Mind palace
I had to do something. I had to hide from death, cheat it away. Something. I needed to have my mind fully set on surviving.
That's when i realized how dumb i was. My mind palace. I just needed to go to my mind palace and concentrate on the beating of my heart and the breath flowing through my lungs. But I couldn't get there. I couldn't get to my mind palace. This had never happened before. Normally i would always be able to find comfort in my mind. But it had locked me out. My mind was locking me out of my self.
I started to panic. What could I do? I knew that i needed to calm down. Slow the blood flow. Keep the drugs from spreading. But I couldn't, I was having a panic attack.
I tried to calm down, breathe, to get in control. I wasn't going to die! I was going to survive, for John. But i couldn't breathe anymore and my eyes fell shut. I was struggling for breath, like a fish on land, clutching the picture in my hands.
I heard the door open downstairs, but I couldn't concentrate. My heart was beating in my ears and i was gasping for air. The tear marks still visible on my face. The door of the room flew open. I tried to open my eyes, see who was there. But I couldn't. I felt cold hands lifting me out of the chair and carrying me down.
I could faintly hear someone yell my name. But I couldn't make out who it was. I was put on a bed and a bunch of voices were all around me, through my eyelids I could see flashing lights.
I tried to speak, just to say anything. But only blood came out of my mouth. When I vomited the blood I felt my entire body fall still. I wasn't gasping anymore, my body wasn't shaking, my eyelids weren't fluttering. I drew one more shaky breath and let oblivion take me. I had made my peace.