Chapter 10

After riding through the forest for a while Alec had begun to relax. He was getting the hang of it; he could now take in his surroundings without having to concentrate so hard just to stay balanced and upright.

"So how do you know so much about horses, Maxie?" Alec asked, "I mean, I don't exactly remember horses ever being standard issue at Manticore."

Max paused for a second, trying to decide whether she wanted to have this conversation with him, and now.

"I met a guy. He had horses. He taught me about them," Max said a far away look entering in her eye as she was caught up in the memory.

"Yeah, I bet they're a great way to meet women. Like owning a dog only… bigger," Alec said, caught up in his own thoughts. "Bet they work every time - doubling bareback, riding into the sunset together. V-e-r-y romantic," he continued, clearly scheming. "Might even consider investing in one myself when we get back. Just have to convince my landlord my backyard is big enough," he said with a cheeky grin; and Max wasn't completely convinced that he wasn't serious.

"You are such a man-whore," Max said with distain.

"Maybe, but I prefer the term cad," he replied with a grin.

After a moments silence Alec reintroduced the subject, suddenly curious about Max's life before he knew her. He had a feeling that the Max he knew now was nothing like she had once been.

"So, were you in love with the guy?"

"No!" Max said with disgust. "We were just friends. Not everything revolves around sex, Alec."

"Oh, come on Max, you can't seriously believe that," he replied disbelievingly. "On some level everything relates to sex. It's just the way things are. It's just nature ensuring the continuation of the species."

"You've got it wrong," Max murmured quietly, almost to herself. "It wasn't like that."

"Okay, explain it to me."

"No."

"Come on, Maxie. What else are we going to do for the next 25 miles?" Alec said playfully.

Max remained silent

"I promise I'll be serious. I want to know," he said solemnly, sensing that if he stopped teasing her she might just open up, something she had been doing more and more of lately.

Max looked at him incredulously.

"Cross my heart," Alec said with an innocent boyish look on his face, as he marked the sign of a cross over his heart.

"And hope to die?" Max deadpanned, raising her eyebrows in question.

Alec gave her a wounded look.

Max hesitated. She had never been good at exposing herself emotionally to others – she guessed it was a practice thing. And this was Alec. No doubt he would use it against her later. But lately she had begun to trust him more. In that instant she decided that she would trust him. Besides, for some reason she felt an urge to talk about it.

"Well, I was moving around, from town to town – y'know, enemy territory," she shrugged self-consciously. "I was passing through this tiny town, and it was kind of…nice. So I decided to stay for a couple of days." She paused, not sure exactly sure what she was going to say next.

"I used to go for long walks, just to think. It was just so peaceful. Like the real world didn't exist there."

"Must have been nice," Alec said sincerely, a touch of wistfulness in his voice.

Max nodded her head slightly in agreement.

"I used to walk passed this field with horses in it, and I would stop and watch them. They always seemed so… tranquil. Totally content in their own skin."

"I suppose I was envious of their innocence and their ability to just be." Max suddenly looked intently at Alec to gauge his reaction to her words. He met her gaze and nodded slightly, his eyes betraying his comprehension of her feelings.

Max broke her gaze away, and began again.

"One day when I was sitting on the fence watching the horses, Dan came over. We started talking – well he started talking; mostly about the horses. He would tell me all about them, what their names were, and what their personalities were like. I used to go nearly everyday to spend time with the horses. The time that I spent with them was the furthest I had ever managed to get from Manticore." Max looked at Alec with a pained expression in her eyes that he understood.

"He taught me how to ride and how to communicate with them. We would sometimes ride all day; sometimes we would talk, but mostly we would just ride in silence. Looking back I think he knew I was in trouble, and was trying to help me. He would often say that horses could heal your soul. That they could look into your heart and give you the understanding and love that you needed." She stole a glance at Alec out of the corner of her eye, and was relieved to see him with an unjudging look on his face, which gave her the strength to continue.

"I know it sounds silly, but they showed me what love was. They love you unconditionally. It was the first time I had been loved and accepted for who I was …all of me. They showed me how I wanted to be loved… and I guess I've been looking for it ever since," she said in a sad tone.

"But you've found it. Logan loves you like that," Alec said softly.

"I thought so too, for a while," Max said quietly. "So I ignored all the signs and the barriers that kept us apart. But lately I've been trying to look at us from the outside in, and I'm just not convinced anymore. Every now and then he looks at me like he sees something he doesn't like. And then he'll do or say something that shocks me, and I'll wonder if I really know who he is. And those are our issues before the virus," she said with a sad smile.

The forest was then filled with silence as both of them were lost in their own thoughts.

A/N: Hey guys. I know this chapter was really short, but I'm going to try and post the next chapter straight after, and it's much longer with more action. I've also noticed that there aren't that many people still interested in this story. I'll still keep posting, but it just means that this story gets bumped down my list of priorities.