Chapter 10: Feelings That I Don't Know

". . .-ther . . . -owther . . . Gowther! Hey, Gowther, wake up!"

Meliodas braced himself, sensing that the Sin of Lust would wake up swinging. From his reaction to Ban alone, the Dragon's Sin held a hand out in front of him as Gowther started to wake from his nightmare.

As Merlin had predicted, it had only taken approximately a half hour for the Goat's Sin to fall asleep, the book he'd been reading resting on his chest and still wide open. It was only a few minutes after that that Gowther started dreaming, and by no means was it a good dream, either. He'd toss and turn, muttering . . . not exactly words, but sounds of distress; moaning, gasping, and whining.

As Meliodas tried to shake Gowther out of his dream, the Goat's Sin's eyes snapped open. His arm made impact with the Sin of Wrath's hand. He didn't sweat or pant like some normally did when just waking up from a nightmare. Instead, Gowther still carried his usual, bewildered gaze as he looked up at Meliodas. Merlin stood beside him, heavy concern painter her face.

"Captain? What are you doing here?" Gowther inquired, "Is something the matter?"

"That's what I was about to ask you," Meliodas replied, "You definitely woke with a start."

Gowther held King's chastiefol against his chest, the massive green pillow he'd been resting on only a few seconds before.

"A bad dream."

"You must be having a lot of bad dreams," Merlin commented, "I think you've been having them almost every night."

"And according to King, this must've been going on for at least a week," Meliodas chimed in, "Care to explain?"

Gowther shook his head, "I can't."

"Can you at least tell us what these dreams are about?"

The Goat's Sin's head seemed to sink into the chastiefol a bit, either out of hopeless embarrassment or that rare fearful vibe the doll had been putting off when he slapped Ban.

"Does it have something to do with what Ban did?" Meliodas asked.

Gowther nodded, "It does."

Meliodas let out a sigh as he made his way back towards the ladder down to the second floor.

"Meet me in the bar while I go wake up Ban," he said, "There are some issues it seems we need to put to rest."

Telling Gowther that he was going to wake up Ban was easier said than done. Meliodas tried the easier methods; shaking the Sin of Greed and calling out for him to wake up, but it seemed all this did was cause Ban to mumble a bit and bat back at the Dragon's Sin with flailing limbs.

Meliodas looked to King, who lay sprawled out in a hammock.

"Hey, King! Can I have a hand here?"

"Sorry, Captain," King muttered, on the verge of falling asleep, "Even I can't get him up without dragging him out of bed by the ears first."

"Then I guess I have no choice . . ."

Meliodas went around to the other side of Ban's bed. He stuffed his hands under the mattress and lifted up one side, flipping the Fox's Sin off of the bed and onto the floor with a loud thump.

"What . . . the hell, Captain?" Ban growled, "What was that for?"

"We need to talk about something," Meliodas replied, "Come down to the bar with me."

As Meliodas started downstairs, Ban simply curled up again on the floor and began drifting off to sleep.

"That means now, Ban!" the Dragon's Sin snarled.

"Okay, okay, okay!" the Sin of Greed groaned irritably as he slowly stood up, "Sheesh! I'm not going to get any sleep tonight, am I?"

Ban dawdled down the stairs and into the bar, where Meliodas sat with Gowther, waiting for him at a table. The Sin of Lust looked as though he were spaced out; lost in his own thoughts, like always. Meliodas, on the other hand, looked impatient; like he had a thousand things on his mind. In all honesty, Ban wouldn't have been surprised if that were the case.

The Fox's Sin wandered to the table where the two sins sat and settled down in a seat across from them.

"So what's this about, Captain?" he asked, "I imagine you didn't flip my ass out of bed for nothin'."

"It's about what happened between you and Gowther," Meliodas started.

"I should've known that's why Four Eyes was down here, but we've been over this. I was drunk; totally shit-faced and out of it. I wouldn't have slept with him otherwise."

"But even when you get drunk, Gowther's never usually your object of sexual interest. You're usually going on about Elaine until you drink yourself to sleep, and even when you sleep you keep going on about Elaine. But it looks like Elaine's been replaced by Gowther, hasn't she? What I want to know is why."

Ban scoffed, "How should I know? I don't know what I'm doing half of the time I'm drunk, anyways."

"Yet somehow you magically come back to your senses when Gowther smacks the shit out of you?"

Ban was quiet. The truth was that wasn't it at all. The Fox's Sin's "fascination" with Gowther didn't end when his hangover went away. In fact, especially after finding the Sin of Lust was pregnant, he felt more of his affection being drawn towards the magenta-haired man, even if from other people's point of view it was only a microscopic amount. But taking out his sexual frustration on him was wrong, and he knew it.

"I don't know," Ban finally said, "I mean, I never intended for this to happen. I don't know what made me want to sleep with Gowther, and how I did it - taking away his strength so he couldn't fight me - it was definitely a stupid move. I think my hope that Elaine and I will meet again one day is becoming more of an impossibility the more time that passes. I don't know what it is about Gowther, but something about him comforts me . . . maybe even gives me a little bit of hope that life isn't all bad, kind of like Elaine did," Ban let out an exhausted sigh as he finished his explanation, "It's a stupidly sappy story, but that's what I've finally figured out."

Meliodas gave a curt nod, "I see. And how do you feel about all of this, Gowther?"

The Goat's Sin tilted his head with a questioning look on his face.

"Right," the Sin of Wrath corrected himself, "I guess you can't exactly understand how you feel. What do you think about all of this?"

"I understand a bit more about how Ban was feeling, I think," Gowther replied, "In my dreams, I was pinned down and unable to move, just as I was all those weeks ago. I think my tossing and turning was me trying to fight and get away from him. My muttering was me trying to tell him to stop."

"Do you have a point anywhere in this explanation?"

"I believe the uneasiness i felt then made me realize that I didn't want it to happen, and my dreams are a constant reminder of that. No matter what emotions or disoriented thoughts might have caused Ban to do it, keeping my guard up might ensure that it won't happen again."

A pondering look settled on Meliodas's face, "In other words . . . you're afraid?"

"I don't understand."

"Like when Ban forced you to sleep with him, the reason you're having nightmares and the reason you defended yourself from him earlier today when he was drunk was because you're afraid of something like that happening again."

Gowther stared blankly at the Dragon's Sin for several long seconds before his gaze shifted to his lap.

"Perhaps you are right about that, Captain. I think I was afraid."

"Wow!" Ban stated, "That's a first for you, isn't it?"

"Yes, and I think I'm still afraid."

"What about?" Meliodas asked.

"Of what might happen if Ban gets drunk again, of becoming a parent, of not knowing what might be next - especially now that we're moving on again and that there could be someone after us because of me. It all makes me . . . afraid."

Meliodas smirked, "Aw, well you won't have to worry about Ban getting drunk anytime soon. We're cutting him off of the alcohol until the baby comes."

Ban stood up quickly from his seat, "And who decided this insane stretch of time?!"

The Sin of wrath smiled, "I did. Just now! For Gowther's sake, as well as your own."

Ban groaned irritably as he forced himself to sit down, "Fine . . ."

"And don't worry about all that other stuff," Meliodas continued, slinging an arm around Gowther's shoulders, "We're all a team, and we'll help however we can! Right, Ban?"

"Sure thing!"

Gowther looked from Meliodas to Ban before shifting back to his previous spaced out state.

"Feel better?" Meliodas asked.

Gowther tilted his head in though before nodding, "Yeah . . . I think I do feel better."

Hawk suddenly trotted over to them from behind the counter.

"Good," he snorted irritably, "Then you can all go back to bed now! It's impossible for me to sleep with all your noise!"

Ban's mouth stretched in a wide yawn, "Sounds good to me."

Gowther nodded in agreement as he started towards the stairs, "Good night, Captain Leftovers."

"That's right," Meliodas said, "I told Elizabeth I wouldn't come to bed until later. Well then . . ."

"NOT. SO. FAST!"

Hawk was quick to pull out a rope and wrap it around the Dragon's Sin multiple times before tying the ends in a tight knot. This had been the nightly routine between the Leftovers Captain and the Captain of the Seven Deadly Sins. The pig didn't trust Meliodas with sleeping in the same bed as Elizabeth, and so he had resorted to binding his arms close to his body so he could never lay a hand on her while she slept.

"There," Hawk said, nudging him towards the bedroom door, "Now you can go to bed!"