AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! (And I "sed" go back to Kindergarten and learn how to type like someone your age.) c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 (I haven't read it yet, but I'm already assuming it is.) it delz wit rly sris issus! (I'm ashamed that I was even able to understand what that meant.) sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! (Raven, you didn't "hlep" that much.)

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"NO!" I screamed. (I don't know what I hate about that, but I really hate it.) I was horrorfied! (Tara, you can't just add new words to the dictionary when you feel like it.) B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off (See, this is why nobody likes you, you're a bitch to your few friends.) and I ran to my room crying myself (How do you cry yourself? How does this happen?) . Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. (Dumbledore is the headmaster of Hogwarts, and let's just ignore the fact that he is supposed to be dead right now. Why am I even bringing canon up, it's not relevant here. Anyways, if Dumbledore is the headmaster, then he wouldn't be worried about looking like a perv by going into a student's dorm. I've just wasted my breath.)

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood (Doctor! We've got a case here. This kid's crying tears of blood and someone around here should know that it isn't normal.) and then I slit both of my wrists (Of course, self-harm is the same thing that led to Draco's death, but hey, little selfish Ebony only cares for Ebony.). They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily (How do you jump into a bathtub angrily? Do you perform a cannonball?) while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide.(If this bitch doesn't learn how to spell stake, I will drive a stake through my heart.) I was so fucking depressed! (Yeah, we can tell!) I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly (What the fuck is "sandly"? What th i y?). I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. (This is still tacky.) I couldn't fucking believe it. (Just like I can't fucking believe I'm still reading this.) Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap (Who the hell is Snap? Is this supposed to be Snape? Good lord.) was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! (No, no, no, no, hell no.) And Loopin was masticating to it! (Not Lupin, too! I'm liking this story less and less.) They were sitting on their broomsticks.(Lupin's multi-tasking? Not too shabby.)

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason (*Manson, but why the fuck would anyone want him to be on their towel?) on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in. (*Harry)

"Abra Kedavra!" (That's not the spell. That's not the spell.) he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb (Men don't have a womb…) . I took my gun and shot Snape (Why would you need a gun when you have a wand...and fangs?) and Loopin a gazillion (Not a number.) times and they both started screaming and the camera broke (But how did the camera break?) . Suddenly, Dumblydore (When did Ebony turn into Madame Maxine?) ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly… (Suddenly what? Don't keep me in suspense.)

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" (Didn't Hagrid graduate a while ago?)

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" (This is some type of fallacy, I forgot which. It's like saying, "I may be a murderer, but I am also a Beatles fan." Two totally unrelated things.)

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. (So, Snap has no other factors.)

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. (Elephant?) "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" (You don't say this shit out loud.)

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. (#relatable)

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. (Clook.)

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. (Decisions, decisions.)

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. (Rap is not gothic.)

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. (Because Snape would totally care.)

"Because I LOVE HER!" (Oh, dear God.)