Chapter 25
Ashley eyes flickered and opened, as she tried to discover where she was. The last thing she remembered was struggling to get to the Impala with Dean. He must have brought her to the hospital, the sterile smell and white washed walls gave that away. Trying to sit up the pain became so excessive that she decided against it, her eyes wildly searching for somebody. She noticed Dean sitting on her left hand side. His head was resting on her bed, his hand over hers. His mouth was slightly ajar, and a light snoring was coming from his direction. She stilled, trying not to wake him but wanting to notify the nurses that she was awake.
She noticed she didn't feel as groggy as the last time she had woken up in a hospital and noticing a clock in the corridor outside she could just make out that it was around 4:30am. Visitors weren't permitted to stay in a patient's room this late and her face screwed up tight wondering what had made Dean an exception. Feeling uncomfortable she shifted her position on the bed, making Dean stir from his depths of his slumber.
Dean sat up suddenly, observing Ashley. He wasn't sure if she even wanted him to be there, or how angry she was with him. After observing what he had observed in the hospital his anger had simply melted away. "Hi" he said, still unsure of her opinion of him. She squeezed his hand. "Hi," she said back in a small voice, smiling at him embarrassed. "How're you feeling?" Dean asked tentatively, "do you want me to go get a nurse?" Ashley nodded, wanting someone to explain what had happened to her.
As Dean left she noticed that she felt different to the last time she had woken up in a similar environment. Her eyes were wide open, and she felt very aware of her surroundings. This was a sharp contrast to the last time, where she had to use all her willpower to stop herself from falling back asleep. Maybe they had used different drugs, she wondered to herself as a male nurse walked in.
"There you are, it's nice to see you awake. You've given us quite a scare tonight" he informed her, smiling at Dean. Dean didn't smile back, and Ashley's face crumbled with confusion. What exactly had happened to make Dean look so perplexed and nervous? "What happened to me?" she asked, as Dean came and sat beside her, taking her hand. "Well when Dean brought you in your heartbeat was very weak, we had to stabilise you before we could take you into the E.R. I'm not sure how but you managed to tear every stitch and suture that they had given you during your last surgery. We had to start completely from scratch. When they told you to take it easy they weren't kidding Ashley" he joked lightly even though it was a serious manner. Dean squeezed her hand, no wonder he looked so exhausted. She thought about how difficult it must have been for him. The last time he was sat in a hospital watching the women he loved fighting for her life, her memory was wiped and she had forgotten all about him. He never wanted to be in that position again, he had made that clear to her as he was making it known how dangerous hunting actually was.
"Now we have to keep an eye on your heart rate and blood pressure" the nurse added, "You'd only been in here about 30 minutes after your surgery when your heard stopped. So we have to keep a close watch on your levels" he informed her. Shock pulsed through her system, no wonder they had let Dean stay in her room, they didn't think she was going to make it through the night. After talking her through the list of drugs she would be given in the next couple of hours, he left the room, leaving just Dean and Ashley alone. "I'm so sorry Dean" Ashley finally told him, her voice filling the empty room. He looked at her, pain in his eyes. "Just don't die in front of me every again ok?" he told her seriously. She smiled slightly. Although the recent issues in their relationship had been deafening she hoped that they could get past it together.
Over the days her heart grew stronger, and after three days in hospital she was finally released. Once home it was clear that Dean was trying to make up for his behaviour. He became strict on what she ate, what she drank, when and how she slept. Although it was nicer than the previous behaviours Dean had adopted, she kind of missed Sam taking care of her, he was a little more relaxed. When she told Dean this he reminded her that he didn't do a very good job because she ended up busting her incisions open again. Part of her wanted to remind him that it wouldn't have been the case if she didn't feel like she had to move of all her belongings out of the house, but she didn't want to bring up those bad memories. Sam kept his distance, finding small cases to keep him occupied. He was so angry at Dean for again expecting him to fulfil his roles and then come back as if nothing had ever happened, again. He was glad to be taking his frustration out on monsters.
Days turned into weeks and Ashley attended weekly hospital appointments to check how her wounds were healing a second time round. Dean attended every meeting with her, holding her hand and giving her the moral support that she needed. But he hadn't been on a case since the shifter and she could feel him becoming more restless. The day before her last appointment Sam had found a possible case of witchcraft. Walking to the bathroom, she heard Sam explaining the case to Dean, asking whether he was coming. "Look Sammy, she's got one more check-up and then I'll start hunting again" Dean said, and she could tell from their tones that they had argued about this before. "It's her last one, I can't miss it," he added, but Sam cut him off. "Exactly, it's her last one. Why do you need to be there? It's just going to be final checks and then she's good." Sam did have a point. Ashley knew he didn't need to be with her. Besides she wanted him to go. He was becoming like a drill sergeant with his routine of what she could or couldn't. She needed a little time to herself.
As they were getting ready for bed that night Ashley approached the subject. "I saw Sam packing up the car to go on a case, do you not want to go with him?" she asked, trying to sound uninterested. "I'll go with him on the next one" Dean replied, although secretly he did actually want to get out of the confines of the bunker. It would be good to kill some monsters! "You don't have to come to my appointment with me tomorrow you know Dean" Ashley said kindly, "I know you like to hold my hand but I can manage this last one by myself, I promise." Dean sighed, realising what she was trying to do. "You trying to get rid of me?" he asked, half joking. "Of course not Dean!" she replied, getting under the covers, "I just think it would do you good to go out, to go hunting. I'm so much better now than what I was, it's been weeks. I don't need the constant supervision." Dean also got into bed. Before the incident with the shape-shifter her would have hugged her, his hands running up and down her body. Tonight he just simply kissed her cheek. "I'll go on the next case" he repeated to her, reaching to turn off the light. "Dammit Dean if you don't go I'm not going to go to my appointment" Ashley finally said exasperated.
Dean laughed, bewildered by her sudden outburst. Realising that her words were not meant to be taken as a joke he found himself even more confused. Ashley sighed, "I'm sorry Dean" she eventually apologised. "You've been great with the way you've looked after me, you really have. But I can't stand it any more" she explained. "It's not that I don't appreciate it" she continued, taking a deep breath, "and I know this is better than how you were before. It's just really hard work being your patient." Dean shifted his weight on the bed, turning to face her. "Listen," he said quietly, placing his hands on either side of her face. "I'm sorry if I've been too full on. Seeing your heart stop, it just pushed me other the edge. I don't want anything to happen to you" he finally explained, kissing her gently on the forehead. She smiled at him, stretching her neck to reach his lips. "I'm ok Dean, really. Trust me. Besides it's my last one, you don't really need to be there." It was the first intimate moment that they had had since they had returned from the shape-shifter case. "I missed this," Ashley told him, breathing in his smell. "I haven't been anywhere" he replied, confusion clear in his voice. "I know," Ashley replied, nuzzling herself into his chest, "you just haven't let me touch you since the hospital." And with that they both drifted into a dreamy unconsciousness.
Chapter 26
"Ashley, nice to see you" the doctor that she had been dealing with told her as she entered the small consulting room. "No Dean today?" she casually asked, although Ashley was sure she had noticed a flicker of disappointment on her face. "He's been called into work. He wasn't going to go in but I forced him. He's been a bit full on about the whole recovery thing" she explained. It felt good to get it off her chest. "Well I'm not surprised, you didn't take your recovery too well initially" the doctor Katherine said, raising one eyebrow. Of course she was talking about the heavy lifting, which caused her stitches to tear. The excuse Dean had come up with was that she was decorating before the accident and couldn't deal with a half decorated room. So while he was away on business she had tried to finish decorating it. He hadn't consulted Ashley on it, and during her first conversation with her surgeon after the surgery he had asked her if it was worth it and did the room look good. She face must have shown the confusion as he further added that her husband had told him how she had caused so much damage to herself. She didn't bother to correct the husband part of the sentence, feeling her insides tingle and blood rush to her face. And so that was the story she was forced to go with.
"Let's have a look at those stitches" Katherine said, forcing her attention back to the present day. "Are they tender" she asked, swiftly placing her fingers around Ashley's abdomen. Ashley didn't look at her stomach, now scarred with several long but uneven slits. She simply shook her head. "You will be left with some scarring" the doctor told her, although it should be very minimal and fade with time. She must have noticed Ashley's avoidance to look at her tummy. "I can refer you to a psychologist" she suggested, "if you are having issues with the look of your wounds." Ashley shook her head. She would be shipped to crazy-town if a shrink saw inside her head. Instead she simply replied "I'll be ok, but thank you." Just as she thought the session was over, Katherine said to her, "ok Ashley, I just need you to lie down on the bed so I can remove your outer-stitches." Panic took hold of her body, "excuse me" she said. She hadn't thought of the stitches ever needing to be taken out. "Unfortunately the surgeon didn't use dissolving stitches so they have to manually taken out. I know it's unpleasant but if they stay in any longer they have more chance of becoming infected." Instantly she wished Dean had put up more of a fight to attend this last check-up. Lying on the bed she felt sick, a sinking sensation took hold of her stomach as she saw the scissors and scalpel in her hands.
Thirty minutes afterwards Ashley left the surgery feeling faint and breathless. Although she didn't feel safe to drive, she had no choice. Making it back to the bunker she reached for her phone. She didn't realise she had forgot to take it with her. Looking at the screen she had several voice-mails and missed calls from Dean's phone. "Just me. Just wanted to let you know that we've just got to the motel. Let me know how your appointment goes and tell Dr. Katherine I said hello" he joked. The second was more worried, but the last message he was downright angry. "Why aren't you answering your phone, are you ok?" He asked, panic in his voice. "If you don't answer in the next ten minutes we're packing up right now and driving back home." She glanced at the time, he had left this message seven minutes ago. Without listening to the rest of the voice-mail she hung up, ringing his phone.
As Dean sat on his bed, his fingers twitching with nervous panic as his cell finally started to vibrate. "Where the hell have you been" he almost shouted, reminding himself that he needed to try and calm down. "Sorry, sorry" Ashley apologised on the other end of the phone, "I left my phone at home" she explained. Dean shook his head at her carelessness but the relief washed over his body. "How was Dr. Katherine?" He eventually asked with a jokey tone once he had calmed down. Ever since he had seen the young attractive doctor who had saved his girlfriend's life he had teased Ashley over it, trying to convince her that she was interested in him. "She actually looked pretty disappointed that you weren't there" she told him laughing. They sat in silence for a few moments before Dean asked how the appointment actually went. "Let's just say I wish you were there to hold my hand" Ashley reluctantly replied in a serious tone. This worried Dean, he had been hesitant to miss it but Ashley had all but packed his bags and forced him into the car with his brother. "What's wrong? What happened? Do you need me to come home? I can set off now and be home in a couple of hours." Ashley cut him off suddenly, "No Dean, stay there!" she replied hastily, the speed of her answer making him frown. "I'm alright, honest. We'll talk about it when you get home, it's nothing serious honestly. It was just uncomfortable and I wished you were there to hold my hand. Now go hunt some witches so I can have my boyfriend back" she told him, and he could hear the smile in her voice. Hanging up he threw himself into the research with Sam so that he could get back home.
The witch case in Oklahoma was swiftly solved after a couple of days, and Dean was packed and waiting in the Impala before anyone had even called time of death on the bodies. Sam rolled his eyes, since Ashley had been taken to the hospital a second time he had kept his distance from the pair of them. He could see the hurt in Ashley's eyes when he caught her staring at him, but he didn't acknowledge it. He suddenly felt like he shouldn't be living at the bunker any more. After his realisation that he had been involved in most of their most intimate moments if their relationship he had considered moving out. But he was unsure of where to go. He was used to life in the bunker, having somewhere to call home. He didn't want to go back to living in sleazy motels, and besides it was much more cost efficient to stay in the bunker than pay for motels every night. He considered moving into Bobby's but he immediately shot down the idea. He couldn't bring himself to go and now that the library was emptied, he had no reason too. He could stay at Rufus' cabin in Montana maybe.
As they were driving through the back roads of America Dean noticed how his brother had become inwards, a recluse. He pulled the car over to one side. It was a nice spot with scenic views of a forest. "What is it?" Sam asked, clearly confused at the change of plan. Dean didn't answer, getting out of the Impala and going round to the trunk. He always had a supply of beers, and although they weren't chilled he grabbed two and tossed one to Sam as he was stepping out of the car. He caught it, just. "Let's chill for a bit Sammy" Dean suggested, walking round to lean on the hood of his baby. It was slightly dusty. He hadn't paid much attention to the state of the Impala recently. He patted the hood twice with his free hand, secretly apologising for his lack of attention. Sam popped the lid off of his beer, while carefully eyeing up his older brother. He didn't understand what had changed. One minute he was rushing back home, then a sudden 180 to relaxing before the drive home. "Dean, why did you stop driving?" He eventually asked after taking a long sip on his beer. "What, a guy can't have a beer with his brother?" Dean replied innocently, shrugging his shoulders. Sam stared at him, one eyebrow raised slightly higher than the other. "Come on Dean, we haven't relaxed after a case since you and Ashley got together. What's really going on?" He asked, brutally honest.
"Do you like her Sam?" Dean asked, suddenly realising what he was asking, "I mean do you like her being around? It doesn't bother you." He didn't expect a beer with his brother to turn into such a serious conversation so soon, but he hated the idea of Sam being unhappy with their new way of life. "Of course it doesn't, why would you think that?" He asked, suddenly worried, "does Ashley think that?" Dean shook his head. "If she does she hasn't said anything" he replied, and the conversation lulled. They finished their beers in silence and got back into the Impala, Sam choosing to drive.
After arriving back at the bunker, Dean tossed Sam their bags. "I'm going to give my baby a clean" Dean informed his brother as Sam simply raised one eyebrow at him, which he had been doing a lot recently, before turning his back and walking towards the house. Sam was suddenly nervous, after his and Dean's recent conversation, and then Dean choosing to stay outside, he was worried about what was inside. Ashley was working on something in the kitchen, her back to Sam as he entered through the back door. Hearing his footsteps, she turned round and smiled at him, although she looked nervous. That was probably because he hadn't spoken to her properly in weeks. He returned her awkward smile and noticed that the kitchen was filled with a delicious smell that he couldn't quite place. "What're you making?" He asked her. He noticed that she had almost dropped what she was holding, but turned round to show him a sweet apple pie. It looked different though, and Sam racked his memories to try and remember where he had seen one before. When he finally remembered the memory hit him square in the chest. It was Jessica's favourite thing to make when they lived together at Stanford. A traditional English recipe. She told him she had learnt the recipe from her grandmother, but it had been passed down from generation to generation before her. "Everything ok?" she asked with worry on her face, dragging Sam out of his past. "Sure, it smells great," he told her honestly, dumping the bags and sitting at the kitchen counter on one of the stools Ashley had bought in her efforts to improve the place. As she pottered round in the kitchen he observed how the bunker had changed since her arrival. In some places it was small, unnoticeable. In some area it was more obvious, like the new cushions in the living area. He thought about what his brother had asked. Did he really mind Ashley living with them? In reality, he realised he didn't. It was nice coming home to food on the table and a clean home. It suddenly occurred to him however that he felt like a child. Ashley, although she wasn't trying, mothered both the boys, feeding them, doing their washing. And whereas Dean also had the physical aspect of their relationship, and saw himself as an authority figure, Sam felt like he was their child. Wondering whether it was his fault, that he had let himself slip into this position, Ashley placed a slice of the warm pie in front of him. "There you go Sam, you look like you could use it" she told him after noticing his perplexed expression, also placing a chilled beer on the bench. She smiled at him, but she clearly felt awkward about the whole situation.
"Ashley" Sam called after her as she turned and walked away, "thank you for this" he told her, raw emotion creeping through his voice. "Why don't you sit down too, you look tired" he suggested. They hadn't been alone since the day before she had attempted to move out. As she sat next to him, pulling at her already short fingernails, he realised that maybe the whole reason he was so mad was because she didn't attempt to say goodbye to him. Evidently the same thing was upon Ashley's mind as she turned to face him. "Sam, I know you're upset with me over something. I can't put my finger on why, but please just explain it to me. You were so great during my initial recovery, you were my rock." The realisation was apparent on her face as she finished her sentence. "I'm sorry that I didn't try and thank you, or tell you that I was leaving. I didn't say goodbye because I knew you wouldn't let me go" she tried to explain, still picking at her hands. She was unable to look him in the eyes because she knew if she did she would get over-emotional. Sam placed a hand on hers, "thank you for apologising" he told her, and she glanced up at him. He smiled at her, and she smiled back. "We don't have to go into details and talk about our emotions, don't worry" he added, and he saw the relief wash over her body. She leaned over and placed her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. Sam was right, she was tired. "I'm going for to go have a lie down" she finally told him, "enjoy your pie Sammy." Leaning in she kissed his cheek innocently and left the room. He smiled to himself.