°Okay so this is the longest chapter just yet and that is simply beacuse I couldn't stop writing. I don't know what happened but the creativity-juices kept flowing; then if it turned out well I'll let you be the judges haha :) Things are closing up, if everything goes as planned there'll be about four more chapters (then again, things can change). Your reviews keep me posting; so THANK YOU3

I do not, I repeat do not own the people portrayed. Just to make it clear, I don't own them. At all. What so ever. Just so you know. And if you doubt it, don't. Cause I don't own them.°

[JACE'S POV]

Magnus picked up on the first ring. "I found him!"

"I'm coming right over!"

"I think, don't take it the wrong way, but I think that we'll get him to the Institute." Jace anticipated Magnus' protest and interjections but none came. Instead Magnus sounded really calm.

"I think you are right. Let me know, though."

Jace promised they would keep Magnus posted on Alec's state before getting one of his arms around Alec's back and his other on his waist, having Clary help him get the pale Shadowhunter up.

"That did not sound too bad," Clary said between the breaths. Getting Alec up the stairs of the large building clearly took some serious effort. As they reached the lift, they got Alec in and Clary leaned over to press the button to get them to the right floor. "I mean, he did not sound too upset, right?"

"Actually," Jace started but stopped himself to straight Alec up as he almost fell over. "Actually, he sounded abnormally calm. I would have expected him to scream at me for even suggesting it, but then again I think he knows that is the best way." Jace had been honestly surprised. Had it been the other way around Jace would have smashed Magnus' front door in to get to see his parabatai.

They got Alec to his room and Clary left as Jace once again got him cleaned up and placed him under the duvet, in the bed, his head carefully placed on the pillow. Alec immediately tucked his head in under his arm and snored quietly. Jace smiled to himself at the way Alec had always slept; it didn't seem comfortable in the slightest. But nonetheless, he left Alec to join Clary in his own room.

"What did you tell your parents?" he asked as he joined her on his bed, her head in his lap where he sat probed against the wall. The concrete felt cold against his skin and he shivered slightly.

"Just that we had passed each other in turns and that he showed up, wondering why we all were so happy to see him," Clary explained and poked at the seam of Jace's jeans. He in return had his fingers woven into her red curls, twisting them around his fingers. "What about Izzy?"

"Magnus and I decided not tell her. Magnus told her he was here and I told her that Alec was at Magnus. That way we could just put it that he indeed passed everyone, just missing them." Jace had felt like that might not work but Izzy, so woven into her relationship with Simon had bought it but he doubted they could have kept it up for much longer; she had started asking some serious questions. Jace guessed she had just as much trouble as himself with going too long without seeing her brother.

Alec had been gone for just about a week. None of them had seen him. Magnus saw him last when he left the loft but none of them had managed to get a hold of him. He had left his phone at Magnus so whenever any of them called or texted Magnus knew. Izzy had called and asked for him but it was easy just saying that he had misplaced his phone and that was that. It was an easy lie to tell cause it was partly true. He had misplaced his phone at Magnus'; they just didn't know whether he had done it purpose or not.

They had found him in an alley just outside the same club that Jace had visited with Magnus and Alec a few weeks prior. He was once again beaten bloody. But this time he was also frozen solid and his arms were covered in nasty looking scratches and his hair was plastered to his face with cold sweat. Knowing a mundane hospital couldn't do anything runes couldn't Jace managed to get him back to the Institute with help from Clary.

"What about your parents?" Clary wondered as she turned around so that she faced him directly. She had, to Jace's disappointment given up fiddling with the seam. "What have you told them?"

"Nothing? I just made sure that I took all the calls and what not instead of Alec, telling them he was at Magnus and that they probably didn't want to get disturbed. Neither of them were too keen on asking questions about that and according to Magnus they didn't call once."

Clary muffled a giggle. Jace raised an eye brow at her and she shrugged. "I could imagine both of them being rather shocked if they called in the middle of – you know."

"I'd be shocked if Magnus or Alec even bothered picking up," Jace confessed and smiled.

"You wouldn't?"

Clary looked down at her. Her eyes were impossibly dark and he felt himself being pulled in. "Let us not discuss possible phone sex with a third part. I don't feel comfortable doing that."

"I –" Clary started but Jace flew up as he heard a loud shout.

His stomach twisted as he recognized his parabatai's voice. "Stay here," he said before rushing out of the room. Something told him that he should be going on his own and as he reached Alec's room he realized that he had been right.

Sitting in his bed, his hair damp with sweat, Alec shook. He was like a leaf in the wind and big light blue eyes stared at Jace as he walked through the door. He took a few careful steps towards his older brother, who looked like a deer in headlights. Jace had never seen Alec like this. He had seen Alec scared but this was Alec frightened out of his sane mind. Jace slowly put his arms up and smiled lightly at Alec.

"Hey," he did not expect an answer and didn't get one. "I'm just going to sit down beside you, alright?" And he sat down. Alec didn't say or do anything, just stared. Jace could see that large tears were streaming down Alec's face and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and make them go. Instead he sat still, like a cat, just waiting. Neither of the two said anything and not before long Alexander lay back down, curled together like a ball and fell back to sleep. Jace let him. He just watched as Alec's chest rose and fell, rose and fell – as if to make sure that it actually did. He sat still for close to an hour, counting minutes passing, checking the rising and falling chest - before Alec sat back up, his voice catching on the dry throat. As he saw Jace his hands flew of as to fend Jace off but the blonde just remained still. He firstly, did not really know what to do and secondly he didn't want to scare Alec more by rushing forwards.

"You okay?" asked Jace, though it was a stupid question. Alec was as far from okay as Jace had ever seen anyone. "Want something?"

"Don't leave," was all Alec said with a rough voice. "Please."

"Not going anywhere, ever." Jace said it simply and scooted closer on the bed, so that his leg was touching Alec's side. His brother turned around and placed his head on Jace's lap. His hair was greasy and the bruises on his cheeks and neck had started healing properly thanks to the runes. He also had stopped bleeding and his blood-shot eyes were clearing up – the runes fading by the minute. Jace wanted to know what had happened but was careful not to ask.

"Thank you," Alec mumbled and Jace just smiled. His left hand soon found its way to Alec's black strands and started fiddling with them, letting his index and middle fingers pull through them with different patterns. Alec softly fell asleep and snored within just a few minutes. Once again Jace was back onto checking the breathing and he felt his own breathing getting slower and slower, his eyelids heavier.

The next morning Jace was knackered. Alec had slept through the rest of the night with one exception and so had Jace. But still it felt like his entire head was made of stone as he opened his eyes the next day. Him and Alec lay in an awkward position; Jace's head tucked into Alec's neck, who had his legs wrapped around Jace's left arm and his arms around Jace's right ankle.

Breakfast?

Sure, we'll be right down.

Jace put his phone and the conversation with Clary down and turned to Alec who had returned to his head-under-his-arm position. Jace softly placed a hand on Alec's shoulder but the raven haired shot up and Jace pulled back so quickly he banged his head on the wall.

"Hey, hey," he tried. "Just me," he said – his hands up in the air. It took Alec a few seconds to register and when he did his eyes fell. He sighed loudly and fell back onto the bed, his chest heaving quickly. "Sorry I scared you," Jace said and straightened up, massaging the back of his head.

"Thanks for staying the night," Alec said, his blue eyes meeting Jace's amber for the first time in a long time. Jace had missed those eyes.

"Nothing to thank me for," he said and bounced of the bed. "Let's get some breakfast."

"Not feeling like leaving the Institute," Alec said.

"Good thing Clary is preparing breakfast downstairs then," Jace smiled and reached out a hand for Alec to grab. He didn't doubt that Alec could get out of bed on his own but he felt like offering a hand wouldn't hurt anyone.

"Clary can cook?" Alec asked, sounding rather amazed.

"Let's hope so," Jace smiled as Alec took his hand.

They'd have to wait to know whether Clary could in fact cook, cause as they reached the kitchen she sat the table with take out bags from Taki's. "Got a bit of each," she said and poured some coffee in a large mug for Alec.

"Thanks," he mumbled but gave her a slight smile and she returned it. Jace watched them for a bit and wondered how he came to get these two, both of them in his life.

They ate in silence, apart from the munching sounds they all gave out. Alec had clearly not eaten properly in a long time and neither Clary nor Jace had had much of an appetite since Alec left. They hadn't had energy or will to do anything really, apart from looking for Alec. It was just pure luck that Clary had decided to check that one alley. Jace would have walked straight pass it.

"Did you call Magnus?" Alec asked suddenly and Jace who had just taken a large bit looked to Clary who answered for him.

"We did call to let him know that you are here, but he agreed to not coming here until you said that you wanted him here." She spoke kindly and calmly. Jace wondered whether she'd be a good psychologist but decided against it when it came to temper and patience.

"You make it sound as if he did something wrong."

Jace swallowed and looked at Alec. "No one said that. No one's done anything wrong, we just figured – all of us; Magnus included – that you might need some time for yourself."

Alec shrugged and sighed. "Thanks for breakfast, Clary." He stood up to leave, Clary offering him more coffee but he declined and Jace watched him leave. He quickly finished his bagel, stood up and placed a kiss on Clary's forehead before heading after Alec. To no surprise he found Alec in the Training Room.

"Want to do some sparring?" Jace asked and smiled as Alec turned around and looked at him with a raised eye brow. "You know, keeping the techniques up for when we in fact get back to hunting demons."

Alec let out a slight chuckle. "Yeah why not?" he said.

They managed to get a good two hour session of training done before Clary came down to them, letting them know that they should probably get back upstairs. Heading after her towards the main room, Jace looked to Alec who looked slightly worried. Jace on the other hand was just curious what it was that had Clary get them. As they reached the main room his curiosity was stilled.

Isabelle stood by the large sofa, her hands buried in a large paper bag. Jace smiled at her and he saw Alec trying his best to do the same. Isabelle smiled largely at them and sat down. "Hey you," she smiled even wider at Alec. "Haven't seen you around too much lately. You and Magnus might want to take a break sometimes, you know?" she smirked as she returned her focus to the bag. Jace saw Alec tense so he spoke before Alec had to.

"You volunteering as Santa this year?" he asked, referring to Izzy's bag as she looked up in confusion.

"Ha-ha," she mocked. "No. I was out shopping and I found some stuff for you," she pointed at Alec, "so I am particularly glad you are here so that I wouldn't have to leave it with Jace. He might get jealous and keep it for himself."

She pulled out a box from the bag and tossed it to Alec who caught it out of pure reflex. He hesitantly opened it. "Come on, it won't bite," Isabelle said impatiently. Jace ruled her out as a possible psychologist as well, along with reasons such as inappropriate comments and anger issues. Jace peeked over his brother's shoulder and saw that the box contained a thin silver chain. He looked up at Izzy who smiled, watching Alec taking it out and putting it on.

"I would not have kept that. Silver doesn't do anything good for me, I am more of a gold guy," Jace smirked and he would see Clary roll her eyes.

"You bought this," Alec said, looking at his sister and she shrugged.

"I killed an unfriendly customer outside an older lady's shop and she gave it to me as a thank you."

"You what?" Clary was in shock.

"It was a demon, not a common person. I don't kill people for jewelry. Perhaps for shoes on sale, but not silver. And it went fine, before you can ask," she added looking at Jace who felt himself tense and lean forward at the mention of demons. He longed for the day his blade was properly back into his hand and he was on a hunt with Alec. Though he could feel that being in a far future.

"Thank you," Alec said simply and Izzy smiled at her brother, pushing some long black hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry, I'm gonna go have a lie down," Alec said quickly then, without anyone having time to respond, left.

"Magnus really wore him out, didn't he?" Isabelle joked and got her bag onto the floor, crossing her legs where she sat. Clary smiled at her but Jace didn't. Somehow he wanted to tell her. She was his brother but if Alec didn't tell her himself Jace didn't feel like being the one to break it to her. But she was their sister. She should know. But not unless Alec told her himself. Jace usually knew what to do, or felt like he did but this time he was so far from sure he felt dizzy.

"Izzy, could you help Clary get dinner ready, I'll get the Training Room cleaned up," Jace said and looked to Clary. He could see from the slight nod she gave that she understood. As he left he heard her smiling as she spoke; "Call Simon and have him over as well; I'm just glad the pair of you are staying for dinner. Haven't seen much of you lately."

Jace headed up Alec's room and found him on the bed, fiddling with the chain.

"You want to tell her but you don't feel like you can?" Jace asked, standing in the door way and Alec looked up.

"Could you tell her?" he retorted, not unfriendly.

"She is our sister."

"That so doesn't answer the question."

"I guess it would take time, but I would tell her eventually," Jace said honestly. He sat down on the bed next to his brother, both of them staring at the wall ahead of them. Alec's hands still on the chain, Jace's in his lap.

"She and Simon are staying for dinner," Jace said suddenly, much to his own surprise and Alec nodded. "You don't mind?"

"Nah. Good to have people over so I don't have to be alone too much."

"That is improvement," Jace said and thought about the Alec that wanted to be alone and alone and alone. Withdrawing as soon as anyone else got within a foot's reach. He could see on Alec that he knew what Jace meant.

They remained silent again. Jace had never minded the silence with Alec. It always felt like they could talk if they wanted to but if they felt like being silent that was just fine as well. That way their silence never became awkward and for that Jace was ever so grateful. He had always been the one to full the awkward silence with pointless jokes and repertoires, feeling the need to fill whatever wasn't really there.

"You never told Magnus." Jace said it like a statement. And he could see that Alec didn't take it as anything else. But Alec did not say anything. "I thought you would, but Magnus told me you hadn't."

"What if it had been Clary?"

Jace's blood froze. "I'd have killed them." He spoke with a voice more matter of fact than he thought he'd be able to. "I would have killed them and enjoyed it."

"I mean if you had been me, Clary taking Magnus' place. What'd you have done?"

Jace thought hard and long. "I'd have told her," he confessed. Alec looked at him in doubt and Jace nodded. "She'd understand."

"It is not the same thing. It is different if you are a guy and – "

"There is no difference," Jace cut off. "No difference what so ever. No one is more or less of a victim just because they're a boy or a girl. It's no more their fault depending on their gender."

Alec looked up. Jace met his gaze steadily. "I mean it," he said and with a sigh his brother nodded.

"I should have told him. I know I should have but I just – I couldn't. It – just no. I couldn't."

Dinner is ready.

Be right down.

Jace's text-convo with Clary had the brothers set down for dinner with Izzy and Simon. They did not stay for long though. Jordan and Simon had gig with the band and Clary decided to head along Izzy to go check it out. Alec and Jace stayed behind, both of them too tired to go. Jace was nowhere near as tired as he made light of but he didn't feel like leaving Alec on his own.

It did not take long before Alec was asleep again and Jace remained in his room, pretending to be reading when he in fact kept checking the breathing. He felt like a professional breath-checked and wondered whether you could get a degree in Breath-Checking – PhD in Breath-Checking had an odd ring to it – when Alec sat straight up, his face pale as the moon. He was drenched in sweat and shivered. But Alec quickly fell back to sleep and Jace returned to checking. But Alec woke up at least three or four times over the next hours and after a while Jace took a different approach to the awakenings.

"Tell me what you dreamt," he said suddenly and Alec looked up in surprise, as if though he had forgotten Jace was even there, but then looked grateful that he in fact were.

"Nothing, just – nothing," he said but Jace insisted. "I just – I cannot get that night out of my mind." Jace knew immediately what night Alec was talking about. "It feels like it is on replay, non-stop, whenever I close my eyes." Jace nodded and asked Alec to continue. "I can see their faces everywhere, their voices ring in my head and I keep feeling their hands –" Alec broke off and Jace scooted closed, carefully placing a hand around Alec's shoulder. His parabatai let him. Jace didn't have to ask him to keep talking. "I just wish that I could get them out, I don't care if I tear a bunch of other memories out as well, I just – need – them – out. You know?" but he didn't await an answer. "One of them was a blonde and your hair reminds me of him. One had brown so whenever I see someone with brown hair, a bit lighter than Simon's I cringe. But whenever I see myself in the mirror, see Magnus' black hair, think about it, I just feel sick to my stomach. I turned him down, I – at the club – I told him off. And I keep wondering had I just – If I had just –" Alec broke off and Jace realized that Alec was crying. He had talked to calmly and clearly that Jace had not seen the tears falling from his brother's face.

"Don't think like that, okay?" Jace talked softly, a voice he only ever used when talking to people he cared for. His siblings and Clary. "Did you get any of their names?"

Alec shook his head.

"I just want them out," Alec said quietly and shuddered. Jace didn't say anything. He didn't trust himself to speak. He remained still and quiet until Alec fell asleep against his side. Then he carefully worked himself free and got out into the hall and fished his phone out and dialed.

"Magnus?"

"Is something wrong?" the warlock sounded worried.

"No, no. I just – Alec is worse. Worse than he was when he got to yours and I don't know what to do. What do you do?"

"I don't know," Magnus sounded honestly distressed. "I really don't know."

"Can't you just flick your fingers and have the magic juices flowing?" Jace asked, knowing the possible answer.

"I could but I won't. Not on Alec." Magnus said it simply, as if though it was the most obvious thing. He sounded so tired and Jace couldn't blame him. He knew Magnus had gotten too much sleep lately either. Though with his contacts he hadn't been able to find Alec and Jace knew that he blamed himself for it.

"Why not?"

"Cause magic is a fake illusion of reality. Alec is not fake."

Jace knew that much but there had to be something someone could do. Anything.

"I guess guess he'll have to do it the old-fashioned way. The way people have done it for thousands of years," Magnus said and he now had the voice of someone who had lived for hundreds of years and had seen this happen lots of times.

"What would that be?" Jace asked, knowing he sounded like stubborn eight year-old.

"Hurt and then hurt some more, in order to heal."