Chapter 10: Commitment Problems

If possible, things had gotten worse than before Sam, Sirius, and Remus had attempted the operation, because now, the friends wouldn't talk to each other.

"Merlin, James! I was only trying to help!" Sirius had tried to persuade his best friend that it was for the best and he didn't mean for it to go so horribly wrong. They were in the common room and James was about to storm out.

"Well then," James turned to face the black eyes of his friend. "Thanks for screwing up!" he turned back toward the portrait hole and left for dinner.

Sirius cursed under his breath. He looked over at the window to look at Remus who was staring into the night sky. He wasn't the same since Jill had left, always mulling about his days in a state of depression. He had lost not only his girlfriend, but someone he loved with all his heart. Sirius knew it was pointless to try and suede him, so he slowly made his way to the Great Hall to meet Sam for dinner.

Lily cautiously peeked her head from up in the girl's dormitories. She was looking to see if James was in the common room, she had been avoiding him for a week now, ever since the "accident." Her eyes spotted a lone figure staring out the window; she gave Remus a look of pity. Lily, being her kind self, walked over to comfort him.

"Hey." She greeted him, "Something wrong?" His grey eyes met hers, and for the first time since Halloween, Lily realized just how much he missed Jill.

"No." He said then turned to gaze out of the window again.

"Oh, don't give me that Remus," Lily sat down next to him, "You miss Jill."

Remus looked at his hands, and then turned his body to face Lily. "No duh, Lily," He told her, "I lost the love of my life on Halloween, and I'm never going to see her again, and even if I do," He sighed with sadness, "She won't even know me."

"Jill wouldn't have wanted you to become like this." Lily said, "You two had such life when you were together. Look at yourself, Remus, all that life is gone. Jill would've wanted you to keep it."

Remus faced the window, but not to look at the stars, but to look at his reflection. He looked like crap, the full moon was the day after tomorrow, but it wasn't his appearance that got to him. It was the feeling that was etched into his face. It was a complete look of emptiness.

"Remus," Lily grabbed his chin and turned his face to look her in the eye. "It's okay to miss her. But think, she loved – loves – you. No memory charm can change that."

"I…I know," He admitted, "I just wish she was back here, like it was before."

"She still is." Lily smiled at him, he smiled back.

"Thanks, Lily." He told her, "But I'm not the only one around here who's depressed about someone."

Lily looked away from him, "I'm hungry, I think I'll go to dinner, care to join me?"

"Don't avoid the subject Lily," Remus moved so that they were looking at each other, "You love James, and no stupid Ravenclaw is ever going to change that. You know that whole Jamie thing was a big misunderstanding."

"I know that, but…I don't know if I love him…" Lily admitted.

"What do you mean?" Remus was very confused. "I thought…"

"Remus, you don't know what it's like." Lily told him, "To have someone love you, pour their heart out on a platter for you…and everyone expecting you to love them back." Lily sighed, "I don't know if I could ever love James as much, it's not fair to him. I'm angry."

"I understand what you're saying," Remus said, "But all we can do is live our lives and hope everything turns out alright. Love happens."

It was the next day and James was determined; he had to talk to her. He had to explain everything that happened; he couldn't take it anymore. Every moment he had thoughts of her, those emerald eyes and red hair.

He was waiting outside of the Fat Lady for Lily to come out. He would wait all day if necessary. Soon enough, the portrait swung open and James met eyes of emerald green.

"Lily," James said.

"What do you want?" Lily asked him, starting a brisk pace to the right.

"Lily, talk to me," James pleaded.

"What do you want?" Lily stopped and turned to look at him.

"I just...that tutoring thing was an enormous accident, you know that." James explained, but Lily was silent. "I miss you." He looked at the floor.

James reached down and took her hand in his. Lily looked at their entwined fingers, but then shook her head.

"I'm sorry…I – I can't." She jerked her hand away from James, and then ran in the opposite direction.

All James could do was watch Lily go.

He slowly leaned against the wall and sank to the floor.

"Damn it, Lily."

Lily ran and ran until she reached Sam's room. She had to take refuge in her friend. Lily knocked on the door, and luckily Sam opened and was the only one inside.

"Merlin. Lily, what's the matter?" Sam asked. Lily had tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.

"Can I come in?" Lily softly asked.

Sam stepped aside and pointed to her bed. "Sit right down and tell me what in bloody hell happened already."

Lily walked in and sank onto Sam's bed. "I ruined it Sam, everything."

"Lily, details please." Sam pushed.

"James." Lily spoke, and then softly sobbed into the blanket on the bed.

Sam understood. "We really need to work on you commitment problems."

The most part of December went by in a haze for James and Lily. James spent his evenings outside in the frigid cold by the lake. Lily spent hers huddled up in the library until she was kicked out, and then she collapsed on her bed until the healing power of sleep graced her.

All Remus, Sam, and Sirius could do was watch helplessly and two of their best friends killed themselves day after day. Everyone got little sleep that month. But the holidays came and everyone was excited to take a break from the schoolwork.

Remus was going home to his parents. Sirius and James were going back to the Potter's house. Sirius was determined to cheer James up somewhat. Sam was spending Christmas in Switzerland with her aunt. However, Lily was spending Christmas at the school. Sam tried to persuade her to come with her to Switzerland, but Lily wouldn't go.

Remus greeted his parents warmly at the platform, hugging them and telling them that his term at school was fine, as he always had. Upon arriving at his house, he trudged to his room on the second floor and dropped his trunk at the foot of the bed. He took out one thing: a picture of Jill.

The picture captured Jill in her essence, her dark hair was shining and she was grinning widely. Remus looked at this picture every night since Jill had left. He lay on his bed looking at it until his father came up to call him down for dinner.

"Remus?" Mr. Lupin called, slowly opening the door to his son's room.

Remus sat up and put the picture down on his bed, "I'll be down in a second, dad."

"What's that you're looking at?" Mr. Lupin asked. He took a glance at the picture. "Hey, that's my patient."

"What?" Remus looked at his father, confused.

"Jillian Jones, she lost her memory, poor thing. Did you know her?"

"Yeah," Remus whispered, "Yeah, I knew her."

"Would you like to visit?" Mr. Lupin inquired to his son. The man smiled knowingly.

It took a second for Remus to process this question. "What? Visit? You mean it?"

"Sure, I don't know what good it will do, but you could come to work with me tomorrow."

"Thanks, dad," Remus smiled for the first time in weeks.

A/N: Jill is coming back! Yay! The next chapter is one of my favorites, I hope you will feel the same way.

Pretend I have a fatal illness and the only cure is reviews!!!