesture with a wicked toothy grin, "But of course, I do love to please."
"Now, before we discuss business, what did you mean when you said someone similar to the one who imprisoned you?" Naruto walked over to Diablos leaving his team to stay back and out of danger for now.
"You… you give off a similar magical aura as the man who put me in this cursed hunk of cheap metal. He was a sorcerer, something very rare among humans considering only women should be able to harness magic on such deep levels. He had been hunting me for a time after I had been summoned to destroy his home town by one of my old summoners. Using a ritual circle the likes of which I had never seen, he placed me in this… prison to rot. I remember his victorious smirk as I fell into this void, and that accursed blonde hair… so much like yours." Diablos glared death toward Naruto as his teeth gleamed viciously,
"I have dreamed of the day I would see him again, but I fear you humans live such short lives. He is most certainly long passed, but you… you bear such resemblance… perhaps I can vent my frustrations on your pathetic form. But alas, I did promise a deal, and I do not go back on such words. I have the power to release you from my hold on you here, but I will only do so if you can best me in battle. Should the unspeakable happen and you survive… I will grant you freedom. Lose, and you will all suffer my fury."
"Anything goes, right?" Naruto asked casually, all his friends exchanged glances and then stepped backward slowly.
Diablos laughed loudly, "Bold question, but the answer is yes. You will need all the help you can get!"
Naruto smiled and then held up his hand to gather magic. A whirlwind of power surged around him as Diablos eyed him warily. That damn magic was so potent and dense… just like the bastard from his nightmares. Naruto's eyes glowed with his charged power and then he spoke loudly.
"Scorch the earth and bring rebirth, Ifrit!"
'You have got to be kidding, he thinks to bypass the runes on this prison to… oh no.' Diablos' thoughts were brought to a halt as a bright flame burst into life before his eyes.
From the flames dripped magma that seared and hissed against the cold surface. From the intense heat walked the hulking figure of Ifrit in all his glory, armor in place and claws sharpened to perfection. Each of his rippling muscles beneath his short body fur clenched and relaxed with each step he took. When the Guardians' eyes met, Ifrit grinned wickedly while Diablos tried to mirror it, only to waver in his defiance. Naruto noticed the exchange and smirked a bit. He knew Ifrit would enjoy this summoning from the way he had spoken earlier.
"Brother… so fate smiles on me today that I might have this chance to beat your sorry ass." Ifrit spoke in mostly growls, but his words rang clear as day.
Naruto was behind the fire demon exchanging bets with his friends. Even Quistis wanted a piece of the action, slipping a few Gil to Naruto while whispering her particulars. While this was happening, Diablos was watching out of the corner of his eye and growing more and more angry by the moment, but that anger was overwhelmed by his fear of the situation. Ifrit was the strongest of the three eldest Guardians and none of the lesser elementals were stupid enough to attempt to take the title. Diablos was strong in his own right, but he wasn't foolish. He then grinned as something came to mind that was just too delicious to not voice.
"Oh, brother, you and I both know this is pointless chatter. Soon you will vanish away back to your flame pit. Intimidation is merely a waste of your precious time her…-" Diablos was strutting verbally like the cock on the walk, until a large hand with claws the size of his horns nearly broke his neck in a tight grip.
Ifrit lifted Diablos off his feet, and then subsequently slammed him into the ground so hard one of his wings broke releasing purple blood from a tear in one of the membranes, "You think my summoner so weak as the others? He is a true summoner, you pitiless whelp, and I believe that you are one ass whooping short of today's quota."
Diablos eyes widened and he struggled to glance toward Naruto, only to see the human standing ready to fight. He was released from the death grip only to be the victim of a savage kick that send him skidding across the ground. Not one to be taken lightly, he recovered and sank his claws into the unseen ground. He leapt straight into the air to dodge a large burst of flames that would have been trouble if he had been hit. His broken wing was slowly mending, but he couldn't fly very far until it was done, so he used his working wing to glide a ways away from his attackers. Naruto was running beside Ifrit who was dashing on all fours like a tiger.
Diablos saw them charging and then summoned a Gravija spell to increase the gravity in the area they were passing through. Naruto felt the pressure as his weight was dramatically increased. Ifrit was unaffected by the physics of such magic and kept his stride with gusto. Smirking, Diablos sank into another dark portal like the first he had created to appear. Ifrit roared angrily, but then turned toward Naruto when he heard the human scream out in pain. Naruto was on the ground with four large gashes on his stomach and his eyes open wide in a state of shock.
"You see? This is the limitation of humans! We should forsake these things and keep our blessings from them. Your little bitch was just as weak, brother!" Diablos cackled madly as he saw the look of pure agony on Ifrit's face, "I did you a favor when I rid you of her bondage. Humans are a waste of our blessings, but even more so a waste of our hearts."
"You know, I was gonna end this quick because my friends have things to do… but you just crossed the line, ass hole."
Diablos turned in shock only to get struck in the face by a spinning ball of tightly concentrated magical energy that sent him flying. He cried out in pain before once again righting himself using his claws to scrape the ground, but when he stopped Zell spin kicked him in the back of his head sending him to his knees. He grit his teeth as he cursed the filthy humans for catching him off guard. Staggering to his feet, he felt his wing nearly repaired and groaned as several rips in his membranes sewed back up. He turned toward the human who had kicked him only to find a small female with brown hair holding a set of nunchaku. She grinned up at him, throwing him off severely, and then he was struck by several spells at once, each one of his own Demi spells. As the gravity around his body intensified he felt his legs threatening to buckle.
Leon stuck next charging right through his guard to land a slash across the chest of the demonic GF who screamed in pain before slashing viciously with his claws. Leon would have taken a hit had it not been for the defensive slash by Seifer that came up right in time. The GF danced back and forth with the two swordsmen as they traded positions of attack and defense, never letting the other over extend. Diablos cursed the gravity magic leaving his speed so severely weakened that two mere humans could keep him at bay. Leon and Seifer then struck in tandem, Leon from the top, and Seifer from the bottom, leaving Diablos falling back from two solid slashes from his right shoulder to his left hip. The pair both leapt to the right an left to avoid the chain whip striking from the shadows.
As Diablos struggled to remove the cursed whip from his neck where it had wrapped around twice, Quistis kept him subdued with a constant flow of her Electrocute Blue Magic spell. High above the battle where his friends were working as a well oiled machine, Naruto was seated on the shoulder of Ifrit as the Guardian summoned a large ball of insanely hot molten rock. Naruto was feeding his raw magic into Ifrit to help form the attack. Unlike his usual summoning, Ifrit wanted this particular attack to have some more kick, but all he could do was add more fire and magic to it. Naruto thought of how to increase the lethality of the attack, and wondered about its shape. Ifrit felt Naruto stand up and then walk out onto his forearm and he grew nervous.
"Human, don't get too close, this could incinerate your body with the amount of essence we have infused." Ifrit warned warily.
Naruto looked back at his big friend and smiled, "Don't worry Ifrit; I have an idea that might make this so much sweeter."
Naruto had to be careful to do this just right, or else he could end up passing out from magical drain. Holding his hand out toward the large magma ball, he closed his eyes and stretched out his magic toward it. It wasn't hard to latch onto the magic that he had already given to Ifrit, but it was damn difficult to try and manipulate it from this far. He would not quit, no matter what, because Uzumaki Naruto never quit when he had some insane idea to try, even if his ass was on the line!
Somewhere, in an icy cave, a Guardian felt her nose twitch, but Guardians didn't sneeze… 'Naruto is being an idiot again…'
Naruto felt for that familiar movement. It started out slow, almost non existent, but as the seconds passed the surface of the magma ball began to swirl and froth while licks of fire rose rom the tides. Ifrit watched in awe as his already devastating attack seemed to intensify to power he had never dreamed of. It was just like the small orb he had used early to nearly break Diablos' jaw. The now giant spinning ball of golden molten rock was ready to go, and Naruto sat down on his arm to rest.
"Hell Storm Release: Obscenely Large Rasengan." Naruto said while grinning at Ifrit.
Ifrit saw Diablos on his knees being shocked with an electrical spell and saw only opportunity. He lifted his free arm and tensed his muscles as tight as possible. Then, in a move that only extreme volley ball fans could appreciate, he spiked that mother fucker right down at that damn gravity demon. The humans scattered for the hills just as Diablos was struck. The fire storm that followed was thing of beauty that even the summoners of old would have been envious of.
Diablos screamed in agony as he was consumed in flames. The burning was so intense he couldn't heal quick enough to counter the damage being done. The fire seemed to form a vortex of destruction around him that was tightly concentrated on his location. Ifrit was no slouch, but he wasn't clever enough to devise such an attack alone. That human must have helped create his new personal hell. His screams died down and slowly the storm collapsed and spun out of existence. As Diablos lay there panting and groaning from his aches and pains, Ifrit landed nearby with Naruto in his arm. Zell and Selphie were the first to his side, and when they found no wounds they both signaled to the others that he was all right. Ifrit walked slowly over to his brother and kicked him roughly to put him on his back.
Diablos coughed up a little blood that stained his mask-like face purple, "Damn… that was… fuck, I hurt…"
"You deserved it, you piece of garbage. You should know better than to mention her… I cannot stand to hear her name slandered." Ifrit growled, trying to remain dignified in his victory even as his anger raged on.
Diablos chuckled a little, "You should know… I always go… for the low blows…"
Ifrit growled lowly while kneeling to look Diablos in the eye, "Let me be frank… I will never, ever forgive you for what you did. I will however ignore you… until the end of our days… in order for our family to be together again. We found her… we found Siren, Diablos."
Diablos eyes widened significantly. Siren was by all rights his true sister, in that they were both born after the second generation of Guardians. When she had gone missing he had been the first one to blame humans, but none of the others would hear it. Siren had been a kind Guardian, content to avoid battles and give blessings to those who needed a little help. She would be the ideal test subject for something sinister… something like what that human had done to him for his actions against that city. Diablos looked into the eyes of his elder brother, "Where?"
"She was trapped in the stomach of a monster. It was… feeding from her. The extraction nearly killed her, but we were able to save her. She is hidden in the caves of the mountains on Balamb Island." Ifrit said before standing up and helping Diablos into a sitting position so his back could heal properly.
Diablos winced and hissed in pain, but endured until he was sitting and then he sighed, "Thank god she is safe. To have been in her place to save her from such a fate…"
"Don't thank any of us. It was the work of the human. He was able to summon forth a new body for her long enough for us to infuse it with our magic." Ifrit grumped and gestured to Naruto who was speaking with his friends at the time.
"Surely you cannot be serious. A human cannot summon forth a physical body for a Guardian. And you would not have allowed one to try, save for a sorceress, but we vowed to never trust them after what they did to…" Diablos trailed off after he saw the serious look on Ifrit's menacing muzzle.
He pointed at Naruto, "That boy is the first True Summoner since they were purged by Odin and we will protect him just as he will help protect us. As much as I would see you fade into distant memory, Shiva has urged that we work together as we were meant to."
"I agree that we should all be together for once, but for all the good that will do me trapped in this prison. That blasted Sorcerer trapped me here long ago, and nothing I have done has broken the strange ritual he cast." Diablos closed his eyes in frustration.
Naruto walked up then and looked at Diablos, "Hey, horny, you going to apologize for that shit you said earlier?"
Ifrit and Diablos both looked at Naruto with opposing expressions. Diablos was livid, and his scowl was unmatched. Ifrit was fighting a battle between being surprised and laughing his ass clean off. The human had called him horny for crying out loud! But then, the human was coming to his defense which was something he had not been expecting. Shiva had spent literal hours speaking nothing but praises for the young male, but he had shrugged them off as her childish crush blinding her to his inadequacies. Perhaps there was more to the boy than he had been willing to accept, but he would not be so easily swayed by one act of kindness.
"Why should I? Because a mere human wishes it so? You must be dense." Diablos spoke condescendingly.
Naruto waved his hand dismissively, "Whatever dick bag, stay and rot in here for the rest of eternity wishing it weren't so. When you feel like being free, then apologize to Ifrit and I will think about it."
"Keep me here and I keep you here, there is no reason to release you other than my word, and it is mine to take back." Diablos stood slowly and held his healing side.
Naruto nodded sagely, "True, you could do that. However, I have three Guardians who would be most displeased that their Enforcer is being held against his will by their brother. Shiva for sure would make life here a living hell."
Diablos looked at Ifrit and saw the menacing grin the larger Guardian wore and he began to sweat. This was entirely unfair for him… but the idea of dealing with constant family visits was daunting. Gritting his teeth while his eyes shut tight in frustration he turned to Ifrit and spoke begrudgingly, "I… I'm sorry… for speaking harshly… about… Clara."
Ifrit said nothing, but he gave Naruto a nod of approval which the blonde returned before facing Diablos, "That's better, this is healthy, I think we're bonding right now. I think we should man up and bring it in for a group hug. Come on big guys, don't be shy."
"Stop being an idiot and just get this over with, we all have to report for duty soon!" Selphie yelled from her spot among the humans waiting to escape the darkness of this hell zone.
Naruto chuckled under his breath as he heard her annoyed yelling, "Ok I'll get serious. Diablos, bump fists with me so we can bond."
Diablos watched the small blond human hold up his hand in a fist. Thinking on it for only a moment, Diablos threw caution to the wind and touched his larger fist to the small one. Instantly he felt warmth envelope him as a rush of very rich and dense magical essence flooded his core. He felt stronger than ever, and he felt all of his wounds heal at once. Flexing his wings and clenching his fists he grinned and surged his magic. The floor of the prison shook and he widened his eyes. He loosed a larger pulse of stronger magic and the floors cracked making everyone stumble a bit.
"Finally, I have the power to break from this place… I will send you back. Ifrit, inform the others that I have returned and I will be seeking out Siren, if you please."
Ifrit gave a firm nod before fading away back into Naruto. Naruto walked over to his team and made sure everyone was holding onto each other just in case. In a flash, they were ejected from the lamp and landed in a heap on the grassy field of the Quad. Nearby students leapt nearly out of their skins when six people appeared out of thin air. But that was nothing compared to the flash that followed, and then the explosion as the lamp blew into several thousand pieces. No one was struck by anything thankfully, but the wooden box the lamp had been in was obliterated. Naruto was the only one of the group to see the black orb of energy fly up and off into the distant northern sky.
"Naruto… the next time you have a magic lamp with a Guardian in it… don't involve me." Zell groaned as he rubbed his sore ass from the fall.
Seifer stood up and rubbed the grass from his knees, "Stop whining you wuss, this is the kind of thing that people write stories about."
"I hate to agree with him… but Seifer is right. This was a once in a lifetime experience. But… once is plenty." Leon huffed and walked off without another word, hoping to put as much distance between himself and Naruto as possible. He only got three steps before the Garden intercom system rang with a message.
Attention, SeeD Agents Squall Leonhart, Selphie Tilmitt, Zell Dincht, and Naruto Uzumaki, report to the Front Entrance in twenty minutes in travel gear. Repeat, SeeD Agents…
"Why… just, why?" Leon grumbled before heading off to get his travel gear ready.
Quistis hurried off quickly, "Oh damn, I forgot I had to see the headmaster. Good luck you three, if I don't see you before you go then be safe!"
Naruto waved his farewells before looking at Zell and Selphie, "Looks like we're up, better get ready. Zell, you're allowed to leave the weights off, we don't need to tire ourselves out too much while on missions."
Zell leapt into the air, "Yes! Oh thank the Guardians this day has come! Oh sweet mercy, I haven't been this happy since my first hot dog."
Naruto leaned over to Selphie to whisper, "Wait until he discovers women."
Selphie nodded sagely until she realized what he had alluded to, but her fury was lost to the blonde because he was already gone. Selphie pouted as she lost her chance to punish him for being such a pervert, but as she watched Zell go on about his freedom, she blushed thinking of how exuberant he would be the day he… never mind. She sighed heavily and wandered off to the dorms to change and pack. Zell followed after once he had finished his many praises. Seifer was the last one left standing in the field watching his… friends?... walk off to their first mission. His fist clenched in jealousy, but he soon let it go knowing it couldn't be helped.
Naruto had returned to his room soon after leaving Selphie flustered and he was sorting through his supplies. Restocking of his throwing weapons was routine, as well as his razor wire. He had been using less wire lately spending so much time on the front line, but that would all change soon enough if he had his way. He checked his very small supply of thirty seven fuma shuriken and sighed. Kyu had informed him that his supplies would become his own responsibility after he passed the SeeD exam, but he wasn't sure where the hell Kyu had been finding the damn things. Maybe if he used some sweet talk on Shiva she would… no, better not to use someone like that, even if it was ever so tempting.
Storing several clips of ammo for his blades in his pouch, he noticed out of the corner of his eye a magazine sitting on his desk. Looking, he realized it was the latest monthly installment of Weapons Monthly, with a note on it from Cid. The note simply said that he hoped Naruto enjoyed the room and that this was a little something to help him on the road. Smiling at the kind gesture, he pocketed the magazine for later reading and finished packing. Used to living with the bare minimum, Naruto packed several nutrition bars in his pouch and strapped a steel reinforced canteen to his belt. The last thing he made sure to pack… were several pairs of his precious fox under pants. His instructors at the academy back in Konoha had always drilled the need for spare undergarments to minimize filth and discomfort during long missions. Naruto had learned this lesson the hard way early on during survival training… rashes hurt like a mother fucker.
Naruto packed everything he cared for into the Security Locker, and left a few surprises for the lovely bastards who thought to make his room an easy target for snooping during his absence. His final checklist all taken care of, Naruto locked his dorm up tight and left for the Main Gate. He passed several Cadets and a few SeeD on his way and gave each a friendly nod or wave, receiving a few farewells and wishes of good fortune. It was so odd to be respected, or even just regarded in a polite manner. This place… it felt more like home than anywhere he had ever been to before. It felt pretty damn good.
The walk was short and pleasant, but the group gathered was looking less than comfortable. Leon and Selphie were waiting by a set of shady trees relaxing. Well, Selphie was relaxing, Leon looked a little constipated, as Leon is wont to do. Naruto noticed Selphie was wearing something new: a yellow mini-dress with overall straps over her shoulders and a zipper down the front, a silver pendant around her neck, and half-calf brown fur boots from Trabia. Across from them standing patiently was Headmaster Cid with Quistis by his side. Cid was beaming proudly at the two students while looking pensive, no doubt showing his precious students with praise in his own mind. Quistis was trying to remain stoic and calm, but she kept eyeing the last of the group waiting… the head of Garden Faculty. The tall man had no name that Naruto was aware of, but he gave an aura of authority and he spoke with purpose, utterin not a single wasted breath.
"Fuck, I'm not late, am I?" Naruto asked while looking at his Junction Watch.
"Language!" Quistis, Selphie, and the Garden Faculty head all grumped.
Naruto waved his hand to dismiss their anger, "Hai, hai, take it easy… so, am I late? Watch seems to be ticking on the normal…"
"You're on time, we are just waiting for Zell… and now he is late." Quistis remarked as the distant sound of the bell rang at the Garden.
Naruto held up a hand with five fingers and started counting down. When his thumb was pulled in to form a fist Zell shot out of the Garden behind him on a speeding hover board. Performing a few flamboyant stunts, the blonde eventully stopped and dismounted his vehicle with a kick to flip the contraption up and into his hand. Smiling from ear to ear, he didn't notice the Garden Faculty head walking up behind him. When the board was snatched from his grip he turned ready to lash out, only to stop dead and grow pale.
"Hover boards and other kinds of personal transportation or entertainment vehicles are prohibited on Garden grounds, Mister Dincht. I am afraid this will have to be confiscated until further notice."
Zell gained some color back as his face became indignant, "But, I was going to use it on our mission! This is ridiculous!"
"Rules are rules for a reason, Mister Dincht. Now, get into formation to receive this… mission from Headmaster Cid." The Faculty head spat the words as he returned to his place to oversee the briefing.
Zell huffed before getting in line with Leon, Selphie and Naruto, all at attention except Naruto who stood with his body relaxed and his right hand perched on his hip. Quistis was about to admonish her new-favorite-former-student, but Cid stepped forward to speak instead. His smile widened as he took in their respectful gaze, even Naruto in his relaxed pose wore a look of respect for the man speaking to him. This was one of he few things he truly appreciated about leading Garden: molding young minds into respectful young adults capable of anything.
"First off, good morning to you all, I am glad to see each of you have recovered from possible hangovers…" Here he glanced at a blushing Zell, "I am excited to see what each of you are capable of in the field. We received a contract… very recently, and I am overseeing it personally. You four were requested specifically due to your accomplishments in Dollet. Trust me when I say that this mission quite literally may effect the globe as a whole. Your team leader for this mission will be Squall Leonhart…" Here Zell sighed in a disappointed fashion, but Cid paid him no mind, " I cannot issue you any details about your primary objective at this time due to the need for security.
The four of you are to report to Balamb Station and take the first available train across the sea to the city of Timber. You will be deep in Galbadian territory, so I urge you caution and restraint are important here. We do not know how strong the military presence is within Timber; the political atmosphere there is incredibly tense. Our client has informed me that you will be meeting with one of their associates at the station. I was told it will be a male, dressed inconspicuously, and he will engage strangers in conversation occasionally. If you are approached, you will be addressed with the following phrase:
'The forests of Timber sure have changed…'
You will then be expected to reply casually with the phrase:
'Yeah, but the Owls are still around…'
After that your orders are to assist the client in any and all operations until their primary objective is complete. You will be on your own from the moment you leave this gate, and should your identities be compromised, your involvement with Garden may be denied. Should you be in dire need of assistance, send word via our underground channels and we will dispatch a rescue team to your location, but do not count on swift response. One compromised team is all we can afford. Am I understood?"
Four affirmatives were voiced firmly to Cid and he smiled again, letting his stern dictator façade slip away in favor of his usual kind nature. The Garden Faculty head stepped forward to speak causing Cid to eye him with a small look of distaste before quickly returning to his friendly demeanor.
"This mission is important to the Garden, and while you are out in the field we expect you to act like you deserve to be a member of SeeD and this Garden. While some of the staff here think that failure is acceptable… those who truly matter do not. Do… not… fail." His final words given, he did not wait for any response from the team before leaving.
Naruto scowled a bit before sighing, "It isn't bad enough those face things make them look like uncircumcised penises, they have to act like dicks too?"
There was a silence among the two groups before a snorting echoed out. The SeeD all started wide eyed at Headmaster Cid who was turning red. Struggling, small bursts of laughter kept bubbling up and out of the man. Naruto wore a grin, and joined in when Cid finally burst his gut wide open. The howling laughter brought the other four watching to stare at them as if they had lost their minds. Selphie, a crimson blush on her cheeks, angrily dragged Naruto toward the gates while Zell and Leon followed quietly, not quite getting why the joke was so funny. Quistis stood by the rolling form of Headmaster Cid while he complained about stomach pain between gasping and giggles.
'Never a dull moment around you, is it Naruto?'
After the team had arrived in Balamb Leon had issued an order to the team to purchase any last minute supplies before regrouping at the train station for the noon train. Zell ran off in the direction of his family home to check in with his mother and pick up a few lunch boxes for the team. Selphie went to shop for a few medical kits in town for the road as well as pick up a new world map to keep track of where they end up moving during their mission. Leon took his time to procure tickets for the train and gather information on Timber from some of the rail workers. Seeing his opportunity to relax, Naruto strolled through the city toward the station at a leisurely pace.
'Is anyone available to chat?' Naruto called gently into his mind wondering if any of the Guardians were available.
"Naruto, is that you?" Shiva responded with a hint of excitement.
'Are there other men talking to you in their minds? Is there something that you need to tell me, hime?" Naruto teased in a faux serious tone.
Shiva took the bait as she spluttered out several strange syllables, "W-whaaa? N-no!"
Naruto had to stop in his stride to laugh which drew attention from people walking by. Several people scurried away from him giving him weird looks, 'God your reaction was priceless! Oh, thank god I wasn't in the middle of the street or I might have been hit by a car.'
"That was not funny, Naruto…" Shiva said while an audible pout could be heard in her speech.
Naruto began walking again as he calmed down and wiped a tear from his eye, 'Aww~ I'm sorry, Shiva. How about I make it up to you?'
"…How?" The hopeful tone in her voice was so cute and it was all he needed to hear to know he wasn't in any serious trouble with the female Guardian.
'I have about a half hour before I need to be at the train station. How about we have a little walk through the market?'
Silent moments passed by as Shiva thought about his proposal. On the inside she was eager to blurt out the affirmative so that the two of them could share some quality time together… However, Siren had taken her aside earlier and spoken in private to her about the subtlety approach and cautioned that she be more thoughtful of her actions with Naruto. Shiva had asked why, and Siren had made it perfectly clear that relationships weren't something to act childishly about. It was odd for Shiva to be spoken to like that by a younger Guardian, but the wisdom in those words rang true. Those wise words in mind, she begrudgingly decided to nip this in the bud for now and develop things slower.
"Actually, I think you shouldn't let yourself get distracted from your mission. I wouldn't want you to miss the train because we were out having fun. But, I wouldn't mind keeping you company here while you wait for the team to assemble. Besides, there is something that Siren wishes for you to learn now that you have so many of us on your side, so we can spend your time wisely and increase your strength." Shiva didn't sound very convinced, but she did make a point to put on her serious tone.
Naruto heaved a sigh, 'Damn, I was hoping… right, focus. I'm all ears… er… mind?... you know what I mean. Teach on, oh mighty Shiva!'
Shiva hated to disappoint him, but then she thought about the fact that he genuinely sounded disappointed, and that made her giddy, "Good to hear you so eager to learn. While you walk I will explain to you about our abilities. You see, as Guardians, we possess great powers and abilities that not only enhance us, but our connection to our blessed ones. You have been given a brief rundown on our ability to enhance physical strength, mental fortitude, and agility. Now, I will explain the advanced benefits of your Junctions. First I will explain about the abilities that we grant you by teaching you about one specific ability that Diablos has agreed to teach you… he calls it Mug.
In your Junction Menu on the watch provided by Garden, you will find this ability in a list with several others under Diablos specific entry. Mug will give your hands enough dexterity to steal things from your opponents each time you strike them. You will find your senses enhanced in that small window of time, enabling you to identify valuables and how to procure them. With enough practice, and a lot of luck, you will be able to steal all manner of things from people, monsters… even Guardians if you face them. There are many special abilities that we can grant you as we develop stronger bonds with you. Normally this would take ages and lots of special items, but with you… well, you form complete bonds with us, so you have access to many things that others must work for.
The next ability I would like to discuss is Refine abilities…"
While listening to Shiva speak, Naruto busied his body by walking towards the Train Station. He passed Selphie while she spoke to a shop owner who operated out of a small window. Naruto waved to her absently as he walked by, ignoring what she was discussing in favor of the lecture. When he got to the station he sat down on the steps to wait for the others. Leon was standing at the top of the stairs listening to rumors and gossip about Timber. The two exchanged a nod before Naruto had turned his back toward Leon. The stoic brunette found Naruto's early arrival surprising, albeit appreciated since he valued punctuality and no dillydallying.
"…These abilities allow our blessed ones to infuse small amounts of magical essence into items and spells in order to change them into something better. You would be surprised how many of these abilities there are and just how useful they can be. Between myself, Raikiri, Ifrit, and Siren you already have four of these Refinement abilities. I can aid in the gathering of stronger Ice and Water essence, Ifrit can gather Fire, Raikiri can gather Lightning and Wind essence, and Siren can help gather Life and Death essence. Diablos can gather Time and Space essence, though I am unsure of whether or not he will aid you at this time; he is being very stubborn.
As far as Item Refinement is concerned you have several abilities available to you now through Siren, Ifrit and Raikiri. Siren has always enjoyed tools and nature, so therefore she can create camping equipment that will rival anything made by man. Ifrit is responsible for the discovery of gun powder and prides himself on the creation of specialized ammunition for the firearms used by marksmen. Raikiri… is a Card Club fanatic. Anything Triple Triad and he is involved. Ever since its creation, he has given his blessed ones the ability to convert monsters into various cards… I find the whole thing slightly disturbing, but he has assured me that only monsters are affected by such a thing."
Naruto sat thinking about the potential such abilities had while on the road. Essentially, if he worked hard enough, he could go on without spending a dime on anything except food and weapons. Damn, weapons was still going to be a problem. Where was he supposed to find simple throwing knives when all the weapon shops only sold customized large model weapons? If only there was a refine ability to make… ninja… tools… Naruto rubbed his face with his palm before opening his Junction Menu and finding Kyu's furry ass. He found the abilities list. Lots of magic boosts and other such things he wasn't sure affected him at all. And then on the fifth page…
'NIN-TL-RF… that furry son of a b-…' Naruto thought, forgetting Shiva was on the line.
"Language!"
There we go, really hope you all enjoy and I look forward to the next arc being full of more action, more comedy, and more curing fowl mouthed Naruto to warm our hearts for the holiday season.
With my Santa Hat, I bid the all a beautiful season my sweet and beloved senpais.
Question:
So much going on with the Guardian Forces, my god! And who is this mysterious person who looks like Naruto from Diablos past? Leave your guesses here for shits and giggles, you senpais, while I go yandere all over those people who keep talking to you. [Shing!] [Slice!] [Stab!]