Chapter 10: Gender

I was just over four weeks pregnant. My lanky form now sported a small but definite bump which housed my ex's child. I refused allow myself the mindset that the baby was mine, even though I was carrying it. For some reason the thought just didn't compute, possibly because I didn't want it to. I couldn't help but stare at my now distended stomach, but I didn't dare touch it. It was almost as though I'd been willing the embryo to simply disappear. It clearly wasn't working.

I leaned my head back against the chair. I tried to clear my head; to not think about the long list of things I needed to do that day. The appointment at the infernal doctor's office was just the first thing on my imaginary To-Do list. The only thing I enjoyed about sitting in that waiting room was knowing I didn't have to spend my Tuesday teaching. For once.

"Your first?" A voice asked out of the blue. I traced the voice to a seahorse sitting next to me. He too was pregnant.

"What?" I muttered, half asleep. I hadn't realized I'd dozed off.

"Um, your…first?" He gestured first to his stomach, then mine.

"Oh," I understood, nodding slowly. "Yeah."

"How, um, how many are you carrying?"

"One." I replied, my hand unconsciously was placed on my stomach. When I realized this, I ripped it off like I'd touched a hot stove instead of my own skin.

"Hundred?"

"No. Just…just one."

"Really? Interesting. I've never heard of that."

"It's…rare…" I mumbled.

"Well, I'm having nine. It's my third time." He said, excitement coating his voice.

"A…are…do you…do you raise all of them?" I asked, my mind not processing that one could have 9 at once.

"Oh no. After they're born, they go to loving families." He explained, rubbing his belly tenderly in a way I never could.

"…foster homes?" I asked. I wondered what his definition of "loving families" was.

"No, no. Selected adoptive parents. Me and my wife choose them. I'm somewhat of a surrogate for less fortunate couples." He continued.

"Don't you, you know…miss them once they're gone?"

"Of course I do. But, I spend some time my own children after the fry are born, and I recover."

"You have your own kids?" For some reason, I was now sucked into this fish's story.

"Five of them. From the first pregnancy. Two boys and three girls. The boys are like twins, they have the same personality. But, the girls, they're all over the place! It's crazy, they're all so hormonal..I'm sorry. I don't mean to rant about my teenage offspring. What's the gender of your child?" He blathered on.

"Unknown right now." I sighed.

"It might be nice to know. If you wanted to decorate a nursery."

At this point, I really didn't want to talk to him anymore, so I ignored this statement. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he turned back to looking at his magazine. After a moment, a female seahorse, who I assumed to be his wife, sat down beside him and kissed him on the cheek. For a split second, I wished Marlene was with me.

"Baldwin?" A calm voice said.

"Yes?" I looked up to see the calm yet stern face of Dr. Herrington.

"Follow me."

I swam up behind him as he led me through a doorway to a completely white examination room. I could've sworn it was the same room I'd been in the first time, but they all sort of looked the same.

"I'm a bit surprised to see you again. I thought you were having an abortion." He commented.

"Changed my mind last minute."

"Is your…friend here with you?" He asked, shutting the door behind him.

"Cora? No."

"Good. She would've had to wait outside."

I remembered that the last time I was here, she had been a bit pushy and arrogant. And, for a moment, I almost missed her.

"Do I have to put a gown on?" I cringed a little.

"Are you wearing anything under your shirt?" Herrington inquired.

"A t-shirt."

"That's fine then. I'm going to fetch a blood pressure cuff, so disrobe while I'm gone." He instructed, then disappeared out the door.

I started with my tie, gently untying it and pulling it from around my neck. After stuffing it in my shirt pocket, I unbuttoned my top buttons and slipped it over my head. This disrobing had become an almost habitual process.

I stared down at my bump once more. It barely made a dent in my loose fitting tee, but I knew, if this progressed, it wouldn't always be like this.

'God, Marlene,' I thought, 'why me?' This wasn't the first time I asked this question.

A knock at the door brought me back to earth.

"I'm decent." I joked halfheartedly.

"I found a blood pressure cuff." Dr. Herrington grinned as he floated through the doorway.

"Great." I said sarcastically, not looking forward to my arm being strangled.

"So," he said, wrapping the cuff around my arm, "how are you feeling?"

"Emotionally or physically? 'Cause, to be honest, I really don't want to talk about my feelings. And, you probably don't want to hear about them."

"Physically." Herrington said, putting his stethoscope to my arm as he began to inflate the cuff. I could hear him rolling his eyes in his voice.

"Well, I've stopped vomiting." I began.

"Good, good. That's good…" His voice trailed off as he watched my arm intently.

After another moment, the blood pressure cuff deflated, and was removed from my arm. I gave my newly aching appendage a rub.

"Anything else? Anything at all?" He asked.

"My backs been aching." I added, hoping I didn't sound whiny.

"Badly?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Not unbearably."

"Your body is probably just adjusting; especially since this is your first time. Call me if it gets unbearable." Herrington instructed.

I nodded.

"Anything else you'd like me to know? Anything unusual?" He persisted.

"I'm…gaining weight." I half joked.

"I assure you that's completely normal for someone in your condition." The doctor chuckled.

"I figured…"

"Just make sure to stay in shape, alright?"

I nodded.

"Now, let me take a listen to the old ticker." He requested, adjusting his stethoscope.

"Whatever…" I muttered.

As he placed the instrument on different parts of my chest and back, I couldn't help but think that doctors tended to make up weird names for body parts.

"Alright, so I want to take a small blood sample." Herrington said, beginning to wash his fins.

"If you must…" I sighed. I prayed that he would forget about an ultrasound altogether. I doubted that would be the case.

"Just try to relax…" He said, wrapping a tight rubber band around my arm.

"Needles don't scare me." I slightly scoffed.

"Fair enough." Herrington pushed the needle into my elbow. I watched my blue-colored blood flowing into the plastic vial. When it was full, he plucked the IV from my arm and slapped a Band-aid on it.

"Done?" I asked, wanting to leave.

"I'll send this to the lab for testing." He said.

"So, I can go?"

"Not quite. Now it's time for your favorite part." He smiled in a slightly sinister way.

"I have a favorite part?" I wondered aloud.

Herrington wheeled over an ultrasound machine.

"If you'll please lie down…" He instructed, swimming away to turn off the lights.

"Must we?" I groaned, complying in irritation when he returned.

"We must." He nodded, pulling back my white tee.

I couldn't help but stare at my slightly swollen stomach as the doctor applied a small amount of petroleum jelly. And, as he began to shift the wand across my midriff, I couldn't help but watch the screen with mild interest. The fry appeared on the screen and squirmed, as though it knew it was being watched. A sudden muffled thumping noise filled the room.

"What is that irritating din?" I grumbled, making sure I wasn't hearing things.

"Well, that would be the baby's heartbeat." He answered.

"Is it supposed to be that…fast?" I said, not quite sure how to feel about it.

"It sounds perfectly normal. Strong, in fact."

"Great…" I sighed, less than sincere.

"So, you're far enough along. Would you like to know the gender?"

"…no, um, not really." I sighed.

"Wanting to be surprised?" Herrington asked.

"Something like that…"

"Alright then. I guess we are done…"

I absentmindedly watched him fiddle with the computer until the screen turned off. The machine spit out a blurry black and white picture of the fry. He handed it to me, and for a split second, Marlene, the second half of this process, came to mind.

"Dr. Herrington," I said suddenly, "would it be possible if you could, maybe, tell the gender from the photo?"

"Changed your mind? That was fast."

"Not me. The…the mother would like to know. I could care less…" I admitted.

"Well, I could try." He said as I handed the photo to him.

He examined the print out for a moment or two, then smiled.

"You're having a girl." He informed me, returning the picture to my open hand.

I stared at the picture for a long time, trying to find any sign that would signify one gender or the other. I found none.

"A…girl?" I asked, wondering why that was surprising to me.

"Indeed." He said, giving me a towel to clean my stomach.

"How can you tell?" I asked.

"The tail shape is the giveaway. Female seahorses tend to have a more curved tail." The doctor explained.

I scrutinized the photo again, wondering what I missed.

"Am I just blind?" I asked him.

"No," he chuckled, "it's hard to tell if you're not a medical professional."

"So, why is it…she so much bigger than normal?"

"What do you mean?"

" I did some research on seahorse reproduction, and fry are only about the size of an orange. They don't get much bigger until after they're born. So, tell me why this baby is already the size of a softball at only 4 weeks!"

"Well, if my estimation is correct-and mind you I've never dealt with a pregnancy of less than four-the baby feels that, because she's alone in there, she feels she can…grow a bit more than normal. Fish grow to fit their environment." He explained.

"Should I be concerned?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not at all. She shouldn't get bigger than this…" He held up his fins to be a little less than a fish-foot apart.

"I see…" I sighed, wrapping my arm around my middle.

"So, do you have any other questions?"

"Just one. I met this male seahorse in the waiting room. He said he's some sort of a surrogate. Is that…common?"

"Are you looking into it?" He raised an eyebrow.

"No. Trust me. I was just asking?"

"It's not too uncommon, but not to common either. I've heard of several cases, but Reed's the only one who I treat. You know, seahorses didn't used to raise their offspring. Not long ago they used to leave the fry to fend for themselves." He informed me.

"Why did that change?" I wondered.

"Hippocampus population decreased. You're almost a member of an endangered species."

"Fascinating!" I said sarcastically.

"Anything else I can help you with?" He asked.

"Just…one more question." I said.

"Will it make me late for my next appointment?" Herrington scowled.

"No, um, I was wondering if it was possible to find genetic parents through medical records."

"For the baby? I thought you knew the mother."

"For me. I was a foster child, and I've recently been wondering about my real parents due to my…condition."

"I can't find a parental match unless you have a DNA test. Sorry."

"Oh…"

"Look, I hate to kick you out, but…I need to kick you out."

"It's fine. I can take an obvious hint." I rolled my eyes, throwing on my shirt.

I swam out the door, eager to leave and do anything I deemed more important. Dr. Herrington yelled at me something about scheduling the next appointment on the phone. I felt depressed at the thought of not being able to find my real parents. I knew I was one of those fry abandoned by their parents.