AUTHOR: My hands are shaking as I upload this. I am so excited. I hope you love it. :) READ AWAY! Please review!

The voices flowed through every moment of my pathetic existence. They used to stop, fade away if I paid them no mind. Now every moment, every action, every ounce of my day to day live was voices. Taunting, mocking, laughing, whispering, shouting, screaming. Missy, Tony, Cameron, Addie, my mother… And handfuls of voices I could never identify. They swirled about in my mind, taking over.

The most prominent was Tate's. His words were the harshest, the most biting. They had the power to make me stop in my tracks, tense up. They terrified me. Part of me knew that they were the real words of Tate, the ones I had dreaded for all these years.

It became hard to talk, with the voices playing in my head. I couldn't focus on conversation. I couldn't respond. My head pounded anytime I even tried to think independently.

I sat in Beau's room most days, in utter silence. The ball rolled back and forth, and he talked to me once and a while. He seemed to understand that I was silent and that was best. I didn't feel bad. I just felt numb. I couldn't feel anything, actually.

"Lily?"

My eyes snapped to attention as I caught the ball.

"Beau is worried." His eyes fell.

I paused, and then rolled the ball back. The voices whispered away so my focus could hardly be on Beau. I tried to narrow my mind and only let Beau in.

He glanced up at me. "Lily looks like Tate did."

The voice's cut out for a moment. I stood and left silently.

As I passed an empty bedroom, I caught myself in the mirror. I saw myself, distorted. It appeared as if I had a skeleton drawn on my face. My hair was pulled back and I wore a black coat.

Tate was laughing in my head.

The voices resumed as I headed down to the second floor. Now was the time to tell Ben, wasn't it? No use in hiding anymore, in case the voices were really destroying me.

Ben hasn't talked to you in weeks. He keeps calling you my name. He probably even forgot yours. Why worry about useless, stupid, disgusting Lily?

I stopped just before the door to Ben's office. Good thing, because Tate's actual voice could be heard. Ever since I had touched him, I couldn't sense his presence anymore.

"I felt it, Ben. Someone saved me. They pushed me out of the way and they held on and wouldn't let go." He had felt me? How could that be? He wasn't supposed to be able to.

"Tate, I've explained to you numerous times. You were having a seizure. Due to the chaotic flow of electricity in your brain during a seizure, you're incapable of remembering anything that happened during it. Even if someone did save you, you wouldn't have the slightest memory of it."

"No, Ben! It was real!" I heard Tate slam his fist on the table and stand. "It was warm and loving and safe! I know it wasn't Violet, that's not what I'm saying! I'm telling you someone saved me!"

I felt pain begin to prick at my head. Even listening to the real Tate, none of the voices wanted to silence. It was becoming a physical exercise to hear anyone, to focus on anything.

I wiped my nose quickly and continued to listen.

"Tate, I'm sorry, but what I've told you is the truth. Moira found you down there alone, still seizing. There's no chance anyone was even with you, all those people had left by then and killed themselves."

"Ben, I know what I felt! She was with me!"

"Who, Tate? Who was with you?" I heard Ben stand as well. "Can you think of anyone in this entire house that would try to save you?"

I felt something dripping from my nose again. As I went to wipe it, I noticed that my hand was coated in blood.

The pain in my head was strong as I rushed to the bathroom.

I shut the door and locked it, heading straight to the sink and turning the water on.

Look at Lily, can't even focus on something without falling apart. Are you stupid?

I looked in the mirror as I took a washcloth and pinched it over my nose. My reflection was normal again.

My nose had stopped bleeding and I began to wash my hands once my face was clean.

Washing it off, hm? Don't pretend like you don't want more. Go ahead, Lil. You know where Violet left the razor. Do it.

I blinked, shaking my head.

Do it. You want it Lily. You're a poor pathetic sap and if you don't hurt your self, you'll never feel better.

Almost robotic I was reaching the small space between the mirror and the wall and sliding out the razor. It felt cold between my finger tips.

Do it, you piece of shit.

Drip. Drip. The blood began to stain the white sink. The first cut had been across my arm just below the elbow. I squeezed it so that more blood would pour out, pooling over the drain. I quickly sliced a cross on the line. 'T'

I continued cutting into my skin, so deep. I felt no pain though, no release. All I heard was voices screaming in my head.

I was done. T A T E.

That's right. Carve my name into your skin. That's as close as you'll ever get.

"What are you doing?"

I snapped out of it, pulling down my sleeve and looking up. Violet. "I locked the door."

Violet glanced at the door, jiggling the knob. "It's broken. It's been broken since your accident."

"Oh." I put down the razor. There was a long silence. I watched the blood stain through my white sleeve, hoping she wouldn't be able to read it.

I started humming to myself as I began to clean the blood, my arm beginning to burn. I suppose the cotton must've irritated it. "I know…" I took the washcloth I had used on my nose and began to sop up the blood. "You belong to somebody new…" I turned the water off. "But tonight, you belong to me…"

"What the hell song is that?" Violet asked.

I shrugged. "You only think it's creepy because I'm crazy."

Violet shook her head, looking down. I could tell she was unsure of how to handle the situation. "Lily… We aren't supposed to do that anymore."

I stepped towards her. "'We' aren't supposed to do a lot of things." The voices were talking for me now. "Fall in love with mental patients, go on dates with serial killers, fuck rapists…"

Her eyes looked as if water was forming in them and her mouth curved in horror. "What?"

"'We' seem to do them anyway, now don't we?"

This wasn't right, though. She was going to know, wasn't she? She was going to tell someone. My arm was started to really sting and I put a hand over the wound. Why wasn't it healed yet?

A tear tracked down Violet's cheek. "Lily, we used to be friends… What happened to you?" Her voice was shaking.

Friends? You were her friend? Right. You know, a guy like me can love a girl like Violet. She fixed me, put me back to together after YOU fucked me up.

I reacted violently, punching the mirror, and for once, shouted back at the voice. "Shut up! Get out!"

Violet jumped back, shaking her head. "I'm getting my dad, Lily…" And she ran off.

I slammed the door once she was gone. "God dammit…" I quickly stepped forward, pulling my shirt off.

I saw then why my arm hurt so much. It "healed", but instead of disappearing it had left a permanent scar on my skin. It seemed Tate would be etched into my scar tissue forever.

Isn't it cruel, the irony of it?

I took the wash cloth and tried to wipe it away but to no avail. I couldn't leave traces of any of this.

I glanced around. I seemed to have washed away all of the blood, but I still need to hide the evidence and put on a new shirt.

My head was pounding again. Too much to focus on while the voices whittled away at my psyche.

I tossed the bloodied items in the tub and pulled the shower curtain. I opened up the linen closet. I had kept shirts in there when I used to cut daily, back when I was just barely insane.

No shirts, Lil. Can't seem to hide anything now.

I grit my teeth. "Get out of my head." I began to dig through the towels. Finally, I found a sweater, way in the back. I quickly pulled it out and over my head just as I heard a soft knock at the door.

That's my shirt, Lily. See, it still smells like me. I wore it after I met you, though. The day I met her actually. Right in this bathroom. How does that feel?

"Miss Lily?" Moira's voice was soft, hesitant.

I rubbed my temple, the voices all muttering away at me. "Come in."

The door opened and Moira stepped in carefully, shutting the door behind her. "You cleaned up all the blood yourself?"

I nodded.

Moira nodded, glancing in the tub. "I'll take care of those, don't worry." She took a deep breath. "You've exceptionally scared Miss Violet."

See that, Lily? We can't even bring you out in public.

"Lily, you're shaking."

"No, I'm not." His voice was speaking through mine.

"Lily, Ben doesn't want to see you."

"Good, why would I want to see Ben?"

Moira gave me a look and continued. "He's going to see you though, he's right outside and he says he'll drag you into the office if he has to."

"What am I an invalid?" I stopped a moment and closed my eyes. "Get out of my head," I breathed. "This is my mind, get out."

Not in this house…

"Moira, why doesn't Ben want to see me?" It was exceptionally harder to talk against the voices than I would have thought.

Moira gave me a stern look. "I don't want to tell you."

"You have to tell me."

She was silent for a moment as she sat on the lip of the tub. "Do you remember the night you got sick and how you were dreaming of Tate before I woke you?"

I nodded slowly. I was beginning to feel dizzy, I wasn't sure if it was because of the voices or the anticipation.

"There is a reason why you though Tate had been in bed with you."

I felt my gut clench. "Was… Was Tate really there?"

Moira looked down. "I wish it were that simple…"

I was waiting for a continuance. When I had none, I began to feel hostile. "What was it, Moira?" I demanded.

She didn't even look up.

Shake her, Lily. Get the answer out of her. You need to hear this.

I put my hands on her shoulders and forced her chin up, making her look at me. "Why did I think Tate was in the bed?" I growled.

"Because it was Ben!" She cried, trying to pull away from me. "I tried to tell you that it wasn't safe for you to keep waking up doing things you didn't recall, but you wouldn't hear it! I thought if you went to him for help he'd show you!"

I stepped back. All voices silenced but one.

Lily fucked Ben. Lily fucked Ben.

Moira stood firmly. "You crawled on top of that poor man, thinking he was your boyfriend." She stepped towards the door. "There's nothing else I could have done." She put her hand on the door knob and opened it, stepping out. She glanced to the side. "She knows. Are you satisfied?" And she disappeared around the corner.

Oh, look, Lily, you're just like me. Raping someone more than twice your size? Kudos to you. Thinking you'd sleep with me, what a laugh. You've ruined yourself now.

Ben appeared in the doorway. "Lily."

I didn't correct him. I felt dead.

"Would you come to my office with me?"

I didn't as much as nod.

He stepped towards me and took my arm. "Come on." He nudged me out of the bathroom and down into his office. "Sit."

I sat down. Crazy Lily, murderer Lily, rapist Lily. I glanced out the window. The sun was setting.

Ben sat across from me, no notebook, no recorder.

I put my head in my hands, taking a deep breath and trying to collect myself.

"Where did you get that shirt?"

"Found it." I replied quietly.

I probably looked just like him now, sitting on the couch.

Yes, just like me. However, I don't want a single part of you.

"Is that why you keep calling me Tate?" I looked up.

Ben nodded. His blue eyes that usually met me with concern or humor were now cold.

You've ruined it. You were supposed to be just mine, only mine. Now you're just filth.

"I'm sorry, Ben."

Ben looked surprised.

"I didn't mean to do that…" I glanced towards the hallway.

"You mean, you regret doing it?"

Don't you tell him, Lily! It's your little crazy secret.

I felt resigned. "I mean I do things… When I'm asleep. I thought it was just drawings… But, then again, I sleep far away from everyone else." I stood and walked to the window. "I would never do that if I was awake."

Ben was silent.

Go ahead in your little confessional. He knows everything, Lily. He can see right through you. Even if he does forgive you, I don't want you. Why don't you just go bury yourself?

Ben stood and came towards me. "I forgive you."

"How can you forgive me?" Tate's voice took over angrily. "I raped your sorry ass."

Ben looked surprised for a moment. Then, he shook his head. "No, that's not what happened."

I pushed the voice away. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you pinned me down and started kissing me. Clothes stayed on. There was no penetration." He shook his head, putting a hand on his shoulder. "At most you molested me. Nothing as serious as rape."

I stepped back. "Then, why were you so angry?" I snapped.

Ben looked confused. "Because you violently took advantage of me. I'm getting concerned for the safety of the people in this house, Lilian. And now Violet tells me you're cutting in the bathroom and threatening her!" He became defensive quickly.

As if I switch had been flicked, all the voices returned, taunting, sneering, laughing. I couldn't even identify individuals, just a mass of shouting, loud, angry voices.

I brought my hands to my head.

Good. Now it's not just me who thinks you're an absolute psychotic. Stupid, ugly, inadequate Lily. You think you're big? You think you're strong? YOU'RE A FUCKING WEAKLING, YOU TWO CENT WHORE! I HOPE YOU DISAPEAR! I REGRET THE DAY I KILLED YOU, IF I HADN'T YOU WOULDN'T BE-

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I hit myself in the head violently and repeatedly. "GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!" I screamed.

Ben tried to grab me, taking my wrists. I pulled away hastily and ran out of the room and down the stairs.

Now he knows how crazy you are. Where are you running Lily? Home? School? To Cameron? Oh, wait, you killed Cameron. Tony? Yeah, dead. Missy? Your mother? Where are you going, Lily?

I stopped in the middle of the foyer.

You can't even ask me for help, because I have no idea who you are.

I had to keep moving. I went straight for the basement door and went down, down, down, all the way back through the crawlspaces into my bedroom.

There sat all that I needed. Tate's boots and a stack of drawings nearly 24 years high. I collected them in my arms as carefully and neatly as I could, then climbed right back out.

I headed back through the basement swiftly as I could. The voices were protesting, but in a whisper. I seemed to have expelled Tate's from my mind.

I wasn't stopping for anything, though. This was it, this was the answer. I stormed all the way up to third floor and into the empty room, slamming and locking the door behind me. Tate would pass this room every time he left the attic, which he visited every day.

I placed the boots in the exact middle of the room and then set to the real task.

It took all night and well into the morning, but I did it. Every inch of the walls and ceiling were tacked up pictures I had drawn of him. Along the floor were scattered even more. This was it, my monument to him, right where he could see. He'd have to remember now.

As I stepped back outside the door and glanced in, I knew it was perfect. He would see it and know it was perfect, too.

I heard someone on the steps and I quickly became invisible. I was unsure as to whether to shut the door or not. What if it wasn't him? But, honestly, no one else really went to the third floor unless they were headed to the attic.

It was him, coming up the stairs slowly, as if he was thinking. He was so perfect, so right. As I watched him, I started to feel that I truly was insane. I felt like some sort of fangirl, shrine and all.

But, I couldn't think like that. Tate and Lily were perfect. This was right. Taily. I giggled to myself.

I started to head away. He had to come to his own conclusions, I wanted it to be a surprise. I didn't want to be let down if he didn't like it.

I passed him on the staircase and he paused for a moment, glancing towards me. Our shoulders had brushed. I smiled and he smiled. We had both felt it.

He however shook it away and continued up the stairs. I headed to the second floor, reappearing.

Ben was just coming out of his office and saw me. I started to run for the stairs, but he grabbed me and pulled me into his office, plopping me onto the couch.

"Whoa, Ben, calm down." Crazy Lily was back. "Are you looking for round two?"

But, honestly, who cared anymore? If I wasn't with Tate, where was I? Nowhere.

Ben sat down. "Lily, I'm going to cut to the chase. Are you hearing voices?"

I leaned back and pulled my feet under myself. Dressed just like Tate, sitting just like Tate.

Today's a Tate day, isn't it? But this voice was my own for once. "Yes. I see things, too."

Ben didn't look phased. "Do they make you do things?"

I shrugged.

"How long has this been going on?"

I put a finger to my chin as I thought. "When did I meet your daughter?"

Ben nodded, picking up his pad and scribbling. "Lily, do you know the voices?"

"Ben, I don't think you need to worry about the voices I hear."

Ben looked surprised as he looked up. "I don't?"

I shook my head.

"But, don't you want help?"

I shook my head, smirking.

"Well… What are you going to do?" Ben asked.

I only thought for a moment, and then plunged into it. "I prepare for the noble war. I'm calm, I know the secret." I leaned towards him. "I know what's coming, and I know no one can stop me, including myself."

Ben dropped his pad and pencil.

I stood, satisfied, and left the room quickly before he could relocate his voice box.

"Lily looks like Tate did."

I started to head towards the attic. Now that I had silenced the voices and regain control, I'd have to reassure him I was fine, Lily was fine. We would play and laugh like usual. Everything was fine. I liked crazy Lily. What a laugh.

I pulled down the hatchway and headed up quickly. "Beauregard!" I exclaimed happily.

It was when I reached the top that I realized my mistake.

Tate had been on the third floor. He would've gone to the attic to see Beau. I had forgotten. How could I have forgotten?

But now, here stood Tate, surprised, staring back at me. Me, staring at him. Him, staring at me. Eyes connected, completely visible. He could see me, I could see him. HE COULD SEE ME.

As my mind raced, the voices disappeared. This was more important.

I didn't know what to say, what to do. I stepped back in mere surprise.

His mouth started to open, his lips forming a word.

"Lily?"