The next morning, Blaine woke up after only two hours of sleep. He had been tossing and turning all night, wondering if he did the right thing by telling Kurt they needed to "take a break." The look on Kurt's face when they spoke last night made Blaine's heart crumble to pieces. He felt incredibly guilty, and found himself worrying about Kurt throughout the entire day. What was he doing right now? Was he okay? All day he felt on edge, as if he were waiting for something terrible to happen, although he knew that the worst had already passed. When his friends talked to him at lunch, he barely listened, and only joined in the conversation when it was absolutely necessary. The glee club meeting came and went, and if you asked, Blaine wouldn't be able to tell you what happened in those twenty minutes. After the meeting, Sam came up to Blaine. "Hey, man, is everything okay?"
Blaine was taken by surprise. No one else seemed to have suspected that anything was wrong with him. "What? Oh, yeah, everything's fine."
"You just seem kind of...weird today."
He thought of whether or not it was a good idea to confide in Sam. He decided that he could trust him. "I...I broke up with Kurt last night."
"What? Why?"
"I just feel like the whole long-distance thing won't work out," he said. "I told him that we can talk after I graduate and see if we could pick up where we left off, but until then...I don't know." He left out the part about Kurt and Andrew. He didn't want to make Kurt seem like the bad guy.
"Well," Sam said, "Maybe you two just need a few weeks apart, not the rest of the school year. I don't think you should make anything set in stone. Either way, I really hope you two find a way to work it out, man." He sympathetically clapped Blaine the shoulder. Sam turned around and walked out of the room, and Blaine was left still wondering if he made the right decision.
Kurt woke up the next morning unable to tell if his conversation with Blaine had been real or just a horrible nightmare. After minutes of thinking and sorting reality from bad dreams, he remembered that it was painfully real. He thought it over and realized that, while he wasn't happy about it, he didn't feel sad. He didn't feel anything about the break-up...or anything else, for that matter. He simply didn't feel.
Still feeling numb, he got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen, where, as always, Rachel was making breakfast. As soon as she saw him come out of his room, she looked at him cautiously. "Do you want eggs?"
"Sure." She set a plate in front of him, and for the first few minutes they ate in silence. Kurt knew Rachel well enough to know that she was dying to find out what happened last night, but he didn't want to be the one to bring it up.
It wasn't until she had finished her breakfast that she asked. "How did it go?"
Kurt's voice was flat. "He broke up with me."
"Oh, Kurt." Rachel hugged him, and he didn't really have a choice but to hug back. "I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, me too."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really." His voice was flat and his face showed no expression whatsoever. Rachel nodded in understanding but still said, "Well, you know I'm here if you need anything at all." Then she left to get ready for her morning classes. He knew it might have been rude, acting so cold towards Rachel when she hadn't done anything. But the last thing he wanted to do was talk about how unbelievably horrible and heartbroken and guilty he felt at the moment.
He was out of it throughout the entire day; he couldn't concentrate in any of his classes, and more than once he mixed up customers' drinks at work. Like most things in the world, he couldn't operate correctly when an important part of him was missing.
By the next day, everyone—well, everyone in glee club—knew about the breakup. As soon as he walked into his first class, Tina was hugging him. "Blaine! I'm so sorry to hear about you and Kurt. Are you okay?"
"How do you know about that?" he asked.
"Artie told me."
Blaine looked to Artie, who was sitting a few feet away. "Who told you?"
"Sugar. That really sucks, though. You two are good for each other. I really hope you guys can work it out."
He had figured it out by the end of the day, and it was a lot simpler than he thought: Sam told Sugar, who told everyone else.
"Why would you tell Sugar, of all people?" Blaine asked Sam before that day's glee club meeting.
Sam shrugged, saying, "I don't know, she asked me what was up with you and I panicked! I'm really sorry, dude."
He sighed. "It's okay. I'm not mad at you. They were going to find out sooner or later anyways."
Before Sam could reply, Mr. Schue walked in, excited about the new number he had planned. Their performance of "Glad You Came" at the school assembly went surprisingly well—it was a first for the club. So far, they had only managed to recruit three new members—a bubbly freshman named Alison, and a pair of siblings (another first for the New Directions)—a sophomore, Mark, and his junior sister, Katherine. All three had killer voices, and they fit in pretty well with the rest of the group. However, sectionals were in three weeks, and still didn't have enough members to qualify, so they had to ask a few of the band members to fill in again. Luckily, they were a little more experienced by then, so it was easier to coach them—which was the job that was assigned to Blaine and Tina. This time, Tina didn't ask about the breakup, for which he was thankful. He was tired of talking about it and listening to everyone's consoling words.
For Kurt, the days passed by in a blur. He buried himself in his design project, spending hours a day in front of his laptop thinking of which color scheme would look best on a piece of clothing and what event it would be worn to. It was the best distraction he had, and he got work for college done. The way he saw it, it was a win/win situation.
Every now and then he would be on his computer doing research or browsing the internet when he'd see a notification in the bottom right corner of his screen: Blaine Anderson is online. Many times he would go into Skype and let his cursor linger over the video call button, but he never got the courage to click on it.
Eventually, he lost track of what day it was, and just fell into the same routine: sleep, eat, school, work, design, eat again, and repeat, sometimes changing order depending on the day. He distanced himself from the somewhat-friends he had made at school, as well as Rachel and his family back in Ohio. He only talked to them when they called, and even then they just made small talk. Rachel, on the other hand, tried her best to get him up and moving, but it was useless. After a few days she learned to just leave him alone with his work.
Rachel knew she had to do something.
She couldn't stand watching Kurt like this. He was like a zombie, with the way he lifelessly shuffled around the apartment, his face void of any emotion. It had been a few weeks since Blaine had dumped him. Despite the many efforts she made to get him moving and out of the apartment, he hardly left, with the obvious exception for school and work. No matter what, she just couldn't get through to him and make him see that there was a life outside of his (ex) boyfriend. When she tried to talk to him, even if it was about something as simple as her day at school or something she saw on her way to work, she could tell he wasn't listening. Whenever she asked him if he wanted to go out, he said he had homework to do. Rachel knew he had a big project due soon, but now he was just burying himself in his work, and she had to do something about it. She understood why he was acting like this; if Finn ever broke up with her for some reason, she would probably act the same way. However, she knew that if the roles were reversed, Kurt would be there to talk some sense into her, and so she had to be there for him.
Sometimes Kurt still caught Andrew sneaking glances at him from across the classroom despite the fact that they hadn't spoken in months. However, one day Andrew approached him before class.
"Hey," he said, walking up to his seat. "How's it going?"
Kurt ignored him, keeping his eyes fixed on his notebook. He was too tired for a conversation.
"Kurt?" Andrew tried again. "You seem...different lately."
He sighed. How did he know? They hadn't said a word to each other. It was none of his business to begin with. He just wished he would leave, but he knew he wouldn't until he spoke to him. "If you really have to know," Kurt said, voice full of attitude. "My boyfriend and I broke up." He better not think he has a chance with me now, he thought.
"I..." It seemed as if Andrew didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry to hear that. I know you said you didn't want to talk to me and I completely understand why, but I'm here if you need anything."
Kurt looked into his sparkling green eyes. He realized Andrew wasn't as bad of a person as he had originally thought him to be. He didn't intentionally do anything wrong. "Thank you," he said sincerely, hoping the next part of his sentence didn't make him sound like an asshole, "but I think I'm okay." He did his best to show a convincing smile.
"Oh, okay. Well...I'll see you around, then." Andrew began to walk back to his seat, but turned around again after a few steps. "And Kurt?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm really sorry for what I did." Kurt met his gaze again to see nothing but sincerity in his eyes. Maybe he was a little hard on him before.
"It's okay," he told him. "I forgive you." It was a strange moment where, for the first time in a while, he felt something other than pain and sorrow. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest; he felt closure. It was nice to have something end on a positive note for a change.
The feeling didn't last for long, though, and soon enough the empty, melancholy feeling that had made itself at home inside of his heart crept back to him. He remembered that it didn't matter if things weren't tense between him and Andrew anymore. It didn't change the fact that he still didn't have Blaine.
It was mid-October, and leaves had already started falling off of trees. The air chilled and dew was sprinkled across the grass, a reminder that winter was fast approaching. On Thursday, Rachel got a call from her dads asking if they would mind if they visited them over the weekend and apologizing for the short notice. Of course, Rachel said yes, and on Friday morning instructed Kurt to at least pretend to be like his old self, for the sake of her parents. Kurt did so, but apparently it wasn't enough for Hiram and Leroy; they still suspected that something was up. Although Kurt didn't see her tell them about him and Blaine, she must have, because for the rest of the weekend they both sent sympathetic looks his way.
They showed her fathers around, going to pretty much the same places they took Kurt's family: Central Park, Times Square, Fifth Avenue, and more. Hiram and Leroy seemed to enjoy themselves in the city.
They left Sunday afternoon. Rachel insisted on putting their bags in the car for them, so while she was doing so the two men approached him. "First off, Kurt," Leroy said, "We just want to say we're really sorry to hear about you and Blaine." Hiram nodded and patted him on the shoulder comfortingly. "But we hate to see you like this. And Rachel told us that it's been over a month. Now, I've seen you two around each other. You and Blaine really do seem like a good fit. So you you either have to go and fight for your man, or learn to move on."
"If I can have a say, I do recommend the first option," Hiram interrupted, and Leroy nodded in agreement. Hiram continued, "I met Leroy in high school. We had our ups and downs, too, but that's just part of relationships. It's not going to be a perfect fairy tale, but if it's meant to be, it'll work out in the end." He smiled at Kurt. "Your parents invited us over for Thanksgiving, so I suppose we'll see you then. Bye, Kurt." They both waved goodbye and went over to their daughter, who seemed to be having trouble closing the trunk of the car.
That night, Kurt and Rachel were quietly eating dinner together (silence at the dinner table had grown to be normal) when Rachel spoke.
"You know, Kurt, you can't keep pushing people away."
He looked up from his salad, surprised to hear her talking. "What?"
"For the past month you've barely said more than a few sentences to me. You hardly talk to your parents. Pushing me and them away isn't going to make us leave you. I miss the old Kurt."
"I'm sorry, Rachel," he said bitterly, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry I don't want to pretend to be happy when I'm fucking miserable. Would it make you feel better if I did?"
Despite Kurt's attitude and language, Rachel tried her best to remain calm. "No, it wouldn't. I understand that you're heartbroken but I don't get why you won't talk to me about it. You won't talk to me or your parents or anyone. You just bury yourself in your work, but tell me, what is that doing for you?"
Kurt didn't know what to say. When he didn't reply, Rachel continued, "And you know what else I don't understand? Why you just let Blaine walk away. Why you just...accepted it. The Kurt Hummel I know would have fought to get him back, and don't you dare try to tell me that he wouldn't take you back because you and I both know that's a damn lie."
"He still loves you," she said. "And you love him. In the end, that's all that matters." Kurt was silent, letting her words sink in, and Rachel kept talking. She needed to get through to him one way or another. "You can't keep living like this, Kurt. What you're doing...it's not even living."
He sighed and thought about what Rachel was saying to him. He really has changed in the last two months, hasn't he? He thought back to a year ago—or even six months. He was a completely different person. He was happier; he went out of the house and explored the city just about every day; he had friends; most importantly, he had Blaine. Blaine was the missing variable in the equation that was Kurt's life; Blaine made him complete and whole again. He needed to be with him, and this time Kurt Hummel was going to get what he wanted.
In his mind, he started to form a plan. It was still a month until they returned to Lima and he would see Blaine again. For a millisecond, he considered leaving New York City right there and then and driving back to Lima to get Blaine back, but a) he remembered he had both classes and work tomorrow, and b) he would never get past Rachel—even when he had distanced himself from her, she still watched over him like a hawk.
So that night, as he lay in bed, he thought his plan over, trying to figure out everything that could possibly go wrong and how he would deal with it. Unfortunately, he would have to wait until the New Directions' party, which was still a while away. However, he was confident that it would be worth it. He just had to talk to Blaine and tell him like it is. He knew his (ex) boyfriend; he more confident Kurt seemed, the harder it would be for Blaine to turn him down. And if he did, no matter how much it would kill him, he would walk away—for now, at least.
After that night when Rachel slapped some sense into him, things slowly got better. The next morning, he was up at six o' clock in the morning making breakfast. He was like the Energizer Bunny all day, either constantly physically moving from place to place or listening to his thoughts race at a hundred miles an hour, coming up with new ideas or different scenarios.
He had his Intro to Design class that morning. Over the last month, Kurt and Andrew had formed the habit of completely ignoring the other man's existence, not even sparing a passing glance at each other. However, that morning, Kurt got to the classroom first, and as Andrew walked down the aisle next to him to get to his seat Kurt said "good morning" to him. Surprised to see that Kurt was speaking to him, Andrew gave him a strange look at first, but then smiled and returned the gesture.
Both coincidentally and conveniently, he had to present his big design project that day, which just happened to be the day that Kurt Hummel made his comeback. Being the first presentation of his college career, he was extremely nervous. In the end, he walked to the front of the classroom confidently, but then when he looked out to his audience, his mind blanked out on everything he had planned to say. However, he thought he covered himself quite well, being careful not to let the professor nor his classmates see that he had forgotten anything. So, deciding to be spontaneous and hope for the best, he winged it, and he thought it turned out to be even better than the speech he had planned. He was relieved to see his audience finding his fashion jokes funny, and for the most part he seemed to keep their attention for the entire presentation. All things considered, he thought he did great, and it put him in an even better mood for the rest of the day.
When he got home, he greeted Rachel happily, sharing with her the good news he had about his day. Rachel grinned from ear to ear, congratulating and hugging him. Kurt thought it was a bit much for just doing well on a presentation, but then he figured she was just glad to see that he was mostly back to his old self and didn't mind it at all.
At work, he greeted each customer with a smile and gladly took their orders. Martha was in that day, and she must have seen the improvement in his attitude, because she finally decided it was time to teach him how to make drinks. He only learned the most simple ones that day, but she promised to help him out more over the next few days.
All in all, it was the best day he had had in what seemed like forever. For the first time in a long time, things were finally going well for Kurt Hummel.
"Ready to go?" Rachel threw her duffel bag of clothes over her shoulder. It was four days until Thanksgiving and they were about to leave for Lima. It was seven o' clock in the morning; the sun was just starting to rise. Kurt nodded eagerly and they were out the door.
Eleven hours later, Kurt and Rachel were in their respective homes. Carole was hugging Kurt before he even got a foot inside the house; Burt and Finn were a few feet away with cautious smiles on their faces. For a moment, Kurt looked around the room for Blaine before remembering that he shouldn't expect him to be there anymore.
"Nice to see you, Buddy," Burt said, wrapping his son in a hug.
"You, too, Dad. I've missed you." Kurt smiled into his father's shoulder.
"Oh, let's go to the dining room," Carole said. "I made a mini Thanksgiving feast, sort of like a preview. I figured you guys could tell me if I needed to fix anything for the actual holiday. Did Rachel's dads tell you I invited them? I'm going to have to make even more food..." She ushered them into the dining room, where plates of turkey and bowls of potato salad were waiting among other foods. While they ate, Kurt told them about school and his classes, trying to keep the topic as far away from Blaine as possible, although he knew it was going to come sooner or later.
Apparently, it was sooner. When they were almost done and Kurt was out of stories to tell, Finn said, "Everyone at McKinley is really excited to see you and Rachel again. All of last year's seniors are flying in for Thanksgiving anyways, so everyone's coming. Blaine will be there, too. Well, the party is at his house, so of course he would be there, but..." he trailed off, realizing that he sounded like an idiot. "He'll be there."
Kurt didn't understand the point of the last sentence; of course Blaine would be there. He didn't get why Finn had to let him know. "I know," was all he said in reply, and everyone at the table fell into an uncomfortable silence.
Looking around the table awkwardly, Burt broke the silence by calling into the kitchen, "Uh, Carole, I think the stuffing could use a little more pepper."
Kurt let out a chuckle that quickly erupted into a fit of laughter. The random, silence-breaking comment was just like his father. He couldn't stop laughing, and the confused looks that his family was giving him only made him laugh harder. After a minute, though, they just seemed to be happy that he was smiling and laughing again, and joined in. Within the span of three or four minutes, the entire family was practically doubled over in laughter without really being sure what was so funny, only being glad to be together again and in each other's presence.
When Rachel pulled up to her house, her parents were waiting for her on the porch.
"There she is," Hiram said when he saw his daughter, and she hugged them both. "How are you?" Leroy asked. "Everything's okay?"
"I just talked to you two days ago, Daddy," Rachel replied. "Everything's fine."
"How's Kurt holding up?"
"You know, I think between you two talking to him—yes, I saw you, the car had windows, you know—and me confronting him over dinner, we finally knocked some sense into him. He's going to talk to Blaine tomorrow."
Leroy shouted "Yes! That's my boy!" while Hiram cheered, pumping his fist into the air. The two of them high-fived, and Rachel just watched them. "I didn't know you two were so invested in the situation."
"Honey, you have no idea," Leroy said.
Hiram nodded in agreement. "We just want them to be happy. They shouldn't let one or two obstacles mean that their relationship is over."
"Well...I'm glad that you care," Rachel said. "I really hope things go as planned tomorrow and we can get back to normal."
"Me too," The two fathers agreed simultaneously, and Hiram said, "So has anything interesting happened since we visited?"
"Not really," Rachel replied. "Just a lot of schoolwork for both of us."
"How's everything going at work?" Leroy asked, and Rachel said, "Okay. I think I'm impressing my boss; maybe he'll give me a raise sometime soon. Kurt and I sure need it."
"Sweetie, you know you can come to us if you're having money problems," Leroy said. "We'd be willing to give you a hand."
"Nuh-uh." Rachel shook her head. "You've done enough for us, really. I'm never letting you pay for anything again. Kurt and I are getting by fine."
"But you're our daughter. Spoiling you is part of the job description."
"If that's what your job is, then you should be getting a promotion. I'd call your union if I were you," she teased them.
"I'm pretty sure the next rank is grandparents..."
"Oh, no. Do you really want to become grandparents in your forties?"
"No! No. Never mind. I take it all back."
"That's what I thought." Rachel giggled and walked inside.
At eight o'clock, Blaine was sprawled across his couch watching some documentary on Animal Planet when he got a text from Rachel. We're home. I know it's kind of late, but can you meet me at The Lima Bean in half an hour?
Sure, Blaine replied, a bit confused but forcing himself to get up.
He was at the cafe by eight twenty-five, and when he walked inside he saw that Rachel was already there, two cups of coffee in front of her. She waved him over. "Blaine! It's so great to see you again!" She stood and hugged him and then held out his coffee to him. "I got decaf," she said, sitting back down. "I hope you don't mind. I figured caffeine this late at night wouldn't be a good idea."
"No, that's fine," Blaine said, taking the seat across from her. "How're you doing?"
"I'm good," Rachel said. "I'm really happy to be back home for a few days. What about you?"
He shrugged. "I've been better." Hesitantly, he continued, "I'm guessing you asked me to come here to talk about Kurt."
"You know me too well." The corners of Rachel's lips lifted in a small smile before turning serious again. "I know he's probably the last thing you want to talk about right now but it has to happen. And I'm not going to ease you into it or anything, I'm just going to say it: you need to get back together. You two need each other." She paused, waiting for a response. When she didn't get one, she continued, "I know you don't think that trying a long-distance relationship again will work but trust me, Kurt's more than willing to make it work."
"It's not just the distance, it's—"
"What happened between him and Andrew?"
"It's not just that, eith—"
Rachel ignored him. "Blaine, you have no idea what happened that day. Andrew kissed him. Kurt didn't kiss him back and told him he had a boyfriend."
"I know that. He told me."
"Did he tell you he basically had a panic attack in the middle of Washington Park? Did he tell you that I ran from our apartment to try to help him while he was sitting there crying his eyes out and throwing up and not able to catch his breath because he was terrified of what you'd think? Did he mention that tiny detail?" Blaine was silent. "Of course not." Rachel considered Blaine her friend, but there was no way she wasn't going to defend Kurt. "You have no idea how upset he was about the entire thing. But you know what? That's nothing compared to what happened after you broke up with him, but I'm not telling that story."
Shocked, Blaine didn't say a word. His eyes were glued to the table. The mental image of what Rachel had described was ingrained into his mind, and he couldn't unsee it. He felt horrible. He wished he could have been there for Kurt. He wished he could have gotten the full story, although the kiss wasn't his main reason for breaking things off.
Rachel's voice softened. "He's completely lost without you. You two have been through so much together; with enough time and effort, you can get through this, too. So please...just think about it. And I hope you make the right choice this time." She looked at him one last time before standing up and walking out of the building, coffee in hand. Blaine stayed in his seat and thought about what she had said. Of course he would love to be with Kurt again, and everyone seemed to be telling him that he made the wrong choice by breaking up with him. In the end, though, he knew that he had to make the decision for himself and Kurt, and not for his friends.
Fifteen minutes later, he left The Lima Bean, having made his decision.