Last update for today. Hope to get more up tomorrow or Tuesday. :)
NINE
SOPHIE LEANED OVER, HER HANDS on her knees. "Why are we stopping?" she asked, fighting for breath.
"It's getting dark. I think we should stop for the night," Fitz said.
"But the sun's barely starting to set. We can keep going for at least another hour," Sophie protested.
And you should see if you can fix your mind, Fitz transmitted.
Sophie nervously reached up to tug out a loose eyelash, but stopped at the last second—she'd been trying to get rid of the bad habit ever since Vertina had counted them for her. Fitz was right. Sophie knew from experience that the longer a mind was broken, the harder it was to fix. But the question was whether she'd be able to fix her own. And whether it was even broken in the first place. She set down her pack and pulled out her blanket and Ella. She wrapped the blanket around herself and held Ella tightly. Then she closed her eyes and prepared to enter her own mind.
But she was scared. What if she couldn't do it? What if she broke herself even more? So she chickened out.
Fitz, she transmitted. Can you come here for a minute please?
Sure. What's the matter? he asked, strolling calmly across the clearing.
Can you try probing my mind? See if it seems normal?
Sure, he said. He knelt down next to her and placed his fingers on her temples. Ready?
She gave a single nod.
He closed his eyes. To pass the time, Sophie counted the seconds. 1, 2, 3, 4. After 25 seconds Fitz frowned. After 68 seconds he pressed a little harder on her temples. After 104 seconds a bead of sweat formed on his otherwise perfect brow. After 223 seconds Fitz finally opened his eyes and threw his hands down in disgust.
What was the matter? What did you see?
Nothing! You're mind seems exactly the same as it did last night when I checked it. Are you sure your mind broke?
Of course not. I slipped through the cracks, but I came back, remember?
Maybe you healed yourself? Or maybe you never broke in the first place.
Now Sophie was even more frightened of what she might find in her mind. Hang on a sec. I'll see what I can find.
Is it safe for you to go in there? I mean…it's just a bad idea.
Fitz, it's my mind.
But what if you get trapped in there and actually break this time?
Again, Fitz. It's my mind. No reason to worry, she joked, quoting Alden's favorite line.
Sophie repeated the last sentence over and over again as she pulled her consciousness back into her mind.
It was dark. And cold. And oddly empty. Emptier than the other broken minds she'd probed. Where were all her memories? And where was the nook? The other broken minds she'd probed had fractured, fun-house-like memories. Hers had nothing. She tried inflicting happiness on herself, but nothing happened. There were no telltale whispers of warmth. There was nothing. It was simply a void.
She was relieved to find that when she tried to pull back out nothing held her back.
What happened? Fitz asked her when she opened her eyes.
Sophie sent him an image of her mind, along with the feeling of experiencing it. He shuddered as he received it. Was that really what it was like?
Yep. And no matter how much I inflicted or transmitted I couldn't find the nook. Or any of the signs that usually lead me to the nook. It was like my mind was dead or something.
Do you want me to try again?
No, let's eat dinner. Maybe after we finish eating something will have changed.
Okay, Fitz agreed. He pulled her to her feet and they walked over to the campfire where the others were gathered. "How'd it go?" Biana asked, but Sophie just shook her head. She didn't want to talk about whether or not her mind was broken.
So Fitz answered for her. "Nothing seemed too weird when I checked it out, but Sophie said it seemed like some kind of void. It doesn't seem like it's broken though, so I'm sure there's no reason to worry," he told the others, and all of them seemed a little more relaxed after Fitz delivered the news.
Sophie slumped down on the opposite side of the fire and avoided eye contact with her friends. She didn't think she could take another ounce of pity or concern. She was tired of being broken and pitied.
Keefe scooted around the fire to sit next to her. They sat together in silence for a while.
"You know it's not your fault, right?" he asked out of the blue.
"Everything's my fault," Sophie said bitterly, spiraling into a hole of self-pity.
"Snap out of it, Foster," Keefe said, turning her shoulders to face him. "If you break right now, we have no chance. Not one. The Black Swan won't stand a chance, and the Neverseen are going to win. Brant is going to win. My mom is going to win," he practically spat. "And we can't let that happen. So I need you to wake up, okay? No more self-pity. No more guilt. We are going to fight back, and we're going to fight back hard."
Sophie was shocked. She had no idea what to say. So she said the first thing that popped into her mind. "I think you're getting better at the strong supportive thing."
Keefe blushed and let his hands drop from her shoulders. "Yeah, well, I can't always rely on my good looks and humor to motivate you, Foster. You keep me on my toes."
Now it was Sophie turn to blush. She had been silly, letting all the guilt catch up to her like that. Keefe was right. If she was going to help the Black Swan she needed to be committed 100%.
"Thanks, Keefe," she said, smiling a real smile for the first time in a long time.
"Well, we can't have an unstoppable Team Foster-Keefe without an unstoppable Foster, can we?" he winked.
As they all sat and laughed around the warm fire, Sophie could almost imagine they were just normal kids having an aurenflare at Everglen.
Almost.