Chapter 10
"You have 12 new messages."
Kyoko's eyes widened as she finally turned her phone back on after dinner service. She took her bath and was getting ready for bed but noticed the little voice mail icon on the screen and checked her inbox to find this. She allowed the messages to play.
"Mogami-san, please call me back." It was Ren, short and clipped. It was right after she left the café around 12:40
"Kyoko-chan, it's Yashiro. Did your battery die? I was hoping to speak to you. Please call me back at your earliest convenience." This was timed a few minutes after the first at 12:44.
"Mogami-san, it's Ren. I need to speak with you as soon as possible. Please call me back when you can. Don't worry about when." Twenty minutes after Yashiro's. 1:06pm
"It's Ren. I'm on break at the moment and wanted to see if I could speak to you." Kyoko listened to a heavy silence, and then he finished, "Please call me when you get the chance." 3:15pm
"Kyoko-chan, it's Yashiro again. I wanted to check up on you, see if everything is okay. Please call as soon as you can." 3:55pm
"Mogami-san, would you please talk to me, allow me the chance to explain myself. I was simply…" Ren sighed audibly on the phone, "Please give me the chance to explain." 5 pm.
"I'm on my way to dinner and then heading to my last appointment of the day. Please call or maybe you can meet me at LA Hearts. I'll be there till 6:30." 5:15pm
"Mogami-san, you are being unreasonable and childish. You know I don't think of you that way and for you to shut off your phone to ignore my calls is unprofessional." 6:00pm
"It's Yashiro-san. I finished the updated schedule and left it with Sawara-san. I would like to talk to you about the schedule. We can definitely free up some more time whenever you need it. Let me know when, and we can work around whatever job you get in the future. Please tell me if this is acceptable. Have a pleasant night, Kyoko-chan." 6:20pm
"I'm starting my next appointment. I would like very much to speak to you before the end of the day, Mogami-san." 6:48pm
"I'm sorry. It seems this is the only way you will allow me to apologize to you so here it goes. I'm very sorry for saying those things. I sometimes forget about your past with Fuwa and didn't realize what I was saying until it was too late. I don't want you to misunderstand what I said. I was only trying to explain that you do so very much for me and those were the first things I thought of since it makes me..." 9:25pm. The message cut off, and Kyoko quickly pushed the next button, eager to hear the rest.
"It makes me feel guilty having you do all that. I live alone, Mogami-san. I'm not use to having someone cook and clean after me everyday while I do nothing, but I want to stay true to Cain just as much as you do with Setsu. I know this is going to cut me off again, so I can only hope you understand when you get this message. Please forgive me, Mogami-san." 9:27pm.
Kyoko shut her phone, got dressed and told the owners that she would be back tomorrow. She unhooked her bike and stormed over to Ren's apartment building, flew up the elevator and arrived at his door, yet the moment she arrived Kyoko couldn't bring herself to knock. She stared at the door, her mind completely blank. A door suddenly slammed behind her making her scream out and jump out of her skin. She twisted around to see one of Ren's neighbors coming out of their apartment with a bag of trash, and just as abruptly, the door in front of her opened.
"Mogami-san?" his voice held surprise as he found her at his door. As soon as Ren opened the door she twisted around and bowed down to him.
"Tsuruga-san, I'm so sorry for disturbing you so late," she spoke to the floor and didn't even make an effort to get up.
"Please come in," he stated politely. She stood up and stalled. He was standing off to the side half hidden by the open door waiting patiently. She licked her lips and forced herself inside.
"I wanted to tell you that I got your messages," Kyoko spoke softly, watching him quietly close the door behind her. The door instantly locked, and she jumped at the small click. She could feel herself shaking slightly and clung to her purse in hopes that he wouldn't notice. She glanced at him nervously and her eyes fell back to the floor as she spoke, "You have nothing to apologize for, Tsuruga-san. I over reacted this afternoon, and I'm here to ask for your forgiveness." Kyoko bowed down again.
"I'm sorry for leaving like I did. I'm very sorry for turning off my phone and ignoring Yashiro-san and your calls. I am tremendously sorry for making the both of you worry about me today," she finished and slowly stood up, but couldn't find the courage to look up at him. "I let my emotions run away with me during a business meeting and that was completely unprofessional of me."
"Mogami-san…"
"Wait," Kyoko yelled out sharply stunning Ren into silence. She sighed, "I'm sorry again, but please let me finish, or I won't have the courage to ever say it again." Ren stiffened but stayed quiet.
"You love me," Kyoko started making Ren's eyes widen and heart stop. "I mean, Cain loves Setsu," she corrected, restarting Ren's life and continued, "All those things you were saying at lunch, it was too much like my life with Sho, and it freaked me out." Starting to feel antsy, Kyoko took off her shoes and started pacing in Ren's front hall as she eagerly explained her thoughts to him. "I thought I was…" she stopped and reminded herself the point of the conversation. Don't bring up your feelings for him, Kyoko. She restarted her thought, "Since the only lo…" she stumbled at the word and decided to change it, "experience I ever known was with him, I thought I somehow used that to show Setsu's love for Cain. When you stated that I was doing all these things, I felt like a failure until I re-evaluated our characters." At this Kyoko turned to Ren, quickly walked up to him and met his eyes with a smile.
"Cain loves Setsu. Never mind the weird incestuous thing they have going on, but it's love. She does all those things for him because she loves him and wants to make him happy. In return, he tries his best to take care of her since it's only them, buys her whatever she could ever want or need, gives her all the love and attention she could ever ask for, is completely devoted to her and you know what else?" Kyoko asked Ren.
"What?" He asked trying to follow her lead.
"He needs her just as much as she needs him, wants her just as much as she wants him. That is love," Kyoko said joyfully as if she solved the answer to life's question. She spun around in his little hallway as if she had wings, her eyes sparkling, her face lit up from some internal brilliance from within. She quickly turned back and looked up at him.
"I'm right, right? That is love?" She asked him hopefully.
"Yes, this is love," Ren answered with the softest sincerest voice, but Kyoko yelled out in glee at the first word and didn't hear the rest of the sentence. His hand was half way towards her face and his desires were written all over his as she twirled around in his apartment.
"I'm in a role that is expressing love. President Takarada must be testing me, to see if I can do it for a future role," she exclaimed but then gasped, "Love's Rival! That's why I got the offer." Kyoko then frowned confused. "But no one knows it's me."
Ren smiled shaking his head. "I believe our president probably had something to do with that. Though you mentioned that Kotonami-san also got the offer?"
Kyoko nodded and added, "Yes, she did. They thought that she would fit Aika well, but I got the offer too, because Sawara-san said they saw us together at the Dark Moon interview and thought we looked good together." As soon as the words left her lips Kyoko blushed a crimson red. She turned to Ren and started laughing.
"Funny, huh?" she said with a forced laugh and turned away from him quickly trying to hide her true emotions from him. Ren sighed softly wishing he could wipe her impressions clean and fill her up with the truths of that observation.
Kyoko calmed her heart down reminding herself that such a possibility wasn't possible for her and should stay inside her dreams. Though a soft smile spread on her lips as she remembered that she would be able to feel a little of his love if she got the part in Love's Rival even if it was another role. Kyoko giggled softly as she thought about it. He wouldn't show the same kind of love as Cain did. Kyoko was getting excited thinking about the way Ren would play Kenta.
But what about me? Kyoko thought to herself anxiously. Can I express a different love if Ren is my co-star? Would I do the same things I do as Setsu while being Aika since all I would see is Ren? The love they want displayed isn't going to be the same as what I am doing with Setsu. The only love I am showing is the type I displayed with Sho-baka. Is that right? What if that kind of love isn't what they are looking for? What if that love isn't the love that people normally respond to?
Ren walked up to the Kyoko statue in the middle of his living room. She fell into a deep thought, her eyes drifted off into the shadows of her mind with her hand at her lips. He bent over, looked at her serious face and waved his hand in front of her eyes. Kyoko blinked at the movement and turned to look up at him. She didn't smile but looked at him confused.
"Cain would love Setsu no matter how she is, right?" She asked him.
Ren had to think about it for a moment but nodded. "Yes, love is unconditional," he replied.
Her eyes fell back into that distant daze as she spoke her thoughts out loud, "So then he is merely accepting my version of love because he loves her. It doesn't mean that I'm right." Kyoko's face fell as if she took a giant leap back.
"You have to love me because your character definition tells you to," Kyoko accused him, "It doesn't matter how I act it, it will still be love because that is your role." She felt like crying again. "What if my love is wrong? What if I go to the audition and show them what I think love is, and they laugh at me? They would laugh me off the stage telling me they wanted me to express love, not act like a maid," she finished and collapsed on the floor.
The moment her bum touched the ground, Ren rushed over in a panic. "Are you alright?" He asked in alarm.
"I don't know," she mumbled. "I don't know what love is. I don't know how to express it." She looked up at Ren's concerned face and felt her eyes water and her heart ache. I love him, how would I show that? I don't know. He told me in his messages that he feels guilty when I do things for him, and he does nothing. That's why he always asks to do the dishes and help with cooking. If I can't do things for him, then "what do I do?" she whispered the last out loud.
She was staring at him, her eyes shinning from unshed tears and thousands of flickering thoughts sweeping across, making them dance. Ren watched her as she watched him, taking in her lost words of love. When she asked him what she should do, he felt as lost as she did.
"First, stand up and come sit on the couch," he told her, and she followed him blindly. Once seated, he offered her a drink.
Some life came to her when he offered, and she replied warmly, "Tea. I would love a hot cup of tea." She had been craving some since she was at Hikaru's apartment. Ren turned to leave, and Kyoko shot up. I'm in another man's apartment! A man who is not my boyfriend either.
"Is something wrong, Mogami-san?" Ren asked her, puzzled by her sudden movement.
"Ah, um, no. Sorry. I remembered something." She tried to find a quick lie but quickly recalled a truth, "Yashiro-san. He was calling me all day too. I need to call him, but it's too late to apologize now." She sat down slowly with a nervous laugh. She looked at Ren who was looking at her oddly. "Um, I can make the tea if you prefer. It's for me, so I don't mind."
"No, I'll do it. Please sit patiently. It won't take very long," Ren quickly squashed her offer and immediately went to boil the water. Kyoko sat back cautiously and sighed. Good job, Kyoko. Way to make the man suspicious. It would have been too weird to leave suddenly, so Kyoko convinced herself to stay. Besides, she has been in his apartment plenty of times and nothing ever happened. He doesn't think of her like a woman but a child, there is no threat here. If she was in Hikaru's place at this time of the night, then she could worry, not here – not with Ren.
Ren stifled a groan as the water started to simmer. This woman was going to be the death of him with her capricious ways. He was worried sick all day about how she was with the stupid things he said. Then she comes out of no where looking completely adorable in an oversized sweater and jeans and start sprouting apologies like a sinner about to die. After that she has this epiphany that blows his mind and almost gave him a heart attack and now where does he found himself?
The girl he loves is asking him whether the way she loves is correct. The little kettle started to whistle, and he started preparing the tea as he sorted his thoughts. She doesn't know the one thing you want in your life is her love. He slowly poured the hot water over the loose green tea leaves. How can I help? I had to find out love from a person in a damn chicken costume. He sighed as he put the little lid on the pot. But she is asking how to express love, not if she is in love. He gathered everything in his hands. Perhaps I can use my parents as an example.
When Ren returned from the kitchen, Kyoko had retreated back into her head. He watched her as he prepared the tea, wondering if his actions would eventually wake her up. He casually set the tea pot on the little table right in front of her, then the two little tea cups next to it, carefully poured the hot green tea into the little cups and proceeded to sit on the floor in front of her with her cup in hand. Even with all that, she didn't budge or even register his presence, so he allowed himself a minute to look at her. Kyoko was warmly dressed in simple clothes and her hair was messy indicating that she arrived here by bike. At least she didn't walk over, he thought to himself with a little sigh and figured he should snap her out of it now.
"Mogami-san," he called out to her in a normal voice, but she remained still. All the movement that he did while serving the tea didn't work so he very lightly placed his fingertips on her knee and gently shook her leg. That worked.
The first thing Kyoko reacted to was his touch, her face flushed, and she jerked her knee to the side, away from his hand. He let his hand fall back with a sad little smile and held her tea cup to her. She turned her gaze to his face and the offered cup and calmed down a little.
"Ah, thank you, Tsuruga-san," she said as she took the cup, careful not to let their fingers touch in the exchange. Kyoko took a sip and sighed in contentment making Ren smile softly.
"Better?" he asked, and she nodded with the little cup cradled in her small hands. He looked at her and let his smile fall into a serious expression. "Mogami-san, I would like to reinforce my sincerest apologies…"
"But…"
Ren held up his hand and stopped her interruption and continued, "My sincerest apologies for my insensitive comments at lunch today. Do you forgive my transgressions?"
"But you have noth…" Kyoko tried again but was thwarted once more.
"Do you forgive me?" he repeated simply, and Kyoko nodded reluctantly.
"Thank you," he said relieved and carried forward, "I was never mad at you today. I was worried though, but I chose to be so." He looked down slightly looking at her cupped hands as he spoke, "I thought you were angry at me for saying those things, and I wanted to fix it as soon as I realized what I said. I'm also sorry for all those messages in your voice mail," he said a little embarrassed.
Kyoko blushed lightly since she actually enjoyed all those calls from him, not the reason why mind you but because he was so concerned about her. It's what drove her over here so quickly after hearing them. He turned his face up at her when she didn't say anything, his face timid and hopeful. She smiled and nodded accepting his apologies.
"So then we are good?" He asked cautiously.
"Yes," she exclaimed without a second of hesitation.
"Great," he replied with a wide smile. Kyoko took a drink then, trying to hide from his dazzling smile. Ren took a deep breath and let it out slowly mentally preparing himself for the next topic.
"Now as for Cain and Setsu, you were right the first time, but there is no wrong way to love someone." Ren froze with his mouth partially ajar. "Actually, that's not true. If you are hurting the other person, mentally or physically, then that's bad. That's not a good love, but that's not the point," he said flustered, making Kyoko smile behind her tea cup. Has he always been this cute? Is he allowed to act nervous and flustered like that? This was her respected, all-knowing senpai. He shouldn't be tongue tied.
"All that matters is that you show them that you care about them, that you think of them. How you end up showing that will work itself out in the relationship," he finished hoping that made sense.
Kyoko thought about it and frowned. "How am I supposed to act that out then?"
"That will be in the script, and your actions will be different with each character," he replied. "You are already doing things differently from Setsu and the you at 15. Did you cling to Fuwa as much as Setsu does with Cain?" No, no, no, please say no, Ren pleaded in his head over and over again.
"No," she immediately answered but then thought about it. "Well, I would sometimes take his hand," she started to frown the more she thought about it, "but he always pulled away. In fact, I don't remember a time when I hugged him. I think it was my birthday." She stalled trying to think. "We didn't touch very often. I always thought he didn't like the public affection, so I didn't do it that much." She rolled her eyes and grumbled, "I know differently now. Bastard is all over his manager whenever I see him."
Ren coughed. "Back on topic, would you be more physically affectionate to the person you love if they responded in kind?"
Kyoko blushed. "Yes, but I would be too embarrassed to initiate that. I mean I understand doing things in private, but to do more than hold hands in public…" she trailed off, her embarrassment overwhelming her.
"But you see that touching is a form of affection, right? That's why you do it so much with Setsu," he explained.
"No, I do that because we aren't raised Japanese. If we were born and raised Japanese, then I would act more reserved like normal, even if you are still a thug," she tease with a smile.
Ren snorted. "Not all other cultures act like that. Others are more casual about touching yes, but not at the level that we display as the Heels," he stated.
Fear filled her eyes as this revelation and she asked, "I was doing it wrong?"
"Well, if you were doing it because of our nationality, then yes. If you were doing it to display your love, then no," Ren stated.
Kyoko groaned in frustration and then asked, "Are you displaying Cain's affection the same way you would to the one you love?"
"No," he quickly replied. "Cain is distant even with his sister. She is the only one that he loves or even likes. No, I would do things differently," he said softly. Kyoko watched him look at the spot on the floor thinking about something or someone. She tiled her head watching him, curious what was going through his mind.
"What would you do?" she asked innocently, curiosity getting the best of her.
Ren's eyes flickered to hers in surprise and then a touch of apprehension filled them. He opened his mouth and then closed it with a sigh. "I suppose I would do a lot of the things my parents do," he replied honestly.
"The moment my father saw my mother, he would rush over, wrap her in his arms and kiss her soundly. It didn't matter who was around or where they were at, he would always greet her the same way," Ren said and smiled remembering the way people would comment on how much his parents were in love.
"He always had to be next to her, had to be touching her in some way. He would hold her hand or his arm would be around her waist or shoulders. He was always telling her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her, every day, several times a day," he told her. The more he thought about the things his father did, the more understanding he had for Kuu's behavior. Thinking about doing those same things with Kyoko made his heart ache with desire. His heart and body screamed at him, knowing that she was right here, in front of him, so very close, and yet he couldn't do those things.
"If they could be together, they were. They did everything together: cooked, cleaned, ate, showered, everything. Work was the only thing that drove them apart, and when they got back together after being separated…" Ren snorted and blushed thinking back to his childhood.
"I'm really surprised I don't have any brothers or sisters," he laughed and finally looked up at Kyoko. She was smiling brilliantly with tears threatening to fall from her eyes.
"Mogami-san?" Ren said concerned, worried that she was upset again. "I didn't mean to upset you."
"Upset?" Kyoko said baffled and then laughed as she felt her eyes spring a leak "Oh, no," she laughed and wiped away a tear, "No, I'm not upset. It's just, that's so very beautiful, to grow up with parents that loved each other that much. To be able to see that even once, you are very lucky, Tsuruga-san," she said sincerely. There were no signs of envy or sorrow; she thought he was truly blessed. He nodded in agreeance, fully knowing what he currently has waiting for him was a gift.
"What would your mother do?" She asked enthusiastically.
"She was a lot more subtle," Ren started, "She would call him every pet name ever invented in the world. She tried her best to cook him meals, even if she wasn't the greatest of cooks. The one thing I remember most is when she would try and sneak kisses on him. If he was reading a book or watching TV, she would tip toe towards him and try to kiss his neck or his cheek, but he always knew she was there, turn his head and steal her lips." Ren laughed at the memory. "She told him she loved him while spontaneously hugging him. My mother never really needed to do much. Father was always prompting things anyway. She would laugh at his antics and returned his feelings when he gave them."
Kyoko sniffed making Ren glance at her. She was crying outright now but still had a smile on her lips. "I wouldn't have told you this if you were going to cry," he laughed.
"I'm sorry," she pouted and wiped her tears. "I didn't mean to. My family is broken, and The Fuwas didn't show that kind of affection in front of Sho and me. I really didn't think that kind of emotion existed outside of movies and stories. It's like you grew up in a fairy tale kingdom," she said with awe.
Ren laughed and shook his head. "No, far from it," he stated then looked at her. "Did that help you at all?"
She took a deep breath to calm her emotions. His parents were extremely affectionate in a playful way. Setsu enjoyed playing with her brother but there was the underlining tone between the two of them that Kyoko didn't understand which made things difficult.
"I'm not sure. I don't think doing those things would fit the Heels," she confessed.
Ren nodded. "You're right, but what I don't understand is why you feel like we need to change how we are acting them right now?"
Kyoko opened her mouth and then promptly closed it. She thought about it for a moment, trying to remember the main reason she was here. "Because I'm not displaying love correctly," she finally answered.
"Says who?" he asked, and she couldn't respond.
"No one," Ren answered for her, "Just show your love the best way you know how."
"Ah, because Cain has to love his sister no matter what, right?" she replied knowingly.
Ren sighed in frustration. This woman twisted everything around so that she was at fault in some way or another. He wanted to strangle her sometimes. "Mogami-san, it doesn't matter what you do, because if the person loved you back, they will see your efforts in loving them in return." The moment he finished his statement, both of their hearts broke just a little. They remained quiet as they thought about each other and the lack of insight into each other's feelings.
"What if they don't?" Kyoko whispered softly.
"Then we try harder to be noticed."
Kyoko looked up at him astonished. His expression matched the tone of his voice, both were determined and unyielding. Written on his face was a goal, something he wasn't willing to let go for any reason, and her heart throbbed painfully wondering who he was thinking about.
Kyoko did not stay over that night. It was around midnight by the time she arrived home.
"Thank you for the ride, Tsuruga-san. I'm sorry I kept you up so late," she said bowing as he took out her bike from his trunk.
"I'm happy you came by Mogami-san. If you didn't, I doubt I would have been able to sleep anyway," he replied making her frown. "Please do not apologize again. You've done enough of that for today."
She laughed. "Actually it's already the next day, so I can start the counter over again," she teased. Ren looked at her trying to process the joke she said and laughed shaking his head.
"Touché," he said with a smile.
"Please sleep well, Tsuruga-san. Everything will stay the same with Cain and Setsuka, but I promise when you see me at the audition, you'll see a whole new love," she told him with conviction.
"Good night," she said finally and made her way back to the restaurant. Ren watched her go, partially confused and the other a little afraid. She doesn't even know what the audition entails. What is she going to do for it? I hope she doesn't go overboard with what I told her. When he saw her disappear into the building, he left, his instincts filling him with this odd foreboding.