Alrighty then, I wanted to update this before I got too busy again. And hopefully I'll continue to update on a weekly basis. I've been hitting a bit of a writer's block. : (((((
Shoutouts to my faithful reviewers:
acosta perez jose ramiro: Thanks. I was wondering if I was pushing the envelope too much.
azarielthebladed: If you think about it, he's pretty used to Raven hurting his feelings...not that makes it right.
Agent of the Divine One: I don't think they have to worry about surprize attacks yet.
Mr. Average: Lol. I can see him saying that for some reason.
CLAREsaysHI: Thanks!!
SxStrngSamurai13: Lol. I'm glad you liked it so much. : D I tried not use so many cliche date moments. But it was all I could think of at the moment. : p
Raven'sWinterRaine: Thanks. : ) I always try to layer my writing for maximum comic relief.
Raven of Alaska: Everything's a secret to Raven-- that's just how she is.
BBRaefan: Thanks for reviewing! :)
LynetteRowan: Thank you. I'm trying to give it a nice balance of fluffiness and seriousness.
Bold Italic writing that's centered with the occasional string of dots... Beast Boy's personal 'Journal'
Plain writing 3rd person omni.
Italic thoughts
Italic followed by dots or the like... Flashback sequence
Hopefully that'll keep everything clear.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE, OR FORM OWN OR CLAIM TEEN TITANS AS MY OWN WORK. THEY BELONG TO DC COMICS, WARNER BROTHERS, AND CARTOON NETWORK.
Explain This to Me
November 30th 2007 9:07:12 pm
It was one of those times again. One of those times were you just do something because you want to, because it feels good, because it'll relieve you of inner turmoil if you do it...and man, did I do it...
Beast Boy paced anxiously outside of Raven's door, "Are you almost ready? The others are ready to go."
The door slid open, "Ready." She replied following him downstairs to where the other Titans were waiting for them.
So tonight's the night. We're finally going to this Mayor's Ball thing. And get this, as his "personal" friends. Ha ha, right.
I think Robin put it best, "It's a publicity stunt to rally the Senators, and the Governor, and a wide assortment of higher-ups that Jump City has an exceptionally good mayor who deserves praise, and blah, blah, blah..."
This is why I hate politics—and listening to Robin—I always manage to tune them out. :p
The Titans exited the expensive stretch limo in a single file line. Robin glanced back at his teammates and gave them a reassuring smile. Truthfully, this was the first time they'd ever attended something so formal before. Robin could tell that his team was a little nervous, because there were a lot of reputations on the line tonight. The Mayor was using this as a display of his skills as a mayor. He needed the Titans to vouch for his authority.
The teens knew that the Mayor didn't need to do the ball to prove that, but they supported him anyway.
Starfire took the dark-haired boy's arm gently, and ascended the stairs with him. Cyborg and Bumblebee followed suit (Bumblebee only agreed to attend at Cyborg's incessant urging, or so she claimed). Beast Boy glanced nervously at Raven. Her soft violet eyes watched him with a curious expression. Seeing as the other Titans had "escorts" of sorts, Beast Boy and Raven had agreed to pair for the occasion beforehand, but it seemed so far away at that moment as they stared into one another's eyes
Raven took his arm clumsily. Her hand shook as she gripped his arm. The green-eyed boy smiled warmly at his dark-haired beauty. He placed a hand over her shaking one, "Listen, everyone from here to Japan can hear your heartbeat." she smiled and rolled her eyes as he spoke, and it took her a few moments but she finally met his gaze again, "C'mon, we've faced worse things. You can do this."
She took a deep, steadying breath and followed his lead into the grand building. She found that once she relaxed into his one-armed embrace, it felt so natural, right, like she belonged there by his side..."Here Raven, your seat."
Raven was pulled from her thoughts as Beast Boy's voice attracted her attention to the chair he had pulled out for her. She took the seat hastily noticing that the other Titan girls were already seated at other circle tables surrounding the dining hall. She looked around at the other tables and noticed that the others were seated far away. She was grateful that at least she would have Beast Boy to keep her company.
"Hey," she felt his warm breath in her ear, "I'll be right back," she was about to reply before he pressed a small kiss to her temple, "And Raven, don't forget to save me a dance." she felt her heart falter-- she'd forgotten about the dancing part.
"Yes, of course." was all she managed to breathe before he walked away.
She felt an overwhelming pull in her heart to follow him. She hated those feelings, all those feelings he made her feel; feelings he didn't even know he was making her feel-- like butterflies have a slumber party and they all liked jumping on the bed of her heart best...
She brushed nonchalant fingertips across where he'd placed the kiss before turning her attention to the guests of the Mayor. She figured that they were split up to entertain his guests and "coincidently" mention his great feats as mayor; Feats that every mayor was completing across the country...
The soft-eyed girl was relieved to have these other people start the conversations first. Beast Boy finally returned and was sitting right across from her. He grinned happily at her; of course it was then that she realized that he was giving her his "special" smile. The one he gave her only when he was completely content.
Apparently, one of the Mayor's guests had asked Raven a question, because she realized they were laughing at her distracted state of mind, "Sorry, what did you ask me?"
"It's okay dear," the elderly woman replied, giving her a starry-eyed look, "I remember when I had boyfriend too. Could never stop thinking about him." the other ladies laughed, while their husbands chuckled quietly to themselves.
Raven felt a heat rushing to her face, "We're not--"
But Beast Boy interrupted her, "We don't like talking about our relationship. Trying to keep it discreet, or else the fan girls would be all over it."
The small group that formed the table laughed quietly nodding to themselves. Raven felt relief washing over her, but had he just said they were together? He's covering for us...he has to be... she convinced herself.
"Now, I hear that you're planning a big venture in the oil business-- is that true Mr. Vaughanhort?" the green-eyed boy cleverly avoided letting the conversation drop back into Raven and his questionable, platonic relationship.
The elderly man that was sitting next to the woman who'd previously brought up Raven's supposed BF, Mr. Vaughanhort, smiled brightly at the young man, "It's interesting that you know anything about that-- most kids your age--"
And then his voice became background noise to Raven again. She couldn't stop staring at Beast Boy; Who is this boy anymore? And what am I feeling for him? Admiration? Couldn't be... she found her thoughts tumbling all around her.
The obnoxiously long dinner was finally finished and all of the couples had paired off to dance. Beast Boy gave Raven a smile-- he wanted to asked her to dance, but he felt a woman tap his shoulder, "Would a nice young man like you do this old lady a favor?" it was Mrs. Vaughanhort.
"You're not old." he replied kindly.
She chuckled lightly, "A dance perhaps? Mr. Vaughanhort doesn't fancy himself with dancing anymore."
Beast Boy's smile faded slightly as he stared into Raven's lilac eyes, "Yes, it would be a great honor." he then led the lady onto the dance floor, casting Raven one last glance over his shoulder at her.
There were many groups of people gathering around the edges of the event who'd prefer to talk than delve into the age old tradition of ballroom dancing. She wandered toward the drink bar. Absently, her feet led her towards Starfire's animated form. She felt herself relax at her friend's side.
Starfire smiled at her in acknowledgement and continued talking to the group that seemed to favor her company. As of late, Starfire had turned into quite the Earthling. Most of her awkward word structures had disappeared, and she knew almost everything there was to know about Earth and its people. And it showed-- Starfire was as outgoing and charismatic as ever. She and Robin made quite the pair for sure-- even more so now.
Raven didn't feel very inclined to spend anytime with these people. She knew that Starfire and the others were doing the Mayor a big favor by putting in good words for him. But Raven couldn't care less, she supported their mayor, but she felt like protecting the city was enough without all the politics. Slowly, she withdrew herself from the group.
She wanted to attach herself to Robin's hip. He always managed to make her feel comfortable. And they had always shared a deep bond, but getting close to him now-- with all of those people around him-- was like running up the Nile. Impossible. So after some wandering, she found Cyborg among the masses. Cyborg also gave her a smile of recognition before continuing his story enthusiastically.
Raven was about to disappear again, but her half-mechanical friend stopped her, "Isn't that right Raven?"
It took her a moment, but she remembered the story he was telling quite well. She smiled fully, "But that wasn't even the best part of the story."
Suddenly, all eyes were on her. She could sense the excitement, and anticipation of the words she was about to speak, but she felt frozen in place like an icicle. Then she heard Beast Boy's words again, "You can do this." A deep breath relaxed her form and soon she was re-telling the story as ardently as any of her other friends.
The group slowly dispersed shortly after. Raven thought for a moment that she wasn't as entertaining as the others for a moment, but Cyborg smiled assured her that that wasn't the case, "Where did all of that come from? I just saw you transform from a wallflower into Ms. Popularity like that!" he snapped his fingers.
Raven felt a small blush creep onto her features, "It was actually something Beast Boy said to me-- If you can believe that."
Cyborg's grin faltered, melting into a look of confusion and aggravation, "He's become quite the inspirational speaker lately hasn't he?"
Raven couldn't tell if Cyborg was really irritated with Beast Boy's more recent behavior, or if he just felt irritated because he couldn't figure his best friend out, "I don't know." she shrugged, her normal relaxed state returning now that the two were alone.
"Which reminds me-- I need to find Bumblebee--" his thoughts collided with each other, "You should probably go find BB too."
"Bumblebee?" she tilted her head, "Oh Beast Boy. Duh." she rolled her eyes at her own lack of perceptiveness.
"'Duh'? Since when does Raven say 'Duh'?"
"Whatever." she chided, "I'll find him. He's around here somewhere."
The two friends parted ways in search of their other companions. Raven searched the room thoroughly but to no avail. Beast Boy was nowhere to be found. She could've sworn he loved the party scene. She was about to give up and find one of her other friends when she felt a couple taps on her shoulder.
She turned around to find her gaze locked with Beast Boy's emerald intent look, "You owe me a dance I believe." He offered her his hand.
Raven looked shyly away from his confident gaze, "I can't dance Beast Boy."
"It's not that hard. All we're doing is moving back and forth." He replied simply.
"If it's so simple, then why do it?" she replied pretending to be completely apathetic with the idea.
"Because it's fun." he smiled. Expertly, he took her right hand to guide her, and his left hand rested on her hip.
Cautiously, she placed her right hand onto his broad shoulder, "How was your first dance, Prince Charming?"
His expression seemed to be laughing at the slight jealousy in her tone, "Raven, sweetheart, you can't keep me all to yourself." she rolled her eyes at his use of the pet name 'sweetheart', "She was a kindly old lady who wanted to feel young again. And it's not like we can't just dance whenever we feel like it." he pulled her into a light twirl.
Twisted in his arms, she looked up at him, "That was a long dance."
He laughed softly, "It was a few dances before I could get away from the crowd of sixteen-year-olds I was gathering. None of the other Titan boys are dancing. I mean, how could I deny them a dance with a superhero? A superhero you get to spend a lot of time with I might add." the tease in his voice evident.
"You and your ego." she replied, but then he stopped his movements and pulled her in close.
"I have enough room for you." his voice pin-drop soft as he rested his forehead against hers.
Despite his egotistical attempts, she could see right through him to the sensitive and strong-willed man she knew. Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest, "I don't know if I can believe that, you've got quite the ego." she teased, and then she felt that familiar silence casing them again; The silence that was always a prequel to one of his kisses.
He gazed down into her eyes, and for once, she felt that maybe, just maybe she wanted what he had to offer. Her eyes fluttered shut and anticipation built up in her as she felt him lean closer to her--
"Beast Boy! I can't believe it." a young girl's voice broke through the pair's tender moment.
He pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, "My public awaits." his smile grazing her cheek a fleeting moment before he left to dance with some of the other girls.
A smile graced her features, and a tug of jealousy bit her ego roughly. True, they weren't together, but maybe that's what those mixed-up feelings were trying to tell her. That the two of them should be together, but how it scared her. She knew that they way he looked at her couldn't merely be platonic friendship talking, but platonic romance.
She watched them walk away with a boy she adored very much. He glanced over his shoulder a few more times. But the final time he glanced back at her, the dreamy expression he had been wearing was blown away as swiftly as a summer breeze-- how he hated seeing her wear such a dejected expression.
Raven finally led herself to Robin's side. He smiled at her with a vivid expression that she hadn't seen him wear in quite awhile, "What's got you so chipper?" she taunted.
Laughing, he replied jovially, "Lighten up Rae. It's a party right?"
A breadth of a smile sparkled on her face, "Right, I'll try to enjoy myself for your sake."
After a little while, the group Robin had gathered dispersed. Robin glanced at his dark-haired friend, "Can I talk to you a minute?" without waiting for her answer, he took Raven by the hand and pulled her away from the masses.
"Yes, let's talk." Raven spoke sarcastically.
"Sorry," he wore half-a-blush, "It's about Star and me. I've been thinking about what you said, and I can't do it. I just can't cut ties with her—I love her…" his strong voice withered away into a whisper filled with pain.
A spike of anger and resentment hit her again, How can Starfire be so blind to all of this?
"But today, she didn't act like there was anything wrong considering she's been avoiding and ignoring me lately." His voice seeming happy, but an undercurrent of guilt flowed under his words.
Raven nodded listening to his words, and felt helpless. She knew she couldn't help Robin with his dilemma. There was a long pause between them before he spoke again, "So how are you and B doing?"
"Honestly, is that all there is to me?" she snapped, "There are other questions you could be asking me—questions I actually know the answer to."
Robin let a half-hearted chuckle pass his lips, "I don't know how he could make it any more obvious to you Raven. He practically acts like your boyfriend already."
The dark-haired heroine gave him a pointed look, "You'd better quit it Robin."
Robin grinned widely, "Raven, you and him are more alike than you think."
Raven gave him a confused look, "How are Beast Boy and I alike again? I must've missed that part."
The dark-haired boy gave her a soft smile, "That you'll have to find out for yourself." Was all he said before he walked away from her.
Why must everyone act like they know something I don't? She thought, giving him an irritated look, but let him walk away.
A little while later, she did find herself enjoying the party a lot. But a part of her party was missing, so she decided to find where Beast Boy had wandered off to-- which was more easily said than done. She searched around the large ballroom hall, but to no avail. Finally, before determination could die in her, she found him walking outside the building. He had exited through the backdoor and was wandering in the garden.
He wasn't alone, however, there were other couples walking about. Raven was about to approach him-- relieved that he, himself, was alone (she was still feeling some nervous twangs about big groups)-- but then a blonde-haired girl approached him. The dark-haired girl paused, and found herself just in earshot, but unseen by the pair.
The girl looked bashfully up at him, "So you're a superhero huh?"
He smiled politely at her. The girl was clearly much younger than him. She looked fourteen at best, staring innocently up at the tall nineteen-year old Beast Boy. Raven wasn't going to lie to herself-- that girl was beautiful-- and it made her feel...jealous? She wondered how she could even be jealous that some other girl was talking to him, but she did.
But what Raven heard next surprised her...
"Dear, I'm sure you're a nice girl, but I already have someone...in my heart."
The girl seemed so small now-- she hadn't realized how obvious it was to him that she'd been flirting with him. She began to retreat from his strong form, "Hey," the girl turned, "You look beautiful, by the way."
Okay, he's definitely on something... Raven found herself thinking, Since when was Beast Boy so sweet and sincere? And who is he talking about? Who's in his heart? Terra maybe? After all this time? Raven wanted to dismiss those thoughts, considering all of the boyfriend like affection he'd been giving her lately, but it was entirely possible. Being the spiritual person that she was, she had often found herself believing in soulmates.
And she'd read once that sometimes when a person feels that they have found their soulmate, that even in that partner's death, they will not move on from that person, but continue living their lives alone. She turned her attention the pair again...
"Thank you." she mumbled, blushing bright red and scampering away.
"Easy there Romeo, you wouldn't want them falling at your feet right?"
Beast Boy glanced at Raven as she joined him on the stone bench he'd found, he chuckled, "She's too young for me anyway."
"Quit it. You're making me feel old." she replied, realizing that she was indeed older than him by a good two years.
"Sorry, sweetheart. Sometimes we men can't help it." he turned his gaze from her and stared upward at the starry night sky.
Raven felt a wave of different, clashing feelings washing over her. Why did he just call her a pet name again? He'd called her 'Rae' before-- which she hated-- but 'sweetheart' seemed like it was going to take its place.
She released a breath she didn't even know she was holding, "What did I tell you about pet names? No 'sweetheart', no 'Rae', just 'Raven'."
Beast Boy smiled and shook his head. He merely clasped her hand in his own and continued looking upward. Now Raven knew there was something different about him. He hadn't been himself lately. It was actually starting to bother her. She had never seen him look so glossy-eyed before-- he was completely lost in thought.
Probably thinking about the girl he has in his heart... She decided.
She felt butterflies having a slumber party in her heart again as his thumb idly stroked her hand. The purple-eyed girl stared at him, feeling heat and tension rise between them again. Admitting that those feelings had been between them many times, would mean admitting that she was in total denial of life itself because she could never break herself to admit it.
Raven wasn't stupid.
She knew what those feelings were.
She knew that she liked him.
She just didn't like having to break herself in half every time those feelings came into the picture.
And then he turned to face her. His forest green eyes misty, and looking almost magical in the calm moonlight. Beast Boy leaned his face towards hers. She felt her breath hitch and the frozen state of social anxiety override her impulse to react. She saw his lips part (yes, she was paying that much attention), she waited for what she expected to be another attempt at a kiss, but he merely rested his head against hers.
Whispering, he spoke "Y'know that girl isn't the only beautiful one here tonight..." and then for some reason unknown to her, he pulled away from her and remarked teasingly, "Turtledove."
Fury slapped her out of her stupor, "Why is it so hard for you to call me by my name?!"
"Why do you hate people calling you by pet names? Hm, Rae?"
She huffed, pulling her hand from his and standing up, "I'm going inside."
Beast Boy rose from his seat, and showed no intention of following, "Raven," he called, reluctantly she found herself turning and expecting an apology, "My Father used to call my Mother that-- Turtledove." he voice held no tone of apology, just clarity.
Raven narrowed her eyes at him and continued her trek inside, "You don't understand!!" was all he heard before he sat on the bench again. This was only first ball they had attended and he already knew he would hate them all.
So finally the night came to a close. And when we finally got home, I walked Raven to her door...
"Damn, you looked beautiful tonight." Beast Boy breathed, staring at Raven as she shadowed her door.
"Thank you." she smiled shyly, smoothing the fabric of her periwinkle blue dress absently.
There were a few awkward moments of silence before Beast Boy took a few steps toward her. She felt herself redden under his intense gaze, "I had a lot of fun with you tonight-- we should do that more often-- have fun."
Raven blushed even harder, and she found herself wishing very much that she had her hood at that moment. Beast Boy was now only a few steps away from her, his gaze still imposing on her. Raven felt her strength and confidence slipping-- he was slowly making her melt under his gaze; what did he want? Why in heaven's name was he still looking at her that way?
She was about to speak, but he cut her off by pressing his lips to hers. His form leaned over her while she leaned lightly against the wall. She felt all of her frustration and anxiety melting away in his simple kiss. He broke apart a moment to stare into her eyes-- wondering if she was feeling the same way-- and when he saw her delicate smile-- he knew that she was into it as well.
She felt another wave of relief as he kissed her once more. After he took a few more quick kisses from her, he grinned, "'Night Rae." She rolled her eyes at the use of a pet name again, but she found herself not minding his names for her anymore. The lavender-eyed heroine slid into her room; grateful that all of her peppy butterflies had melted away.
So here I am. Typing like a madman about how I actually had enough guts to kiss Raven-- on the lips I might add-- five times I might also add-- I counted, so what!? : P I think I might keep a record of all of this...just for research purposes of course...
Research-- ha ha. I need to tell Cy about that one. So, I should probably add my last will and testament considering Raven's probably going to kill me tomorrow for what I did today. But I couldn't help it-- I like her so much.
And those rosy red lips of hers were just asking to be kissed...
-B.B.
Okay. Hopefully no one minds BB's reasoning for using the pet name of 'Turtledove'. I saw it in the thesaurus and I couldn't help but laugh. It almost seems awkward, but I still thought it would be cute to incorporate the fond memory of his parents in there somewhere.
Wysti