Disclaimer: I don't own them

'Draw a monster.

Why is it a monster?'

-Janice Lee

By the time I had found my voice, I had read the note at least 12 times. Reading and rereading it, to make sure I hadn't missed a single word. "What now," Peeta's voice sounded hollow against the walls of the cabin. What jokes we had shared before were long forgotten.

"I… I don't know," My voice held the hint of a crack, "I guess we agree to what he is saying." Peeta's blue eyes finally met mine. They were much bluer than usual. It looked like the color that people in the capital aspired to be this year. After our victory in the games, my mockingjay pin and Peeta's blue eyes became a huge trend in the capital, and everyone wanted to be a part of it in some way. Though his eyes did hold a hint of sadness, there was something else in there. Pure rage. Rage for Snow, the Capital and the games, If looks could kill, anybody who saw Peeta's face at this moment would be dead. I'm not sure the expression on my face matched his though. I felt mad and rageful, but I also felt sorrowful. Everything that we had started to work for was going to be destroyed. But I was willing to risk it all if it meant keeping my family and Peeta's alive, even if that meant sacrificing my happiness.

It's not like it would be terrible to spend more time with Peeta, it would actually be amazing. We had grown so much closer, although we still had our fights, and the closest we came to actual kisses was the kisses on the neck he gave me while apologizing, after he saw Gale kiss me. It was the capital that was going to ruin our relationship. The Capital never meant anything good for anybody; Peeta and I included. In the Capital, we were made to look like dolls, the perfect role models for the districts. Two young strong attractive people had won the games, and the capital wanted a piece of that.

I hadn't even realized I had started to shive until Peeta pulled me close to him. Wrapping his arms around me and the blanket around the both of us. Though I had stopped shivering, I was left shaking, not from the cold, just from the shock of the whole thing. Peeta however felt steady, his heart beat at a steady rate and his hands which lay on my arm, stroked up and down smoothly. His touch was burning me, but I had no words. My brain was going into overdrive. I guess I should have expected that my brain would go into overdrive as the realization hit me. The Capital, I didn't want to go to the Capital, that was, if anything, the last place on this planet I would want to be.

"Katniss, I know you're upset, but we have no choice. Ever since the games, our life was never ours. We still could do it you know, be happy. We just need to find what brings us to life, even in the Capital." I guess his words were supposed to be soothing, but the thought of finding something I could enjoy doing in the Capital until the games seemed like a terrible idea. The last thing I would want to do is go sightseeing in the Capital.

"I know, I know…. I… I just didn't think that we would be forced there so soon."

"It's a our victory year, everyone is going to be celebrating us. Our wedding, our…." His voice stopped there. I wanted him to continue, but a part of me knew where this was going. He was going to say family. Our family. A family I did not want, and still do not want. Not with all the things going on in the world. "We can let Snow know our decision tomorrow," He was staring wistfully outside, at the darkness that swirled all around us. "But in the meantime, we need to make a plan for our tributes. I refuse to let them feel as though we let them down."

Our tributes, in the frustration of the moment, I forgot about the two people whose lives I held in the palm of my hand. The two people who the victors had to decide on. They will think that we let them down. It's not that Haymitch won't be any help, it is just the training schedule, we need someone to maintain it and it can't be Haymitch.

My first thought is to leave them in the hands of Prim. Though she isn't really that athletic, she is pretty good at instructing people, she would probably also be the easiest person to contact from the Capital. The only problem there is that she still has to go to school and she can only miss so many days before the Peacekeepers come knocking at our door. My only other option is Gale. Although I don't want to admit it he would be the best for training our tributes, teaching them new skills and what not. But, he works in the mines most of the days and his only free day is Sunday. We wouldn't have this problem though if he took some of my winnings. He could then help out our tributes until the games and after that he can go back to his mining life. The thing is he has too much pride to take my money, he would insist on doing it for free and using the time off to go to the woods, but that isn't going to be healthy for him. If he plans on training my tributes, he has to have energy.

"Gale," I didn't even realize I had said his name out loud until Peeta gave me a look. He was nodding his head in agreement, he must have been thinking a similar thing. "He's going to be our best option. Just how are we going to get him to actually do it?" I know I have my own ideas, but I still wanted to see what Peeta thought.

"Ask him for a favor." His voice was neutral. Almost to the point of being passive. "He won't deny you something you want, even if you deny him what it is he wants." About midway through his sentence, our eyes had met steely gray on raging blue. We held each others gazes intently, daring the other to break eye contact. This wasn't a fight I was going to lose. At least I thought that.

Peeta had other ideas. Still holding my gaze he brought his face close to mine, I could feel his breath on my face. The warm puffs of air that left his mouth were distracting me, his breath smelled of mint, and all at once it was as though I had lost the ability to breath. I was holding my breath, my eyes kept looking down at his lips, and then back at his eyes. As I pushed forward to kiss him though, he leaned back, causing me to kiss air, and for my hands to land on his thighs to steady myself from falling. Abruptly I opened my eyes and looked down quickly pulling myself away from Peeta and the intimate position we had once again found ourselves in.

"Well I don't know about you," I let out a slight cough trying to ease the tension, "But, I'm hungry." Stress eating was a bad habit I had required after going to the capital, after having the opportunity to indulge myself in endless amounts of food.

Peeta, however, did not object. He pulled out the cheese buns and berries and began preparing a feast for us.

'Maybe I shouldn't have done it'

'Maybe I shouldn't have done it'

"Maybe I shouldn't have done it."

Peeta gave me a confused look, "Shouldn't have done what?"

So I've been thinking about this quote more than I should have been. It's been keeping me up at night, drawing pictures in my head of the things that haunt my sleep. But, every time I try to put it on paper, I can't find the right picture.

This, like many other things in my life, has been a product of my procrastination.