He stood in the Mako forcing thoughts of Liara and their unborn child from his mind. He needed the soldier, the monster, and the machine. He didn't understand how she could make everything disappear. He was human with her. He needed to get angry. He thought of his father. The years of abuse and neglect pushed to the forefront. The images of his father's violence and cruelty sharpened the edge of his rage. He remembered the corruption of Saren and Benezia. They corrupted the only parent Liara had ever known. She was fundamentally changed from a caring albeit somewhat absent mother to something akin to his father. A woman Athena would never know. He held on to the outrage and claimed it as his own. He felt a nervous apprehension that wasn't his own. He looked up to realize they were all staring at him.
"What?"
Everyone looked at one another hoping not to be the one to speak. They all finally settled their eyes on the Asari.
"You were growling."
He simply nodded.
She looked away. A part of him wanted to comfort her, but he couldn't allow it. He needed to keep it at bay in order to succeed.
The Mako came to a stop and they began to disembark. He heard Anderson in his ear.
"We are in position on the South side of the beam and will make a run for it from here. Are you in position Shepard?"
"Affirmative, we are in position at the North side setting up for the run now."
"Double time, there are Reapers inbound."
"Understood."
He spoke into the comm. projecting the calm, collected, and resolute commander he'd become into his voice.
"All Northern Units, this is Commander Shepard. I want Bravo and Delta setting up covering fire in the buildings overlooking the beam. I will be making the run, if I go down or enter into the beam Lt. Commander Williams will give further orders. We are to hold this position no matter what. I don't give a damn if Hackett himself orders a retreat; you are not to leave your post."
He turned to the squad.
"Vega and Javik you're with me. The rest of you find a secure vantage point in the building overlooking no man's land. We need you to cover the beam. I don't want any Reaper forces flanking us once we're up there. If we don't make it Garrus, EDI, and Tali you're up next to make a run for it. Do not engage any reapers, call for an airstrike to try to draw it away from the beam."
He pulled Liara aside and spoke quickly and quietly.
"If you want to leave, I'll understand."
The Asari shook her head.
"I have an added incentive to hold this position."
His words reflected back at him stung coming from her. What had he made her into? His head fell.
"I will not send others to fight and die for my child. We will be fine. Just remember my favor."
He looked up just as she pulled him towards her and kissed him passionately. As quickly as it began it was over.
"Remember my favor."
He shook his head and ran towards the beam. He'd only made it a few steps before the Reaper landed. He heard the voice within his head. Shepard. I know you are here. The cycle cannot be broken. He answered back not knowing if the Reaper could hear the thought. Fuck you.
His stride never broke, ignoring the carnage as the red beam destroyed vehicles and lives in the blink of an eye. He pushed on driven forward by his fear of failure. He vaguely heard Vega scream after he'd barely dodged a Mako flipping through the air. "Commander, I'm down. I'm pinned under a Mako." He continued running ignoring it all. The Prothean accelerated passing him as they ran. He was at least six yards back when he saw a large piece of shrapnel from a destroyed Mako crash into the Prothean throwing him sideways. He noticed Javik wasn't moving, but didn't stop to assist him. He had to reach the beam, he couldn't afford to fail.
Almost there, just a little further. His thoughts were broken by another explosion, this one throwing him from his feet. He started to get up when he looked up and stared into the crimson eye. The eye was a window into death, a beacon of his failure. He stared into his own past and fell under the landslide of the memory he'd long forgotten. A fair skinned beauty with obsidian hair and awe inspiring vibrant green eyes. His mother's love was unquestioned as she lifted him into the air, tucked him in at night, and showered him with affection. Until his father returned, his military service leaving a broken soldier and corrupted human being. He heard the click of the empty thermal clip as the muzzle of the gun caressed his mother's temple. He heard the cries within his own mind as she fell slack the sparkling emeralds of light and love left her eyes becoming dull and empty, as she slide slowly down the wall. She was merely a shell of what she'd been.
He'd failed her, another innocent he hadn't been able to protect. It wasn't bad enough he'd failed, but he'd forgotten the innocent she'd been. Only remembering the husk his father had created.
He watched calmly as he was swallowed by the red light. He distantly felt the pain of his searing flesh; he was drifting into the darkness. It was a familiar feeling. What he deserved for allowing so many innocent lives to slip through his fingers. How many innocents had he failed and forgotten, like his mother? He was granted his punishment, death. Sweet unmerciful death, he felt the darkness within creeping away leaving only a single light. A white light of innocence embraced him.
"Athena."
There was one innocent left to save. He had to try to save one more soul.
He opened his eyes and was assailed by the sight of the reaper moving toward the derelict buildings.
"Athena."
He felt a burning sensation throughout his body; forcing it back he rolled onto his hands and knees. He picked up a pistol lying abandoned next to him. He felt hands upon him. He turned to find the Prothean helping him to his feet. He turned towards the reaper as it lumbered on towards the only light left in his life.
"Harbinger."
The Reaper moved forward either not hearing or not acknowledging his call. The Prothean dragged him back towards the beam, he could feel its energy they were so close. He pushed the Javik into the beam and turned back to the reaper.
What did Chakwas' report say? Skeletal structure made up entirely of reaper tech, nanotechnology acts as shield to prevent indoctrination. It must be a translation effect. The reapers speak through the reaper tech and the nanites communicate the signal to my mind. It should work in reverse. I can do this; he focused his gaze on the Reaper. He pushed a single thought towards the colossus before him. You were once the Apex predator, but now you are merely my prey.
The behemoth stopped in its tracks and turned. He saw the crimson eye brighten as it primed its primary weapons.
He stepped back into the beam and heard a single quiet voice.
"We shall see."
A/N: I apologize for the long wait for an update. I have had this chapter written for well over a week, but it wasn't good enough. I had to deal with some issues with "From End to Beginning" before I could focus on this story. Not to mention the next one has already started to form. Again thank you to those that have chose to follow my stories, leave reviews, PM, and even those that just browse through them.