As we returned to the group, Kyoya snapped shut his notebook and turned towards us.
"Good you've returned. I was worried we would have to drag you over here. We need to get moving if we are going to avoid traffic."
"Traffic?" Haruhi asked, "Where are we going?"
"Amusement park!" the twins shouted simultaneously. Simultaneously in my ear. They will pay.
My brief annoyance with the ginger haired idiots was quickly overridden with excitement. Amusement park? I hadn't been to one of those in forever!
The last time I went to one some dumbass kid left his iPod in his pocket when he got on one of those upside-down rollercoaster awesomeness rides. It was all shits and giggles for everyone until it ended up catapulting out of his pocket and into my head as I waited in line.
Gravity, thou art a cold heartless bitch, and child who owned the iPod, thou art an illiterate fuck for not reading the "What NOT to Bring On the Ride" signs.
Yeah, it really is all fun and games at the carnival until some one has to go to the hospital with a concussion and a need for stitches due to a flying Apple device, isn't it?
As we all piled into the limo, I found myself hopelessly stuck next to Kyoya, which was awful, but I didn't have it nearly as bad as Haruhi, who was seated between the twins, who, I easily discovered, were feeling extra mischievous then, as they decided to try and initiate their "brotherly-love-give-me-attention-bullshit" act with her in between them.
It went something along the lines of:
"Oh Hikaru, a trip to the amusement park is going to be so fun! Will you be my ride buddy?" Kaoru asked sweetly as he leaned over (essentially on top of) her to get closer to his brother
"Why oh course Kaoru," he said, holding his twins face way too close to his for an "innocent" gesture, "but only if you promise to go on the Ferris wheel with me." His voice dropped into a whisper that was still loud enough for everyone in the vehicle to hear as he leaned even closer towards Kaoru, "I hear it's really romantic."
I swore I could see sparkles and roses spouting from the air around them and that's when Haruhi decided that she'd had enough.
"Get off of me you two!" She yelled from in between them, snapping them out of whatever hormonal, incestual, strange little moment they were having. Without returning her personal space to her, they turned to face Haruhi.
"What can we help you with," Kaoru said as they put their heads together and leaned towards her, "Do you like what you see?" Hikaru finished with a wink.
"Yeah it was great," She retorted, voice dripping with sarcasm. "No but seriously, please move. Now." They slouched back to their seats, pouting.
I threw Haruhi an apologetic look but she only had enough time to return to me an "officially-done-with-this-shit" one as Tamaki enveloped her in a hug spewing some nonsensical bullshit about the "evil devil twins."
However, at this point it was seeming less "nonsensical" and "bullshit" and more "frighteningly accurate" as they attempted (and sorely failed, mind you) to maneuver her into their laps.
It was going to be a long ride.
We finally arrived at the amusement park after a rather trying ride, and as I emerged from the back of the hot limo I collapsed to the ground and begin kissing the pavement.
"Thank you, whatever Gods there may be, for delivering me from the evil that is host club transportation!" I yelled earnestly to the sky, not a trace of sarcasm or joking in my voice.
During the ride I had witnessed: Honey eating four and a quarter cakes (fucking midget from space), Hikaru and Kaoru finding sixteen different pet names for Haruhi, and Tamaki putting himself in the emo corner twelve times. And a partridge in a pear tree.
How one can even find an emo corner in a fucking limo, I have no idea. But that's Tamaki for you.
The host club brushed past my little episode towards the front gates (all of them save Haruhi, for she pulled me off the ground and told me to be mature because sure as hell no one else was going to be. Apparently "rich bastards" and "maturity" aren't to be used in the same sentence unless the words "do not have" are in between them.)
Also apparently, Kyoya's family owned this particular park as a "relaxation center."
Now, as much as I love amusement parks, I think I can safely say that I don't find riding rollercoasters and being chased by clowns "relaxing. "
Nonetheless, it meant we got in for free, so fuck the technicalities because today was going to be hella rad.
Haruhi and I stayed quiet while the host club began to argue over where to head first.
Tamaki wanted to check out some sort of pageant they were holding, no doubt to enter Haruhi in it; I'm pretty sure I could feel the waves of disgust rolling off of her at the thought.
Honey wanted to hit up the concession stands and enter himself in the pie-eating contest. Shocker. Mori would obviously tag along anywhere the weirdo went to supervise.
The twins wanted to check out some of the rides there. And by "rides" I mean the terrifying, upside-down, gravity-and-logic-defying rollercoasters. And I'm pretty sure they wanted Haruhi between them at all times.
And Kyoya? Well, all the O-man wanted was someplace quiet he could work. Bucket of fun, isn't he?
While the group was pointlessly arguing, Haruhi and I slipped off to explore the place. God knows we wouldn't get a chance to once the idiots made up their minds.
I challenged her in a bunch of carnival games and we both ended up winning half a dozen stuffed animals.
Despite my experience in the world of all things baseball, Haruhi beat me at knocking down milk bottles by a mile.
The girl had a cannon!
I forced her to stop for ice cream, and when she threw me a look I simply responded with, "Ice cream fixes everything. Even if it's a day in public with the host club."
After our games, we ended up finding a spot atop a hill that overlooked the rest of the park and was pretty well hidden. We sat down on the bench stationed there and relaxed in silence, enjoying the view.
It had been almost an hour since we had ditched the Host Club and I was surprised they hadn't caught up to us yet. Not that I was complaining or anything; the last hour had been heaven on Earth compared to what I am sure the rest of the day would be like.
"You know, on days like this when the club drags me out on some insane adventure, I never get moments to myself. I don't think they realize that I'd enjoy some personal space every once in a while." I giggled at her comment.
"Well, Tamaki is French. To him, 'personal space' is anything that still involves clothing. As for the twins, I'm pretty sure someone decided, 'Hey, let's make a teenage boy with three times regular testosterone levels; then let's clone him.' Honey is basically an eight-year-old and Mori does whatever the hell the hobbit does. And Kyoya? All I can say is that if the sin greed were a bonefide human, he's probably it. Welcome to the host club; personal space not included." I winked at her scowl.
"None of that is true, they just always need to be the center of attention."
"Oh ho ho, so you're telling me that Tamaki does have an accurate perception of personal space?"
"Well, no but-"
"Are you saying that the twins aren't overly hormonal teenage boys?"
"That may be true but-"
"So you're implying that Honey doesn't act like a child at times and that Mori wouldn't follow him to the ends of the Earth?"
"Arguably-"
"And can you honestly tell me the Kyoya doesn't attempt to raise your debt in extreme situations such as 'wasting time' on a daily basis?" I mean, not anymore but she doesn't need to know that.
"Ok, alright, fine! You win! Are you happy?" She threw her hands up in defeat.
"Yes, I am indeed quite content." I beamed at her pouty face as she turned away from me to watch some rather interesting nothing in the trees behind us.
We sat in comfortable silence for the next ten minutes or so, enjoying the peace and quiet. I'd never taken time to sit and reflect on the week's occurrences. So much had happened, it was almost mind blowing.
Last Thursday morning, I had been a millionaire. That same night, I had become homeless.
Friday I flew to Japan alone and I had officially been accepted into Ouran (after the world's most stressful and unnecessary interview).
And over the weekend I got a new home.
And yesterday, I made my first friend and four enemies (I don't count Honey and Mori as enemies, they're more of a neutral, like Switzerland).
It was crazy how much had happened, how drastically my life had changed in such a short amount of time. I guess I had just been so busy I hadn't had any time to reflect on it.
As I mulled this over, I became curious about my earlier realization.
"We ditched the host club like an half an hour ago? Where are they? You think they would have found us by now." It didn't take long to get my answer.
I quickly realized that Haruhi and I were no longer alone. I could hear faint whispering from somewhere behind us, but when I turned around, no one was in sight.
Odd.
I was about to face forward again when Haruhi nudged me wordlessly. I threw her a questioning look before I followed her eyes upwards.
There, in the trees, sat the host club.
They were sitting
In the fucking trees.
They were all huddled (or trying to huddle, as they were in a fucking tree; it's sort of difficult to huddle when in that situation) and vehemently discussing something. No doubt how to execute whatever "genius" plan Tamaki cooked up.
I had absolutely no words as I witnessed this. None.
Well, actually, I did have a few that I leaned over to Haruhi to whisper. I put on my best Steve Irwin Australian accent and began my monologue.
"Now, here we have a rather rare occurrence: the gathering of the Hostus Clubeous. You see, they are very rarely found in the wild beyond their extensive and lavish habitats, so it truly is a treat what we are witnessing. As you can see, there are many different species in the Hostus Clubeous.
"First we have the Tamikeri Suohpoda the leader of the group. It's melodramatic nature and severe lack of a filter (or common sense for that matter) makes it a very entertaining creature to study, but never to interact with." I looked over to see Haruhi sporting a large grin at my antics.
"Next we have the Hitachiodea Twinacus, which are always found in pairs. Every creature is identical to the other, though there are many measurable differences in the two despite their identical sex drive and annoying nature.
"Another creature found here is the Mitskunoptera Haninostoma an organism with a cute and youthful appearance and an insatiable need for sugar. Along with its ever faithful and ever silent giant side-kick, Takalatus Morinostoma, the Mitskunoptera Haninostoma wanders through the wilderness searching for cake and its adorable best friend, the Usoria-chanea, a small rabbit like creature.
"Lastly, we have the Kyoridae Ootoricanus, one of the most vicious creatures in the wild. Its persistent need for success and profit far outweighs its moral capabilities and many competitors have known its sly and cunning nature as their downfalls. This internal beast is masked by a stunning façade, but once revealed, many do not live to see another day. Especially if you are an innocent Harulonga Fujiokensis, and you have just broken a very expensive vase."
As I finished my pointless and silly speech in an even sillier accent, Haruhi broke into uncontrollable laughter that she had been holding in for the entire spiel. It was then that it came to my attention that the entire host club actually was not in the tree and that there was indeed one person missing.
I faced forward again to find a smirking Kyoridae Ootoricanus watching me.
"'Stunning façade?' I'm flattered, honestly, my dearest Kaedius Halemus." Huh. So he does have a sense of humor. The rest host club climbed (fell) out of the tree and joined the rest of us normal people (minus Kyoya) on the ground.
"Well, now that we've found you and that delinquent, we can continue our day without interruption!" a rather excited Tamaki announced.
Both of us let out simultaneous groans as we were dragged along through the park to cater to the hosts' every whim.
We had to witness Honey utterly destroy everyone in a pie eating contest. It was terrifying to watch and after it was through Honey had won by eating 127 pies in 10 minutes, which was almost 13 pies a minute. Kid's a machine.
It was even more terrifying when, after the contest, he skipped up to Mori and sweetly asked for some strawberry cake to get the taste of the rather cut-rate apple pie out of his mouth.
As if he hadn't already eaten enough.
Then we were dragged to a rollercoaster that worked entirely based off of physics and gravity at the insistence of the twins. No engines, no controls, no nothing. Which was almost as terrifying (though immeasurably more fun) than witnessing the midget's inhuman display of talent, though I do distinctly remember Haruhi being a bit green and queasy at the end of both.
We then involuntarily watched as Tamaki attempted to force Haruhi into the pageant. He got as far as putting her into a dress, (which she nearly shredded) before he was abruptly stopped by some passing Ouran girls who asked why Haruhi, a boy, was wearing a dress. Kyoya saved the day by bullshitting some story about how Haruhi wanted to feel closer to the customers by putting herself himself into their shoes. Literally.
I then proceeded to laugh at how terribly fabricated that lie was for the next 300 years before it was demanded that we do something relaxing by our "savior." We decided that something good and relaxing was a ride on the Ferris Wheel.
As we made our way over to the flashing lights signifying our destination, I was hastily pulled aside my someone.
It was Kyoya?
"What do you want?"
"Are you having fun?"
"What?"
"I asked if you are having fun."
"Why?"
"You're having a good time here right? The hosts may annoy you, but you're still enjoying yourself."
"I'm not following. What are you getting at?"
"I wasn't lying when I said your presence in the host club was profitable. And you're enjoying the day out with us. So join us. Be a host." I honest to god couldn't help but laugh right in his face.
"You want me…to be a host? You must be joking! What are you on? I would never join your fucking three ring circus."
"You could be an ally for Haruhi."
"Don't you pull Haruhi into this. This is between you and me. And I'm not going to let you exploit me for more money. Hell to the fucking no." And with that I shoved past him to join the host club at the line for the Ferris Wheel.
Despite protests from Tamaki and the twins, Haruhi and I (plus our many new stuffed animal friends we had won) locked ourselves in one of the open-aired passenger cars and enjoyed the slow, peaceful, host club free, ascent to the top.
Despite the craziness of the day and Kyoya's bullshit, I think I can safely say I actually did have a good time. The host club is definitely an efficient source of entertainment, that much is certain.
We abruptly stopped as we reached the peak of the ride, and as I looked down towards the controls, I realized Tamaki was in a heated debate with the worker controlling the ride.
Haruhi leaned over and witnessed the spectacle as well before leaning back and sighing. "I knew that this peace and serenity would be short lived." I silently agreed with her, and as I leaned over to once again watch the blonde's temper tantrum over god knows what, I noticed something very peculiar.
Just one car below us sat a very serious, very businessy, very pissy Kyoya Ootori who was diligently working on his laptop. Man down one business venture off to another, huh? We get one day off and he's still working.
As my on going campaign to piss him off was still running, I used this opportunity to further my plan. It was then that my eyes light up as I thought of the perfect way to throw him off.
"Yo! Kyoya!" I yelled.
The boy in question sighed as he readjusted his glasses and glared up at me.
"Yes? Have you reevaluated you decision?"
"Nope!" I grabbed one of my stuffed animals and launched it at the boy below me; it hit him right between the eyes.
"Kaeden what is the meaning of this!" He stood and began to furiously (yet calmly, which made it all the more terrifying) demand in my direction.
"Well you asked me if I'm having fun…" I threw another stuffed animal at him, this time landing at his feet. "And yeah. This is fun!"
"You better cease your foolishness unless you would like a lesson in manners. You don't want to mess with an Ootori." He threatened.
"Oh sorry hun, am I pissing you off?" I nonchalantly stated, "I thought we were supposed to be married." I chucked another victim over the side of my car to the one below me. "Lover's quarrel, is this?" This one had a perfect aim and hit Kyoya in the shoulder hard, causing him to lose his balance and fall into the side of the car. He caught himself, but not without losing something of equal importance to his life.
We helplessly watched as his prized laptop tumbled down to the ground from almost ten stories up.
The load noise of the laptop meeting pavement distracted Tamaki long enough for the operator to get us moving again, but before I shakily sat back down in my seat, I witnessed a rather pissed son of one of the most powerful corporations in the world vow his inevitable revenge.
I was in big trouble.