Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers! If you don't live in America...uh, happy random update? And Booksmusiclove, I agree, some seem short, though I do write all the lines. But some scenes are shorter than others, resulting in a shorter chapter.

Thanks for all the reviews/favorites/alerts!

Disclaimer: I have no ownership over HP or AVPM.

Act 1 Scene 9

Snape: The Hogwarts Champions shall now enter the champions' tent in preparation for the first task.

Harry: Man, I can't believe I gotta skip lunch period for this stupid task.

Harry facepalmed. "Really? That's all I have to say?"

Hermione: Okay Harry, today's the day, the day you fight the dragon. Now, did you read those notes that I wrote for you on dragons?

"Probably not."

Harry: No.

Hermione: What, why not?

"They were probably super boring."

Harry: Are you kidding me, they were so boring.

Hermione: So you didn't read them, you didn't prepare at all, you're not prepared at all?

Harry: Well no, but at least I have my wand…um, I brought my-

"Oh Merlin, I forgot my wand? How stupid am I?"
"Very."

"Shut up Malfoy."

Hermione: Here.

Harry: Hey. -nose tap- You're the best.

"Harry!"

"I'm sorry! It's not me!"

Hermione: Harry, just please don't die today. I don't wanna see my best friend get eaten by a dragon.

Harry: Hey, just relax, okay, save the tears for my funeral.

Hermione glared at Harry.

Cedric: So tell me more about this Pigfarts, I find it to be very interesting.

"Oh God, we're back to the 'find' jokes."

Draco: Well, while you're there you have to wear your spacesuit at all times because there's no atmosphere on Mars. So, if a single docking bay door opens, you'll probably die.

Cedric: My, how dreadful.

"Um, duh!"

Draco: Well, the good news is, if you're a good enough student, Rumbleroar lets you ride around on his back.

"Must be awkward for Rumbleroar." Ginny said.

Cedric: And he's the Headmaster Lion?

Draco: Who can talk.

Cedric: Oh, well hello, Harry, how are you feeling today?

Harry: Hey Cedric, trying to stay positive.

"It's so obvious you don't like him." Ron said.

Cedric: Well good, I'm a fine day myself. Miss Granger.

"He's way too cheerful."

Hermione: Hello.

Cho: Sugar Pie!

Cedric: My darling. Was that a kiss for good luck?

Cho: No, that was being so cotton-picking cute! This one's for good luck.

Harry: I hate that guy.

"No I don't!"

Hermione: It's okay Harry, you're gonna be great.

Dumbledore: Hello-AH! God Granger, I thought you were a boggart. I'm terrified of those things.

"That's the point."

And what the hell are you doing in the champions' tent, get out of here. Ten more points!

Harry: Thanks Hermione!

"They say that a lot."

Dumbledore: Are you kids ready to fight a dragon?

"They're just children," Snape grumbled.

Of course not, you're just children. What the hell I'm thinking?

"I would like to know that too."

Outside of this tent are thousands upon thousands of screaming fans. They'll either be cheering for you or the dragon, but either way they're gonna be making some kind of noise.

"Who would cheer for the dragon?"

So, in order for the selection process to be fair, I am going to randomly select a card-board cut-out sized version of the dragon you will competing. For you Cedric, Puff the Magic Dragon.

"What the heck is that?" Malfoy questioned.

"Muggle fictional dragon."

Figment the Imaginary Dragon –hands to Cho-,

"Also Muggle."

The Reluctant Dragon –hands to Draco-,

"Muggle."

And for you Potter, the Hungarian Horntail, the most terrifying you've ever seen your whole life!

"That is so unfair. They get the cutest, weakest dragons ever and I get that?"

If there are no more complaints than I'll-

Harry: Wait, wait, hold on a second! This is terrifying; those are the cutest things I've ever seen.

"Exactly!"

Dumbledore: -gestures to Pigment the Imaginary Dragon- This thing is horrifying, just use your imagination. Disapparate!

Ron: My god, this competition's gonna suck all these dragons are wimps. Accio Double-Stuff.

"Ron eats a lot in this."

"He eats a lot in real life too, Hermione."

"Hey!"

Look at that one-OH MY GOD, MONSTER!

"Hell yeah it's a monster!"

Is that yours?

Harry: Yeah.

Ron: Oh my god, it's awesome can I hold it? -takes dragon- Oh my god, this thing is terrifying; I hope the real thing is smaller. Argh! Ferocious, what are you gonna do?

Harry: I don't know, I'm not cut out for this-

"Obviously, I'm two years younger than I was when I actually fought it in this!"

Hermione: Ron, Ron you can't be in here, this is the champions' tent!

Snape: Miss Granger, what the devil are you doing in the champions' tent? Ten points from Gryffindor.

"Hermione keeps losing points instead of earning them in this."

Ron: Ugh.

Harry: Thanks Hermione.

Ron: Thanks Hermione.

Ron: Hey, good luck buddy. Bye Snape.

Snape: Bye.

"Since when have I been on friendly terms with Snape?"

Snape just glared at the screen.

Cedric Diggory, now is your chance to face your dragon.

Cedric: Alright fellas, wish me luck.

Cho: I believe in you.

Cedric: That's all I needed to hear.

"They are way too…mushy."

"I hear ya."

Harry: Malfoy, tell you what, I'll let you switch dragons with me. I'll give you the chance to switch dragons with me; I'll give you that opportunity.

"Psh, like I'd trade with you." Malfoy scoffed.

Tell you what, don't worry about it.

Malfoy: Um, let think about…no.

Harry: Come on, I'll give you my Gushers.

"What the hell are Gushers?"

"Muggle snack."

Malfoy: Oh no, no, I have a Fruit by the Foot, I don't want Gushers.

"A Fruit by the Foot is also a Muggle thing." Hermione explained before anyone asked.

Snape: Cho Chang, your dragon a waits.

Cho: Well, I can't imagine this would be very hard.

Snape: Then I imagine it won't be.

The students laughed as Cho and Snape laughed and ran of screen together. Snape just looked at the screen like he wanted to smash it.

Harry: Come on, tell you what, I'll throw in my Teddy Grams with the Gushers, you can make little Gusher-Teddy Gram sandwiches.

Draco: Alright, you throw in that pack of Bugles and you got yourself a deal.

"More Muggle stuff."

Harry: Absolutely not.

"WHAT!? Are you freaking kidding me? I would have totally traded!"

Snape: Draco Malfoy…

Harry: Professor Snape, is there any way that I can, I don't know, forfeit or switch dragons or even just take the day off?

"I wish."

What are you doing?

Snape: I'm protecting you Potter. Welsh Green Backs can't stand the taste of Heintz tomato ketchup.

"They do?"

Harry: But I'm not fighting a Welsh Green Back, I'm fighting a Hungarian Horntail.

Snape: Oh, well silly me, Heintz tomato ketchup is what Hungarian Horntails love best of all.

"Oh, come on!"

There you go Potter.

Harry: What?

Dumbledore: And now Harry Potter will fight the terrifying Hungarian Horntail, the most terrifying thing you'll ever see your whole life. It should be noted that this particular dragon has not been fed in two weeks.

"It was actually fed when I really did compete, right?"

"I assure you, Mr. Potter, that the dragon was fed."

Hermione: Come on Harry.

Ron: Harry! Woo!

Harry: AHHH! –everyone screams as dragon bites Harry- Oh my god, uh, uh, uh, Accio Guitar! (singing)

"I'm going to sing to it?"

Hey Dragon, you don't gotta do this. Let's reevaluate our options, throw away our old presumptions 'cause really you don't gotta go through with this. I'm really not that special, the Boy-Who-Lived is only flesh and bone.

Harry nodded in agreement.

The truth is in the end, I'm pretty useless without friends; in fact I'm alone. I spend my time at school trying to be this cool guy I never even asked for. I don't know any spells, still manage to do well, but there's only so long that can last for. I'm living off the glory of a stupid children's story that I had nothing to do with. I just sat there and got lucky

"I do get lucky a lot."

So level with me buddy, I can't defeat thee, so please don't eat me. All I can do is sing this song for you, la-la-la-la-la!

Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!

Harry: La-la-la-la-la!

Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!

Harry: La-la-la-la-la!

Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!

Both: La-la-la-la-la!

Harry: You never asked to be a dragon. I never asked to be a champion!

"I really didn't want to be one."

We both just jumped on this bandwagon, when all we need is guitar jammin'.

Harry: So la-la-la-la-la!

Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!

Harry: La-la-la-la-la!

Dragon: La-la-la-la-la…

Harry: Goodnight Dragon. 1-2-3 I beat the dragon!

"That's seriously how I beat the dragon? What happened to the almost dying to get the egg?"

Ron: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

"That was just-I think-why wasn't it like that in real life?" Harry whined.

Ginny giggled at patted his back. "Don't worry, Harry, I'm sure you'll see another dragon at some point."

Harry groaned.

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