Needed Mercy Chapter 10, a twilight fanfic

Need Mercy chapter 10

Jasper's Point of View

When Maria finished her speech, all I could do was blink. Despite being a vampire, my eyes still flickered; stunned with embarrassment. When the others started clapping, I felt invisible as if I never existed. I was nothing….I was just Jasper, who decided to stop by for a visit. Who cares about the one who kept her alive, so she could have this rediscovery? No one cares about the one that put up with this crap from her illness….the one who was affected by it.

I stood up; mad as hell, not at all ready to forgive, and having no care to understand the reason behind her problems. Simply, because the Maria I knew did not act this way. Her 'old habits' were not forgotten. She may have had a blood problem, she might have lost a mate, but her actions had affected me. Me. It may have been her problems, but it still affected me. I may have sounded selfish but I just had to ask; what about me?

I may have sounded like a child, but that was when I realized why I could never forgive her; nor find any sympathy for that little transformation. I don't care how much she has changed her life around; it couldn't make up for how she changed my life. I was the one still holding the dust pan when she traveled through that 'dark tunnel'. I was the one who got drenched during that god-dam-storm. I was the one who killed the creatures she feared of emotional attachment…I had to live through it. I was left with the burden of that memory and there was nothing Maria could say or do, that would ever change what happened.

I was obviously still nothing to her, even when she came to realize her wrong Aaron got the support, Flora got the credit, Peter and Charlotte who hated her for the longest time got the thanks…and I was just Jasper. I was nothing to her, which I had always been.

I watched her walked down. If she was going to tell her story, she might as well tell the whole truth. I could care less about embarrassing her; she turned my entire world around. She should have mentioned that some of us are still paying for her past, and will most like continue paying considering those newborns can't ever be brought back to life. I knew, I should sit and be quite, but the anger I had with her; build and build making a wall to high that it tipped over, clasping as I stood up and shouted: "You damn lying bitch!"

I shouted, letting out a growl making my chest come a thousand times lighter, as Maria stood there with her jaw dropped from humiliation. That look was sweeter than anything as she stared at me. The whole room became silent as I stood confronting her, ready to let the world know how bad it really was back then. It caused a quick reaction as I heard Flora let out a gasp as the entire covens faces turned into shock. I heard a quick patter, Peter and Charlotte were leaving. Alice looked up and smiled, Esme and Carlisle didn't stand. They just sat there watching me along with everyone else; including Maria.

"Jasper," Maria finally spoke with a shaking voice, her emotions showing every sign of humiliation. I liked that coming from her. I changed Esme and Carlisle mood to make them comfortable, but I had no intention of changing Maria. "What are you doing?"

"You want to tell your story, talk about your past, why not tell them everything about our past?" I asked as shame came from her. "I am sure y'all love to hear how you would change human to be vampires. To attack covens that hadn't even done nothing to you; after you got your vengeance. Why not talk about yet that? Or better yet, lets tell them, how you used my gift to make others scared to leave you? How you used my gift to make others your slaves? How you used my gift to make enemies covens feel bad about themselves. Having me make them think they were worthless, causing them to be depressed. So, they would be weak enough for us to destroy? How my gift was the source of your power?" I started, as everyone looked towards her. Waiting for an answer.

"Jasper, I see you still have issues with Maria. Let's go to my office." Gaston interrupted.

"Why did you do that? What was the point of creating them just to destroy a year later?" I shouted quickly. "Or better yet, why not just kill them yourself? Instead, you chose to f***ed with me; so I would do it for you!"

Gasps came out, even from Jane; who sat in the row in front of us. Her jaw dropped in shock by Maria's use of others, and lack for respect of life. Esme and Carlisle looked towards me, Esme made a leveling signal with her hands that she normally does when we do swear in public, Carlisle looked at me proudly. I notice Alice let out a sigh, not saying anything as Flora's eyes beamed. While up front Gaston tried to stand up, but Gilda instantly pulled him back down with intent interest.

"I wanted them gone," Maria started slowly like a human with a sore throat. She looked at me directly in the eyes as she spoke. "I was scared they would rise up against me. I knew if you killed them for me, you would feel what they felt. You would become depress and my rewards would comfort you, and you would depend on me to deal with your depression. That would make you would remain more loyal to me." She said it staring at me; straight in the eye, every part of her was telling the truth. I could see it in her emotions and the way she held herself that it was complete honesty coming from her. It was out in the open, and I truly wished I never asked. It was nothing to do with; not having it in her to take an immortal life that she gave. Her rewards had nothing to do with secretly caring for me. Or, her trying to comfort me. It was just another part of her manipulation.

The room went to a deadly silent, so silent that a human could have heard a feather drop. Half the eyes; looked at her with an dirty expression wanting to know answers. The other half were shooting upset glares at me telling me to shut up. As, if they forgave her for me. They had no right; to tell me to forgive her, she didn't try to kill them. She didn't manipulate them into doing something they didn't want to do. (I just at to what you had.)

"I was awful to you." Maria broke the silence. "I was a horrible coven leader. The worst creator you could ask for, and just a pathetic excuse for a sentient being."

"And, I am suppose to just forgive you?" I asked interrupting. "Now that yur'all Miss Mental and spiritual health. I am just supposed to forget the first eighty years? Act as if that blood and carnage was nothing but a little mishap. I am supposed to forget the horrors of the vampire war? Because you are recovered; I'm supposed to forget how you made me feel like your property? I am supposed to forget your manipulation? I am supposed to drop everything; like how you took everything I liked about myself as a human? I am just to let it go and pretend it never happened? Make those lives truly go to waste? And, forget their existence by forgiving you? I don't think so!"

"Jasper; You know, that's not what I meant." Maria started.

"I don't' care; what you meant!" I snapped. "The truth is you used me! Admit it, Maria! You took advantage of me! You treated me like I was some kind of object belonging to you."

" I will be paying; for what I done to you. Every day for all eternity I will pay for what I did to you." Maria swore.

"And, so will I. You have yet to know the burden; I have to carry around because of you. The memories you gave me affected me in a way you will never understand!" I interrupted. She didn't have to live with the emotions; of taking the life of someone who trusted me. She barely even took time to know them.

" I do understand, I hurt you." Maria stuttered quickly.

"Sure you do!" I started sarcastically. "Yes, you hurt me! You, damn well hurt me! Do you want to really know; how you hurt me? You made plans to kill me." I shouted harshly as a few gasps came in the air. I notice several people were on my side, agreeing with me letting out little hymns with nods. Some of my supporters surprised me like Lexi, her friend nodded; when I said Maria would never understand how she effected me. She strongly related to word I said. I also notice Suchart moved to the seat in front with her shield blocking any vampire who was using their gift to put me down. That was when I saw two large Emmett-size vampires that were active supporters of the coven, and protected the members started coming towards me. They were ready to usher me out. I then felt something come up behind me, that made the men stop instantly with awareness and sat down. I then turn to the side and realized it was Jane who came out from her seat. Jane gave the men a look; daring them to even try; passing her. She smiled giving me a nod, showing I had her support and she wasn't going to let anyone go near me until I finished.

"I am agreeing with you, alright." Maria spoke after her quick reference to Aro. "I blew it! I screwed up! I am sorry! How many times do you want me to repeat it to you?" She shook her head. "It's like you don't want to let go, I can't make amends with you if you want to hold your grudge."

That was when I notice a small chorus of uh-hums agreeing with her. Again, did they live through what she put me through, they had no right to tell me I should forgive her.

"Hell yes, I have a grudge, and I have every right to hold one against you. Do you have any idea how you effected my life…..You want to know what I thought when I first saw…" I stopped right there recognizing Alice presence, she had no right to be embarrassed when she was clearly standing by me through my outburst. It was none of their business that I thought Alice was going to attack me when I first saw her. "Even after I left you, I was sacred thinking every vampire was a nut case who was going to use me like you did, scared that the world was full of vampires that would attack when I was found in their territory. I didn't want to live in another coven for the longest time because I was scared they would be like yours with everything f*** up. I am thankful every day I am in one that is not, every day I am grateful that I will never be like you."

"Alright, like I said again, I have an office." Gaston interrupted, as I heard an anonymous some whisper behind me: 'you didn't die a weak old man, hmm I wonder why."

"I wanted to be better than my creator," Maria interrupted ignoring Gaston. "I had to work hard to forgive him, and understand what made him that way. I had to work hard to come to terms with Adan's death, and…."

"THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!" I flipped at her, I didn't care about her creator or Adan, or the vampires who killed him. None of them bit their teeth in me. "Can't you get that straight?"

"Oh, help me," Maria took a deep breath before looking straight into my eyes. "You know what Jasper, you aren't the only one whose been manipulated. You haven't been the only vampire who had a, a rough start, and you ain't the only one who's been hurt. Take a look at what's right in front of you. You are not the only one who has to live with guilt caused by others manipulation.." I notice Jane let her guard down a bit, but still stood next to me. Some clapped agreeing with her, like Suchart who was boldly switched to her side, that one vampire with the red hair he was partially thanking her, which encouraged her to continue. "But I take full responsibility for my past, and your past: I will say it twenty million times if I need to: 'I'm sorry… lo siento,… je suis desole! That is more than most will ever get from those who do them wrong, hell Matlalihuitl would pull his teeth out before he even thought of apologizing to me or admit what he did was unjust." I notice her friend Lexi nodded, as Jane looked up closing her eyes then let out a smirk opening them with whatever picture that came to her mind knowing she had a lot lower chances of getting an apology from her creator than I ever will.

"Both of you, please," Gaston interrupted. "Clearly, you have a lot to say to each other. So why don't you two come with me and….."

"You think that everything is going to be alright because you apologized a couple of times? I am to forget all that has happened and all the lives lost because….because of two little words that came out of your mouth; decades of my life are to be wiped clean? "

"Right on, Jasper." I heard a whisper from Lexi; I was still surprised she was on my side. I wondered if she had someone treat her, the way Maria treated me.

"A couple of times!" Maria responded. "It seems like since the moment you step on the island I been spending all my energy apologizing to you. I'm tired of it! Tired of apologizing, tired of making amends, or having something just to make up. It seems no matter what; there will always be something new, you will bring against me. I am tired of being sorry. I am tired of arguing with you. If you don't want to forgive me…forget it…I give up!" She flung her hands up in the air; as if she was fling me, off them.

I couldn't believe it. Maria was actually giving up on me. She truly; now wanted nothing to do with me. The woman who had put her venom in me, finally wanted nothing to do with me. I felt the venom surface to my mouth, as my hair stood on its end. And my brain froze letting the next words out of my mouth break open before I could think.

"F*** you!" I burst in a response to that as Esme shot me a humiliated look, while Carlisle kept his head down. It had to be the truth, I wanted her to go through the same pain and humiliation she put me through and those were the only words I could come up with, when Gaston finally stood up.

"That's it!" Gaston shouted. "Both of you are done showing off. Either you go to my office and discuss this like civilized adults, or leave now."

Maria stared at me for a couple seconds, her face blank no highlight in her golden eyes. No chewed lips, her face remained unmoving. For the first time sence I came here she didn't smile, she just looked at me for a long moment.

"I'm sorry," She turned to Gaston in a quivering voice as she walked towards our section. "Come on Flora."

Flora was still staring next to me, she looked back at me, I could sense every part of her had fear and confusion. She grabbed her purse and went with Maria. Everyone stared at me, I was glad I didn't live here because I could tell this was going to be the discussion for weeks on end.

It was over, I felt relief, this strange relief I had never felt before. The fear was gone; I felt this strange new freedom from this burden. I felt lighter, taller, as if I was ten times free. It seemed telling Maria off in front of everyone had transformed me. The newborn still at awe was gone, and I was ready to take on the vampire world. I felt as if getting out what I had to say broke my chains when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Carlisle.

"You did very good," He started still trying to find the words. "But I honestly think it is a good idea if you go with Gaston for awhile…" He suggested.

"Anything I can do?" Jane asked. I obviously had her full sympathy. She took kindly towards Esme and Carlisle.

"No," I answered.

"You are really brave for doing that, standing up to someone who controlled you like that. I think you finally freed yourself." She said; I really wished I knew why she was bothering me.

"Thank you," I smiled at that complement.

"Bravest act I had ever seen." Jane admitted. "And after centuries of bringing down the most courage vampires, that's saying something. I hope I have the courage to do that one day." She smiled at me. "And I hope he listens, not by fear or force. But, for the reason he wants to hear what I have to say to him. Do you think he will?"

"Maybe, but it's highly unlikely." I nodded as Jane continued on her way when Gaston came in, being rather calm. He seemed a lot calmer than Carlisle. Gaston and Carlisle are both very compassionate men, but they had their own unique forms of compassion. Carlisle was open to one's problems, but he was less likely to give second chances to those who harmed others. Nor try to understand thoughts done behind villainous acts. Carlisle is still willing to give them a chance. To the innocent who never been given a chance, and he understood some circumstances are not their fault. Gaston is more willing to give someone another chance; even if they screwed up massively before, like Maria and Jane. He would try to help a human suffering, but his compassion was more towards the sympathy towards someone who circumstances were of their own making. They both were very compassionate; but in, their own way and chose their own paths with their compassion.

"Now, what happened?" Gaston asked showing no sign of embarrassment after we finally made it to his office.

"I'm sorry I interrupted." I said now unsure it that lash-out was the right thing to do.

"Jasper, you fell to the heat of the moment; things come out in our own time in their own ways." He explained. "I understand you want nothing to do with Maria."

"What?" I asked surprise he was going against his own coven member.

"You want nothing to do with her." Gaston stated as cold hard fact.

"No, I don't." I answered.

"Why is that?" He asked; he seemed to encourage, the fact that I was angry. He supported my feelings, and did not show any form of being bias.

"Why do you care?" I asked. Finding it strange he was favoring me in the situation, when Maria was the one loyal to him.

"Because, right now, you are my patient." Gaston explained promptly. "And, therefore I am required to put your needs first. Now, if you wanted nothing to do with her, then why are you here? Why are you defensive about forgiving Maria?"

"Because, no one else does." I started. "Everyone keeps saying I should forgive her, and I don't want to." I finally admitted. "I don't want to!"

"And why is that?" He asked again calmly.

"Because…" I started. "She was…she would…by not forgiving her would keep her blow me."

"And, wouldn't let her control you again?" He asked.

"Yes," I answered relived. "I like her not getting what she wants form me for once, having the upper hand the way she…"

"Had your upper hand?" Gaston asked as I nodded. "But, now she's given up. Maria wants nothing to do with you, she said she's done."

"Well, I'm done. Too." I answered simply. "She wants to throw me out like I'm some sort of left over; she can go ahead, and do so. Because, I give up, I've given up long time ago. I moved on long time ago. Thanks to Alice."

"Yes, she has had a great effect on your mental health." Gaston mumbled to himself. As he looked towards the picture of him and Gilda with their old coven leader, "I can't help but wonder" He then turned back to me. Yet, you still came back here. And you still have these feelings." Gaston started. "You were very calm during your stay here, up until that moment. What happened to set you off?"

"I don't know," I answered, wondering why I was letting him be my shrink. "Why did she wait until after I left to start improving herself, why didn't she come to this…realization before she made me this nut case. Then I wouldn't have to go through this depression, why didn't she give up human blood for me?"

Gaston then smiled. He had the same smile Carlisle got when he finally figured out what was wrong with one of his sick patients.

"She couldn't give up human blood for you," Gaston smiled. "As a matter of fact, I believe she indulged in it."

"Yeah, and used me to get the supply." I pointed out. "Practically turned me into a savage."

"She couldn't find a reason to change until you were gone." He went on.

"No, but that Flora she certainly tuned herself around for." I snapped. "I was just Maria's beck and call, but she's the golden one."

"Oh," He stated. I certainly didn't expect to say that, it was part of my rant.

"So, you meant nothing to her, Peter meant nothing to her, Charlotte meant nothing to her, yet she is special enough to turn around for, right?" He asked me.

"I'm not jealous," I pointed out, quickly figuring out the conclusion he was coming too. "I just find it a bit odd…she created me…for her own purpose….her own selfish reasons…I meant nothing to her….I did everything and still was no more than an object that she toyed to get what she wants. She created several, and didn't want them to last more than a year. Why was she special enough to give up that way of life?"

"Did Maria ever tell you how she created Flora?" Gaston asked. "I know this is confidential, but did she tell you."

"It was during a slip," I answered rolling my eyes, I only heard it a thousand times.

"Yes, a slip…which meant it wasn't on purpose." Gaston pointed out. "And she used the word, slip….…not hunt…slip….which meant?"

"She was trying to give up human blood before Flora," I realized.

"Exactly," Gaston explained. "Jasper, you are in no way accountable for her actions. During the time you lived with Maria; there was nothing you could have done to get her to stop drinking human blood. There was nothing, you could have done to change her. You were just an innocent victim. Who, had no control over her. Jasper, you did the only thing; you could've done to change the situation she put you in. And, I congratulate you for leaving. You had every right. Maria, however, is the only one responsible for her life. And she is the only one; who could make herself feel guilty about it. She was the one who had to realize the error of her ways; no one else could do that for her. She would have drunk human blood weather, she created you or not. She also, could have drained you. Decided to take your life. Yet, she didn't, she could have chose someone else, and had you 'disposed of'. I believe that was the phrase I heard from the others. Yet, she didn't. So, doesn't that say something?

"She, tired to have me killed." I pointed out.

"Yet, her plans never followed through. You still got to live, and you didn't take the step to kill her. Which in the end is why both of you are here today." He pointed out as the clock rang. "And, is the end of our session. My next appointment should be here. I want you to come back."

"When?" I asked.

"Jasper, choose the time; I will see if I am available?" Gaston smiled as I opened the door and Jane came in prepared for her session.

~X~

"There you are stranger," Alice smiled as I returned to the coven under the pale moonlight. She sat on the porch reading, while she simply waited for me. Knowing where I had gone, and understanding why I needed to be alone. She was truly supportive. If I had chose to forgive Maria. Alice would stand by me, just as she had during my shout out. "I already packed most of our things."

"Thank you." I smiled towards her, as she smiled back unsure what to say to me. Alice was waiting for me, like she did; when she saw the last encounter I had with Maria. Ready to take my hand for whatever I decided. It was strange, now that I got it all out, I didn't know what would I do next. I didn't feel hopeful that things were going to be better. I didn't feel anything. Now, I just felt blank. The anger was still there; it wasn't a secret, it just hung over me.

"How are Carlisle and Esme doing?" I asked her.

"They are fine. A little embarrassed by your outburst, but besides that they are fine." Alice informed me, as I put my arm around her to glance at the book she was reading.

"That's the book Maria gave me." I pointed out to her.

"Yes, by Enapay Weayaya. The founder of this coven, apparently Gaston and Gilda just joined him…he was the leader of this coven until a nomad killed him in the 1920s. He was Benito's puppet you know." Alice pointed out. "I don't know. But I find this strange connection; something tells me that he's important. You will relate to him."

That was why she put it there. I made the instant connection; it was the one hand-bound book Maria gave me when we first arrive. The one by Enapay Weayaya, the vampire who founded this coven; I saw a picture of him in Gaston's office. He was apparently; the original founder of this coven, and ahead of Gilda and Gaston. I didn't want to read it. I already knew what it was going to say, it was going to say how I should get over it and forgive her. Like everyone else kept saying I should do. There was nothing; this dead vampire could ever do, to help me overcome my past. It was going to be a bunch of pages saying I need to move on.

"I'll read it later," I informed her. This Enapay truly had nothing to offer me; he was dead. How much an effect could he have on my life? I kissed Alice on the head, and she smiled kissing me on the cheek. "I think I am going to go in, and pack some more." She smiled and we gave one little peck and left.

I then took out a piece of paper to try this garden thing Maria had kept doing night after night in the garden. I let out a deep breath under the moon light, looking towards the stars as my feet stepped out on the wet grass, breathing in the fresh air…it was still there. It was out in the open, but the anger I had towards her still hung in the air. This time it the past I had with Maria was no longer a heavy burden it was now like an annoying fly that I wanted to swat but still kept flying right around me and not leaving me in less I swatted it away.

I went and wrote down: "please, take this burden away from me; I don't know why I am still empty now. It still feels as if; I am blocked by her in someway. I can't simply move forward even after all the good that has happened. I can't move forward. I don't know what I need to do to get this thing away from me." I folded the paper took some dirt and found another paper. It was by Maria, asking for my forgiveness. Saying she doesn't deserve it, but would burn a million times for me; if I would forgive her. Then another saying she has to carry the world on her shoulder, thinking of what she put me through. I then unfolded another one from her; it was saying she was glad I had Alice in my life, claiming that I deserve a miracle. I found some more saying she regretted what she done to me, some saying leaving her was the best thing I ever done for the both of us, and more saying her apologies, more saying she cared, more saying she wishes her best despite the negative attitude that I deserve to have towards her. I knew it was an invasion of privacy but I couldn't help myself. I kept digging deeper and kept finding more, some before I came here. Hundreds of apologies, hundreds of sorrows, hundreds of regrets she carried for me. The same woman who once manipulated me into a savage being was now letting out her sorrows for me, caring for me, wishing the best for me. I suddenly realized she cared for me. It was all evidence that she cared, and not just putting on a show.

"Alice," I called. She came down already well aware what I was happening, she helped me dig more until an unexpected voice came from behind us.

"What in the world are you doing?" I turned to see Maria confused as she came in the gate to find us kneeled down by her dug up garden. She was a little unsettled to see her flowers dug up.

This time I took; a good looked towards her, she was different. It seemed she wasn't the same person. The person who I knew was gone, and this person took over her body. She was no longer; the woman that once had complete control. Nor was she the woman who kept following me around trying to beg for mercy. It was like I never saw her before. Like I was meeting a completely new person. She looked down, and saw the papers; then smiled.

"We could be friends." I suggested, unsure what to say.

The years will never be erased form history. It was at that moment it seemed something happened to make those years officially over and only left to be remained the past, allowing me to move forward. My past no longer had control over me, and it had nothing to do with my future. It wasn't going to effect me any longer. I was free from it, safe from it.

It was then something new had begun, like turning a blank page. It was something sweet; that made things seem brighter, breaking whatever was blocking me. I then I felt a new emotion towards Maria. It was meeting an entirely different person, someone I wanted to take time know. It was like she was just another familiar face. I saw someone I could rely on, and form a friendship with based on solid ground.

I finally did something that I was avoiding all this time, missing out on this great uplifting emotion:

I forgave her.

I would like to thank my beta Anne Shirley Cullen for all her help.