Clarke
Most people fear death, but the truth is, death isn't all that bad. It's dying that people should be afraid of. Dying is excruciatingly painful, especially if you have the misfortune of dying the way that I did. I always hoped that I would die peacefully in my sleep, surrounded by those that I love, but life doesn't work that way for everyone. My death would be by Emerson, and there was nothing I could do to change that.
After he slapped me back into consciousness, I knew my time was up; I didn't have any fight left in me and he was ready with the dagger. To my surprise, waking up for the last time and seeing Bellamy was somewhat comforting. Although he couldn't save me and he was crying out my name, locking eyes with him made me feel safe and it gave me a way to say goodbye.
I tried to tell him that he was going to be alright and to let me go, but no words escaped my lips. It was okay though, because my eyes said it all and he understood, but he didn't want to accept it.
I fought every nerve in my body telling me to keep my head down and turned it up so that I could stare Emerson straight in the face. I wanted to look Emerson in the eyes when he killed me. I was hoping that it would make him feel some sort of remorse having to stare at me while he put a knife through my heart.
In my last moments, everything around me became quiet. Bellamy was screaming, but I couldn't hear him anymore. Emerson seemed to be hesitating, like he wasn't sure if this was the right moment, but I wanted to have some control over my death. So I nodded at him, giving him permission to kill me, giving myself just a little power before I was gone. Emerson smirked and then it all went dark.
I woke up in the same place that I died, but it was empty. I scratched my head, confused about where I was until a blond girl approached me. It took my eyes a minute to focus, but when they did, I felt like I was looking in a mirror. She looked exactly like me, the only difference was the length of her hair.
"Clarke, is it?" She asked me. I nodded and backed away from her, completely terrified. Didn't I die? What was going on?
"Yes. Am I dead?" I asked her.
"Yes you are. Well, you're sort of dead. This might be kind of hard for you to wrap your head around, but when the whole immortal vampires thing happened, the universe had to create a place for all of that supernatural energy to go since energy is neither created nor destroyed. This place it created is known as The Other Side. It's where we are right now. It's a limbo between life and death. You're here because you had vampire blood in your system when you died and you need to come back to life." She explained. I pinched myself to see if I was dreaming but I was far from dreaming.
"Who are you?" I asked her. She smirked and extended her hand to me.
"I'm Eliza Jane Taylor." She greeted me. I took her hand and shook it. Her grip was exactly the same as mine, and that was when I realized she was the Eliza. She was my doppelgänger and Bellamy and Finn's first love.
"The Eliza?" I asked her to confirm.
"The one and only," She said, looking me up and down, "well sort of the one and only."
"Why are you here?" I asked her.
"I'm supernatural so I'm stuck here, plus I'm your guide. It's my job to help you find your body. Once you find your body you'll come back to life." She told me.
"Well I died here, so where is it?" I asked her. She peered over my shoulder and shrugged.
"I dunno, maybe somebody moved it." She replied. I thought about it, if Bellamy, Finn, and Raven made it out of there, where would they take me? Would they bury me near the drop ship? What if Emerson took my body? Where would he put it?
"Either Emerson or Bellamy has my body. It depends on how things went down after I died." I told her. She tapped her chin and smiled.
"Well let's go look! Let's start with Bellamy. Where would he take your body?" She asked. I thought about it and then I knew.
"He'd take it back to their bunker. He still had hope that I'd come back to life again." I said. Eliza extended her hand for me to take.
"Well then let's go!" She exclaimed, leading me out of the dungeon.
The world looked exactly the same as I'd left it, except it was emptier. There were a few other souls wandering the forests with their guides and even some souls wandering alone.
I watched Eliza out of the corner of my eye as we walked. Despite death, she had a confidence that radiated off of her. She walked with her head held high, her shoulders back, and her hands at her sides. She was elegant and somewhat intimidating, probably because of how put together she was. Her clothes were perfectly pressed and clean, her curls were held back from her face by a simple pink headband, and her skin almost glowed from how bright it was.
"I'm sure the boys lost it once they ran into you." She said, interrupting the silence. There was a small hint of jealousy in her voice.
"Yeah, but it wasn't because of me. They thought I was you, they wanted to believe that I was you." I said.
She laughed, "You're nothing like me." I couldn't deny it, she was right. We may look identical, but we are two totally different people.
"No I'm not. I would ever cheat on Finn." I said, instantly regretting the words the second they came out of my mouth.
"Oh really? Then why do you have feelings for Bellamy?" She asked.
I gasped, "I do not have feelings for Bellamy."
She scoffed, "Yeah right, I can see it all over your face. The second I said his name your face lit up like a christmas tree." I blushed.
"So what? I care about him. That doesn't mean I'm going to leave Finn." I argued. Eliza crossed her arms and shook her head.
"Clarke, I've been in the exact same position as you are in now and trust me when I say this, don't let Bellamy go." She told me. I cleared my throat and scratched my arms.
"Yeah I went behind Finn's back while I was with him and fucked Bellamy, but it was because I was too scared of my feelings for Bellamy and didn't want to lose Finn. I pushed him away so much because I thought that Finn would be better for me. I mean, Finn is the good guy and Bellamy is the bad guy, it should have been easy. But it wasn't, easy. Every moment I spent cuddled up next to Finn I asked myself what it would be like if it were Bellamy. When I finally decided to give into what I really wanted, I died. Thankfully I was able to tell Bellamy how I felt before hand, but it was only for fifteen minutes. I'd give anything to have a do over." Eliza confessed.
"I'm sorry" was all i could think of to say to her. She was right, I had a lot to think about.
"Hell, it doesn't matter what I tell you. You'll forget it the second you come back to life." She muttered.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"When you come back to life you forget that this place ever existed." She clarified. I didn't want to forget this place, or this conversation. We were almost to the bunker and there was so much more that I wanted to discover. Eliza kept quiet for the remainder of the walk, but I had so many more questions for her. She bent down to open the latch. I climbed down, and saw my body, lying on the bed. I looked cleaned up, the mud and blood were washed off and I was clothed again.
"Am I alone?" I asked Eliza as I walked around the bed.
"You won't know until you wake up. You can't see the living from here." She replied. Before I returned to my body, I hugged her. This caught her off guard, but soon after she returned the hug.
"Thank you for everything." I whispered in her ear. She let me go and gave me a small smile. I walked over to my body, took a deep breath and then held my own hand.
When I woke up, I could feel pain again. I was so sore, it was unbearable, but the longer I was awake, the more the pain disappeared. I was regenerating; I was immortal.
I opened my eyes and saw Bellamy sitting in a chair next to the bed. He was holding my hand. His eyes were bloodshot and he had dark circles underneath them. It was like he had been crying for a very long time.
"Clarke?" He gasped. I couldn't speak, my mouth was too dry, but he sat up and cupped my face. I started crying a mixture of tears of joy and sadness. My emotions felt like they were heightened and every touch was much more intense than it had ever been before. I couldn't handle it all. I backed away from him and forced him off of me so that I could try to think, but nothing came to my mind except for an intense urge to drink blood. I couldn't focus on anything else but that.
I pointed to my mouth, so that he knew what was wrong. He nodded, understanding and ran to the cooler to see if he had any more blood left, but there was none. I began biting my lip just so I could taste some sort of blood. I needed it. Bellamy noticed my desperation and took a bite out of his wrist. He held it up to my mouth for me to drink, but I shook my head and pushed it away. I didn't want to start drinking from people or hurting people. I couldn't do that, I had to get better so I could go back and live with my friends.
"Clarke you need this. Please drink it. For me." He begged me. I leaned forward, realizing that he was right, I did need this. I wouldn't be able to focus unless I did this and he was the only blood supply that I had right now.
I reached up, grabbed his wrist and started to drink his blood. My eyes widened and my senses lit on fire the second I got a taste of him. It felt like an endless orgasm and I couldn't stop myself, I didn't want to stop myself. I could feel my eyes change like a lightswitch and my veins pop out from pleasure. I jumped up out of the bed, still drinking Bellamy's blood and threw him down onto the mattress. Then I climbed on top of him and smashed my body against his, relishing in every groove and muscle on his body. I pulled on his hair and closed my eyes, basking in how amazing he felt.
I opened my eyes again to look at him. He gazed at me longingly and with so much want that it made moan. He licked his red lips and I was so tempted to kiss him, but I couldn't because drinking his blood felt too damn good. There was something about this that turned on my entire body, it was so fucking incredible and probably better than sex. I felt so connected to him and his body, it was like we were one with each other. I could tell that he was feeling the same way about me because of how he took his other hand and pulled my body down on top of his, smashing our chests against each other. He gently kissed my forehead and nibbled on my neck. I was completely blind to everything around me except for him. He was everything to me in that moment.
"Clarke…" He moaned. I sunk my fangs into his veins deeper and just kept drinking, I never wanted it to end.
"Clarke...You have to stop…" He breathed. I didn't want to stop, I didn't think I could stop.
"You're going to kill me…I need you to stop for me." He groaned. I instantly released him and the trance was over. Here I was laying on top of Bellamy in bed seconds after coming back from the dead. My mind began to race. I hadn't even considered where Finn and Raven were. I had no idea if they were okay or if they were in the room. Oh my god what if they were in the room?
I jumped off of him and backed away, licking the remaining blood of his off of my lips and awkwardly scanning the room for anyone else. He was still laying on the bed in the exact same position as he was when I was on him. I was sure my face was redder than a tomato, but he was so out of breath and mesmerized by the entire experience that he didn't notice.
"That, was...um, wow." I gasped. He sat up and cleared his throat, obviously feeling as awkward about the entire encounter as I was.
"Yeah, uh, you know how I told you that blood sharing for vampires was kind of, personal? That's why." He stuttered. I nodded and stood there in silence for a moment before a sharp pain exploded in my head. I fell to the floor, clutching my hair and screaming out in pain, before I blacked out.
I watched from a third person point of view as the old me backed away from Bellamy until she backed into a tree. Her eyes were wide and she didn't know what he was going to do to her. Instead of hurting her like I'd expected, he caressed her face and admired her. I watched as she closed her eyes and licked her lips, enjoying his touch. When she opened her eyes, he lightly ran his fingers down her neck and didn't stop gazing into her wide eyes. I saw myself try to turn her head away from him, but he cupped her face and forced her to look at him.
"Bellamy…" She breathed. He closed his eyes and relished in the sound of her voice.
"Say it again…" He whispered, a small tear threatening to spill from his eye. She lifted her hand and placed it on top of his to comfort him.
"Bellamy…" The old me repeated. He sighed from comfort but soon realized what he was doing and broke their gaze.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled before pulling away from her and running his hands through his hair.
"You don't need to be sorry. I know what it's like to lose someone that you love and I know that everyone copes in different ways." She said reaching to place her hand on his shoulder, but he swatted her away.
"You don't think I feel? I feel everything, Clarke. When I read people, I feel everything that they've ever felt. That pain you felt when your dad was sucked out into space? I felt that the moment I touched your hand. It was like an unbearable hole was punched right through my chest." He yelled.
"Then why are you so hostile with me?" She screamed back, "If you know how I've felt about everything why do you treat me like this?"
"Because I just can't!" He shouted.
"Can't what? Are you a coward?"
"I can't care about you! If I care then you'll just end up like Eliza and I don't think I can handle that again!"
"Clarke? Are you okay?" Bellamy asked. Suddenly, I was back on the floor across from the bed in the bunker. I looked into Bellamy's chocolate brown eyes in awe. He compelled me to forget that moment, he didn't want me to know that he cared about me.
"I remember the tree." I whispered.
"What?" He asked, confused.
"I just remembered the tree." I repeated, tears falling from my eyes. Then it clicked and Bellamy pulled me into his arms.
"I compelled you to forget that. How is that possible?" He asked while he ran his fingers through my hair and rocked me back and forth. I screamed out in pain again, my head throbbing. It was happening again, I was going to remember another thing.
I could see myself standing in the cell with Emerson, Finn, and Bellamy. They were tied up and I was clutching onto something around my neck. Emerson proceeded to tell me that it was Eliza's necklace that Finn had re gifted to me. I was so angry that I broke the necklace into a million pieces and smashed the vervain in Emerson's face.
The next thing I knew, I was walking home with Bellamy by my side. He put his jacket around my shoulders and pulled me aside. He told me to forget about the necklace so that I'd be happy.
"The necklace." I said once I snapped out of it again. Bellamy pulled away and raised his eyebrow.
"You told me to forget about the necklace so that I wouldn't be upset with Finn." I explained. Bellamy looked down at the ground and frowned.
"It's all coming back to you." He mumbled. I took my hand and grasped his chin, forcing him to look at me again.
"You kept all of those memories from me?" I asked. He nodded, ashamed of it all.
"You did it so that I would hate you instead of Finn." I said searching his face for any lies. He shrugged his shoulders. I hugged him with tears in my eyes, because he did all of that to protect me.
"Bellamy, that's so-"
"CLARKE OH MY GOSH YOU'RE ALIVE!" Octavia exclaimed as she barged into the room. I awkwardly hugged her while Lincoln followed and hugged me too.
"Oh this is great news and I really wish we had time to celebrate but we have a lot we need to do." She said, making herself at home on the couch. Since when did she care about my survival?
"So operation bring Finn and Raven back while stopping Cage and preventing another war is about to commence!" She exclaimed. I raised my eyebrow at Bellamy.
"What's going on? Where are Finn and Raven?" I asked the group. Octavia's mouth gaped open.
"You haven't told her yet?" Octavia criticized her brother,
"Octavia, she just came back to life twenty minutes ago, we didn't have the chance to catch up." Bellamy replied. Octavia rolled her eyes.
"Finn shut off his humanity. He made a deal with Cage, if he did that and turned back into a ripper, Cage was supposed to save you." Octavia said. I instantly felt guilty. While I was here having some sort of sexual blood moment with Bellamy, Finn was out there terrorizing the planet for the sake of saving me.
"Raven killed Emerson, felt terrible about it and went off the deep end. I traveled to the first village that Finn went to and found out that they are traveling together now. Finn somehow convinced Raven to shut off her humanity. She's just as bad as he is. It figures that the vampires who have the most control with their humanity have the least control without it. They are apparently headed towards Luna's clan near the sea." Octavia informed us. The guilt I felt just kept getting worse. All of those dead grounders were my fault. Finn wouldn't have sacrificed his humanity if I hadn't given myself up to Emerson.
"So what's the plan?" I asked eagerly.
"Woah, Clarke wait a second. You just transitioned into a vampire. You have so much you need to learn before you can just go out there and perform a rescue mission. There's so much I have to teach you." Bellamy said. I didn't want to agree with him, but he was right. I needed to learn how to control myself before I just ran off on a rescue mission.
"You're right." I said to him, crossing my legs. He looked at his sister out of confusion and then shook his head like a dog.
"Uh, alright then, that was easier than usual." He mumbled.
"So I need you and Bellamy to go see a grounder that I'm close to. She lives in the village of Ton DC and her name is Indra. She helped me learn how to control being a hybrid and she wants to help you guys too." Octavia said. This instantly changed Bellamy's mind.
"Alright, we will head out tonight." Bellamy said. I nodded and starting to get packed.
"Lincoln and I are going to go back to the drop ship camp. The ark arrived last night and with Finn and Raven on the loose, it's only a matter of time before they try to slaughter everyone there. Lincoln and I will keep them safe." She promised.
"Okay so Clarke and I will go to Ton DC to meet Indra and then we will head out to find Finn and Raven?" Bellamy asked to clarify. Octavia gave him a thumbs up and headed for the door.
"If you need anything, you know where to find me." She said before she left for the drop ship with Lincoln. I scurried around the room, throwing random items in my bag and hurrying to get ready to go.
"Clarke, we should talk about this." Bellamy said calmly.
"There's nothing to talk about. We just need to get to Indra so we can get Finn and Raven back." I rambled. Bellamy jumped up and grabbed my wrist.
"There's a lot we need to talk about now sit down." He told me. I groaned and sat down.
"You're right." I said, waiting for him to talk to me about whatever was on his mind.
"Stop that! Since when do you always agree with me? We never agree about anything!" He asked. I wasn't quite sure how to answer that, I just couldn't help but agree with him, I thought he was right.
"I don't know." I replied, rubbing my forehead.
"You should hate me, I turned you into a vampire for fuck's sake! When you said you'd rather die, I took that choice away from you." He screamed.
"You did what had to be done, I understand." I said calmly, hoping he would just breathe and relax.
"Seriously? Are you feeling okay?" Bellamy asked, holding my face in his hads. I pursed my lips and cocked my head to the side.
"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine. I mean, as fine as someone can be when they come back from the dead after being brutally tortured and murdered. I'm awesome. I just want to get Finn and Raven back." I said. He slung his pack over his shoulder and rolled his eyes.
"Okay then, let's go princess."