Chapter Five: 2011

Alex was being a good girl now.

She reached the point of no return with the truth. She had taken it as far as she could go but the words of her doctor only went to show that she had to keep her mouth firmly closed if she ever wanted to make it out of that hospital. The sudden onset of memory therapy and lots of pointed reminders that she was only a DI, not a DCI so as not to get ideas above her station left her feeling humiliated and adrift from the life she knew.

With no one nearby who knew who she truly was she had no option but to go along with their distorted view of Alex Drake, single mother and Detective Inspector.

It was painful and difficult at first but, as the days passed, she began to find it easier to play along. Hugging Molly back whenever she threw herself into Alex's arms, humouring Evan when he spoke about taking her home, leaving behind all talk of Gene, of 1995 and of CID at Fenchurch East – they were tools in her toolkit. All elements of the perfect plan. Every lie she told or oddity she agreed with took her one step closer to going home. As soon as she was out of those four walls and away from the watchful eye of the doctors who were all too quick to come at her with a bloody great clipboard full of questions, the sooner she could find Gene and work out what the hell had happened to the life she longed to return to.

She smiled at Evan as he praised her progress. The smile was as fake as a weather girl's grin when she brought news of storms laying ahead for the British Isles. But she was good at that now; her fake smiles had become the masterpiece of her disguise. Her disguise as a woman of the twenty-first century. The disguise of a woman who knew who she was and who she shared her life with. Every smile, every nod, every word she spoke was fake through and through.

Of course, she had introduced it incrementally. Didn't want to overdo things. From a slight, "I'm sorry I was offhand with you yesterday, Evan, I was just very tired," building up all the way to "I just can't wait to come home with you and Molly." The lies stung her, they stuck in her throat more often than not and she had to choke them out, but with each one she watched Evan's expression becoming happier, warmer, more and more relieved. She had to work extremely hard at it but finally she felt she was making progress at convincing him she was 'fine'.

The doctors bought her story too. The 'memory' exercises, she excelled in. Their little tests, she nailed every time. Day by day she built up her strength and her stamina, regained more motility and perfected those fake smiles.

But inside? Inside, she died a little every time she told one of those lies. Every time she put a fake kiss on the cheek of a girl she felt no bond with. Every time feigned excitement at Evan's arrival. Every time she denied her life with Gene. It took her a step closer to getting home, and a step further away from happiness.

~xXx~

On Tuesday 25th January, when almost a month had passed since Alex had woken from her coma, someone was declared an innocent man.

The relief that Robin felt as the verdict reverberated around the courtroom was like nothing on earth. He thought he had felt relief before – seeing Simon wake up after his accident, the news that Keats hadn't carried out the ultimate revenge on Simon, finding that his favourite Red Dwarf DVD wasn't scratched after all - all of that disappeared into the background as the court ruled that, despite his heightened emotional response to the situation when Nailer fled, the fallen tree was an accident waiting to happen.

Innocent. Free. Reinstated. Back to reality.

He closed his eyes and exhaled with relief as he stood outside the courts, then realised there were cameras aimed in his direction and hastily made his escape. Now that his ordeal was over there was only one place he wanted to go and one person he wanted to share the news with. The one person he thought would care.

Robin hadn't seen Alex since his visit the day after her surprise awakening. That hadn't been his decision. If he'd had his way he would have been at the hospital damn near every day. After her strange turn Evan had been very insistent that Robin should keep away. Robin had protested, unsure what harm his visits could possibly do, but Evan was very certain that she wasn't strong enough to see anyone outside of the family group. With all of the hard work that Evan had poured into his case he didn't feel he could go against his requests, so reluctantly he'd left Alex well enough alone.

Perhaps Evan was right, he thought to himself. After all, Robin wasn't a member of the family. He wasn't even a close friend. In fact, he and Alex had only been in each other's company for a grand total of three days. As far as Evan was concerned they were even less than three-day-friends. Evan knew Robin as 'Simon's Boyfriend' – Simon being the one who saved Alex from a homicidal Keats, Robin just being the one who picked him up and dropped him off when he visited her.

But Evan or no Evan, Robin needed to see her. He'd given her plenty of space, and now he was sure she needed some friends to buoy her spirits.

He arrived at the hospital looking particularly smart, still in his suit from court, and purchased a bright bouquet of flowers from the hospital gift shop before making his way slowly to Alex's room. She had been moved into a regular ward, with a private room at Evan's request, backed up with a little appearance from the healthy contents of his wallet. Alex hadn't argued. The last thing she wanted was to be stuck in some ward where nosey strangers were busily asking her what the hell happened to her head.

Alex knew she was making progress. Although that progress had felt like it moved at a snail's pace to her, to the doctors she was recovering at an incredible speed. She had taken her first steps, albeit awkwardly and unbalanced. There may have been a falling-head-first-into-a-plant-incident at some point, but she was choosing not to think about that. She had started to eat and drink properly, although holding cutlery was proving tricky. As long as no one expected her to cut up a steak she was more than happy to give anything a try though.

Another day, another fake smile as Evan told her how proud he was of her for the progress she had made.

"Even that doctor with the sticky-out-ears and the ratty moustache thinks you will be able to leave hospital in a matter of weeks!" he said happily.

"Good," Alex said quietly with a Cheshire Cat smile and a nod.

She noted with relief that Evan was twitching a little in his seat. That was the signal that he was about to stand up and leave. Good, she thought sincerely, time for peace and quiet. Time to take a rest from pretending. The mask was very difficult to maintain for long period of time. Sure enough, he shuffled to the edge of his seat and stood up.

"Well, I think it's time for me to leave you for a while," he said, "Molly is insisting on cooking tonight and, let's be honest, if I'm not home by the time she begins there might not be much of a home left afterwards!"

Alex feigned a laugh, pretending to be in on a joke about a daughter she didn't even know.

"I hope you enjoy your meal," she said quietly.

"I'm sure I shall," said Evan. He smiled and tapped Alex on the shoulder before turning to leave. "I'll bring Molly in tomorrow evening."

Alex flinched as she told the hardest lie of all.

"I can't wait to see her again."

"She can't wait to see you, too." Evan gave a wave and a strange shake of his umbrella which annoyed Alex beyond comprehension, then he was gone.

"Thank god for that," Alex sighed quietly, leaning back against the pillows and closing her eyes with relief. One more moment with Evan and she may have resorted to pulling the emergency alarm and faking some kind of serious disease.

~xXx~

Robin felt a true sense of happiness as he walked through the hospital corridors. For the first time he didn't have the awful weight of the case hanging over him, and as far as he knew Alex was on the mend. Finally he was going to get to see her properly, to actually talk with her.

Since waking up, he'd been through seven shades of hell. Not only has Simon died in the accident but Robin knew now that death wasn't 'the end'. That made it even harder for him; knowing that Simon was still existing out there but that he couldn't reach out and touch him. No one understood that. He hadn't spoken to anyone about Gene's world. He didn't dare. He remembered what happened to Simon after he woke the first time around. It wasn't a risk he could take.

It wasn't until his visit from Kim with Simon's letter that Robin was even able to let his mind wander back to Gene's world. He'd been trying to block it out for weeks, but now he would have Alex to talk to and he had a feeling she'd need someone who understood every bit as much as he did.

He turned the corner and took a step right into Evan which scared the life out of him. He gave a girly shriek, then felt like an idiot and tried to cover it up with a manly cough. He noted Evan looking a little perturbed by their clash as he examined his tie for traces of pollen, then finally smoothed his shirt down and addressed Robin.

"I thought you would be out celebrating tonight," he said.

Robin hesitated. He didn't really have anyone to celebrate with.

"No," he said, "I'm just looking forward to actually sleeping tonight." He paused and looked at Evan sincerely. "I know I said it earlier but I really cannot thank you enough for all you've done."

Evan smiled and held out his hand to shake Robin's.

"It was the right outcome today," he said, "you should never have even had to go to court over this." He looked at the slightly squashed flowers in Robin's hand. "Are those for me?" he frowned.

"Wha-no," Robin said quickly, "no, these are for Alex."

Evan looked a little wary.

"Ahh," he began, "I'm still not sure she's ready for visitors outside of the close family circle."

Robin hesitated.

"You said she was doing much better," he said.

"Yes," Evan said slowly, "in many ways she is. But her recovery will be long and slow and sometimes she even finds visits from myself and Molly fairly exhausting. I've been sitting with her for quite a while – she will probably need some rest."

Robin stared at his flowers, so much disappointment filling his thoughts.

"But… I got flowers and everything!" he protested.

"I'm sorry," Evan began, "but I'm sure you understand, I just don't want anything to hamper Alex's recovery."

"What do the doctors say?" Robin challenged, "do they think she is still not ready for visits from her friends?"

"This isn't her doctor's decision;" Evan said a little brusquely, "I raised Alex through her later childhood and teenage years. I was there for her when her parents died, when her marriage broke up, when her life was put in jeopardy. She's like a daughter to me and I'm still scared of losing her." He gave a sigh. "Give her one more week, Robin, then I'm sure I'll feel more confident about her recuperation to see others visiting her."

Robin stared at Evan, He could understand his concern and his protective nature in a way but it had been over three weeks since Alex woke from her coma. He'd heard increasingly positive things about her progress and Evan's concerns really seem to be justified. But he'd seen Evan in court and didn't fancy his chances of winning an argument against the man.

"Alright, he said quietly, "I'll come back next week to see her." Good man," said Evan. He patted Robin patronisingly on the shoulder. "I'm sure by next week she'll be raring to see you."

"Sure," Robin said quietly.

He stepped back and watched Evan leave quickly, anxious about the state he would find the kitchen in from Molly's cooking, then stared at his poor flowers again. Despite being a little squashed and smelling slightly more like Evan's aftershave than they did of their original scent they were still bright and beautiful, and Alex still deserved to have them.

He gave a deep sign. He didn't want to go against Evan's wishes, especially after all the man had done for him but he couldn't understand what would be so bad about a quick visit. Even if she was tired all he needed to do was drop off the flowers, say hello and leave.

Decision made, he decided. Evan never even had to know.

He trotted quickly along the corridor and turned another corner, coming eventually to the right ward. He began to feel a little anxious suddenly although he couldn't explain why. Perhaps it was the sheer anticipation of seeing someone who he had only known from 'the other side'? Whatever it was, he was a moment away from finally seeing her again and being able to thank her properly for saving his life and his soul.

When he peered around the door of her room he wasn't sure what he expected to see but it certainly wasn't someone sitting up in bed with a clean nightshirt, washed hair, a bowl of soup to one side and a notebook to the other.

"Alex?"

At the sound of his voice Alex froze. She thought she was hearing things at first. She had waited for days and weeks for Robin to return and now that he had she wasn't sure that this wasn't a hallucination. Slowly she turned her head to the doorway and have an involuntary gasp as the one familiar face she'd seen since she awoke stood right there before her with what appeared to be a cross between a bunch of flowers and a car crash.

"Robin!"

Robin's face lit up with excitement as he saw the recognition on his face but that excitement quickly changed to anxiety as her expression turned from joy and relief to desperation, her eyes glistening with tears.

"Alex?" he glanced around nervously. Has Evan been right? Was she not up to visitors yet?

"Robin," she whispered, "why haven't you been back to see me?"

Robin hesitated. This hadn't been the reaction he'd been expecting. He took a few steps towards her and sat down by her bed.

"Evan said you weren't up to visitors," he explained, "after you found your first few days so difficult he thought it was best that you only saw him and Molly until you were stronger."

"But I needed you!" Alex cried, her 'best behaviour' slowly disappearing and her mask all but discarded.

"Why?" Robin felt a sense of alarm as he stared at her. It was like watching a wall crumbling before him.

Alex's eyes filled with raw emotion. All the questions she had been brewing in her heart began to spill from her lips.

"Robin, where's Gene?"

Robin drew back a little. Her question took him by surprise.

"Gene?" he repeated.

"He hasn't been to see me," her words were edged with tears, "no one even talks about him. Has something happened to him?"

Robin's mouth went very dry suddenly. To balance it out, his palms grew damp with perspiration.

"Alex, Gene's not… here."

"I know that!" cried Alex, "that's why I'm asking you here he is!"

"No… Alex…. He's not from here…" Robin's hands began to tremble. He swallowed as he stared at her. Of all the reactions he'd been anticipating this one was not on the list.

"No one will tell me where he is," Alex hissed urgently, grasping his hand in a sudden motion that made him jump, "and they think I'm someone else, Robin."

"What do you mean someone else?"

"They say I've got a daughter," Alex's tears began to fall, "and they've got my rank wrong. And," her expression became more urgent by the moment, "if I've been in a coma for two and a half years then why isn't it nineteen ninety eight?"

Robin gulped audibly. Her words were setting off a deep-seated panic within him.

"Alex," he whispered, "What year are you from?"

Alex's tears began to fall harder. Finally she could speak the truth.

"Nineteen ninety-five," she whispered.

Robin chewed on his lip anxiously.

"Don't you remember," he began quietly, "what happened to send you there?"

"I…" Alex faltered, "I transferred to Fenchurch East in nineteen eighty one. Promoted to DCI nineteen eighty five."

"You didn't transfer," Robin was surprised to find his voice was trembling, "you were shot."

"By Keats."

"No! By Layton."

"No, Keats…" Alex shook her head slowly, "Keats shot me. In the hospital room. Kim's hospital room. And then I went into a coma… and I woke up in two thousand and eleven."

Robin's adam's apple moved as he swallowed again.

"You don't remember," he whispered, "do you?"

"Remember what?"

"Alex… you're not from nineteen ninety five," Robin's own eyes began to fill with tears even though he couldn't explain why, "you're from now. You were shot two and a half years ago, on Molly's birthday."

"Forget Molly!" cried Alex, "I have no idea who she is but she's not my daughter! I thought you would help me, Robin!" her eyes were frantic now and her voice edged with fear, "I've been waiting for you to come back, to help me! But you're not telling me anything! Where's Gene? Where the hell is Gene?"

Robin's eyes darted around. Alex's state was becoming more frantic by the second and he started to truly, deeply regret ignoring Evan's advice.

"Alex, please… please calm down," he begged, "you'll give yourself another heart attack!"

"Just tell me where he is!" she cried, "is he OK?"

"He doesn't come from here!"

"Please tell me he hasn't left me?"

"Alex, he's not from here."

"Then tell me where I can find him!"

Robin swallowed. The panic in her eyes prised the truth from his lips before he could stop it.

"He's… dead," his voice broke horribly as he spoke, "just like everyone else."

Alex's frantic pleas stopped as she froze. His words didn't seem to make any sense. No sense at all.

"Who's dead?" she whispered.

Robin chewed ferociously on the inside of his cheek. He felt his heart thumping in his chest as he silently begged her not to make him go on. Her eyes, however, urged him to speak.

"It's… it's the place we go," he whispered, "when it's over, or we're… hanging in the balance."

Alex looked at him blankly. His words had no meaning, No meaning at all.

"Where's Gene?" she asked again.

Robin's eyes closed in despair as he shook his head. He wished desperately for a way out but there seemed to be none.

"I made a mistake coming here," he whispered, "you did need more time to recover. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Alex."

Alex looked on in horror as he got to his feet, flowers still in hand.

"You can't go!" she begged, "please, Robin. You are the only one who understands! You're the only one who knows. What's happening? Where am I? How did I get here? My name is Alex Drake. I was shot, and that bullet sent me forward to twenty-eleven…"

Robin looked on in dismay as Alex began to shake, just a little at first, then more violently. Her eyeballs rolled back into her sockets and he realised in horror that she was suffering some kind of seizure. Letting the flowers drop to the floor he ran from the room, screaming for medical help. Within seconds a doctor and a nurse ran his way and dashed past him, slipping and sliding on the leaves and petals as they did so.

Robin backed away in horror as he watched them attending to her. Why the hell didn't he listen to Evan? Why? Alex wasn't ready yet… she just wasn't ready yet, and now look what he'd done!

Fighting tears he fled the hospital. He had to get out of there. Couldn't risk his presence bringing her another turn. He felt such tremendous guilt and true sorrow to see the strong woman he'd met in '95 reduced to such a shadow of herself. Something was seriously wrong and he knew it – but what the hell was he supposed to do to help her?

That was a question he wasn't going to find easy to answer.