A/N: Two short ones wrapped into one again. I've been struck with summer boredom and as a result, have hit a creative slump, which explains why these two days are so short. I think this little trip into hell will be wrapping up soon. As always, thanks for the fantastic reviews.

June 22, 1:36pm

I've been on medication for a week. I've been clean for almost two. It's remarkably easier to behave when the pull of...darkness isn't such an overwhelming feeling. I feel good. Not perfect, of course, but good. I don't feel like I'm standing at the mouth of a pitch-black cave anymore. I don't feel overwhelmed, like I'm in over my head.

I know I still have a lot of things to work out still, and in fact, I'm still bothered by this whole medicating head doctor thing, but at least now I can process it correctly. For some reason, in my mind, this is akin to failure, but yet, at the same time I know it's the best thing for me. I just have to give it more time.

I finally feel like I have a future. This is finally progress.

June 27, 11:52pm

I've pretty much mellowed out and leveled off. Last weekend, I elated for no other reason than adjusting to my medication. I'm not over-zealous about some things I was thinking about and they've actually taken a backseat again. They're things that require more time and more thought. This doesn't mean that I'm not going to have emotional ups and downs. It just means those downs won't completely wreck me and I'll be able to work though them. Antidepressants can sometimes bring out bipolar disorder, but I think I'm clear of that. It runs in families and as far as I know, does not run in mine. But who knows at this point. I meet with Skoda twice a week and slowly but surely, I'll work though all the crap that built up over the last nine months. It may take me just as long to do it, but I will. I'm also starting to accept that this is the best course of action for me. Deep down, I feel like I should have been able to handle it myself, but all I have to do is look in the medicine cabinet to be reminded there was nothing I could do other than what I'm already doing.