A few weeks later...

I stared at the white lines of the scar on my arm, every time I did it brought on a new and fresh bit of pain. Akhdan... why did he have to go...?

"Red, pay attention."

I shook my head and looked back at Malik as he was still looking at the map. Had I really dazed out in the middle of his lessons again? It was becoming more and more frequent now. I had to pinch myself sometimes just to wake myself up from the day dreams. It didn't matter I suppose.

By now, my wounds had healed, old and new. But I apparently needed to work back the strength in my leg if I wanted to climb. Sirja had come more and more to help with that. It seemed like he cared about me as a person, he wanted to help me. Malik just seemed to grow more like a chunk of ice each and every day. Colder and less feeling. I wondered why, but I didn't think it would matter if I asked. He wouldn't tell me anyways. He never told me anything.

Sirja was so trusting; he told me right away how we were alike. He didn't hold back or conceal anything, it was as if I was his friend already. And I was loyal to my friends to the end.

Malik just stared at me for a long moment. "How do you expect to get better if all you do is space out while someone's talking to you?"

I sighed. "I don't..."

For a moment he seemed rather uncertain with my answer. Maybe he was questioning my seriousness again. I didn't know. "Red, don't forget why you came here."

"I know, because the Grand Master wanted you to make me useful," I said, "I know the story..."

He narrowed his eyes, "I swear, Red, you better stop using that tone. It will only bring you trouble." For a moment he closed them all together as he wondered aloud. "Honestly, I don't know what has gotten into you lately." His stared at me with those unreadable, dark eyes of his as he continued. "You weren't this bad when you came here, and you at least were determined then. What is it that makes you so distant now?"

I shrugged, not like I cared about his point. "I'm not the one who's being distant."

Now I should know better than test Malik like that, and it's fair warning to shut the hell up when you catch his hand curling into a fist. But still, I wanted to get him mad. I needed to feel something other than hollowness. And the only one who really made me feel important was Sirja, and he was off doing some sort of small job. Regardless, given a choice between the emptiness and anger, I would want the latter. At least I would know I'm alive.

"You say I'm distant?" Malik breathed slowly and relaxed a little. It seemed like he didn't even want to try and retort. "Maybe I am. But you, little novice, are more so than I am."

So he was just going to give up like that? I don't think so! "Yes, Malik, distant! You've always been, and I'm sure you recented my presence from the beginning!"

I could see the tention return to his features. Good. "Recent. So you believe I recented you. If I recented you then I would have sent you back to Altair a while ago."

"You hate me, just like everyone does!" I argued. "It's almost like I'm waste in your eyes! I'm not!"

That just about did it. Malik grabbed me by the arm and practically shook me around, "I don't hate you, so get that idea out of your thick skull!" But he stopped himself after that, his hand fell from my arm and he looked back at the map on his desk. "Go calm yourself down in the other room. Think about what you said before even considering coming back in here."

So he would treat me like a child? Fine. We'll see how well I listen! I glared before walking into the doctor's room and sitting down on my mat. I was too fumed to think about any of it. I just wanted to yell and prove him wrong. I'm not useless, no matter what he thinks.

"Dammit!"

Malik breathed heavily as he relaxed his fist after punching his desk with enough force to knock the incense pot over. When did Red become so moody? And what happened to the sort of likeable, determined kid who walked in here weeks ago? He didn't know, and he wanted to. But the only one who would have a clue is Sirja, she only talks to him on equal ground now.

Speaking of Sirja, he came walking in with a small bit of hesitation. "Is this a bad time to come and check on Red?"

He waved him off. "Oh by all means, go ahead and check in on her. She only tells you anything anyways."

Sirja's slightly hurt expression was clear in the corner of his eye. "Malik, I didn't mean to pry inbetween you and your student." He looked down with guilt. "If I must, then I'll back off."

No matter how much Malik would have loved to have Sirja just leave for a while so he could figure out what was going on, he knew he couldn't depribe Red of some form of a friend. Akhdan was the closest thing she had, and now he was gone. So why leave her completely alone? "No. It's not your fault. I'm sure it's just a stage. She'll grow out of it."

The other smiled and nodded. "Probably. And she did just loose someone she cared about." Then he pulled out a letter from his robes. "She also has a letter from her brother. I wanted to deliver it to her myself."

Again, Malik nodded. "Go ahead."

I hugged my knees and stared at the floor with tears staining my cheeks. I had broken down in my self loathing and started crying, but I couldn't keep it very long. The death of Akhdan had taken most of my tears by now. I couldn't cry anymore.

When the door opened, I looked up to see Sirja. Right away I smiled in greeting. "Hi. What are you doing here?"

He held a letter in his hand, seal and all. "Your brother sent you a letter, I thought maybe I should give it to you."

I nodded my thanks and took the letter as he handed it to me. I broke the seal and unfolded the parchment. Right away I could reconize my brother's handwriting as I read it through.

Dear Red,

I hope your training is going well in Jerusalem. I heard the other day about your injuries in a rescue attempt to save Akhdan. It was truly a brave thing, little sister. But it saddens me to hear of his passing. Don't blame yourself too much, I'm sure you did all you could.
The true reason I'm writing to you is because mother has grown ill as well as Anne. The doctor isn't sure what it is, but I hope those two pull through it. They're strong, but they get worse every day. Claire is scared and cries now. She and I both don't want to loose them.
Please respond when you have gotten the chance. I am eager to hear of how your training is coming along.

Good luck,
Rowe

My fist clenched a little before I puffed out my unease a little. "I wish I could go home..."

Sirja nodded. "You know, if things aren't working here then you always can. I know just how you can go back too without punishment."

I looked up with curiousity. "Really?"

He smiled. "Of course. But you mustn't say a word of it."

"Alright," I agreed. Somehow I didn't feel so uncomfortable when he leaned in closer to tell me of his plan. I knew I could trust him... and that's just what I could count on.