UPDATE! lol... trust. me. That is all.
If Walls Could Talk
Chapter 10
1 Month Later
The evening takes on a feeling of contentment.
The sun is going down as the clock reaches 9 p.m. and she's finally home at this kind of hour and about to crash on the couch and watch television.
Her living room is shrouded in dark, black and gray shadows slithering across the surface of her furniture like clingy doilies.
She pours herself a glass of wine and walks tentatively to her sofa and sits down.
Sitting in the complete darkness for a minute, she takes in the sounds permeating around her.
The light ticking of the clock is heard from her hallway, the usual hum of her fridge vibrates through the enclosed space of her kitchen and a brisk whistle of wind sifts through the cracks of her main apartment window.
Laying her head back against the cool surface of the couch, she lets her neck roll from side to side. The back of the couch provides a stiff surface to stretch and soothe the crick in her neck.
She's sore and tense like she's ran a marathon and the only thing that can explain the sudden onslaught of body aches is, she's just getting old.
She's still in good shape for 43 and still has some fight within her, but her body feels like a monster truck ran a few laps across her entire body.
As she sits in the darkness of her living room, her mind wanders like it usually does when she's alone, or in complete silence within herself.
She and Fin had chased a suspect up a flight of stairs and low and behold her body was paying for it now.
The rape suspect had almost gotten away even with her accuracy and pace running up those four flights of stairs.
Running a palm down the back of her tense neck she remembers what Cragen had said to her when she and Fin had returned back to the precinct.
Sitting on the edge of his desk he had mentioned how much work was being put on her and the rest of the crew. She had agreed and they both sat in his small office in silence for a few minutes. She sat in a chair in front of his desk and he on the edge of the front as she wondered what he was thinking.
Finally, shifting his weight on top of the desk, he had said something about new blood.
New.
Blood.
Meaning new detective.
She had inwardly cringed at the thought and then looked at her captain.
It was vastly approaching the year mark since Elliot had left and his absence was taking a toll on the unit. His former colleagues were in dire need of help.
After Cragen had dropped a particular bombshell to her last month she didn't think anyone would ever replace Elliot.
Hell, she still thinks it and probably always will as long as she steps foot in that precinct.
He'd put in his papers.
He wasn't coming back.
Her heart flutters as she remembers Cragen telling her this news in his office. Telling her to close the door behind her had sent that immediate panic alert through her mind and she knew something wasn't right.
At first, she thought the worst. She didn't want to think about that so she tentatively urged her captain on silently.
Nothing had ever stung so bad as did her captain's words as she stood hunched over in that empty interrogation room.
She could barely contain her sobs until she didn't. Sobbing was her only release.
It hurt. Badly. Why couldn't he have told her himself? He had plenty of opportunities to tell her himself. But learning from her captain had told her something was definitely not right between them.
She could hardly ever remember feeling that way in her adult life or any circumstance for that matter. Not even when her mother died. Her heart didn't break half as much.
Elliot put in his papers.
A few simple words in context but searing words in meaning, burned through her soul ten times worse than she could have ever imagined.
Her partner wasn't coming back.
What did that say about her? She didn't want to think about it. It wasn't good for her that's for sure.
Sitting the glass of wine on the coffee table, she grabs the remote and clicks the television on. Immediately, she mutes it and just watches the news captions as usual.
She'll meet the newest detective to their unit on Monday. At that thought, she stands up and goes to pour some more wine into glass and sits back down.
She realizes she fails to mention the little word replacement in her assessment of the new guy. What will he be like? Is he experienced? Will she be able to build a rapport with him and trust him like Elliot? Does she even want to?
Sighing, she closes her eyes and listens to the subtle sounds of her apartment.
Does he realize what he's doing to her? Elliot. She'd tried calling him after their little incident in his car. She wanted to make things right. They had spent too much time apart before that. So many months of not hearing from him. Vague details of his current life. And now, he refuses to answer her calls and voicemails. She must have really messed things up this time.
He probably went back to his wife. His kids. His home. She's probably long gone from his line of thoughts. She sure wishes that were true for her.
Next to her on the table where the lone lamp in the room sits, her cell phone begins to buzz with a new text message.
Grabbing it, she immediately takes a deep breath. She almost forgot about the last few months of her life. She wants to. She wants to start over. Start over by grabbing him in that squad room after all the techs and officers had left and just hold him. Tell him it would be alright. Maybe then, he wouldn't have left to find himself and leave her world turned inside out.
She looks down at the screen and swallows the lump in her throat.
Hey. How are you? Would you mind meeting at the cafe down the street? It'd be nice to see you. Take care.
Without a second thought, she knows which cafe and sighs.
Before replying, she reminds herself that she is different now. She needs to keep reminding herself of that. Things have changed, people change. She sure knows that. Events in one's life don't define who they are all the time but they sure can alter their way of thinking and choices in the future.
Sighing, she pushes reply.
Ok. Meet you around 7:30 tomorrow morning. Bye.
...
Reaching for her cup of coffee, she sees a tall figure appear in the doorway of the cafe. Inwardly she smiles not wanting to show her obvious reaction. She still gets that feeling in the pit of her stomach from his presence despite what's happened over the last few months.
He tentatively sits across from her with his own carry out cup of coffee and smiles lightly.
"Hey."
"Hey."
Reaching her hand out to the center of the table, he takes it lightly in his and looks in her the eyes. Sighing with relief, he strokes her hand with the tips of his thumb and index finger before pulling it back.
"Look, Olivia. I need to see you more."
Before he can continue, she shifts in her seat and looks off to the side. He notices her unease and continues hesitantly.
"I mean... eventually. I hope to see you more, soon. I can't tell you how much it has drained me not seeing you. That was punishment enough, not being able to explain myself."
Clearing her throat and then looking back into his eyes, she smiles lightly before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. More as an act of embarrassment than anything else. That's what she wants to forget. Start over. It's all a little surreal. It happened. So what? Move on?
"So... explain yourself," she urges on gently yet with a stern affirmativeness.
Fuck it. She's still tired as hell of being so goddamned lonely. She wants what they had early on. It's still possible.
He swallows deeply and starts to explain like he's never done before.
Her brown eyes never escape the green of his gaze the whole time and she wonders, why does life have to be so damn complicated?
...
He's lean. But not as lean as Elliot. He's got a air of confidence that exudes even from underneath that thick lumberjack beard of his.
"Shave that off," Cragen mumbles.
Ok, thinks Olivia as she tries to picture him without the beard. He looks experienced yet still younger than she. That doesn't worry her. She'd been about his age when she started the unit and she adapted fairly quickly.
She doesn't like him.
Sighing a puff of air, she stands up and walks toward her colleagues as her captain finishes his introduction to their new detective and Olivia's temporary new partner.
She'd been hell bent all morning about meeting him. Thinking today couldn't be enough of a stressor until she walked in, sat at her desk, turned on her computer and started typing. During that calm, she had heard a feminine voice coming from the elevator and couldn't quite grasp who she could be.
An officer had taken a box from her and she had headed off with Cragen on the elevator.
What the hell?
Was her new partner or new colleague a woman?
Despite the brief confusion, Olivia had quickly learned who she was. Arriving almost a full day before her fellow new co-worker, Amanda Rollins, strolled in almost immediately in tune to work their current case. She came from an SVU in Georgia.
Olivia hadn't liked her either.
Like Amanda Rollins, Detective Nick Amaro hadn't even made her flinch. She wanted her old partner back.
She wanted to sit across from Detective Elliot Stabler instead of the empty shell of a desk.
Sighing, she holds her hand out to the younger man and he smiles sheepishly at her. With a small smile of her own, she welcomes him reluctantly.
"Welcome to SVU. It's not for everyone," and steadfastly walks away.
...
On the car ride to their next case, Olivia looks over at Amaro and swallows a lump in her throat. She doesn't know what to say to him.
He glances at her also, and she feels his eyes on her.
"So, what brought you to Manhattan SVU?" she tries lightheartedly.
"Uh. I came for change. Heard there was an opening so to say in the SVU here so I bargained and here I am," he explains sharply ready for her onslaught of questions. He's recognized since he first laid eyes on her, she wasn't privy to the idea of him working alongside her.
"Well, like I said. SVU is different than most units. Not many last long here. Just make it through this interview," she smirk as they approach the neighborhood of a potential special victim.
The car becomes silent as they continue to ride. The air isn't uncomfortable, but neither one of them can get past the fact that it seems they should say something. Olivia hits a pothole and the sedan jerks slightly but the low hum of tires on pavement fill the confines of the car.
The late afternoon air is cool despite the warm, humid day it was. It's approaching summer and she can't imagine the hot weather New York City will experience this summer. Late spring has already shown it's dark side with warm days turning to muggy nights.
As a flare of sun light pours through the windshield, temporarily blinding Olivia's sight, she blinks several times trying to rid the orange and yellow flare from her eyes.
As she turns up the street, Amaro finally speak up feeling confident.
"How was he?"
Not sure what he's referring to, she turns her head slightly toward him, blinking once, then turns back toward the road. "Excuse me," she asks curiously.
"Your former partner? I can tell you weren't happy to see me. I must not look up to par for your partner's replacement."
"I wasn't... uh, I'm just adjusting you know? And temporary... " she trails off remembering Elliot's actions of turning in his badge. "I mean, we'll be all working together. But to answer your first question, Detective Stabler was one in his own. You'll learn," she offers softly pulling off to the side of the street and parking the car.
"Yea... noted," he nods and starts to pull open his door.
"Just..." she begins again before he fully opens the door. "I was told to just show you the ropes this time. Only time will tell," she mumbles under her breath as they both continue to climb out of the car.
An hour later and no more information than she had before coming, she and Amaro head back to the precinct. The ride is silent but comfortable.
At a red light, Amaro glances over to his new colleague and the overhead street light casts a red gleam across her cheek being he can only see her profile.
She seems nice enough he thinks. She also looks tired. He wonders how long she's been doing this? He takes a deep breath. "Detective Benson, how long have you been doing this? Not saying anything about you, but you look seasoned. Tired."
Smiling lightly, she keeps her eyes on the road as the light turns green and the car moves forward. Sighing before speaking, she chances a glance at the younger man and purses her lips for a second wondering what he'd think of her if he knew how long she's been living in the shadow of her job.
Finally, "Thirteen years," she answers swiftly, confidently, somewhat proudly. "And... I am tired," she answers and pulls to a spot outside the 1-6 and gracefully gets out of the sedan sending a final clunk of the door as it closes behind her. Amaro follows.
...
They walk down the sidewalk at half past nine and she's smiling. He's been nothing but gentleman-like and careful the whole night, never taking too much and keeping a safe distance as they walk toward her building.
He had taken her to dinner as a kind of peace offering. Apologizing for the enormous ass he had made of himself. He wanted to make things right. He may be hiding things from her but it's all in good interest. He's a drunk bastard, yes, but he also has a mission.
He's not going to lie. He's been attracted to Olivia since the day he met her, but the more he deceives her the more he feels guilty. He only really wanted to court her and find out what the pigs had on him, if anything at all, but now he's really starting to want more from her.
He's felt from the beginning that that could be a possibility but until now, he only thought that first night they met that she wouldn't give him a chance. She was a tough detective who didn't put up with shit. Now, he's seen a side of her and he wants to see more.
He wants to get inside again. Inside her head, her apartment, her bed. If only it weren't for his inability to garner her complete respect. A line was crossed. He got drunk. Took it out on her. Now, she'll never fully trust him again. What good five good months of a relationship did.
He holds out his arm and she takes it only to still keep space between their bodies as they approach her front stoop. She knows anyone, her friends, girlfriends, colleagues, would grill her for this, but she knows him. They don't. She knows what they shared the past several months. As much as she hates to say it, people make mistakes. Like Eric. He made a mistake. She's made plenty in her life and not everyone gave up on her. Cragen for instance. So many times had she been so out of line and on the verge of suspension but he never gave up on her.
Elliot. He never, ever gave up on her. Even when she felt do Oregon. He was willing to slide next to her in the sedan on the next case or walk in stride with her when she came back like nothing ever changed. She can do the same.
Eric has shown he wants to prove himself to her. He's been good for her. She feels alive around him. Something she'd only really felt while around her work life. Around her partner, around other people.
She'll think long and heavy about rebuilding this relationship. She'll think about it because she wants it. He was good to her. One night. One night! He made a mistake. Is it worth ending something great they had over just one bad move? He's apologized until his lips turned blue and has tried showing her she's worth the fight. That's something isn't it?
She's a smart woman. She knows when women go back to abusive spouses. Thinking about her situation with Eric, it's different. Maybe, not by much but she realizes she has an out and that's what's important. If he does anything of the likes again, which she seriously doubts, she will single handedly shoot him there on the spot. No man, no man will ever lay a hand on her.
Opening the door to the inside of her apartment building, she hesitates when he waits for her to enter the foyer. "Uh, dinner was great Eric. Call me if you want," she says warmly.
"Sure," he offers back with a smile of his own. She starts to walk in and he starts to close the door behind her when she calls back.
"Oh... and thanks," she offers. Pursing her lips she starts to walk down the hallway when he answers.
"You're welcome, Olivia. Sure you don't want me to walk you up?" he offers innocently.
Feeling complacent with their current situation, she turns without moving her feet and smiles at him. He takes the hint and starts to walk away smirking. Once she hears the front doors to the building close and knows he's not behind her, cautious as ever still with him, she turns toward her mailbox before heading toward the elevators. She notices a thick stack of mail when she opens it and realizes it's been a couple of days since she's checked her mail.
She reaches in and pulls all the contents out and gets on the elevator. Fingering through the mail in her hands, she comes across several bills and junk mail. At the bottom of everything, and obviously the earliest piece of mail in her mailbox, she pulls out a crumpled yellow envelope with her name and address on it. Placing the other mail inside of her bag, she opens it and carefully pulls out the small amount of bubble wrap inside the envelope.
Bringing her hand back out of the small space, she revels in the feel of the cool surface against her skin. When she looks down, her heart skips a beat. Even without a return address, she already knows who this is from.
The small, round object sits in the palm of her hand as she reads the emblem. An eagle standing atop a globe can be seen in the middle of the medallion and around the edge she reads, "Semper Fidelis United States Marine Corp."
Her eyes start to blur. What does this mean? Her heart begins to pound until she can feel it in her ears. She closes her fist around it and closes her eyes willing the moisture underneath her lids to cease. At least until she can get inside her apartment.
She needs to get in there soon so she can analyze what this is, what it means and why?
Just as she's about to place the object back into the envelope, the elevator doors open to her floor.
There's no return address she realizes and she wants to know if Elliot brought it here himself because there's no stamp on it either. Just as this little piece of information resonates in her mind, she looks up and glances down the hall in front of her.
She doesn't process the sight at first but once she does, she stops in her tracks. Standing against the wall across from her door is the one person who can answer all these questions.
Elliot.
Well here were are! Elliot baby. Come give mama a keeessss.. lol.. sorry. I guess everyone knows about the cut scene with the Semper Fi 'note.' Well, I loved the scene even though there could have been more to it, know what I mean? I just wanted to incorporate the gesture myself into my own fic since it takes place after season 12 and during season 13. Definitely going down my own route on how everything unfolded with the newbies and all. It is fic right? I don't want to copy the show wholeheartedly but anyways... hope it was worthwhile. We're moving along in EO land and angsty stuff ahead. Fair warning ;) Next update may or may not be during Thanksgiving vacation. I was a little disappointed with the lack of response I got for the last chapter. I'm not going to beg for reviews but it does help when I get constructive reviews that help inspire me write the next part and continue this story. Thanks for reading ;)