Hey guys! I'm back from Amsterdam (it was the shittt) and so I wanted to get something up before I left for France, which is a ten day trip! Hopefully, I'll be able to write two chapters before Monday. If I do, I can have my mom post the next chapter after this one while I'm away as a present! I'm really in a great mood because my mom finally agreed to buy me a Nikon Coolpix L110! I am really happy, because I love photography! I want to be a photographer/journalist for Lonely Planet Guide Books. I love traveling! Anyway, on with the story, and thanks to anyone who favorites, reviews, alerts and people who just read; you are the light in this world! Haha, I feel like I have sun shining out of my ass.
To: Simon Lewis
From: Isabelle Lightwood
Subject: A Sad and Demeaning Message
[Reply] [Delete] [Forward] [Save]
Dear Simon,
I am sad to inform you of a very upsetting message that will haunt you for the rest of your life. I am leaving you for Jonathan Morgenstern because he has a bigger dick than you. I am sorry if this ruins any plans you may have had, and you may call my secretary Magnus Bane for any questions. He will answer them. I would also like to collect my dowery of $28,537 in hundred dollar bills. You may round up to the nearest thousand dollar.
Thank you for the brief and upsetting time we had together with little Simon Junior. I will be waiting for my check. Until then, I would like to say that the apartment on the Upper East side is strictly MINE, and that you are no longer allowed near the institute. If you go anywhere near, Church will attack you. I will do my best to stay away from the Hotel Dumort, and hope that you respect this mutual decision to end our 'relationship'.
No longer yours,
Isabelle Lightwood
To: Clary Lightwood
From: Isabelle Lightwood
Subject: Pick me, you skank bag!
[Reply] [Delete] [Forward] [Save]
Bitch,
So, I know that you and Simon have been friends for a long time and that you guys are basically siblings and that you should be taking his side in this little breakup, but I think you should pick me. I mean, come on. We're the same species!
Is
To: Isabelle Lightwood
From: Jace Lightwood
Subject: Yeah, Right…
[Reply] [Delete] [Forward] [Save]
Izzy,
You and my wife are hardly the same species. You're a skank and she's not. See? Makes sense, huh?
Jace
To: Jace Lightwood
From: Clary Lightwood
Subject: All I Want
[Reply] [Delete] [Forward] [Save]
Father of my Unborn Child,
I don't care who wins this breakup battle.
All I want is hot pregnant sex.
Clary
To: Clary Lightwood
From: Jace Lightwood
Subject: Re: All I want
[Reply] [Delete] [Forward] [Save]
I guess I was wrong about the whole species thing. Let's get it on, wifey!
Jace
To: Isabelle Lightwood
From: Simon Lewis
Subject: Re: A Sad and Demeaning Message
[Reply] [Delete] [Forward] [Save]
Isabelle,
Okay. I left your stuff downstairs on the street. You know how sketchy this place is. RUN, BITCH, RUN!
Simon
To: Clary Lightwood
From: Isabelle Lightwood
Subject: Holy Fucking Shit Twang
[Reply] [Delete] [Forward] [Save]
Clary,
And then he was all like, 'MOVE, BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY!' And I was all like, blind nigga samurai on his ass. It was the shit. You would be proud of me.
Or not.
Isabelle
To: Isabelle Lightwood
From: Simon Lewis
Subject: Bitch, Read This
[Reply] [Delete] [Forward] [Save]
Bitch,
A Pimp Named Slimy Sam is at my apartment looking for you. I hope you don't mind that I told him that you were running away with another pimp.
Simon
To: Simon Lewis
From: Jace Lightwood
Subject: NO FUCKING WAY!
[Reply] [Delete] [Forward] [Save]
Simon,
I never knew that Isabelle was a professional skank.
Can't say it surprises me…
Jace
PS: I still don't like you.
To: Clary Lightwood
From: Isabelle Lightwood
Subject: Ha, right!
[Reply] [Delete] [Forward] [Save]
Clary,
Control your husband. Or else I'll cut out his floating ribs so that he can bend over and blow himself. Like Marilyn Manson.
Isabelle
To: Isabelle Lightwood
From: Clary Lightwood
Subject: Re: Ha, right!
[Reply] [Delete] [Forward] [Save]
Isabelle,
Why is that a bad thing? I hate giving head...
Clary
And there you have it folks, the split of Simon and Isabelle. What will happen next? Will they get back together? Will they see new people? Will Isabelle become lesbian because that is TOTALLY unexpected and would be hilariously funny? Will I ever shut up and stop doing these ridiculous 'will x happen' questions? Not likely!