Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural
Dean had spent a good deal of the night fixing Sam up and torturing himself for what he had done to his brother. Now he was waiting for Sam to wake up. Which is what he had been doing since he had finished fixing him . Dean was really tired but he couldn't let himself go to sleep until he saw Sam awake. He was watching Sam so closely he could see every exhale Sam made. He had to make sure he was still breathing. Sam started breathing heavier and started twisting around in his sleep. Suddenly Sam jolted up and looked around the room wildly. Dean forced himself into Sam vision.
"Hey Sam, calm down. It's ok, it was just a nightmare, your safe now." Dean said without thinking. It was what he had always said to Sam when he had a nightmare when he had been a kid. Sam started taking deep breaths and slowly calming down. When Sam was calm he started to stand up then moaned and clutched his body tightly.
"Dean? Why do I hurt so much?" what could Dean say? That he and Sam had gotten into a fight, and Dean had forgotten that it wasn't only hunter Sammy in him. Dean's stomach twisted cruelly as he watch his baby brother hurt because of what he had done to him. Dean considered lying, telling him they had fought demons last night but couldn't do it. No matter what happened he had to tell Sammy the truth. Dean averted his eye to the hotel bedspread.
"Sammy I've got to tell you something."
"What Dean?"Dean took a deep breath.
"I was the one who hit you." Sam looked so betrayed. Dean made himself promise not to fight back more than minimum with hunter Sam from now on.
"Sammy me and hunter Sam got into a fight. I wasn't thinking, just reacting. I'm sorry Sam, I'm so sorry."Sam turned away from him and it broke Dean's heart.
"Sammy?..." Sammy wouldn't even turn to look at Dean and Dean felt horrible. After about 5 minutes Sam sighed. Sam didn't want to be mad at Dean. Dean had always taken of care of Sam when they were kid's. Dean was everything to him, his friend, his role model. He had to be they had moved around so much the only constant was their family.
Sam really didn't want to be mad at Dean. But Dean had never really hurt him this bad before. It hurt so much any time Sam tried to move. Sam loved his brother but his hurt was battling with his love.
Sam was trying to think of why he was so mad after everything Dean had done for him. He was sorry and Sam could see it. Sam know the right thing to do was forgive him. After a few minutes Sam realized, it wasn't because they had fought each other because it wasn't the first time. Definitely not the first time, they had fought lots when they had been teenagers. What was bothering Sam was that he couldn't remember the fight . Couldn't remember if he was in the wrong or in the right. Sam would never know at least not till he was fixed. That memory would always be with the other Sam. Until now the fact that he had been split in half, hadn't really mattered that much. Really weird and inconvenient but not painful.
But none of that was Dean's fault. Unless Sam could get Dean to see it that way things would get strange for them. Since Dad was dead and Sam couldn't see his friends then all he was Dean. He couldn't let his relationship with Dean suffer because of something Hunter Sam did. Sam finally whispered.
"Did he deserve it?"
"What?"Dean said as if he didn't quite understand the question.
"Did he deserve it? Hunter Sam?" Sam said barely louder then before. Dean seemed to consider his answer for a bit before carefully answering.
"At the time I thought so... now I'm not so sure."
"From what I've heard from you hunter Sam sound like a lose cannon."
'That doesn't excuse it, I hurt you as well." Sam sighed he knew what he had- no wanted to say.
"I forgive you."
"What? I can't forgive myself." Sam gave a short laugh. He knew that how ever hard it had been for Sam to forgive Dean, then it would twice as hard for Dean to forgive himself .Dean held himself to an impossible standard when it came to his safety. When Sam tried to remember why, he couldn't. Another thing that hunter Sam had. Sam sighed and said.
"Well you should since I was the one hurt"
"Yeah because of me!" Dean shouted back face twisted in anger.
"Dean I'm not stupid, I know what happened. I also know that hunter Sam must have been a real ass for you to hurt me. I don't blame you. I blame hunter Sam, and the stupid demon who split me. Ok?!"
Dean looked down and Sam could tell that he didn't forgive himself yet.
"Ok." but apparently he was willing to pretend he did and for now that was ok with Sam.
Author's note: I'm so sorry about the long wait for an update. I'm really really sorry. I'm also sorry for the sucky chapter. Thank you for reading!