Chapter 9: Sick

I didn't see Monday morning until it was nearly too late; Mom woke me just before noon. She didn't seem too concerned, since my sleeping in only happened on occasion. The night before was a good reason to sleep the day away. I didn't exactly want to recall all that happened. Sure, there was the good—the great, actually. But there was also the bad to think about, and the pretty ugly.

I examined my arm in bed, not daring to unwrap the bandaging. I trusted Carlisle's judgment because he wrapped it so thoroughly. It was probably disgusting. Just the memory—of the wound and how I got it—made me want to puke. The fire ablaze in Jacob's eyes when he looked at me, the grittiness to his tone, and then the menacing growls that escaped his canines when he phased. All of the blood that soaked my dress, that stained my skin, that poured from the gash in my arm.

I leaned over and lost Esme's dinner in the bin by my bedside.

It was then that I started to cry, cold tears running down my hot cheeks as I stumbled to the bathroom to clean up. I wanted to wash away all remains of the previous day, however beautiful and joyful it was in the beginning. The events afterward I preferred to forget. To think that Jacob could be so furious with me after all he put me through. I suffered emotional turmoil because of his reckless choice to leave the country, and now I was paying yet another price because of his rash decisions?

As I decided before, fate was cruel.

The shower ran until the water cooled. When I wiped away the fog in the mirror, I noticed my skin was red and irritated from all of the scrubbing. After praying Mom wouldn't notice, I brushed my teeth to get the taste of my own stomach out of my mouth. The minty freshness and the sweep of cool air that welcomed me upon leaving the bathroom was the best I felt in hours.

As I dressed, my thoughts scurried back to Sam's. All that happened there was…sickening. Because I didn't have anything to throw back up, I didn't do so at the memory. I could think about it without getting sick, at least, but my fear still presented itself; I jumped upon hearing my cell go off across the room.

"Son of a…" I muttered under my breath, brushing my wet bangs out of my face as I approached my bedside table. Jacob's face appeared on the screen and I instantly dropped the phone. It clattered to the floor as the ringtone played throughout the room. His sweet and beautiful smile revealed itself on the screen, but my mind displayed his fiery eyes and the snapping of his wolf jaws in its place.

He actually had the nerve to call me after what happened yesterday? I would have thought he would keep his distance. He knew what he did wrong, even if I assured him that he didn't mean to hurt me. That was true, but only of the physical aspect. The emotional turmoil was another story entirely.

So I didn't give Jacob a choice. I let the phone ring until silence hung in the air. The only people I would be talking to were those who weren't Jacob. I couldn't face him after last night. Not yet, anyway.

I briefly glanced over at the window, hoping to God Jacob didn't get ballsy and try to come over. Looking at a picture was hard enough; seeing him in person would put me over the edge. At the realization, I strode over and locked my windows, pulling the blinds as well. My bedroom was becoming my sanctuary.

A chime from my phone spooked me again. I lifted my hand to my heart and took a calming breath as I walked over to the device that lay on the floor. The tone earlier indicated that I had a new voicemail, and given who just called me, I had an idea of who it was from. Maybe I could handle hearing his voice… I wouldn't know until I tried.

Sitting down on my bed, I pressed the button that would pull up the new message and put my phone on speaker. I set it down on the mattress and stared at it, fiddling with my fingers as the automated tone declared I had a new message.

"…Sarah," Jacob said. A sigh followed my name, and I could tell just by that one word that he was distraught. It broke my heart to know it. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips together as his voice reached me again. "Honey, I don't…I don't know what to say. I am just so sorry…" A soft breath. "Embry came back to Sam's yesterday and he—he couldn't block his thoughts in time. I saw everything… Everything…"

I shook my head, fighting my quivering lip. "Just stop…" I begged weakly. "Stop talking."

"I can't… I don't even… You know that I… Ugh!" There was an audible groan. "Sarah, honey, I can't say how sorry I am. I was too close. I should have controlled myself. I always told myself that I would make sure that you were never too close! And now…now you're—"

A soft gasp left me as I fought to control my breathing, a tear trickling down my face.

"…I'm sorry."

"End of message. To replay this message, press one. To save it in the archives, press—"

I stopped the message and stared at the screen as it dimmed, not knowing what to do with myself. I couldn't move and it was hard to breathe. I heard the sorrow in Jacob's voice, and the anger. It wasn't directed at me this time, only himself. He believed he was to blame. In part, he was, but then so was I. Keeping your distance was a rule Sam set for us once I found out Jacob's secret. He specifically said that one of us had to make the right decision and move away for the other's safety. Clearly neither Jacob nor I was in our right mind.

I forced myself to leave my room, my phone staying on the bed. If Jacob called again, Mom would either pick it up or see my reaction and flip her lid. I needed neither at the moment.

Upon reaching the kitchen, Mom was finishing up lunch. I greeted her with a weak smile and she came over to give me a warm hug.

"Rough night, sweetheart? Apart from the obvious, I mean."

"Nightmares kind of suck, y'know?" I shrugged a little and moved to grab a water bottle from the fridge. She placed the salad on the table just as I reached my seat.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. I could tell just by the look on her face that she wasn't referring to my dreams. Mom still wanted to know what happened between me and Jacob last night.

"…What do you want to know?"

"Whatever you're willing to tell me."

I lowered my gaze to the table, not willing to buy myself some time by scooping some salad onto my plate. Fighting was useless; I was bound to tell Mom what happened eventually. "…Once the reception was over, Jacob didn't really talk to me," I began. "He was upset about Bella, since he never really liked Edward too much. He's very…protective of her."

"In a brotherly way, of course. I mean, he is with you," Mom added.

We'll see, I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue. I smiled weakly and nodded before clearing my throat. "Anyway, um…I kind of lost my temper when he wouldn't talk. He was away for like, two months and he just wouldn't talk to me. I just got frustrated!" I said in my own defense. "He didn't even bother to call, and once we're face to face he doesn't even make an effort to respond? I just…"

Mom patted my hand as I sighed. "It's alright, sweetheart," she assured me. "Let it out."

"Mom, he freaked out because I told him he hurt me," I said, my tears resurfacing. "I wasn't lying! He did. He tortured me mentally…screwed with my head. He said he would never do that. After what happened with Dad, he knows what that kind of stuff does to me."

At the mention of my father, Mom's grasp on my hand tightened. I silently apologized for the reminder, but she only nodded for me to continue.

"Jacob took that as an insult, with good reason I guess," I stated with a glance to the side. "He saw firsthand how bad Dad was, and to compare Jacob and Dad was a huge mistake on my part. They're nothing alike. Jacob is so sweet and loving, Mom. He's so careful with me…"

Well, he was.

"…And he's loyal, despite what happened this summer," I continued, eyes widening briefly at my mother's sharper eyes. "He is, Mom. We were inseparable, even when you sent me to Bunny's, remember?"

"…Yes." She looked at me for a minute, then busying herself with food. "If he's so loyal, why did he run away? Without a phone call or even a letter… It would have been considerate of him to at least leave you a message."

I knew that just as well as she did, if not better. "Bella's wedding…threw him off. He wasn't expecting it."

Mom froze, eyes locked on me. "He ran away because of that girl? Are you sure he's loyal to you?"

"Mom!"

"I mean it, Sarah. He's running away from his girlfriend—if you two are even still together these days—for a girl who was engaged and pouts when she gets married? Does his father know that's the reason he left home?"

"Yes, Billy knows," I said in annoyance. "But he's going to punish Jacob for his actions his own way. It's not your place to do that."

"The hell it isn't. He hurt my daughter. I will either be talking to his father or Jacob personally," she spat. "He's your boyfriend, Sarah, so you choose which way this goes. Bring him here, or I'm calling his father."

The last thing I wanted to do was bring Jacob over. I couldn't even look at a picture without freaking out. If Mom knew that, she'd call Billy right away. So what was I supposed to do? If anybody was good at giving me advice, it was my best friend. I needed to give Hayley a call.

. . . . . . . . . .

Hayley and I agreed to meet at Natalie's, since the blonde and Katie were already together. The brunette was planted in a comfy chair in the living room, sitting upright when she saw us. Her eyes lit up in delight, and I knew the request for details was coming.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" she chanted as we entered the room. "How was it? Romantic? Beautiful?"

"Full of accidents…" Hayley chimed. I elbowed her in the side.

Katie blinked and Natalie popped her head in from the kitchen. "What?" the brunette asked.

I glared over at Hayley, who smiled sheepishly as she plopped down on the couch. Still standing, I wordlessly pulled my sleeve up to reveal my bandaged arm. Katie and Natalie both gasped before coming closer.

"What happened?" Natalie wondered, glancing from the wound to me.

"One of the caterers dropped a few plates. I was dancing and slipped on the glass, which managed to go right into my arm," I explained, wincing when Katie poked the bandage. "Ow!"

"Sorry!" She grimaced. "Can we see it? Is it gross?"

"A freaking glass shard went into her arm! What do you think?" Hayley lifted an eyebrow, unfazed by Katie sticking out her tongue.

"I was just wondering."

"Anyway," I said, pulling my sleeve back down, "nobody can see it. Doctor's orders."

"Luckily for her, that was one of the in-laws," Hayley added with a small smile. It was one of taunting, of course. She would never let me live this down, especially if she found out it was a lie.

"Unluckily, it was a big piece of glass. It stretches all the way up my forearm."

"Ouch," the girls winced.

We sat down, Katie taking back her chair as the rest of us occupied the couch. "So how'd it go besides the mishap?" Natalie asked after a moment. "Was it a nice ceremony?"

"Beautiful," I replied with a faint smile. "Flowers were everywhere, and Bella's dress was gorgeous. I'll have to show you guys pictures." Katie cooed in agreement. "And I don't know if you guys know this, but the Cullen house is humongous. They had the wedding and the reception on the property. Dance floor included."

"You're kidding!" Hayley gasped. "Good music, I hope."

"Great music, actually. Seth had me dancing like crazy."

The girls blinked, and Natalie finally voiced the question they wanted to ask. "…Seth?"

"Clearwater."

"Oh!" Katie's eyes brightened with recognition. "I know him! He's a few grades below us. He was kinda close with Jared and Quil and those guys a little while back. He's such a sweetheart."

I couldn't help but nod in agreement. "He's a good friend."

"Speaking of the Quileutes," Natalie added, lips upturned in a sly smile, "was you-know-who there?"

The thought of the boy had me frozen. My eyes widened ever so slightly, but after a moment they became unfocused as I envisioned his handsome face transforming, tainted by fury and darkness as his form changed to reveal what the girls thought to be a monster. In my mind these days, he was just as frightening as a beast, but…he was mine. My heart longed for him despite our most recent encounter.

"…Sarah?"

"What's the matter with her?"

"Way to go, Nat! You paralyzed her!"

The blonde lifted her hand and placed it against my shoulder, gently shaking me. As the world around me came back into focus, Natalie's bright blue eyes were the first things I saw. They were wide with fear, her lip pinched between her teeth.

"…What just happened?" Hayley asked slowly, carefully.

"I don't know," the fearful girl replied. "I just mentioned Jacob and then—crap! Sarah, focus!"

I put a fist to my temple and squeezed my eyes shut. The memories were painful; all I felt was heartache. My Jacob…my soul mate…wounded me mentally and physically. I feared our relationship would never be the same. We had two choices: to learn from it and move on, or let it tear us apart. Both options were equally difficult, but for some reason, I knew the second was impossible. Jacob and I were meant for each other. We couldn't be apart forever…

I didn't want that, ever. Not in a million years.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Katie demanded as I returned to the living room once again. "Did something happen between you two? Wedding drama?"

"Katie!" Nat hissed.

"What? I'm curious. Weddings are nothing without a little drama, y'know?"

"You can at least be a little more considerate of what's actually happening here," the blonde declared. "Clearly last night wasn't too great."

Hayley grasped my hand, squeezing it gently. "Sarah," she started softly, "did he show up? Did he come back?"

The memory of the moment Jacob and I saw each other returned, and a new rush of emotions invaded my heart, making my breath catch. I had to swallow the air down before I could answer. "…Yeah. He came home."

"What?!" one of the girls screeched. I was too caught up in my recollection to really notice who it was.

"It was about an hour into the reception. I was telling Seth a story and he just disappeared." I found myself smiling after a moment of silence, shaking my head. "The goof went off and found Jacob, who snuck into the party late. Seth came back and took me to him."

"…And?" Natalie prodded.

"And…I didn't know what to do," I murmured, eyes on the carpet. "He was gone, but then he wasn't. He was there. Jacob was ten feet in front of me…and I couldn't move."

Katie gushed and clasped her hands together under her chin. Hayley moved closer to me. "What happened next?" I glanced over and only smiled, to which she squealed and wrapped her arms around me. "I love romance!"

"Don't scare us like that!" Natalie scolded, rising to her feet to fetch a freshly backed cookie on the kitchen counter. "All I did was say his name and you shut off. I thought maybe something bad happened, that he didn't even show."

"No… No he was there," I confirmed again.

"Then why the creepy silence before?" Hayley badgered, finally releasing me from her tight grasp. "You didn't look very happy."

"It's nothing."

"Liar!" Katie jabbed a finger in my direction. "Don't pull that shit. We know you're covering something up! Spill!"

"Wha—no! There's nothing to tell!"

"Liar!" she declared again. "Tell us!"

"…No."

Natalie returned to the room, shoving a cookie into Katie's mouth when she tried to object again. "Enough," she said lowly. "If she doesn't want to tell us, she doesn't have to. Sarah's allowed to have her own secrets."

She was definitely right about that one. I had plenty of secrets, ones that weren't even mine to tell.

"So…" Natalie returned to her seat next to me. "You kissed him right?"

I made a face. "Uh…not exactly."

"Not exactly?" Katie's eyebrows furrowed. "You didn't kiss him?!"

"Was I supposed to? It wasn't exactly the right time!"

"Yes it was! It would have been so romantic!" Katie clasped her hands together and looked up at the ceiling with dreamy eyes. "After weeks apart, you two finally see each other again. He wraps you up in his strong arms and pulls you to his hard chest. He leans toward you with nothing but love in his eyes, and—"

"No!" I screeched, covering my ears. "No, stop it!"

All fell silent at that moment. I wasn't sure if it was my hands blocking the noise or if my command truly shushed my friends. Regardless, the image was too clear in my mind. Jacob's brawn, his big arms pulling my body to cradle against his warm chest; his breath fanning my face, his hands clinging to the back of my dress—the dress stained with my blood. Tons and tons of blood.

Blood he tore from my body.

I suddenly felt my lunch coming back up. "Bathroom?"

"Down the hall," Natalie squeaked. "First door on the right!"

I was already gone. I slammed the door shut and toppled to the floor, banging my shoulder against the toilet seat seconds before my stomach presented itself. I spit into the bowl to rid my mouth of any bile, tears beginning to spring from my eyes. Would I get sick every time I thought about it? Would seeing Jacob make me weak? Was I weak?

No. I was worse than weak. I was pathetic.

There was a knock on the door. "Sarah? Sarah, are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." I stood on shaky legs and swished water around my mouth before splashing my face. What was I going to say to the girls? I couldn't run away from this, not anymore. They knew something was wrong before, but now? Now their interest wormed itself into worry. I couldn't face that on top of everything else.

Upon opening the door, I noticed that all three of them were crowded in the hall. Heads of copper, brown, and blonde hair whipped in my direction instantly. I smiled weakly, hoping to dismiss any inquiries, but that was a bust.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Are you sick?"

"Don't scare us like that ever again!"

I cringed, closing my eyes as I took in all demands at once. "I can explain, sort of."

"Sort of?" Hayley's voice cracked. "No. You give it to us straight. After screaming at us and blowing chunks and scaring us half to death, the least you can do is tell us what's going on."

I squeezed past them, finding it hard to breathe. "Sorry, but—"

"But?"

"Hayley, stop. What did I just tell Katie? Sarah's allowed to keep secrets," Natalie tried, the three of them following me back into the living room. "Let's just…give her some privacy."

"Screw that!" Hayley argued. "Privacy is the last thing she needs. She's had it for the past few months because of that dumbass. What she needs now is release. Can't you tell how much this is killing her?"

Was she right? Was this killing me? "…Hayley."

"I think she's right," Katie agreed, standing at Hayley's side. "This is too weird. Maybe some support is all Sarah needs."

"God knows Jacob isn't giving it to her."

"Hayley," I tried again. I couldn't do this. His name had my stomach in knots, not that I had anything else to spew after my episode in the bathroom. "Can you take me—"

"Both of you stop it!" Natalie ordered, motioning to me. "Look at her! This discussion isn't helping her feel any—"

"Hayley."

"Oh, give me a break, Nat. Didn't you just hear what I said?" the redhead hissed. "Leaving her alone will make her worse!"

"You're not a therapist, Hayley!"

"I never said I—"

"Hayley!" I screeched, finally silencing them. "Take me home!"

The way her mouth opened and closed made her look like a fish out of water. She shared a look with Katie and Natalie, who were just as surprised by my outburst. "B-but, don't you— "

"Take me home," I ordered. "Now."

Before another word could be spoken, I grabbed my jacket and marched out of the house. The gusts of wind caught the moisture in my eyes and rid them of it, and I hastily wiped my cheeks as I made my way to Hayley's jeep. She said I needed to talk, but what could I say? My boyfriend turned into a wolf and scarred me in the process? That shed light on a secret that wasn't mine to expose. Even if Jacob did hurt me, I couldn't betray him so horribly. Even after all this time, my faith in him wasn't weakened. Regardless of our insecurities and mistakes, we still cared about each other. My decision to keep the truth inside was my way of showing how much I cared for him, and the look in Jacob's eyes when he realized his mistake after the wedding was his. It had to be.

I had never seen him that scared. I doubted I would ever see it again.

A/N: Sorry this is a little late. I meant to upload it earlier but time got away from me!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Please leave a review! I'd love to hear what you think! Take care!