Sam
This is my fault. I was the one who suggested coming here. As much as I remembered from Jolinar's memories, I definitely didn't have the whole story.
"Garshaw, could you at least tell us why you've turned down our request for an alliance?" Daniel asks.
"We have decided that your limited resources do not offer us enough of a reward to risk the high security breach that your knowledge of us will cause," Garshaw says cool and professionally.
"That's it?" O'Neill says with his patented sarcasm.
"Well, at least allow us some time to try to find some technology, some skill, something that you don't have," Daniel pleads.
"I'm sorry, I don't believe it exists," Garshaw says coolly.
"So we are prisoners. You're lookin' like Goa'uld to me," O'Neill says. I can't really blame him; I'm kind of with him this time.
"We are doing this for your protection as well as ours. Knowledge of our whereabouts makes you and your world a priority target for the Goa'uld System Lords," the Tok'ra replies.
"We're already a priority target," O'Neill says, well isn't that the truth.
"They previously dispatched two mother ships to destroy us," Teal'c proclaims rather proudly.
"There's another reason, isn't there? Something else bothers you about us," I say. Sometimes I can sense things, but not know them completely. Basically all Jolinar can help me do is ask the right questions.
"That is correct. None of you have volunteered to be a host to one of us who is dying! If you're so disgusted with the very thought of blending, how can we be associated with one another? I mean, it is obvious that you have distaste for our very being," Garshaw sneers.
"No, it is—it is simply a lack of understanding. We have no hatred for you at all," Daniel says. Well, he can speak for himself. My body was taken over by one of those things. She knocked Jack unconscious, and she threatened Cassie. I have a little hatred for them too. Thanks to Jolinar's memories, a lot of love as well, but there is hate in there.
"Then be a host to Selmak," she demands.
"Well, I wish I could say I was okay with that, but…" Daniel says. No he can't be host. He has to get back to his son. He has to keep traveling through the galaxy trying to find a way to save his wife.
"The very thought sickens you. There is nothing more to be said. There will be no alliance. You will remain here until we say otherwise," she says spinning away. Great, my dad is dying, and I will never get to say goodbye. There are so many things I want to tell him, and a few of them, I actually could if I was there.
Jack
"Colonel Makepeace? Did anyone tell you how far along my father is?" Carter asks worriedly.
"No, I was only told to get you back as soon as possible."
"He doesn't even know why I'm not there for him. He thinks I'm off somewhere working on some damn satellite dish or something" Carter grumbles. I can't imagine how she feels. I mean I want to tell my Mom so unbelievably bad, and she doesn't think I'm a failure like Carter's dad seems to. The idiot. Even if Carter was just working on satellite dishes, I'm pretty sure they would be the most freaking awesome satellite dishes ever.
"We're going to get you back there, Carter. The good news is, there's eight of us now," I tell her. I am going to bust her ass out of here so I can get her to her father who is going to tell her what an amazing person she is.
"That's good news?" Daniel says sarcastically
"Yes," I say glaring at him, "More manpower." Carter sits down; I have failed to cheer her up that is sure,
"Is this another one of your strange jokes, O'Neill?" Teal'c says.
"Ah, no." I say.
Teal'c uses the tone he uses when he's talking to me like a little brother. You can barely tell the difference between this and his regular tone, but I've been around this guy enough that I can tell, "It would be impossible. There is only one way out, via the rings. We would then have to elude hundreds of Tok'ra."
"I, for one, don't want to hurt any of them." Sam says. Helpful, she still likes the Goa'uld.
"Look, I'm not too thrilled about hurting anyone either. But keep in mind these people want to make you a host, and as I recall you said that whole 'Jolinar Goa'uld in the head' deal was one of the worst things that ever happened to you!" I remind her. Jeez she was practically catatonic after that. The only time I've seen anyone crushed like that was me after Charlie died.
"That's before I understood it better. I-If I wasn't fighting her and I knew what it meant for Jolinar to be a Tok'ra, it might have been…I don't know, enlightening," I can't believe this. Carter may be a genius at everything else, but she goes on a desert-side walk with some alien guy for five minutes, and she's completely taken in by them. She stands up, "I need to see Garshaw!"
"What?" Daniel asks concerned.
"What is the one thing that they need the most?" Carter asks.
"Well, hosts, which we can't give them," Daniel said obviously frustrated with his first diplomatic failure.
"What is it?" Garshaw says as she comes into the room with Martouf.
"You said that the symbiote can cure most problems in a human," Sam says. Oh God, no Sam. I understand how desperate someone can get when they are grieving. People are willing to make all kinds of crazy deals to save the one that they love. The only difference is that most of the time people can't actually make these deals. Sam can.
"Yes," Garshaw says evenly with the patience, or rather, lack thereof of someone who has been over this discussion more times than they cared to count.
"Does that include cancer?" she asks.
Martouf doesn't look like he understands, "What is cancer?"
Daniel pipes up to explain, "It's a disease in humans where the cells grow out of control, you get tumors…"
"Oh yes, it's a common ailment amongst your species. We cure it all the time, it's no problem," Garshaw offers.
"Colonel, I think we should at least try to offer it to my Dad?" Sam asks looking at me desperately. I look back at her, and I can't tell her no.
"We might have a host for you," I say, but it feels like I'm pulling out my own teeth to say it.
"You have a host for Selmak?" Garshaw asks.
"Yes. My father. He's got cancer and if Selmak can save his life, I think he'd be willing to try it," Sam says. I wonder if she's right. I mean, I don't know Jacob very well. But from his daughter's file, I know the man is a fighter, he wouldn't give up easy.
"But you have to let us go back," I insist.
"I will let two of you go. But the rest will remain to ensure that you will return." Well, I guess I get some more quality time with Dad.
Hammond
This is an awful day. We just about lost Jacob. He was in cardiac arrest. And then I send a team to get his daughter, and they are kidnapped. And then Sam comes through wanting me to authorize putting a Goa'uld in Jacob's head.
He saved my life, and I always promised myself that one day I would return the favor. This is not how I imagined doing it.
I look at Sammy, because she is definitely, wholly and completely Sammy right now, "Captain Carter, I am truly sorry about your father, but I have to question the wisdom of what you're suggesting here. From what I've seen, this won't exactly be saving his life. It'll be more like giving his body to a Goa'uld."
"No, sir. More like letting one share it." Sammy says pacing over to the window to look out.
"Jacob knows a lot about Earth, about the US Military. This would be like handing that information over to the Goa'uld," I remind her.
"To the Tok'ra," she points out.
"You sure there's a difference?" I ask.
"Oh, yes, sir, there's a difference, believe me. I won't even pretend to understand what the difference is, but there is one. One minute you're talking to a Goa'uld, the next minute you're talking to a regular guy…person," Jack says. If Jack says it there actually might be some truth to it. He hates the Goa'uld more fiercely than anyone else on the planet with the possible exception of Daniel Jackson.
"Host," Sammy offers.
"A host," Jack accepts.
"How do you know it isn't just a trick? We've seen the Goa'uld speak as humans before," I remind them. Although, I'm sure Jack doesn't actually need a reminder. He was pretty shaken up when Jolinar did that while in Sam's body.
"Well, General, if these were your everyday run of the mill, greasy-assed Goa'uld, they would have made us their hosts already," Jack says.
"They were holding you prisoner, Colonel. Still are holding SG-3 and the rest of your team!"I practically yell at him.
"Only temporarily, sir. And they thought it was to protect us as much as them," Sammy insists.
"Yeah, I didn't buy that one myself, sir," Jack says, and I'm relieved that one of my officers is thinking clearly.
"General Hammond, please, I know my father would want to do this. He would have the opportunity to serve as the liaison between ourselves and possibly the most important allies we will ever have," Sammy pleads, and suddenly I know that none of the rest of the discussion matters, because I can't deny Sammy a chance to save her father.
Sam
"Mom!" Cassie says from the hallway extending her arms to me. She looks really terrified. "Is Grandpa dying?" she asks.
"I don't know sweetheart," I say holding her tight, "I'm going to go see him, and try to save him, stay with Mrs. Sanders." I say pushing past her into the room.
"Clear the room, people," Hammond says.
Dad turns to look at us. He lets out a loud sigh, "I told you not to recall her."
"Happy to see you too, Dad," I say trying not to be offended. I know this is more about him trying to be a tough guy than about our relationship.
"You wanted me to tell you what Captain Carter does, so I thought maybe she could tell you herself," Hammond says with a wide grin. I think he wanted to tell Dad just about as badly as I did myself.
"Yeah? What happened to the classification?" Dad asks, but I see the excitement in his eyes.
"It's still classified. But you just got clearance," Hammond says.
Dad lets out a sigh, like he is reluctantly playing along, "Why?"
"Well, believe it or not, we need your help, Dad," I say.
He laughs, and the laughter causes him to cough painfully, "What? The Pentagon wants me to deliver a message to God when I get up there?"
"Not exactly," Hammond says
"Well, I don't plan to see the other guy," Dad says.
I smile at his joke. Lord, how I would miss that sense of humor which is so uniquely Dad, "Dad, have you ever heard of the Stargate program?"
"No, is that one of your satellites?" Dad asks.
"I don't work with satellites, Dad, that was just a cover," I say.
He rolls his eyes, he almost told me that himself, "No kidding. I never would have guessed. So tell me, what do you do that's so great you don't want me to get you into the astronaut program?"
"Well, this is going to be a lot for you to take in at once," I say. God, I'm not kidding.
"Stop beating around the bush. What do you do?" Dad asks. Oh, this is going to be fun.
"I travel to other planets. Much farther away than any astronaut goes," I say.
Dad rolls his eyes, "So you're not going to tell me the truth."
"She is telling you the truth, Jacob," Hammond says.
Dad looks from one of us to the other as if he's trying to understand why we are lying to him, "She goes to other planets."
"What, like in simulations?"
"No. In reality," Hammond repeats.
"We discovered a piece of alien technology. It can send us to thousands of planets all over the galaxy."
"You're not kidding, are you," Dad says in shock.
"No."
"Holy Hannah!" I grin at Hammond.
"So what do you want me to do?" Dad asks.
"Well, we'd like you to travel to one of these planets with us," I tell him.
"Why? So I can die there?" Dad says bitterly. Dad is definitely not one of those people who goes gently into that good night.
"No. Actually, I'm hoping what we want you to do will cure your cancer," I say.
"They have a cure there? What's the catch?" Dad is a wise man; it's pretty hard to get something past him.
"It's a doozy, Jacob, I won't lie to you on that," the General says.
Jacob
I keep expecting one of them to say, "Just kidding." When I was laying in that hospital room waiting for my daughter, who may or may not be able to make it. I was thinking of what she might say to me. 'I go to alien planets and if you're willing to share your body for the next hundred years I can save you' was not one of them.
The room is something I'm used to. It's like any number of military warehouses. What I'm not used to is the huge ring that is spinning around lighting up and spitting out fog. Suddenly the thing explodes outward, and then glimmers back into a flat, shimmering pool.
"Incredible!" I murmur.
"Let's go, Dad," Sam says cheerfully as she leads me down the ramp. I'm thinking traveling across the galaxy probably won't be fun or easy.
"Does it— what does it feel like?" I ask nervously.
"You've handled worse, Dad," she says encouragingly.
Jack smirks at me, "It's a piece of cake, sir."
It is not a piece of cake. It's more like tornado crossed with a blizzard crossed with a free fall without a parachute.
"You do that a lot?" I ask
"Yeah, once or twice a week," Sammy says grinning at me.
"It beats the hell out of a shuttle on the back of a rocket," I tell her.
"Goes a lot further, too. You know, I was kind of expecting a little greeting party or something," Jack says.
"You sure this is another planet? It looks like Earth." I've been in quite a few deserts that looked a lot like this.
"Yeah, we figure the Stargate system was built specifically to transport humans or something close to humans in physiology. So it seems to go mostly to places where the environment supports human life." Sammy explains.
Jack
Well my men are free. Unfortunately, we're probably going to be under attack any time now. Turns out the Tok'ra are moving, because someone found out about their home. Hopefully we'll get Jacob healed before all hell breaks loose.
Jacob
"I'm not sure I can do this, Sam," I tell her. I don't fully understand what's going on, and a couple of hundred years seems like a big commitment. Also, I'm going to be signing up to fight a galactic war. Granted a six-year-old version of myself is doing a happy dance, but that also seems like a pretty big commitment.
"No one wishes to pressure you in any way, sir. The decision is yours, but before deciding, might I suggest that you— you take a moment to get to know the symbiote that wishes to blend with you," the Tok'ra who keeps making eyes at my daughter says.
I point to the old woman lying on the bed, "This is her?"
"Actually, you can only see the host. The symbiote's inside her," Sam explains.
"Inside her," I say awkwardly.
"Talk to her, Dad. Get to know her," Sammy prompts.
The old woman opens her eyes and looks at me, "If you agree to the blending, we could be together for a very long time," and then she lets out a painful sounding cough.
"You don't look so good," I tell her.
"You are no vision of beauty yourself, sir!" she says. That causes me to laugh, and I start coughing. Then she starts coughing, we are quite the pair.
"It's all right, sorry," I say. This is awkward to be getting to know a person who might share my body. Who will have the ability to take control of me at any time.
Then she starts talking in another voice, "I'm the one to whom you should be talking."
"You are the one I'm talking to. Why, why did your voice change like that?" I say. I wish we had a bit more time to talk about this. I'm thinking the briefing I got in the car on the way over here is probably not going to cut it.
"That's the host talking now," Sammy explains.
"I am Saroosh. I am in the position to help you most," the old woman says.
"How's that?"
"I will die, Selmak will live on, you will take my place as host," she explains.
"Um, I don't understand," I admit.
"Selmak is a wonderful Tok'ra. She is selfless and caring, she is good company. She has a wonderful sense of humor."
"Well that's good Dad, you can sit around for hours cracking yourself up," Sammy prompts.
I don't think that is nearly as funny as the odd situation I've found myself in, "That's funny," I say.
"She's not far wrong. I've had almost two hundred years of laughter thanks to Selmak. I'm biased, of course, but I believe that Selmak is among the best educated of the Tok'ra. You will probably be overwhelmed by the knowledge and wisdom you will gain upon blending."
"So, I get all of this thing's, uh, what did you call in their head?" I ask.
"Symbiote," Sammy supplies the vocabulary. God, Sam had one of these in her head, against her will. But if it's my only way to live, and if after that she still wants me to do it.
"Yeah. I get all its memories and stuff?" I ask.
"Yeah, Dad, something like that," Sammy says.
"Then I won't deceive you, sir. We have some pretty awful things buried in our memory."
"Such as?"
"Memories of countless Goa'uld atrocities, the loss of the host before me, and you will feel the mourning for my loss."
"Will you excuse me ma'am?" I run out of the room to throw up. Sammy follows me. Strangely this doesn't have as much to do with the strange alien I might be sharing a body with from now on as the rather intense treatments earthlings have developed for treating cancer. Basically they poison you and hope it kills the cancer before it kills you. And Jack seems to be offended by the way the Tok'ra look down on us. We are primitive.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want my future, um, I guess you could call her soul-mate, to see me like this," I tell Sammy.
"Dad, you don't have to do this," she says looking at me honestly.
"Yes I do. My only other choice is death, and that's not acceptable. Look, don't worry, it's not just hearing all that stuff that made me lose my stomach, it's the chemo. And the trip through that damn Stargate thing."
"It's okay. This is a lot of weird information for anyone to take in at once. Trust me, I know," she says.
"Okay…what do I have to do?" I ask taking a seat on the edge of the bed.
"First, Selmak would like to interview you," the other Tok'ra in the room says.
"Huh?" I ask.
"If I am to spend the next hundred or more years with you as my host, do you not think I have the right to decide if I even like you?" the old woman in the bed says.
I laugh, "What's not to like? Just ask my daughter, I'm a teddy bear." It would be pretty awkward to end up getting rejected by a desperate alien whose only other choice is death.
"Oh yeah, real…teddy bear," Sam says somewhat incredulously.
"How do you feel about the Goa'uld?" she asks.
"Well, you're the first one I've met." I say.
I see Sammy flinch as the old woman says, "I am not a Goa'uld."
"Ah, trick question?" I ask.
"Remember, Dad, I tried to explain the difference," Sammy says like I'm a naughty pupil in a second grade classroom.
"Right, right, I-I apologize. I guess I've never met a Goa'uld before. Although from what Sam and her people tell me, I don't think I like them much." I say. Selmak gives a nod which results in us being left alone.
"Tell me, sir, are you a good man?" she asks.
I laugh, "You're kidding, right?"
"No, we'll be spending the rest of our lives together." Ok enough of this, I don't think we have the time to waste on this, and we all know where it is heading anyway.
"Look, forgive me for being blunt, but you're dying, right?"
"My host is, yes."
"And you'll die with her unless you and I, uh…what did you call it? Blend, right?"
"Yes."
"And I'll die too, unless we do this. So my point is, good man, bad man, what difference does it make? We don't have a choice. And I don't mind telling you the whole idea scares the hell outta me. So can we just get it over with?"
"I have decided I like you."
"Super." A stamp of approval from a snake like alien parasite.
"But I must be sure that you understand there will be no turning back. I cannot blend with you, cure your disease, then leave. To do so, would probably kill us both."
"I understand. Let me ask you something, though. After we do this, will I still be able to talk to my daughter, and granddaughter." I've gotten pretty used to actually being there. I would hate to go back to the way things were before. The way things were for most of my life. I really only started to live in those last couple of months.
"The way Saroosh talked to you, yes. But you and your daughter must understand the blending may not work at all. I am very weak, and the damage to your body may be too extensive."
"In other words, we might die anyway."
"Yes."
"Then can you give me five with my kid?"
"Of course."
I walk into the hallway where Sammy and the alien who makes eyes at my daughter is. The alien who makes eyes at my daughter says to me, "You must hurry; we don't have a lot of time." Then he walks over to Selmak.
"Listen Sam, I was never good at this stuff." Actually, I've never really even tried to do this kind of stuff before.
"Dad, you don't have to say anything.
"You got to know one thing—how proud I am of you. I'm not good at saying these things enough."
Sam's voice is shaking with emotion, "I think you just said it pretty well."
"Even when I thought you were this whiz satellite geek, I was proud. That's all I want to say."
"Please, Dad."
I bite back my emotion, because I don't want to turn myself into a sobbing fool, "Hey, I know, I'm a pain in the ass," I laugh, "Maybe this Tok'ra lady will, uh, sand off some of the rough edges. It might be a good thing, right?"
"Could be. The longer we wait the less the chance is."
"Goodbye, kid," I say, and Sammy strokes my head.
"See you soon, Dad," she says.
I clear my throat, and walk back into the room, "Now what?"
"Kiss me," the old woman says.
Just when I thought this couldn't get any more ridiculous, "You're kidding, right?"
"No, I'm not," she says seriously. I lay down on the bed next to her. I lean toward her with my mouth open. The alien I'm going to be sharing my life with squirms out of the woman's mouth and goes into mine. It hurts for a second. As soon as I can I look over at the old woman and she dies. I feel immense sadness and it isn't mine.
"Goodbye, dear friend," Selmak says with my voice. I can't pretend not to know her name anymore; I know a hell of a lot more than just her name.
Sam
I can't believe it! My father blends with this Tok'ra. He does everything they want, and they just leave him under here, hoping he'll get better with enough time to save himself. What's worse my own team left too. Colonel 'no one gets left behind' O'Neill left two Carters behind. Damn him. You know who stays? Martouf the alien in love with a ghost inside of my head.
Jacob
Pain, sand, tunnels, crystals.
"Ah!" I complain. Pain.
"Dad?" Sammy asks.
Selmak takes over and asks for, "Martouf?"
"I am here," he assures him.
Selmak sits up, "Should we not make our escape?"
Martouf smiles, "Yes, we should."
"Uh, is my Dad in there somewhere?" Sam says nervously.
I shake my head, "I'm here, Sammy. Oh man, talk about your hangover."
"How are you Dad?" she asks worriedly.
"I'm awful. Headache the size of Kuwait. There's too much stuff in here." I say getting off the bed. My head used to contain one not so big lifetime. It now contains three lifetimes, two of which are extra large, "Whoa!"
Sam looks really worried, "What?" She says trying to hold me up as I almost fell down.
Oh my legs have not felt this good in a really, really long time. I laugh, "No more arthritis! Holy Hannah! No more arthritis!"
I hear more explosions, and Martouf (apparently he's making eyes at my daughter, because it's his dead girlfriend in my daughter's head) says, "We should make our leave as soon as possible. This way."
Hammond
Another close call, but I've come to expect that when we are dealing with SG-1 it is always going to be a close call. Here is Jacob standing in front of me looking healthy and cheerful.
"Yes. Can we talk to your host?" I ask the symbiote that is talking out of his body.
Jacob bows his head down, clears his throat, and then says, "So when the little fella inside me is talking, do I sound like she does?"
"That is correct," Teal'c says stoically.
"It's strange. I can feel myself talking, but it's not me saying the words. You know?" Jacob says trying to explain himself.
"Don't know. Take your word for it," Jack says still looking uncomfortable with the whole thing.
"How do you feel?" Daniel asks nervously.
"Well, considering I got one of those things inside me, pretty damn good!" Jacob says cheerfully, "Listen, George. Because of this blending thing, I already know everything there is to know about the Tok'ra. You made the right call."
"I hope so," I say with a smile.
"I would be proud to serve as liaison between the Earth and these people," Jacob says stoically.
"Good. Well, on that note, perhaps you can ask them to come with me to do a little debriefing," I say.
Sam
I saved my father, but everything is going to be changing. The last two months Dad had been in my house, we have been closer than we have ever been before.
Martouf looks at me, and says seriously, "I give you my word, I will watch over your father as if he were my own."
"Thank you," I say sincerely, but I really wish he could stay.
"I look forward to seeing you again," he says.
"So do I," I say even though I am still not quite sure how I feel about him.
"It's ironic, ain't it?" Dad says.
"What?" I ask.
"I was trying to find you a better assignment and you didn't need it. Now you've found me the best assignment an old soldier could dream up. Thanks, kid."
"You're welcome. Do you have to go so soon?" I say trying not to sound like I'm begging.
"Yeah. I have to go. Apparently, I'm the oldest and wisest among us."
Oh just what my father needs, another reason to think he's better than us. I laugh, "Oh jeez." I give him a big hug.
"I love you," Dad says.
"I love you too, Dad," I say; he's halfway to the gate before he turns around and adds, "Selmak says, let me see if I can translate this, don't call us, we'll call you."
Sam
"Sam, when I was looking after Cassie I noticed…she has a lot of pens," Jack says.
"Of course she does," I say, "The girl has to write doesn't she?"
"I mean a lot of pens," he repeats.
"Ah huh," I mutter.
"I thought I recognized some of them," he offers.
"Naw," I offer off hand.
"Well, Siler put up some missing posters last month, and I'm pretty sure this is the pen that was on it," he offers spinning one around.
"He put up a missing poster for a pen?"
"Yep, even offered a reward."
"Well, ah…you going to bring it back, please, Sir?"
He grins, "So you knew your daughter was stealing pens?"
"Yeah, I didn't think anyone would notice. I mean, they are pens, Sir."
"Granted, but…I don't think you should ignore theft, even petty theft," he says seriously.
"I know, Sir, but apparently hoarding useless objects helps orphans establish stability."
"Ah," he says pausing for a bit, "So you talked to Daniel about his childhood?"
I nod.
"Probably good for both of you. Let her go into my office alone, I planted some pens," he grins.
"And you'll take that one back?" I ask pointing to the pen in his hand.
"Sure, I want me that five dollar reward!"