Sabo
Sabo wanders through the following day like a ghost.
Silenced.
Transparent.
Dead.
Desperately trying to…to do anything, everything to distract him from the excruciating, diabolical pain inside his chest, this all-consuming agony he hasn't known till now.
Oh god, it hurts so much tears itch in the corners of his eyes, the entire day, remnants of a sleepless night, but he dares not shedding a single tear, because he doesn't want anyone to see…to witness…his suffering.
He'd never want anyone else to experience this kind of pain.
He stays last in the office. He hears his colleagues say goodbye to him – hurried, confused, he can only imagine how he looks in their eyes, probably as bad as he thinks, or worse, with reddish demon eyes that have been awake all night and a face that has forgotten how to smile.
He stares out the window, he watches the sky above Water Seven darken with clouds and soon, he hears the faint pattern of the first raindrops on the street outside the building.
Like heaven itself was crying.
And although his heart is bleeding, screaming, his thoughts darken in the most disguting way, with fury, with anger, with betrayal, but most of all, with self-loathing.
He's such a fucking idiot. He is. He should've known better. He should've been smarter about it. He shouldn't have pushed the boy. He should've listened. He should've said what Luffy wanted to hear... He should've…he…Sabo should've…
He doesn't even notice the tears. Only when he blinks and his vision blurs he comes back to himself, he snuffles and grabs a tissue.
He's a fucking moron. It was supposed to be his game.
And he's the one who lost.
"You look like shit," Ace says the following evening, as he knocks on his flatmate's door, a bottle full of tequila in his hand. He's cut the lemons already – cutting himself twice during the process. Not that he cared.
He needs to get wasted, asap.
"You got time?" he asks in a low voice.
"Sure."
They sit down in the living room. Sabo feels already dizzy, even though he hasn't drunk anything yet. He feels Ace's hand on his shoulder.
"Have you eaten today?"
He shakes his head.
"Alright, then it won't take too long till you're puking."
"Sounds good," he says roughly. He needs to drown his fucking sorrow, he nees to numb that intangible pain inside him, he needs to forget….
They down their first shots silently. Sabo shudders as the liquid burns in his stomach. Oh god, he loathes himself… He grimaces as a new wave of pain rolls through him, making him flinch at the sheer intensity.
So that's what unrequited love feels like?
Hell, he'd rather break both his legs than feel like this again… He'd rather skin himself; he'd rather have someone take away his fucking organs than feel this tremendous pain again.
"So… I assume the thing between you and Luffy is over?" Ace says in a neutral voice.
Sabo winces, but nods: "Yeah. He isn't in love with me, he told me."
Ace sighs.
"I'm sorry, Sabo."
"It's ok. I should've known. Should've…should've expected that."
Ace rubs his shoulders and Sabo closes his eyes and downs the next shot, and then biting bitterly into the sour lemon. Oh god, he didn't know his heart was able to hurt so bad…
Or maybe it's Heaven's revenge on him, for breaking so many hearts in the past.
Maybe he deserves to feel this, for all the pain he has caused other people already. That thought weirdly makes him laugh without humour, although the corners of his eyes start to burn yet again, as if mocking him.
"You couldn't know. Usually, your silly game works out in your favour, huh?" Ace mumbles neutrally, reaching for the bowl with lemons.
"I should've stayed away from him…" he replies hoarsely.
"Maybe."
"I'm never gonna do this again, Ace. If I ever like someone again, punch me in the fucking face and drag me away… I never want to feel like this again," he mutters, hiding his face in his hands, whilst the alcohol spreads through his body, slowing down his thoughts and raising his body temperature.
Ace nudges his arm and hands him the next shot.
"Alright, will do…"
"Fucking love…relationships…I'll return to fucking and breaking hearts, it's what I'm good at…" he mumbles, pouring himself the next shot, and downing it without waiting for Ace.
"Give it time. In a few weeks, you'll be the same old Sabo again," Ace says with a shrug.
"I fucking hope so…"
"Well, looks like we're all available again. Me, you, Law. It's been a while."
"I'll stick to fucking people in bathroom stalls," Sabo mutters. Ace pours him another shot and he downs it, feeling his body numbing. The lack of food today and the tequila, it's the most excellent mix to get wasted as soon as possible.
He doesn't care anymore; he's long, long past the point of caring anymore. All he knows is that he wants to numb that goddamn pain in his chest, and he doesn't care how.
He grins slyly at Ace, placing his hand meaningfully on his thigh.
"Wanna fuck?" he asks, his words already slurred, but still clear enough.
"You're drunk, Sabo," Ace replies, but Sabo can see the heat rising to his cheeks and the stiffening of his body.
"I'm still clear enough. C'mon, we haven't done it in a while," he says sultrily, running his hand up and down the firm thigh, before he slides his hand between the man's legs, stroking the growing bulge in his jeans.
Ace stops his fingers, and his hand is already so hot, like it was on fire, and Sabo knows that hand so well, he knows Ace's body almost as well as his own, he still remembers how to rile the man up…
"Don't, Sabo. You'll regret this."
"Not as much as I'm regretting fucking falling in love," Sabo smirks, dowing another shot. Then he leands closer to Ace, gently placing tender kisses on his neck and collarbone. He feels Ace's hand on his waist, and his quickened pulse right underneath his hands.
"So? Let's fuck?" he asks again, smiling at Ace, licking over his neck seductively.
And he hears Ace curse, before the man jumps up, grabbing his hand and pulling him to his feet. Sabo almost falls over as the world suddenly starts spinning.
"You fucking moron…but don't yell at me tomorrow!" Ace bellows and pulls him toward his room. And Sabo only smiles triumphantly as Ace pushes him onto his bed and closes the door behind them.
He has tried calling the boy, messaging him, even walked to his house and rang the doorbell for a good ten minutes. But Luffy hasn't responded, hasn't texted back, and hasn't opened the door. Purposely and effectively pushing his existence out of his life, like he has never been there in the first place.
He has also tried his working place, his Muay Thai gym and he even waited in front of his lecture halls, only to learn that Luffy has skipped classes since Wednesday and has called in sick at the WindMill.
Goddamnit.
Sabo pulls at his own hair, so hard it hurts, as he sits on his bed, Sunday evening, dreading the next day when he would stand in front of Luffy's class. He doesn't know if he's strong enough to face him. But he doesn't know if he'll be able to handle the rejection if Luffy would choose to skip his class, as well, in order to avoid him.
Both possibilities have his head throbbing and his fingers shaking with anxiety.
God, just how did it turn out like this…?
That phone call… shit, he should've controlled himself, he should've told Luffy to hush and sleep over it, he should've told him that they would talk the next time they would see each other, he should've told him…anything to distract him, he should've made im laugh to distract him from his confusion.
He should've been the rational, reasonable adult he always claims to be, but instead he has acted like a goddamn teenager, offended and hurt that his crush didn't like him back.
Sabo had lost is freaking calm and yelled at the boy, his own pain and feeling of betrayal so overbearing, they had chased any rational thought out of his enraged mind, and all he had been able to think about was his wasted affection and broken heart.
He has yelled at the boy, although Luffy had done nothing, literally nothing wrong, he'd just been honest with him, brutally honest, but honest nevertheless...
It's been him all along, he's been the one who thought he could, somehow…get him to fall for him, get Luffy to give Sabo his heart they way Sabo has been so unbelievably ready to hand his own heart over to him, although Luffy had made it so very clear that he despises the concept of love.
Sabo should've listened to him.
And now he's sitting here, regretting his actions so much he wants to cry, he wants to apologise, he wants Luffy to forgive him and he will never, ever talk about his own stupid feelings again, he will be the friend Luffy wants him to be, he will be whatever the boy wants him to be…
He just wants to be allowed back in Luffy's life.
However, his worries are ungrounded, as he stands in front of the Global Politics class the next morning, but he sees that the seat next to Rebecca remains empty. Same goes for the seminar on Tuesday, he forces a smile on his face and talks about the World Nobles and their disgusting slave-trading policies.
His students listen eagerly, they participate in the class discussion, and although Sabo likes that they are so intrigued, his stomach feels like filled with acid and his temples are throbbing. A part of his has hoped that Luffy would come to his class, and he'd be able to apologise to him.
But no.
And his absence hurts even more than a kick in the guts or a punch in the face. His absence, his rejection hurts so deeply... He wishes he could close his eyes to it, but he can't, and the entire seminar, the entire hour he has to teach, is like a never-ending torture.
"You look like a corpse. Seriously," Koala says to him as he is in the office on Wednesday, desperately trying to concentrate on his work. His head is throbbing painfully, although he took painkillers earlier.
The thing is that the headache is nothing chemical medication can cure.
"Thanks, Koala," he grumbles.
"Ace told me what happened."
"Of course he did."
"And I'm sorry."
He rolls his eyes and looks up at the woman. Koala looks at him, a mix of pity and sympathy written across her face.
"Well, it's my own fault, but thanks," he says with a sigh.
"I mean, I admit I had my doubts in the beginning, but I would've loved for you two to work out, you know? Luffy made you happy," she says, her voice a little melody, as if that could soothe his pain.
He blinks, subconsciously clawing his fingers into his shirt; he wishes he could just rip his damned pulsating organ out of his chest…
"Thanks for saying that, Koala," he says with a closed-lip smile.
"Anything I can do?"
"I don't think so. Have you heard from Law and Kidd, by the way?"
"Of course I have, who hasn't? I believe half of Water Seven knows by now."
"Any idea how we could help them?"
"Jesus, Sabo, your own heart is broken and you still think of how to help your friends…so noble and gallant…," she chuckles.
"I'm being serious," he says, but her unstrained laughter amuses him. This whole situation is so absurd; it actually is, to an extent, laughable.
"Well, I'll go over to Law's place tomorrow. Wanna come with me? We could invite Ace and Kohza as well; we could have a little party."
"And accidentally invite Kidd, too, is what you're implying?" Sabo asks, already seeing through her not so subtle plan.
"Yeah, and then lock the two of them in the bedroom. They will either fight or have sex, either way, at least they'll talk to each other," Koala says smugly.
"Koala, that sort of thing only works in movies and TV series, not in real life."
"The thing is, I feel bad when we try to cheer up Law, but not Kidd. Both are our friends."
"What can we do, if Kidd prefers to ignore all messages and disappear from the face of the earth?"
"Well, he's still here in the city. I called his workplace yesterday; they said he only took last week off, apparenty he came back to work like usual on Monday."
"So you wanna wait for him in front of his lab?"
Eustass Kidd, although he doesn't seem like it, works as mechanic, architect and engineer for the Galley-La company and as far as Sabo knows, he's already climbed quite high in the hierachry off the whole business, despite him only starting to work there barely three years ago.
"No, I'm just saying that he's still around, you know."
Oh, and his salary is ridiculous, it's as good as Law's, and Law is a freaking surgeon. The two were a mad couple, but a mad couple with a nice flat, Sabo has to admit.
Law still lives in said flat they used to share. Where Kidd has lived the past two weeks, Sabo doesn't know.
Probably somewhere in a cheap hotel, drowning his heartache with alcohol.
"Anyways, for tomorrow, just text me if you want to come along?"
"Yeah, will do."
"Alright, gotta get back to work. And Sabo…"
"Hm?"
"Don't make yourself sick over Luffy, ok? It'll work out somehow," she smiles and Sabo sighs, befor returning her smile half-heartedly.
"I wish I could share your optimism. But thanks, anyways, Koala."
A few hours later, he's in bed, naked, Ace next to him, both calming down from the incredibly satisfying sex. Sabo's breath is still coming in hard pants and he swipes his sweaty bangs away from his forehead. At least this time, it's not his ass that is burning.
He looks over at Ace, who is still flat on his back, starring dazedly at the ceiling, his pupils really wide and dark, his chest moving up and down almost as quickly as Sabo's.
Sabo chuckles, rather satisfied with his work. He disposes of the condom and tries to get comfortable on the sticky sheets.
"Shit, I forgot how good you are," Ace wheezes, his voice grown raspy from Sabo's relentless teasing and tantalizing and thorough foreplay.
"Thanks," Sabo mumbles and gently strokes his best friend's face. Ace catches his fingers and presses a kiss to his fingertips.
He should actually be the one to thank Ace. Ace has been painfully understanding, he's been the one who prevented him from going completely crazy this past week. He's let Sabo get wasted, he has looked out for him, he has listened to him, hours and hours, he has offered his consolation and company, he has also fucked Sabo into blissful oblivion.
Yeah, Sabo has been at his worst these past couple of days. But Ace hasn't scolded him once; he hasn't gotten annoyed with him, although Sabo has given him more than enough reasons to. He only got a little pissed last Thursday, when Sabo practically begged him to fuck him.
But aside from that, Ace has been the best fucking friend. He should receive an award or so, because Sabo doesn't know if he would've been as patient with him, if their roles had been reversed.
Sabo gently presses a kiss to Ace's lips. The kiss deepens, but they are both drained, and they both have to be at work tomorrow, so they break the contact soon, before things get steamy again.
The journalist rests a few minutes more, before he slowly sits up. "You go take a shower first. I need to change these sheets," he says, pointing at his bed.
"Yeah, sure."
And the tenderness between them fades as they both stand up from the damp mess they've made, each lost in thought. Sabo pulls his underwear and jeans and shirt back on and Ace pats his shoulder and presses a kiss to his cheek, before he picks up his clothes and walks, still stark naked, to the bathroom and a few minutes later, Sabo can hear the shower running.
Next week will be half-term, which means that there won't be any lectures and seminars for a week. His mood darkens as he remembers. So that means he won't have a chance of seeing Luffy in class.
He's starting to get worried. It's one thing to ignore him, but it's not like Luffy to purposely miss classes. Definitely not for such a long period of time. Sabo's stomach burns when he thinks that he's the only fucking reason for the boy to neglect his studies.
He has to talk to someone. He has to make sure that Luffy is ok. He should…he should ask Robin, yeah, the woman surely knows how he's doing.
Sabo throws the dirty beddings into the laundry basket and is about to stuff the naked duvet into a fresh cover, as his phone starts buzzing.
He flinches and his eyes dart around, until he sees the buzzing and vibrating thing on his desk. He almost hits his elbow as he grabs it from the surface, seeing that an unknown number is calling him.
Fear drops into his stomach, like a bucket of ice water. Oh shit…
"Yeah?" he answers the call and god, he hopes his voice doesn't shake as much as his body.
"Uhm, Sabo? This is Usopp," he hears and Sabo remembers the long-nosed friend of Luffy's.
"Uh, good evening Usopp," he says confused.
"Yeah, yeah. Listen, do you have any idea what's wrong with Luffy? Is he at your place? He has to do his 1-hour presentation tomorrow, and it'll be marked, but he didn't show up to his classes the entire week. At least it's what Professor Lucci said, and he told Robin, and Robin told Franky, and Franky told me, because he's my tutor. I've tried texting and calling, we all did, but Luffy doesn't reply! It's super weird, it's so not like him!"
Sabo rubs his forehead, the headaches returning and he tries hard to keep up with Usopp quiet confusing explanations. "Uhm, no, I haven't spoken to him recently, and he isn't at my place, either. Say, have you tried his flat?"
"Yeah, I'm standing in front of his damn building! His windows are dark, though, I think he isn't home, but he isn't at Zoro and Sanji's place either, I already asked them!"
"Shit… Ok, do you think he might've…like, left the city? For half-term or whatever?"
"No, he would've told us! He's just gone, from one day to the other, he disappeared, I haven't seen him since last week!" Usopp yells.
"He's been missing for the entire week? Is that what you're saying!?" Sabo shouts, panic wrapping tightly around his chest, making it almost unable to breathe.
"Yeah, well, no one has seen him for a week at least…," he hears Usopp say worried and Sabo facepalms.
"Have you contacted the police?"
"No, should I?"
"Yes!"
"Oh, ok."
"Yeah, ok, so all of you guys have tried contacting him and he hasn't replied to any of you?" Sabo tries to make clear.
"Yes! It's like he's been swallowed by the goddamn earth!"
"Argh, shit…alright, go and talk to the police and then go home and rest."
"And?"
"We'll look for him tomorrow. It's already dark, but we'll look for him tomorrow, I promise."
"Alright – oh no, wait! I can see him, he's – HOLY SHIT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!" and suddenly, the connection is cut off and Sabo blinks, his hand clenched so hard around his phone his knuckles crack.
And within the blink of an eye, he throws a sweater over his shoulder and he slips into his sneakers and then rushes out the front door, cold fear gripping his heart and pressing the air from his lungs.
Oh god, if something has happened to Luffy...
He grits his teeth and runs down the street.
Luffy!