CHAPTER TEN-Because Of You
I watch as Lexi continues to sob on the floor of my apartment as I let out a sigh and look over at them. Stefan kneeling next to her and his hands running up and down her back as she leans her head on his shoulder and cries into the fabric of his shirt.
"Lexi, you need to tell Damon. Please, he needs to know." He begs her as we both watch her lift up her head from his shoulder and then she sniffles and looks over at me with a knowing look. "Will you come with me?" She asks him as he nods and then just when I'm about to open up my mouth to say something else, Stefan helps her off the floor slowly and he looks up at me, green eyes apologizing for what I assume he can't say out loud.
"It's fine. You and I can talk tonight." I tell him as he nods at me and then I watch as they both exit the apartment.
I close the door and lean into the coolness of it, facing Stefan tonight is going to require that I'm on my best behavior. I can't screw this up and do something stupid. I swallow hard as I walk across the room and go directly into Lillian's room. I turn on the lights as I hear her cooing. She's awake and I'm thankful for it, taking care of her for the moment will take my mind of what I just witnessed. A woman confessing to me that she's unsure of what she wants out of her life and yet, she needs to go tell her fiancé that will be her husband in less than a week's times that they're lives have just gotten a lot better than they had ever could have imagined.
I smile as I think about Lexi and the way she's afraid. It reminds me of the way that I was with Matt, before he had cheated. The day that he had proposed was one of the happiest days of my life and I silently hope and pray that over time, I'll be able to feel that again, the love of having someone who loves you back unconditionally without reservations.
I pick Lillian up from her crib as I hum a tune that I had heard on the radio yesterday. She's attached to my hip and her tiny fingers are mesmerized with a strand of my hair that's falling out of the loose ponytail that I had placed my hair into before I had walked into her room.
"How am I supposed to tell your dad that your his...I mean, I already told him that. But...tonight is going to be awkward and I am going to be missing you terribly." I tell her out loud as I place her in her high chair and watch as she giggles and taps her tiny hands against the plastic table top in front of her. Over the last few months, Lillian has become a constant part of happiness in my life and the moments I cherish the most are mornings like these, when it's just the two if us and our girl talk. Granted that I do a lot of the talking about my adult problems, but she's a good listener.
As if I had planned it on time, 8am and Caroline is knocking on my front door, frantically. I leave Lillian in her chair with a messy face from the sweet pear and squash baby food and open the door quickly.
"Oh Thank God your home!" She smiles at me with a grin as I watch her stroll into my apartment as if she too has lived here her whole life.
"Well, make yourself at home.." I tell her as I go into the kitchen and wipe my hands off with a wet towel. I watch as Caroline smiles at Lillian and then she looks over at me with a frown on her face. "Elena, how many hours of sleep have you gotten?" She asks.
I laugh it off, lifting my hand up in the air as if I'm trying to brush off her question without answering and then I see the stern look that she gives me when she says "You look like hell...My God. I am going to have a lot of work to do with you...those dark circles are going to need to go!" She tells me as I shake my head. Did she seriously just tell me that I look like shit?
I play it off as if her small jab at me, didn't hurt and then she looks over at Lillian and nearly squeals with excitement. "Oh, my little fashionista, you are going to have a blast with Auntie Caroline! I can't wait to spoil you." She says as she gets up off the couch and sits down in a chair at the dining table instead.
"Caroline, I already told you that I don't want you spending a bunch of money on clothes for her. She's growing at an alarming rate and I'm going to need to give her too small baby clothes to the good will if it continues and buy new stuff anyways in a few months." I explain as I turn to go back into the kitchen and pull out a container of cookies that I had made a few nights ago.
"Sweetie, don't worry! If you wanted someone to not spoiler her this weekend, you should of had Bonnie and her boyfriend Jamie look after her, not me. Because, you know how I am...whatever you usually say, I do the opposite." Caroline tells me with furrowed brows and a shrug of her shoulders as she watches me run my hand through my hair nervously.
"Caroline...just...It's only for the night and I made a list..of the things that Lillian might need. Oh, and her sleep schedule and stuff like that." I tell her informatively as I grab it off the refrigerator and hand it to her.
Caroline eyes it and then smiles at me. "Sooo...speaking of taking care of Lillian...have you told Stefan that he's her dad yet?" She says with a grin.
"Caroline...Kind of. It's a very long story...We had a situation come up this morning." I tell her as her blue eyes widen and she smacks the dining table with her palm flat.
"He was here! In the morning with you..?" She asks in a hurried tone, excitement hitting each word that comes out of her mouth.
"It's not what you think. His brother's soon to be wife came over crying with some news and then he showed up looking for her...well, more like wanting to talk to me. But, we got interrupted." I tell her as Caroline frowns at me and then folds her hands across her chest as she lets out a huffed breath.
"Damn it! I was hoping you were going to tell me that you two had sex!" She laughs as I feel the skin of my face heat up at the thought of it. It's not like my brain hasn't wandered into the territory in the last few weeks or months for that matter since I've known him. But, I quickly stop myself from thinking about it when I hear Caroline say in a exhausted tone.
"Ugh, you two have this hot sexual tension between you. I've seen it at that bar a few times since you started working there. I know you haven't known him for every long, But..If I were you..I'd jump his bones already..Like, what the hell are you waiting for Elena?" Caroline tells me, sounding almost angry that I haven't made a move on him or something.
But, of course being the person that I am. I remind myself and Caroline quickly of the reality of it all. "Caroline, he's dating Rebekah and...I'm the guardian of his daughter that he had with my dead sister...So, I really don't think I'm ever going to 'jump his bones'. I tell her with a laugh as I too walk over to the dining table and sit next to her.
"Who gives a shit that he's dating Rebekah. I went to high school with that bitch...ugh..Don't even get me started on her and the way she is. She's not good for him, Elena. For all we know, she's probably cheating on him." Caroline tells me with a knowing look as I try my hardest to avoid her gaze and I turn to wipe off Lillian's face with a warm wet rag and then her hands too.
"I care. I mean, I barely know him and he's dating someone else..plus.." I begin to say as she exhales deeply and then cuts me off.
"Listen to yourself. Elena, you are going to be three hours away from home tonight, in a hotel room for this wedding rehearsal and dinner party afterwards. I swear, tonight's your chance. Just, don't do anything I wouldn't do." Caroline says as she turns in her chair and picks Lillian up from her high chair and begins to burp her.
"Plus, no one has to know. Just, drink a lot and then you can blame it on the strong alcohol." She adds, with a wink.
"Oh, that would be hot and meaningless, Caroline. If I ever get the chance to hook up with him..I mean "If" and "ever" then it would be meaningful, not a drunken fueled sexually frustrated hook up." I tell her as she frowns at me and then locks her eyes with mine when she says " I dare you, for one night...do something that scares the living shit out of you and stop being so responsible. I dare you, Elena..Live a little."
Caroline's words rattle around in my brain as I pack my bag for the overnight stay in a hotel that's somewhere between Vancouver and Portland, Oregon. My mind begins to wonder at the thought of him. But, I quickly shake the nonsense out of my mind as I throw in a pair of socks into my overnight bag.
"I'm not going to be a slut and a home wrecker. For goodness sakes, I'm taking care of his kid." I tell myself as I hear Caroline's voice call out to me from the living room. " I am so glad that I made your makeup all sexy and told you to wear that insolence perfume..He's going to be dead by the time you guys get to Portland." She says with a smile on her face as I walk out of my room and back into the living room. Caroline's got a blanket covering her and a Vogue magazine in her hands, flipping through the fashion section with an overly gleeful smile on her face.
"Well, if he dies on the way to Portland and the hotel that we're staying at..I'm blaming you." I tell her with a smile as she looks over at me and nods.
"Oh, you go right ahead. Now, go put on that sexy dress. Oh and Elena, if he dies from a heart attack, you'll just need to give him mouth to mouth and CPR...You have no idea how lucky you are...a three hour car ride with Stefan freaking Salvatore..I'd have a heart attack first if I were you, so that the roles could be reversed..then you wouldn't need to blame the hot kiss on alcohol." She tells me with a wink and I hear a light laugh escape her lips.
I shake my head once again at her as I walk into my room and get dressed. But, just as I change into the light pink wrap around dress with its thin straps and diamond design on the side of it. Caroline insisted that I wear a white flower in my hair that's half over my shoulders and one side is pinned up, holding the flower in place. I walk over to the mirror and give myself a once over as I freeze when I notice the time. I glance over at my clock in my room and exhale deeply, when the hell did it already get to be noon?
Just as I hear Caroline say something my heart pounds into my chest as I register the words that she's telling me all the way from the living room. "Time to go, Elena. Stefan's here!"
It's an awkward silence in the car until Stefan smiles at me and clears his throat. "So, this must be somewhat weird for you." He says, his hands gripping the steering wheel of the black sports mustang. I feel the pressure and pull of the car as it glides onto the freeway and when I look up we're merging into the ongoing traffic.
"No. So..um...I'm sorry that I couldn't really explain the Lexi situation this morning. I mean, she just came over out of nowhere and she said that she had no one else to talk too." I tell him as I watch his smooth hands switch the gears on the car and then we're changing lanes. Stefan's face is focused on the road as he smiles a bit and then he lets out a deep sigh. "She's right, she's doesn't really have anyone..I mean, not many girl friends. She really likes you, Elena and I'm glad that she found you too. You guys have been through a lot and I'm sure she can relate to you in a way." He tells me as the cars moves with ease, his foot's on the gas pedal and we're going 70 through the free way that seems to be strangely not that busy this early in the afternoon on a Saturday.
"It's noon already and the rehearsal starts at 3pm right?" I ask him. I hate the strange awkwardness between us that's suddenly there when he turns his eyes from off the road a bit and looks over at me with a devilish smirk on his face. " We're not going to be late..Not with the way that I drive, we'll be there a little earlier and besides, who cares if we're a little late. They already have a lot of stuff going on as is. I'm sure missing the brother of the groom for a little bit, won't matter very much." He says with a smirk and I once again feel my heart skip a beat, silently praying that I can hold it together until we get to the Hilton hotel in Portland.
"Yeah..so, about Lillian. I'm sorry that I sprung it all up on you like that. I'm just not good at this whole.." I begin to say as Stefan lets out laugh, looking over at me with a grin on his face.
"Your cute when you're nervous. I've always had this suspicion that Lillian could have been mine. I just, don't understand why Katherine would have kept it from me. Like you said, the night of the accident she was coming to see me, right?" He asks in a low voice as he watches me nod and my cheeks feel flushed from his comment...Your cute when you're nervous.
"Yes. She didn't tell anyone who the dad was, she felt like she owed him privacy." I tell him in a serious tone as the subject in the car and the atmosphere around us dramatically changes from light and fun to serious and heart pounding.
"Owed them privacy? Elena, do you seriously believe that? Truthfully, Katherine and I were fairly close and I don't understand why she would hide such a huge revelation from me. From someone she had said that she trusted and loved. It just doesn't add up. I guess what I'm saying is that I...I kind of know that deep down that I'm at the top of the list for being Lillian's dad and if it does end up being that that's the case. Then, I want to take care of her...fully." He tells me as I feel the mustang roar to life as he pushes down on the gas pedal, as we pass a semi truck.
"Like, take custody of her? Stefan, my sister left custody of her daughter to me. I'm sorry. But, I don't think I could let you take her away from me." I tell him sternly as he shakes his head.
"No. No, that's not what I'm saying. All I want is to be a part of her life, I want her to know that I just didn't abandon her and that she's a part of me too. I guess what I would want after we get back home and if the DNA test that I take, proves that I'm her dad is that...I would want to co-parent her with you." He tells me as my jaw tightens and my eyes grown wide at his words...I would want to co-parent her with you...
A/N: So that was CH.10! :) Hope you all enjoyed it. I think that Elena and Stefan will have some serious tension between them during the rehearsal that's oddly enough out of town...a change of scenery..might do them some good or not...we'll have to wait and see :)
Anyways, Let me know what you think!
Thanks for Reading & Until Next Time
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