Ay dios mio. I'm sorry.
It had been a few months since Hank proposed. Though, they quickly began planning their small wedding, it was still one detail they had not talked about. Olivia didn't know how to bring it up and didn't even know why she wanted to do it, but something in her soul told her it had to be done.
After finding out she was pregnant a few weeks ago, the need to go through with said detail only increased. She was carrying another Voight, and soon will be carrying the last name. It was only right that she talked with someone who had previously been in her position.
She wanted to visit Camille's grave.
Throughout their entire relationship, Olivia had been more than understanding of the fact that Hank was a widow. She never wanted Hank to forget Camille, and she didn't want Justin and Erin to think she was trying to replace their mom. With the pregnancy and wedding, she felt some kind of connection to Camille.
"You're deep in thought." Hank's deep raspy voice interrupted her thoughts. He had just come back from putting Noah to bed, something Olivia hated he was better at than her.
"I am." She said watching him walk to the bed to join her.
"The baby or the wedding?" Those were the only things that seem to run through her mind. If it wasn't what centerpieces they should have, it was rather or not the baby would have both of their last names or just Voight.
She smiled. He knew her so well, it scared her sometimes. "Neither." She said moving closer to him so they could cuddle.
"Do tell." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a soft comforting smile.
Though, it wasn't anything bad, she still didn't know how he would react. When it came to Camille, he would always keep a wall up. Olivia understood why to an extent. However, she has voiced multiple times that the conversation of Camille didn't make her uncomfortable or insecure at all. "We're going to Chicago in a few weeks, and I was just wondering if we could go visit Camille's grave."
"Oh," was all he could say. While he did appreciate Olivia being accepting of the impact Camille had on his life, he preferred to repress those feelings, while Olivia was forcing him to deal with them. "Can I ask why?"
She truly didn't have a coherent reason why she wanted to do this, but she just knew that she had to do it. She slightly shrugged. "I'm having our baby, and I'm going to be your wife soon. I just kind of feel like it's necessary or something. Like something in my soul is telling me that I just need to sit and talk with her. It sounds weird out loud, but I just need to do it."
Hank could understand where she was coming from. Justin visited Camille's grave to ask for her blessings to propose to Olive. He knew Erin had been there to talk to her about Jay and their relationship. Hell, he even went to visit her when he started to date Olivia to ask for her permission, per se. So, he out of all people understood where the urge was coming from. "Is that going to put your heart at ease?"
"Yes," she answered almost immediately.
Hank could still sense her hesitation and wanted to offer her some comfort. "I get it. All of us have visited her. You're part of the family, and you don't have to ask me." He then kissed her on the forehead. "I love you."
Olivia was more than happy that he was not only understanding about her wanting to go and agreed to go, but once again, she was assured about her spot in the Voight's family. "I love you, too."
"We're not going to have more than seventy-five people at the wedding. It's going to be very small and intimate." Olivia answered Katie, the baker while gently bouncing Noah on her knee.
"Okay, so a three tier cake may be the best for you guys. Couples typically keep the top tier for themselves. The bottom two tiers can serve up to one hundred people, depending on the size and shape." Katie said while taking notes.
"I think square would look better." Hank said giving his input. As soon as they started planning the wedding, Olivia told him that he could not just sit around and let her plan the entire thing, or there wasn't going to be a wedding. He knew she would follow up on her threat, so he has been helpful since the very beginning.
"Agreed. Square layers."
"Okay, good! Have we decided on any flavors or would you like to try some cake samples?"
"Cake!" Noah answered with a smile on his face.
The three adults chuckled at the toddler's enthusiasm. "Cake-testing it is. I'm sure his little sibling would agree too." Olivia said referring to her pregnancy.
Katie's eyes widen and a smile appeared on her face. "Congratulations! You guys have a lot of big events coming up."
"We do." Olivia couldn't help but smile. If you told her two years ago that she would be settled down, planning a wedding, and pregnant, she would have laughed in your face. Now, she wouldn't trade this life in for the world.
"So, what cakes would you like to try today or would you just like me to bring out our most popular ones?"
"Well, we already agreed on marble as being a flavor. I don't know what any other flavors would go well with that."
"That's the best part of wedding cakes. It's three different cakes on top on each other. The flavors don't have to match, as long as they look good together."
Olivia looked over at Hank for his input, and he understood the look perfectly. "Let's just try the popular flavors and go from there."
"I cannot believe you're pregnant!" Erin exclaimed. "I'm so happy." She said before hugging Olivia tightly.
"You're not weirded out or anything?" Olivia asked while returning the hug.
Erin pulled away with a confused look on her face. "Why? Because I'm in my thirties? I'm just happy to have another baby around. Any time I get baby fever, someone else has a baby. It works out perfectly for me."
Olivia let out a sigh of relief and smiled. Her and Hank were more nervous about how Justin and Erin would react to having another sibling young enough to be their child. "I'm four months." She said while unconsciously placing her hand on her stomach.
Erin's hands followed hers. "This is so exciting. Maybe Jay and I should move out there." She said before even thinking.
Hank raised an eyebrow, finally paying attention to their conversation. "What do you mean?"
She turned to face him. "Well, Olivia has always said it was a spot open in SVU for me, and Jay was just offered an FBI job in New York. We've been talking about moving." She said with a slight shrug.
Olivia answered before Hank. "As long as you're moving because you actually want to work for and with me and not to stay closer to your boyfriend, then I support the move one hundred percent." She said rubbing her back gently, knowing that she was a little nervous to share the plans with them, especially Hank.
Hank felt the both of them looking at him and knew that they were waiting on his response, but he really didn't have one. If Erin wanted to move across the country with her boyfriend, who was he to stop her? "If it makes you happy, you have my blessings, kid." He smiled to let her know that he was okay with it.
Her eyes lit up. "Really?" She knew Olivia would support her no matter what, but Voight was always a tougher nut to crack. "I mean nothing is official, but I know I want to be with him, and if we both can still do what we love and not have to have distance between us, we want to do it."
"You know we out of all people understand that. If you're really serious about this, put in your transfer request, and I'll make sure they don't try to fill our empty spot with anyone else."
It always amazed Hank how motherly Olivia was with Erin, and he knew without a doubt in his mind that he was marrying the right woman. "Well, now that that is out in the open. We should start get ready for our dinner with Justin and Olive."
"Have you guys told him yet?" Erin asked.
Olivia shook her head. "Outside of my squad, you're the first person to know. I wanted to wait a little longer before I said anything, but Noah let it slip that mommy had a baby in her tummy," she said mocking him, "so we had to start telling people." She said with a smile on her face.
"Gotta love the pure innocence of kids." Erin said grinning. "Well, I'm sure Justin will be just as happy as me. And I'm sure Noah is excited about being a big brother." She said as she kneeled down to be eye-level with the toddler. "Aren't you excited about the baby?"
"Yah! I big brother now." Noah said beaming with pride.
Erin smiled and hugged her soon to be little brother tightly. "Love you, kid." She pulled away and stood up. "I'm placing my bets on it being a girl, but that could be because I do not want another brother."
Olivia chuckled. "I would love to have a little girl, too. However, with my age, I just want the baby healthy." When she found out she was pregnant, she was surprised, of course. She thought those days of her being fertile were long gone. Once the shock wore off, she was nervous about carrying because of the high risk with her being pregnant.
"Well, that means that you'll be on desk duty soon and I know that's going to kill you."
"Yes, it absolutely is, but for this baby, I will do anything." Olivia said with a smile on her face while looking down at her stomach and rubbing it gently.
"Hey, Camille. I have someone here with me." Hank stuffed his hands in his pockets nervously as him and Olivia approached Camille's headstone. He never brought flowers because Camille wanted everyone to shower her with flowers while she was still alive. There was no need to give them to her when she couldn't appreciate them.
As soon as they pulled up to the cemetery, Olivia felt a calming presence over her and she knew that was Camille telling her that everything was going to be alright. Olivia never once doubted her relationship with Hank or her ability to be a mother, but everything was overwhelming her and now her nerves were calmed before she even opened her mouth.
Olivia kneeled before the headstone and rubbed it gently before she spoke. "You left behind such a beautiful family that doesn't go a day without thinking about you. I can only hope and pray that I have the same impact on them. I'm sure you've heard all about me from Hank and the kids and vice versa. Gotta say, I would love to have you around to know how the hell you dealt with Hank for so long." She said with a smile knowing he was listening to the conversation.
"Hey! I'm right here." He said smiling but knew if Camille was still alive and for some reason they ended up breaking up, that she and Olivia would have gotten along well.
"He's a great man, so I know why you dealt with him for so long, and he's a better father. That's why I wanted to talk to you today, but you calmed my nerves before I could even speak. I heard that has always been your specialty."
Olivia continued, "Hank and I are getting married and expecting our fourth kid." She couldn't help but to smile when talking about being a mother again. "I know. We're old and it surprised us, too."
Hank stood behind Olivia with his eyes slowly filling with tears. He was witnessing a powerful emotional connection happen between the two women he loved the most and he couldn't be happier.
"I wish I would have gotten to meet you, at least one time, but now I know that you are always there for me. You will forever live through us."
Hank walked into the bedroom with Noah on his hip and an apologetic look on his face. "He refuses to sleep in his bed tonight." He said with slight defeat in his voice.
Olivia couldn't help but to smile. Hank was a professional at putting Noah to bed, no matter what the circumstances were and the fact that he was admitting defeat, meant that Noah had truly put up a good fight. "We just haven't been back to Chicago in awhile. He can sleep with us tonight." She said as scooted over in the bed to make room for the both of them.
"Are you sure? I can give it another go, and I know your back has been giving you issues. The last thing you need is a three year old with his foot in your back." Hank had to admit that this was less about Olivia's back issues and more about the fact that this is the first time since he's been in Noah's life that he wasn't able to get him down in bed at a reasonable time.
"It's fine, I promise. He hasn't slept with me in God knows how long, so it won't be a problem. Though, I don't know how your pride is going to handle this lost." She said grinning. She could see right through Hank's facade and knew that this was secretly killing him.
Hank couldn't help but to laugh as he got into the bed with Noah. "Even Jordan had his off days."
"Mama, baby." Noah said while crawling to Olivia and laying his head on her stomach. "Baby." He said again while closing his eyes and rubbing his small hand over her bump, that was finally starting to show.
Olivia started to tear up as she gently ran her hand through Noah's hair. Ever since they told Noah about her pregnancy, he had been very protective of Olivia's stomach. He would also try his best to be near or lying on it whenever he had the chance. "You're already such a good big brother. I love you, my sweet boy."
Hank smiled on as he leaned over to kiss Olivia's forehead. "How jealous do you think he's going to be when the new baby comes?"
"Very." Olivia said instantly. "For so long, it's just been him, and he knows he can get whatever he wants from me, whenever he wants. When our new baby comes, I don't know how accepting he'll be of sharing his mom."
"I don't like sharing his mom either." Hank said in a suggestive tone.
She smiled. "Well, maybe if you shared me a little, we wouldn't be in this situation right now." She said gesturing to her stomach.
"That was definitely a two person job. And it was a fun job the last time I remembered." He said with a raised eyebrow.
Thoughts of the 'fun job' rushed to Olivia's mind. Hank knew just how to push her buttons. She licked her lips before she spoke. "Maybe you should try to put Noah in his bed again."
"You and Hank aren't even giving me a chance to miss you guys. If you guys aren't in Chicago, you have me flying out to New York." Erin said with a smile on her face as she walked into the bridal shop. Olivia told her that she refused to pick out her wedding dress if Erin wasn't there. Erin loved how much their relationship had grown and dropped everything to make it to Olivia's dress appointment.
"I guess it's time for you and Jay to move out here then." Olivia said smiling as her and Erin hugged. "But thank you for making it." Olivia turned to face the two ladies standing behind her. "Erin, this is Casey and Melinda. Casey and Melinda, this is Erin."
"We've heard so much about you." Melinda said reaching out to shake Erin's hand.
"Likewise." Erin said with a smile. "You moved to Albany and you're dating Fin."
"That's us. And from what we hear, if Olivia and Hank could have children, it would be you." Casey said with a slight smirk.
Olivia forgot to tell Erin that Casey and Melinda had yet to be inform of her pregnancy and she was going to tell them today.
"Oh?" Erin asked with a raised brow as she glanced over at Olivia and then back at Casey and Melinda. "I guess she does talk about me a lot."
Olivia gave Erin an awkward smile and slight nod, thanking her for not mentioning the pregnancy. "I guess I've turned into that mom that always talks about her children." She said smiling towards to Casey and Melinda, hoping she didn't give away a secret she was trying so hard to keep.
Casey and Melinda started laughing. "Oh, she thinks we don't know she's pregnant. How cute."
Olivia eyes widen. "What? How did you guys know?"
"I'm a doctor, Olivia." Melinda said matter-of-factly.
"And I'm your best friend. Did you think we wouldn't notice your slight bump?"
Olivia looked down at the loose shirt that she wearing and then back up at them. "Well, yeah. I'm barely into my second trimester, so I didn't think it was noticeable yet."
"Well, it was. However, we are very happy for you." Melinda said with a smile. She never thought she would see the day where Olivia got pregnant, but she was glad it happened. Some people were just born to be parents, and Olivia was one of those people.
"Very happy, but also surprised considering the fact that you're old." Casey said with a wide grin on her face. Even though Olivia was only a few years older than her, she loved to poke fun at her age.
Olivia rolled her eyes, but was smiling. "I can still kick your ass while pregnant, Case."
"Yeah, we know, but how would my niece feel about that?" She said while placing her hands on Olivia's bump. "Spoiler, she wouldn't like it."
Olivia rolled her eyes again. "Let's start the appointment."
Can't believe this story is almost done...
reviews are so so so so so appreciated!