A/N: Love me while you can. ;) I wrote and proofread at 4 in the morning. Sorry, I was just so eager I couldn't wait until morning! This chapter is a big shaky, sorry, the next one will be better written.

Robin looked like Robin. That was all that Ted could see. It was all that the whole group could see. Really, what else mattered? She talked like Robin and joked like Robin and laughed like Robin. She was back, and they all loved it. They didn't care why, because it didn't matter to them. Why should it? When someone you love is so far away, when they come back, you don't tend to ask the question: "Why?"

If they had asked that question, they probably wouldn't have liked the answer. Maybe they all knew this, and that was why they didn't ask. It was a good thing, she was happy and healthy and there was no reason to ruin that because seeing her happy had turned into something rare lately, and they didn't want to lose that.

"Oh my gosh, it's eight already? I have to go." Robin said frantically. They were at MacLaren's like they usually were, except it wasn't like they usually were because Barney wasn't there, and really it just wasn't the same without him.

"Why?" Ted joked. "Got a hot date?"

Robin laughed nervously. "'Something like that."

Marshall's mouth fell open. "Well Robin Scherbatsky. I'm proud of you. You managed to start a new relationship and move on from Barney. You're better without him anyway. Look how great you look."

She smiled, glad they didn't know the reason she looked so great now was because she had Barney again, and that was exactly who she was going to meet. On the roof that had become their own. It was a place that they could be together and alone. Ted almost never came up there, but they knew it was risky. They tried to plan their meetings at times when Ted was almost guaranteed not to interrupt them, but Barney had texted her and told her that he needed to see her tonight. She could have easily said no, and told him that they should wait for the morning when Ted would be gone at work, but the truth was a part of her, a big, obvious, vulnerable part of her, needed to see him too.

That's what scared her, that fact that she needed him. She hadn't needed any man in her life, and now here she was needing one of the only men in the entire city that she couldn't have.

"It's not a big deal." Robin said, not wanting them to get too excited for her. After all, this definitely wasn't a new beginning.

"It is a big deal." Ted insisted. "We're all really proud of you. When do we get to meet this guy?"

"Never." she said, quicker than she should have. "I mean, I don't really see it going that far."

"Why not?"

"I just don't see it lasting." She said, pretending like she wasn't talking about the little secret relationship that she had with Barney. Not relationship. Friendship. She needed to remember that small important detail.

"Well, just make sure you don't get hurt again." Ted said.

She scoffed. "I'm done with all of that nonsense." She said, knowing that it wasn't true. She knew how horribly fragile she was, and hated it. She knew that Barney was the one calling all of the shots here, and she hated that too. She didn't want to be dependant on someone. Especially someone that she didn't exactly trust with her heart.

She turned around and left her friends, hoping that when this all did fall apart she let them help her. She knew that it was a bad idea, but yet she was there when he called. Following him onto the roof, doing as he requested. She was in the palm of his hand right now, and it wasn't like her at all.

She went on the roof even though she knew that it was the last thing that she should do. "Hi Barney." She said, walking up behind him. "Sorry. I was at MacLaren's. I lost track of time."

He turned around and faced her. "I miss those days." He said with sad and longing smile.

"Why did you need me to come up here?" She asked, pretending like she had some sort of control right now. "It's risky, you know. Ted could come up here any minute, and then we'd be busted."

He shrugged. "We're not doing anything that bad. We're just talking."

She nodded in agreement. "We're still keeping secrets though."

They both knew it wasn't right. It was hanging over their heads whenever they were together.

He hugged, her, unable to keep his hands off her for another second. "I'm sorry." He said into her hair. And he truly meant it. He had never meant those words more.

The hug was inappropriately long for two people who were just friends. They both knew this, but neither one commented on it. When they pulled away, he saw how much she needed him. It was written all over her face. It was only there for a moment, but he saw it. "You look awesome." He said.

"Thanks." She smiled. "I actually gained like ten pounds."

"Good." He said. "No man likes a woman whose bones rattle when he's rattling her bones." It was gross. It was dirty. It was Barney.

She laughed. It was a genuine laugh, because she liked his dirty jokes and his dirty jokes were funny.

"I called you up here." he said, getting back to her previous question. "Because I really missed you. It's hard to see someone every day of your life and then just stop."

"Why don't you miss the rest of the gang?" She asked. She knew she was fishing. She knew that she knew the reason, but she deserved to hear it from him.

He shrugged. "Because the rest of the gang doesn't use shampoo that I dream about, like seriously, what's going on with your head? It smells amazing. The rest of the gang doesn't know what I'm thinking even when I'm not saying a word. Okay, well maybe that applies to Lily, but I swear she's a super human. The rest of the gang doesn't have that awesome smile that makes me go all Ted-like. The rest of the gang doesn't keep me up at night thinking about the way they smile, and laugh, and walk and… and… just everything you do, Robin, drives me insane, and I love it. I know I shouldn't, and I know I should try to stop this… thing that's happening, but I don't want to."

"That's a lot you're confessing." Robin said, avoiding his eyes. She wanted to make a joke to lighten the mood, but there wasn't one to be made. Not now.

"I know its wrong." he said, his tone serious. "I know that I'm being selfish by doing this to you, and I hate myself for it, but the thought of living without you is just- I can't."

"How long do with think that this will work for?" Robin asked, trying to hide the fact that she was terrified. "Do you think that we'll be able to sneak around like this forever?"

"I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow or a week from now, but all I know is that right now we're together like we used to be, and it feels normal. Doesn't it just feel right to you?"

"It feels like I'm lying to the people who are trying to help me, and I hate it, Barney."

"I hate it too." he said quickly. "I feel horrible making you lie to your friends… our friends, but what's the alternative?"

She didn't want to think about it. "I don't care." She said, having a sudden change of heart. "They don't need to know every detail of my personal life." She said confidently. "If I want to have a… friendship with you, than I can."

He smiled, wishing that he wasn't so in love with her, and that he didn't know how badly he was going to hurt her one day. "I'm glad that you feel that way, because I don't know what I would do if I wasn't able to keep our… friendship." He moved closer to her, knowing that he had no right to be this close to her.

He knew that he had no right to pull her in for another hug, but he needed her to be in his arms. "I'm crazy about you." He confessed.

No. He was in love with her. She was the one that was crazy. He was the one that could function without her. She turned into this empty shell of a woman without him.

He wished that he could hold her closer to him, because as close as possible just didn't seem close enough to him. He tightened his grip on her waist, fearing that if he didn't she would be gone.

She wasn't going anywhere.

"Robin." He pulled back just far enough so that he could look her in the eyes. He knew that he was being selfish. He knew that he was being awful. He knew that he should just let her go, but he couldn't. He did what he knew he shouldn't. He did what he knew would officially cross the line. He did what he knew could break her so easily.

He kissed her.