Alrighty, I was lucky enough to stumble upon some WiFi while out of town visiting the grand-folk (I just had to get a Peppermint Mocha. Yum). So far it's been a lovely holiday. And it's Christmas eve! I'm literally shaking in my boots to find out what I got this year. But what I'm really looking forward to is visiting my brothers in Dallas for New Years. Nick J, anyone?

Enjoy.

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Little Loyalty

Chapter TEN- Forgiveness

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My heart finally started beating again, and I took a deep breath before answering. "I tried once." I admitted, "But that was when you told me about Giovanni and he showed up to take you on a date and…"

"And I hung up on you," she replied quietly. With a sigh she added, "Just so you know, Joe wasn't too happy with me when I saw him. He pretty much dressed me down for ditching you and not knowing about anything going on in your life because I was too busy talking about myself every time I called."

I sat stunned. I hadn't known Joe had noticed how one-sided my phone calls with Stella had been. Even though there was some truth to what he had told her and I knew he meant well, I wished he hadn't said anything. Stella and I needed to work through things on our own. "He shouldn't have said that," I whispered. "I wasn't upset with you. I just missed you."

"He cares about you, and he didn't want to see you hurt." Stella squinted at me in the darkness, "And from what I hear, you care about him too."

I winced, bracing myself for her anger. Instead, I heard another tired-sounding sigh.

"I'm not mad that you like him, Macy," she said. "It kinda bothered me at first, but this whole 'I'm sticking with Stella no matter what' deal totally makes up for everything."

"I'm sorry." I muttered, still feeling like I had betrayed her. "Did Joe tell you?"

Stella laughed, "Of course he did, but only after I harassed him about all these tabloids that had popped up."

I sat up on my side of the bed and quickly turned on the lamp beside me, "What!?"

Stella slowly sat up as well, "I thought you'd have seen them since you track down anything related to JONAS in the news."

I shook my head, "I haven't done that since you and Joe were together! I thought I should respect that bubble of privacy. Then I got so used to not going on my website or googling JONAS…"

"Macy," Stella lightly pinched my side, "Only one tabloid linked you two together. The rest of them commented on how great Joe looked sun tanning by the pool. And it was obvious to me, your best friend, that it was the same pool you worked at. Lay back down. And could you turn off the light? It's hurting my eyes."

I bit my lip and reached for the lamp before I settled back into bed, "How could you be so nonchalant about this? I'm not sure what I'd do if you snatched a boy from me."

"You didn't snatch Joe from me," Stella corrected. "We both decided to end it."

"I know. But you wanted him back for a bit after you split," I pointed out. "And I know that in the back of your mind you still believe that when you get back, there's a chance you two will get back together."

"I missed him and I still miss him just like I miss Nick and Kevin," Stella cleared up. "But I promise, I'm not sitting around daydreaming about getting back with him like in some romantic comedy."

I gave her a disbelieving look, which she could obviously see even with the lights off because she said, "Well, maybe I did think about it when I first got here and was lonely, but that's all done now. I am really happy, Macy. It's not like I went looking for Gio. I stumbled into him and he just happened to catch me."

I smiled at the happiness I could hear in her voice when she talked about her boyfriend. Even when she was dating Joe, she never sounded like that. Even though they loved each other, there was always drama involved with them. I shook my head at how strange the world could be sometimes. "How did you meet him?"

"I stumbled into him and he caught me before I fell," Stella repeated. "It was a really busy day at the restaurant. But that's beside the point. What I want to know is if you like Joe?"

My best friend was sitting there asking how I felt about her ex. I felt uncomfortable which wasn't surprising. I think if I wasn't uncomfortable with the situation I'd start questioning my sanity.

"It's just a crush, Stella," I explained, "Nothing else."

At least that was the story I was sticking with. That was all I was even willing to admit to myself, even though I was pretty sure I was lying.

"When did you start to like him?" She asked looking amused. "I never thought you would have a crush on Joe. Nick maybe, but not Joe."

I bit my lip hard, "Promise you won't get mad and read something more into it when I tell you."

This time, Stella was the one who sat up and turn her lamp on.

"What happened when you stayed the night at the firehouse?" She demanded.

"Nothing!" I spat out, "I promise! I've never lied to you about that night!"

"But you have kept things from me!" Stella raised her voice, "Macy how long?"

Embarrassed, I looked away from her, "Maybe two months after you were official."

Stella's mouth slightly parted. She didn't say much after that. She slipped back into her side of the bed and turned off the lamp. She muttered her goodnights and pretended to be asleep. I felt horrible. I knew I had made the right decision by not being with Joe, by putting my friendship with Stella first, but somehow that didn't change the fact I'd betrayed my best friend's trust and tainted our relationship. Now that she knew, she needed to hear the whole truth. I sighed and looked back at Stella's side, beginning to talk to myself. I knew she was listening. There was no way she could have gone to sleep right away after I destroyed her faith in me.

"I couldn't help it," I explained. "The more time I spent around him, the more I realized what an amazing guy he was. But I never let myself think of him as anything other than a friend, never let myself get carried away. You wouldn't believe how guilty I felt just liking him; knowing that would be enough to have you tear my eyes out. If it makes you feel better, I will always choose you over JONAS. No matter what. And Joe isn't talking to me anymore. All the summer flirting amounted to a big fat nothing because I wanted it to be this way. I wanted to be your friend more than I wanted to date him."

As I waited for Stella to say something, my mind drifted back to the painful moment when I realized he was actually going to leave on tour without saying goodbye. Even then, when it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, I didn't doubt that I was doing the right thing. I needed to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be proud of who I was, and I couldn't do that if I betrayed my best friend.

I felt a violent shake that woke me up. I rubbed my eyes to shake my sleep off. My mom was speaking to me rapidly but I only caught a couple of words. She ushered me out of bed and out of my room. I caught a glimpse of the time; it was 3: 15 am. I didn't understand why I was rudely woken up at this hour until I saw two curly heads of hair sitting on my couch.

A dream.

Of course it wasn't because if it was a dream there would have been three heads showing over the top of the couch; reality was a harsh world. Nick and Kevin came by at this ungodly hour to say goodbye before they left for their tour. Not that I wasn't delighted that they were so thoughtful to think of me but-

"Joe just got his driving privileges back," Nick explained, "He's still in the car and can't let go of the wheel."

I yawned, "It's really nice of you to think of me before you left."

Kevin cleared his throat, "Well it's hard not to get close to someone like you. We have to go. Sorry this is kinda short. We didn't want to leave without seeing you for one last time."

I gave him my best sleepy smile, "Thanks Kevin. Let me walk you to the door."

Nick mumbled something about tickets but I wasn't concentrating on him. Actually, when Kevin and Nick walked out all my attention was directed to Joe, the only person in this world who would drive in the middle of the night wearing bright red Ray Bans. I couldn't see where he was looking but it felt like he was burning holes through me.

"Bye Mace," Nick hugged me before he bounced off. "Just remember to call!"

Nick climbed in as Kevin began his speech on how much he'd miss puzzle-making with me. Even though I knew it was rude, I focused behind him on Nick talking to Joe. They both turned to look at me and Joe slowly shook his head.

"Bye Mace. Expect boxes of puzzles when I come back!" Kevin pulled me into a hug and waved goodbye. I stood there until they were gone. I didn't get a goodbye form Joe and a burning disappointment filled me. Last time I got to speak to him was by the pool and somehow it felt like maybe we were never going to talk again.

"Macy, don't say things just because they're nice to hear," Stella mumbled. "The truth means so much more right now than sugar coating everything."

"What do you want me to say?" I question, "That I was planning on liking Joe and hurting my best friend? Stella, if I were out to get you I would be with Joe. I'm not. Do you want me to mention how much I like him and that I lived for those days I could be with him during the summer? Do you want to know how hard it was to push him away?"

"You know I could blame you for everything even if it's irrational." Stella spat.

"I know."

"But I won't." She sighed, "I'm not sure why because I think I have a right to be very mad at you."

"You do."

"And I don't deserve a great friend like you." Stella finished.

"You don't- wait what?" I knitted my brows together, "What are you talking about?"

"Well if you insist that you had me in mind as your best interest then I should trust you because we're friends, and you have never done anything in the past to make me doubt you," Stella explained. "And I can imagine how hard it would be if it was you with Gio and I was in your position. I don't think I'd be as strong as you were. And it can't be all your fault. It takes two to tango."

"Don't go easy on me," I groaned. "I rather have you yelling at me than understanding me."

"Well you might just have to suffer through my kindness," Stella laughed. "Besides, you didn't actually do anything. I can't really be mad at you for how you feel."

I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I had been worrying about telling Stella for months, and it had gone better than I had ever expected.

"So just out of curiosity, did you kiss him?"

I nearly choked on my air supply, "Are you crazy? Of course, I didn't! We were just hanging out! The thought never occurred to me."

Stella snorted, "Oh sure, like it's that hard wondering what it would be like to kiss Joe? Macy, I'm sure you given it a thought. One tiny thought."

"I'm going to sleep." I announced, "I'm suddenly sleepy."

Stella laughed harder, "Oh come on, Mace! Pucker up!"

"I'm sleeping." I said in my sing song voice.

Stella laughed herself to sleep while I gripped on to my sheets for dear life. What would it be like to kiss Joe? It couldn't be that great. I bet it'd be like kissing any ol' boy. So what if he could sing, had a great sense of humor, was absolutely gorgeous and could make my knees weak with a glance? None of that could predict what it would be like to kiss him. I bet I'd be disappointed…if I ever kissed him, which would never ever happen.

"Are you thinking about it?" Stella asked, giggling.

I screwed up my face, "Possibly."

"That's my Macy."

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Happy Holiday's to y'all. I hope everybody get's a chance to curl up by the fireside enjoying a cup of hot chocolate waiting for Santa to arrive. Just make sure you extinguish that fire before that time comes. Santa hates thrid degree burns.

Thoughts?