Okay, here it is. The chapter many of you were waiting for. A little bit of Severus-Hermione, mixed with Severus' troubled thinking and a new mystery. Just to keep you on your toes… ^^
I hope you'll like it.
Disclaimer: I still don't own it but I'm considering getting a freaking big loan and buying it just to avoid disclaimer every chapter. Really, it gets very irritating…
"I'm too old for this…" Severus nodded his agreement and turned his gaze towards the cause of Lucius' exasperated comment.
The giggle and the chuckle that answered from that direction made him pinch the bridge of his nose. He has seldom seen his godson drunk, but what the older Malfoy and him truly weren't prepared for was the inebriated Golden Girl. The brunette woman sat cross-legged on the sofa next to Draco, attired in one of her best friend's old quiddich shirts and a short and was getting more and more intoxicated by the minute, trying to drown her sorrows in whiskey. She realized that she lost her wand to Baines not long ago – although Severus wasn't sure how she didn't miss it during the last two days – and since then she was pouting like a little girl who didn't get the puppy she wanted for Christmas. Her partner's solution was to promise to go with her to Diagon Alley the next day and get a new one. Then he started topping her glass every few minutes.
Now they were at a state when she giggled at absolutely anything said between the four of them – the two kids having declined the invitation for drinks. What was worse, he found her strangely endearing with her rosy cheeks and shining eyes. It was starting to creep him out. Three years ago on Draco's memorable birthday party he found the notion that she was "cute" stupid. He considered even the word revolting. So why was that he nearly thought the same thing himself before he became aware of it and banished the idea to the deepest recesses of his mind? He was going insane from the confinement, clearly. She couldn't have gotten under his skin in the short two weeks in which he spent more time with her.
It had to be the gratitude he felt towards her, he decided. That was why he didn't ask for help if he could avoid it. The feeling that he was indebted to someone messed with his head. Just look at the life he sentenced himself to when he went to Dumbledore for aid all those years ago. The compulsion to protect the Potter brat remained even after his love for Lily was long gone, replaced by fond memories mixed with disappointment and anger. It stayed with him after Dumbledore's death, too, maybe even strengthened, and the only way for him to get rid of it was to stay in his role until the Dark Lord's demise, enduring all the hostile remarks of order members and risk his life day after day as a spy.
He made a mental note to talk about it with Lucius. The aristocrat came to accept the ex-Gryffindor easily; he was comfortable in her presence and didn't seem to be wary of her at all. The Potions Master was curious if his friend had any thoughts like the ones popping up in his head or it was just him who adapted to the witch's prolonged company badly. Okay, not badly, just differently than he would have expected and in a way that was grating on his nerves. And then there was the fact that they couldn't get a minute's work done since Tuesday and probably won't until this case with Baines and his group was closed. He didn't blame Hermione, he knew that she had a demanding job before he knocked on her door weeks ago but combined with the havoc she was wrecking on his already troubled mind this whole project started to seem like a bad idea.
Problem was: she wouldn't give it up if he asked now to cancel. The brunette was maybe the most determined, hard working and loyal person he ever saw. She was dedicated to the task and she'll see to it that the cure became available to all of those in need of it. He got himself into this mess, he'll have to stay afloat and deal with the situation.
Shaking his head he took a big sip from the glass in his hand. This was going to be a long couple of months.
He was unsure what transpired between the other three occupants of the room until he was submerged in his thoughts other then that they had a silent conversation. However, he refocused on them as Draco's voice became louder and he was clutching Hermione by the waist, trying to get her to stay put. The petite woman's happy attitude was gone, leaving behind a melancholic expression on her face. Apparently she was the rollercoaster type of drunk, grinning in one moment and crying the next. Or it could have been something said by one of the Malfoys that switched her into the bad mood, he couldn't be sure.
"It's a bad idea. You know what happened the last time you went there. You weren't even drunk then and you had your wand… If you go there you'll get hurt. You'll blame me for letting you go so you're staying. That's final. And it would be best if we closed this topic unless you want to share it with them." the younger blonde gestured towards his father and Severus and regarded the wiggling Gryffindor in his arms with a disapproving look. This made her cease the squirming and lean back against her partner. Her voice was small and sounded faintly defeated as she turned her head to meet the steel grey eyes gazing at her.
"Will it ever be alright? I want it to be, so much and every time I see him it gets worse."
The cryptic wording of her inquiry left the former spy intrigued and from what he saw on his face Lucius was curious as well. However, both knew that it was not their place to ask, respecting the private nature of the obviously serious conversation.
"I think it's time for me to retire. Although, there's a file I'd like to reread first. I had an idea about one of the missing wizards and I'd like your opinion on it Severus." the ex-professor nodded, taking the cue that it would be better to leave the two aurors to sort out the situation and stood from the couch. The older wizards left the drawing room and proceeded to the office. Not that Severus had any intention to talk about any of the convicts, but he had some things to discuss with Lucius.
They were seated facing each other in comfortable armchairs, both men staring into the fire in the heart. It was several minutes before the older Malfoy spoke, his head still turned towards the fireplace.
"Something troubles you, my friend. Care to share?" his drawl was light toned, letting the Potions Master know that it wasn't meant to pressure him, merely an offer of peaceful conversation.
"There are more things that trouble me than I care to admit. What weights on my mind the most at the moment is the strange exchange what we just witnessed. I have to admit, I didn't exactly pay attention at the beginning. What was it about?"
The other man shook his head, frowning.
"I'm not sure myself. After I said I was too old for this Draco repeated what he tells me every time; that I'm young by wizarding standards. Then Hermione whispered something to him, he answered in a hushed tone. I didn't catch what it was, but she looked at him and then at me and it was as if a dementor sat down right next to her. She changed from the pouty little girl to a sad, determined adult in the span of a minute and she wanted to charge off to somewhere, saying that she had enough and it was time she fixed it with him. Don't ask me who "him" is and what needs fixing, because my son covered her mouth in a heartbeat and told her not to say things in company that she'll regret when the alcohol wears off. I think that's where you tuned in. I haven't the slightest idea what or who they were talking about."
"The girl is a magnet for problems, that's for sure." Severus was once again bombarded with thoughts and if it wasn't for Lucius' amused huff he would have lost himself in the questions, answers, pictures and Merlin-knows-whats running around in his head. As it was he lifted an eyebrow, waiting for the aristocrat to speak.
"So you're troubled by her. Her presence, I assume? Or is it something else that has to do with her?"
Cursing himself for slipping up with only a lengthened silence the Potions Master cleared his throat. Then took a breath and scowling at his own communicational incompetence braved the subject of Hermione Granger.
"I don't know how you did it. When she and Draco became friends I know you had your moments when she nearly gave you a heart attack or made you see red. And I was there. Not for all of it but in the past four years I met her on a handful of occasions. It was tolerable and I'd have thought that it would be the same during the months of the research and brewing now. Amicable existing next to each other in silence as it used to be, aside from when we have to discuss something work related. But then this case of theirs came and she's a little bit too much to put up with…" his voice was tired. Oh, how he hated not knowing himself anymore. Before and during the war it was easy. He had a part to play, he knew his boundaries, strengths, nonexistent emotions. Now, there was a new man in his skin who moved in and forgotten to introduce himself.
"I think your problem is not with tolerating her. It's the alarming thought that you may come to like her." the black haired man cringed when his friend hit the nail on the head on the first try. "Don't worry yourself too much. I realized long ago that it's quite inevitable. That chit is capable of getting under all of your shields in the blink of an eye. Then she curls up there and in a uniquely fantastic way makes you feel stronger instead of more vulnerable with it. I don't even bother with thinking about it; it's just a Gryffindor thing that we won't ever understand."
"The worst part is that she has grown out of being the know-it-all of her youth. It would be much easier to keep a distance if she was annoying the hell out of me every second with infernal questions."
"True. But if she'd stayed that way and didn't grow out of her unlucky nature she wouldn't have grown into her looks. I consider it a win-win result." Lucius smirked and Severus' eyes widened, not believing what he just heard from the blonde.
"You do know that you're twice her age, don't you?" the undeniable attractiveness of the witch was factor which didn't play a part in his predicament until that moment but now that Lucius mentioned it the picture of her in only a towel surfaced in his mind. Just great. As if he needed more to give him a headache.
"I'm a man Severus, with two functioning eyes. You can't tell me you haven't noticed that she became quite womanly. I didn't mean to tell you that I have any intention to approach her. It was just an observation." that maddening little smirk stayed firmly etched on the blonde's face and the ex-spy was seriously considering the idea of throttling him.
"Maybe it would be best if we left the subject." this was the point where the Potions Master resigned himself to taking a potion for the pounding headache. He won't get a minute of sleep without it, for sure.
"As you wish. I'll bid you goodnight now. Sort out your thoughts and don't panic if you find you're not averse to becoming friends with her. Nobody will think less of you if you crawl out of that shell of yours. It could be good for you." the Malfoy patriarch clapped his friend on the shoulder and left.
Severus, sitting in the office, watching the last of the logs glow with a soft light sighed.
"We're both going to hell, Lucius. We're both going to hell."
It was more than an hour later that he made his way to his room. He was the only resident of that wing, at least until Friday morning, when he brought the sleeping Gryffindor to a room a floor below his. This was the reason why he became instantly alarmed from the low pitched whimpers as he turned to take the flight of stairs to the second floor. It took a moment for him to locate the source of the pitiful sounds.
With his wand clenched in his fist he approached the witch's room and opened the door to a crack. He let out a relieved breath as he saw that the only person in there was Hermione. She was lying in an unnatural position on the bed, her head twisted strangely to the side and her body tangled in the sheets. He obviously caught her in the middle of a nightmare, as she was visibly covered in sweat, breathing heavily and producing noises which sounded like they were coming from a poltergeist or inferi. Something dreadful, for sure.
He thought about turning around and sending for Draco via patronus at first. It would be easier to let the boy deal with her. The black-clad man wasn't even sure how welcome he'd be if he woke the brunette but something told him to stay. It was a gut feeling, that he had to do something to help her, and if he learned anything during his years as a spy it was that nothing good came from ignoring a hunch like this. If it turned out to be the wrong thing to do he'll berate himself later.
Walking to the bed he watched the petite auror for a moment. She was terribly pale, nearly appearing translucent in the moonlight coming through the open balcony door. The curls which became more manageable as she matured and were usually pulled back in a high ponytail during the day were spread out on the pillow, creating a strange halo over her head. He felt like an intruder gazing at her in her utter vulnerability.
Shaking his head he snapped back into motion, leaning down and lightly shaking her shoulder. Her skin was cold and clammy under his touch, unaffected by the warmth of the summer night air. On the second shake she woke and looking into his black eyes with her own panicked gaze, searching in vain for her own wand under the pillow which was obviously missing she did the only thing she could: screamed. That she didn't wake the whole house was the lightning fast reaction to her opening mouth by Severus. The man covered her face's lower half with his free hand, the other staying on her shoulder to stop her violent trashing.
"Hush, stupid girl. You'll wake every living soul in the Manor. It's just me. You had a nightmare." his irritated and strict voice seemed to calm her down and then she was jumping to the next extreme, launching herself at him and nearly bringing him down on the bed in a choking hug.
Although he'd never admit it, the Slytherin was sure that in that moment he was more afraid of the situation than the woman from the nightmare she had.
In the end he gave up and sat on the bed, withstanding the tears running down her cheeks and soaking the shoulder of his coat as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. He felt inadequate in comforting the girl but she seemed to be doing a good work herself, murmuring shooting words under her breath. The recognition that she was used to doing this hit Severus with a force that left him breathless and he tightened the tentative hold he had around her. Now he understood at least a piece of her, and he respected her for it tremendously. As her sobs quieted somewhat he spoke to her in his most soothing and calm tone.
"Why didn't you tell Draco that you still have nightmares this bad? He'd have helped you."
"He.. He can't know. Please, I'm sorry you had to witness this little breakdown, but I'm begging you not to tell him. He worries too much about me and even if you can't see it he needs support more than me. He needs peace, needs to move on." shining brown eyes stared into the former professor's ink coloured ones and he couldn't have looked away even if he wanted to. "Promise me that you won't tell. I'm coping and the dreams don't come nearly as much as they used to, just when I go to bed in a bad mood. He hasn't seen all that I have. There are things haunting me that he has no idea about and I'd prefer if it remained that way. I trust him and I'd tell him everything in a heartbeat if I could but he has enough skeletons in his own closet."
The dark haired man nodded slowly, in a moment of possible insanity bending down to kiss her forehead.
"Your secret is safe with me. Now sleep, insufferable girl."
He released her from their no mutual embrace and silently strode to the door. He was in trouble, big trouble. If things continued like this he'll accept her as a friend. And with that came the chance of being betrayed and hurt. His poor head was on the brink of explosion when he heard her "Thank you" muffled by a pillow in which she buried her face. And despite all the mess he found himself in he smiled.
PS.: This doesn't mean that he's falling in love with Hermione or that they'll get together in two chapters and live happily ever after. I'm a crazy woman with an evil plot bunny, they'll have to fight for it, big time. :D (evil laugh)