"These are looking positively stellar, Joy. Finally starting to work your magic in the driver's seat again…I'm completely jealous." Disgust paces up and down the lines of today's memories, pausing before the last three final three right up to June's bedtime…One featuring June smiling with Ace; another from when June showed Mom and Dad the gift we'd been given from our class; and of course, there is the multi-colour memory we created after our encounter with Riley. Disgust pauses before this memory and sets a hand on his hip, gesturing with a scrutinizing finger. "So, what's with this one?"
Joy glances enigmatically to me – I let my hair hang over my face and try to keep a helpless smile to myself – and happily explains what had happened. She picks the memory up off the shelf and spins around with it. "Oh, it was the best, it really was. It was maybe the nicest thing any kid's ever done for us. It made us feel so good that…that…"
"That we cried," I say timidly. Joy nods in agreement and shrugs her shoulders at Disgust, who looks confused.
"Weeeeird," he muses. "Who knew Emotions could get tangled up over the console like that? Hand it over, Joy – I want a closer look." Joy tosses it to him (he is an expert catch) and he holds it up close to his face, replaying the memory a few times. He can't help but smirk. "...Wow..this is way too cool."
Anger slowly approaches the two, eyeing Joy's collection of three happy memories for the day. His scowl seems to soften. As few as Joy's memories are, it's still been the happiest day we've had since Justice was taken to the hospital. I watch as Anger breaks into a small, satisfied grin, and now, after such a long period of suppressing himself from us, he joins in the discussion of the day as June lies in bed, staring at the Hope Flake on her night side table.
The growing collection of everyone's enthusiastic voices slowly begins to rouse Fear, who, until this moment, had remained curled up on the floor, fast asleep. I shush the others from where I stand as he starts to stir, but no one pays attention just yet – they're too excited. I make my way over to Fear as he sits up slowly and rubs his eyes, with the intention of telling him to try to go back to sleep. He's barely had a chance to rest, after days and days of being forced to stay awake.
He stretches – something cracks – and suddenly becomes alert again, panicking because he may have missed some important or frightening event. I arrive in front of him as quickly as I can to calm him down. "Everything's alright - you just fell asleep." He looks up at me and frowns as his antennae starts to curl behind his head, which is a clear indication that he's worrying about something anyway. "I'm sorry…You looked so peaceful, and Joy and I were driving, and we figured, well – we figured we should just let you—"
"Joy?" Fear's brow elevates slightly. He turns slightly at the waist to face the origin of the voices behind him. "Joy was…driving?" A tiny suggestion of a hopeful smile is beginning to emerge.
I reach down to help him up to his feet, and he directs his attention at once to the shelves until he spots Joy's bright, cheery memories seated amongst a day of purple and blue. He compares the two ranging collections with his eyes as they dart to and fro. "And she…she was able to produce memories? The console actually behaved for her?" Together, he and I watch as Disgust holds out the memory Joy and I created, so that everyone can gather around him to study and replay it. My face feels a little hot now that I realize Disgust is complimenting my work too. Praise from Disgust, after all, is very rare and coveted by those of us in Headquarters.
Fear's brow curls with curiosity and his smile brightens. He curls his fingers in front of his chest as he enquiringly approaches the group, appearing hypnotized by their contagious delight and the odd glow of the mixed memory they are passing around to one another. Fear wants to see it too.
He is only reminded of the chains around his ankles when, on his third or fourth eager step, he is jerked to a sudden halt. Stunned, Fear looks down to his left foot, trapped in mid-step, pulling the purple chain taut against the base of the console. Realizing he can't move any farther, he sighs, defeated, and his eyes lower to the floor. He hasn't left reach of the edge of the Panel, and is still kept a great distance away from the other distracted Emotions.
Oh Fear...I'm so sorry...
Frowning, I step forward and reach to take his clammy hand into mine, holding it gently between us, and I put my free hand into the air. "…Joy?"
Though my voice is very soft and easily overcome by those of Disgust and Anger, Joy hears me and looks over to us at once. Sometimes, I feel as though she can read my mind. Smiling tenderly, she nods, re-gathers the memories they had been sharing and gestures that the group brings what she calls "the reunion" over to the console.
"Morning, sleepyhead," she says to Fear as she passes us to approach the Memory Projector. Fear bashfully squirms and taps his index fingers together. "I didn't think you'd be awake so soon. But you have great timing...I think you'll really like these. Here - we can all remember them together."
I look to Joy as well and grin timidly. "...Just like we used to?"
Joy hesitantly nods...a deep, humble wisdom radiates from her eyes. "Yeah."
Just as soon as Anger and Disgust have assumed their old, favourite spots behind the console, Joy let's one of her yellow memories float up into the air where it can be projected across the View. Fear, starry-eyed, gazes up to the memory of June and Ace out on the snowy steps of their home. As Ace leans toward her to sloppily kiss her cheek, we all feel the warmth of June's smile as she remembers along with us.
It's really a very minor, simple memory, but it's the first time in what feels like ages that June truly felt any semblance of happiness. Fear's eyes sparkle and he giddily tucks good-natured fists up in front of his chest, as though trying to hold the warm sensation close to his heart.
Grinning - perhaps more because of Fear's response than at the memory she's already replayed a hundred times - Joy shows off another pleasant memory, from when June displayed the gift she received from her class to Mom and Dad. They were so happy and touched to see how other people are thinking about June at a time like this, and it had felt good. Normally the attention would make June feel shy and a little embarrassed, but this kind expression, the love and care that had gone into this gift in her time of need… Fear's lips slowly separate and his eyes dance. "Oh, that's…this is wonderful, Joy."
"Hold on now - it gets better." Joy lets the yellow and blue memory into the air to be projected, next. I can't resist a tiny smile. This is when I come in. This is when my work did something good for June.
The bottom edges of the View are obscured by tears in this one, and unsurprisingly, Fear is confused at first and his smile threatens to fade. He is startled by the vision of Riley's blue eyes, her honest and caring smile for June. He had been so worried a few days ago, after all, that Riley wouldn't forgive us for not showing up to her big hockey game after agreeing to go, but then, here she was to prove that she completely understood - not only that, but that she was concerned about June and her situation, and wanted to see if she was okay.
Fear is now tearing up along with June's memory. The smile he bears is unlike anything I've ever seen in him. He draws his hands gently around his arms, embracing himself. "…Why, I…oh, Joy…" He has to gulp in order to continue. "...June hasn't felt like this in so long…I'd been starting to wonder if maybe I'd broken her forever."
At this, I suddenly glance at Fear. Disgust and Anger glance at Fear. All eyes have fallen upon Fear, and our collective smiles are wiped from our faces. Fear, oblivious, still lost in the display of June's memory, is the last smiling figure standing in Headquarters. He sighs contentedly and his hands embrace one another as he watches the remainder of the memory pan out.
No one else is sure of what to say...The memory ends, and Fear is left standing at the console before a dark, empty View. June has fallen asleep. Slowly, he paces around to face Joy, beaming at her, rosy and thankful, and this is when it must dawn on him...what his words have meant to us. Fear rapidly passes his eyes over everyone and suddenly frowns, noisily backing himself up against the console.
"…Fear," says Joy, slowly but firmly, as she begins to approach him, "…You can't talk like that…the console was damaged when you were doing everything in your power to help while the Alarm was going off. That's all it was. You and I both know that you didn't do any damage on purpose. Right? We both understand that?"
Fear blinks and draws into himself, wringing his hands. "Well…I suppose it—I mean, of course it wasn't on purpose…but if I hadn't—I mean, if it wasn't for me—"
Joy cuts him off, and the other Emotions begin to crowd in close to him, their eyes full of concern. I take Fear's hand again and squeeze his fingers. I want him to know that he's safe. "The important thing is that every day, we are working on a solution together." She reaches with her fingertips to dry a stray tear from his cheek before pulling him into a soft, gentle hug that stuns him into complete silence. "I promise…it's going to be okay, Fear. We're going to get you out of this awful set-up and fill June's mind up with happy memories again. I promise everything's going to be okay."
I clasp onto Fear's arm with both hands and press my cheek onto his elbow. Disgust adds his arms overtop of Joy's and widens our group-hug. Anger groans and holds out a hand as though waiting for Fear to break the hug apart and shake formally…Joy, however, hauls Anger in and forces him into the hug as well, despite his grumbling protests.
Fear sniffles noisily and closes his eyes. He's holding his breath…trying not to cry. I've seen that a million times in June, and in other people.
"Thank you. I-I…thank you."
Eventually, after Joy and Anger send all of today's memories down to Long-Term, it comes time for us to say good night, leaving Fear to his permanent post on Dream Duty. After sensing his loneliness, realizing how badly he, too, needed to see a cheerful moment for June, and to know that somebody still cared about him…it's difficult to leave him out here, chained to the console for yet another long, sleepless night. We all stall as we say good night to him, this time, on our way to our warm, comfortable bedrooms. We feel collectively terrible about his situation.
I happen to turn around before I close our bedroom door, and I see that he has stepped after us as far as he possibly can, until the chains haul tightly on his ankles. He gestures his farewell, weakly curling his fingers in and out at everyone's backs. "Goodnight, gang," he whispers, as he slowly turns back around to the empty View.
...Goodnight, Fear...
Somehow, and I don't know what's telling me this…But somehow, I know this wasn't your fault.
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or landmarks from Disney Pixar's Inside Out. Cover Image belongs to Creative-Dreamr on deviantART . com.
Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate all of the kind words and criticism! I hope this story resonates with anyone who can relate to June's experience and state of mind. Please enjoy! ~KQSimply
***UPDATE July 21st 2015: Had to change the title. It's been driving me nuts since Chapter 2. :C I'M SORRY. I REALLY SUCK AT TITLES. (Fic formerly titled Wound Tight.)*** ~KQSimply