A/N- Hi friends. So I have sucked. I do apologize. Crazy life mixed with a very emotional chapter made for a very rough go of it. I do hope I did this justice. More at the bottom.
Soundtrack- tinyurlDOTcom/tornfic The last three songs are the teaser for the next chapter.
Disclaimer- I own nothing. Just borrowing.
Explanations
"Edward, tell me about finding Bella. Please?"
My father, for all intents and purposes, has asked me this several times since I carried an unconscious, vampire Bella into the house trailed by a frantic Alice and a very overwhelmed Jasper. Carlisle's face when he saw her was so conflicted; how he immediately took in the smell of blood and how he could see she was caked with dirt wearing nothing more than a small shirt and tattered blue jeans. The same dark jeans she was wearing the day she snuck away from Alice and Jasper to sacrifice herself to James to save her mother and I.
Please, Edward. Let me in.
"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I am just overwhelmed with everything. I want to fix it all, take all the pain away. God, I wish I could make it so none of this ever happened." I pull at my hair again while staring out of the window of Carlisle's office. He asked me to step out a moment while Esme and Alice got Bella situated downstairs. I had wanted to take her straight to my room, but we had no beds. Rose and Emmett ran out and bought a small bed and brought it back to use until we figured out what else to do. So far there had been no change in Bella. My mind ran back to when I approached her. How she looked as though she knew me, but didn't. It is so hard to explain to anyone, I feel like I know her, but at the same time... I know nothing of who she is now.
Days have passed slowly and painfully, with no real rise in consciousness other than occasional murmur or muscle twitches. All of this pain and it all was preventable.
"Do not blame yourself, son." I look up suddenly, not used to my thoughts being read. "I know you. I know your mind and heart well, Edward, and you could not have prevented this from happening. Alice and Jasper couldn't either. And it's done, what good does it do you to dwell on it now?"
"Carl-" he interrupts my rebuttal.
"No, we won't focus on it. If you want to mentally lash yourself, go do it on your own time. I'm here to save your mate." Immediately my spine stiffens at his words. My mate. My sweet Bella. Does she even exist anymore?
James turned her. He basically made her his slave. He rewarded her in blood and lust and she went along with it. She didn't know any better, I know this, but it doesn't make it any easier to think about. To know his hands were on her, that James and Victoria enjoyed her, toyed with her, used her...
When they spoke to her, it was condescending and always riddled with lies and half-truths. He told her as her maker, he had domain over her. He took the responsibility of being a liaison and turned it into being a keeper, an overlord. She was his property, not his soulmate. And it killed me that I allowed it to happen. With my ignorance and stupidity she was at their mercy. I should've been able to keep her safe, but no, I failed at my one job.
"Edward." Lost in my own thoughts, I'm startled to hear Carlisle's voice. "There is truly nothing that will aid any of us, least of all Bella, with you tying yourself to the whipping post. Right now, let us focus all our energies on how best to help Bella, okay? Let's go see her. Maybe that will calm your ire a bit."
I grumble a bit, not wanting to do anything but kill James again, but I relent as we walk to the room were Bella rests. I start explaining about what I saw. How James was using Bella's newborn haze to manipulate her feelings. How he used negative reinforcement like withholding her feedings if she questioned him, but also how he could be tender when she reacted in fear and was constantly trying to convince her that he was her mate.
"You stayed away from them the entire time while you were watching them interacting?" Carlisle's mind is sifting through thoughts of revenge and jealousy.
"Yes, I knew I couldn't take all three of them on. The way they'd manipulated her, they'd brainwashed her so completely, I knew she'd fight me if I tried to take her by force." My mind drifts back to seeing James touching Bella so intimately, and my fist clenches at the thought. "James and Victoria together are, were, a force to be reckoned with. I didn't want to risk being killed and leaving her with them."
"It took an incredible amount of restraint on your part, Edward. I must say, I'm quite impressed." His smile is warm, but his compliment does nothing for me. "I don't think I could have shown that kind of restraint if it had been Esme. I'm proud of you." His palm cups my shoulder and he squeezes hard enough so that I'll look back at him. "Bella would be proud of you."
As we enter the room, I see Bella there with Esme stroking her hair as best she can with Bella's hair knotted and tangled with debris. I look over and ask, "Will she ever want me again, Carlisle?"
"Give her time, Edward," Esme says with such hope in her eyes, I almost believe her.
"What am I going to do, Esme? I hate seeing her in pain; I hated seeing her with him. God, just thinking about him touching her makes me volatile. It's sickening."
"You have to calm yourself," Carlisle says firmly, very fatherly. "You must keep a level head now, even though she's unconscious. We don't know what she can perceive even in this state."
"I'm trying; it just hurts... so much." Esme practically leaps onto me and even though I saw the hug coming, she still jars me slightly.
"I love you and I know everything will work out. I know this, Edward."
"How can you know? Alice cannot see what's going to happen while she's unconscious. She's making no decisions. What if she wakes up and runs? What if she doesn't wake up?" I cannot control the panic rising in my voice. Just the idea of living without Bella constricts my throat and causes every muscle in my body to lock down.
"I know this, my sweet son, because I have faith in love." She pats my face gently then moves to Carlisle's side. "Love has brought us together and it won't let go. We just have to fight for it."
They leave me with my Bella and my thoughts.
For days, we all keep vigil over Bella. Alice comes to talk to Bella, reading her magazines and having one-sided discussions about fashion. Emmett comes in occasionally to pretend to arm wrestle with her and once I caught him flicking her feet and calling her names. That stopped immediately. I know he's trying to help in his "Emmett way," but he's not helping me in the slightest. Rosalie came once with Emmett, but after her inner monologue started berating Bella for being so stupid to get caught up in all this, she was tossed unceremoniously out on her ass. Her anger and resentment isn't shocking, but I still don't quite understand why she's so venomous.
Jasper is with me often, when I become distraught, he brings me back to even keel. Esme is always around, coming and going, doing whatever she can. She's even taken to bringing Bella a new bouquet of flowers each day. Carlisle checks her progress daily and always asks questions of Bella's time with the nomads, most of which I can't answer.
Days turn into weeks. She occasionally comes to, but never for long. Usually the sound of our voices causes her to slip back into her mental shelter. Carlisle's explanation that her mind is trying to protect itself makes sense. Humans, and apparently vampires, can remain catatonic after traumatic events or injuries for long lengths then can awaken in perfect condition again.
There are a few moments when I feel like all is lost. Like when she asks to be killed. God, hearing Bella say those words was worse than any torture I could possibly imagine. If she awakens again, I will spend the rest of my existence making sure she never utters those words again. And I will not leave until she's awake. I just cannot leave her.
During one long stint of my sitting vigil over Bella, Carlisle comes in, his thoughts on all the things he has tried, all the stimulation that didn't work, even pain didn't cause a stir from her. I surprise him when I don't ask about Bella but instead inquire of James. "Carlisle, why do you think James did this?"
He sits in thought for a long time, his mind recalling facts and experiences from his time after his own transition. He thinks of his time with the Volturi.
"I'm not sure who James' maker was, but I think it may have been a very old vampire who understood the laws of our kind. You said that James told Bella that she had to stay with him." I nod, remembering James' words. "But I think his maker may have skewed the laws. From what you've relayed to me about James' beliefs and behaviors makes me think that he was once someone's pet and maybe that's all he knew of our existence. Kind of like what happened to Jasper when he was first changed." I think of my brother and his struggles to remain without human blood. "He was brought into Maria's army unknowing of any other way. She fed all his lusts and he stayed because she said he had to and because he thought she was his mate. Now we know this was not the case, but at the time, our Jasper knew nothing else. In this case, James had already found Victoria as his mate, but you said he killed her and for one mate to kill another... that just does not make sense at all in our kind. The mating bond is strong enough that when one mate is killed, I've seen another mate willing to commit suicide in order to not live without the other."
My eyes shift away from his, feeling as though he will be able to see inside my head to my contingency plan. What else could they have done? What more could they have done to Bella? My mind questions the situation over and over.
I'm reluctant to go with Carlisle's plan to rouse Bella, but at this point, I'm so at a loss, I follow my family into the garage carrying the love of my life to wait and see.
Watching Bella snap to attention, every piece of her coming alive as soon as the mountain lion is placed in the room near her, is something out of a dream. Her eyes open at the very same moment she leaps off the bed and lands on the cat. Her eyes still a bright, shining onyx, shifting around the room trying to take in her surroundings while she drains the animal completely. She seems to be disoriented and as soon Emmett yelps like an animal in regards to Bella's predation abilities she crouches ready to attack us all.
The second lion is drained just as quickly but Carlisle requests that Jasper lull Bella into a total calm so that she won't react territorially with the animals. Alice requests time with Bella and I immediately counter. "I won't leave her, Alice. I won't. I have to be the one to help her. You know this."
I keep my ground until she says she saw a vision of Bella attacking me out of fear when she rouses again. I see in Alice's mind a painful vision of Bella trying to rip me apart screaming that I killed James and that I wouldn't kill her. Upon seeing that, I run.
I run from the pain. I run from the fear. I run from all the things I can't control.
I decide to hunt, not far from the house, but far enough to alleviate the pain and burden of anyone else's thoughts. Distance has its advantages. No thoughts from Alice about her guilt and wanting to spoil Bella with pretty clothes. No internal quips from Emmett about how hot "Vampella" is. And certainly not Rose's near constant barrage of anger and spite. She's never liked the idea of Bella and an eternity of a vampire Bella is something Rose is not in the least interested in. Frankly, I don't give a damn what she wants.
After a while I get a text from Alice saying that she has been able to convince Bella to take a bath. The vision that pops into my mind of her naked in the large bathroom tub causes me to start running back even before I've fully thought about it.
Carlisle stops me before I head up to see her. He asks me again to be patient with Bella, but before I can respond I hear the commotion of Bella attacking Rosalie. Seeing Bella on top of Rose, pinning her down, nearly going for her throat, startles me and I almost can't speak, but I do. She immediately responds to my demand to stop and crawls to me.
My Bella. My beautiful, independent, stunning, intelligent mate. Crawling. It wrecks me to see her in this submissive state. I have to turn away from her because I feel weak enough to collapse. I stand for a time just trying to process what I saw. Bella had the desire to kill. I could see it in her eyes. But she also wanted to dominate Rose. It was an instinct that is so foreign to the Bella I know, that I knew...
As I stand in our foyer, I hear Carlisle and Esme on the third floor preparing Bella for hunting. I really don't think hunting is a good idea, but I can hear in Carlisle's and Jasper's thoughts that feeding her will help with the aggression.
As she descends the stairs after some cajoling from Esme and Alice, she looks as though the attack on Rosalie never happened. Her thick, dark brown hair curling a bit at the ends, her beautiful body wrapped in a cream sweater and as every detail soaks inside me and I can't help the smile that plays at my lips... my beautiful Bella.
The hunting goes well, until the end. I'm distracted by my conversation with Alice, who is mentioning when to take Bella to see Charlie, a topic I am loath to even broach at this point. I can also hear Esme and Carlisle speaking about Bella and Rosalie. Too many minds at once have overwhelmed me when Bella disappears. She takes off like lightning after something. It takes but a second of focus to hear the young kids playing in a creek about two miles away. We planned ahead and had gone far out away from humans, but these young ones aren't with parents and aren't near a camp.
My focus turns to stopping Bella. Being quicker than the others, I'm able to tackle her, but she's within a mile of them by that point. I have her pressed into the shards of the broken aspen we landed against, both of us covered in sap and wood pieces. She lashes out at me and when I hear her scream about killing the humans and how she has the right to do it, my anger reaches its peak. I restrain her with my entire body until Jasper catches up and begins to calm her. I keep trying to remind her of who she really is, but then she breaks my heart all over again when she screams that she's not my mate.
My world ceases its existence for moments. Nothing moves, nothing sounds, nothing. "I am not your mate!" Over and over, the words pound against my mind, ringing in my ears. The worst five words that could possibly be spoken to me. Whether out of anger or fear, it doesn't matter. Her words have shattered me.
"Take her back to the house."
As I watch my father carrying Bella away surrounded by the members of my family, I stand at the damaged tree with nothing but my thoughts, completely shattered. Thinking of how I lost Bella, how I regained a broken version of my soul, how she's still suffering and I cannot fix her. I just want my Bella. I want her back.
How can I continue on in a world where Bella wants nothing to do with me? Knowing that she will be in existence for eternity but always out of my grasp, this thought is almost as unbearable as when I thought her destroyed by James. My heart is breaking all over again.
"Edward?" Esme calls to me as I walk back into the house. I've been gone hours- thinking, walking, and running, just being alone. I didn't want to hear anyone's thoughts on what was happening with Bella. As soon as I approached the house, I could hear Alice and Bella talking about how Bella felt like a failure. I cringed at Alice's vision of Bella with her head in her hands. "I can't help it." Her sad voice slices through me.
Carlisle is on the phone with our dear friend Eleazar, one of the oldest vampires Carlisle knows, asking about our situation. I can tell from his inner thoughts, he's recounting all of the events up until today's and Eleazar is speaking about insanity in vampires, he even mentions mental illnesses due to drinking venom tainted blood. My heart clenches at the thought of Bella being permanently damaged.
Esme is sitting in the living room, flipping between a chef preparing elaborate cupcakes to some home improvement show.
Please, come sit with me.
As I approach her, I see visions in her mind swirling from each member of her family; each partnered up, together and happy. Then her face lands on mine and she frowns.
I'm worried for you.
"I'm sorry I worry you, Esme. I'm just not sure what to do here. I feel like..." My heart stutters at the thought. "That Bella is no longer my mate." I sigh even without the need, purely from the weight on my heart at expressing my deepest fear.
"No, Edward! She is, I know she is!" Esme exclaims grabbing at my hands. "She is your singer and she is your One. Even though you no longer crave her blood, do you still not feel that tug at your heart?" I nod and she continues. "You were so afraid you'd kill her, do you remember? How terrified you were that you might take away her life... and then you were so afraid if you didn't have the scent of her blood to drive you, you'd no longer want her. But look, see how much you want her. Feel that connection."
"I do feel it, Esme. I just don't know if she feels it."
"She's here isn't she? She's so remorseful for what happened on the hunt. When she came around again Jasper had to leave because the sorrow and confusion she felt was too strong. Rose and Emmett took him out. But she's still here without his calming. I think she has stayed because of you." My beautiful mother's eyes are so full of warmth and hope as she speaks. "She has expressed to us that she feels badly for upsetting you. If you were not her mate, I don't think a newborn would care much about disappointing anyone, Edward. You know this."
"So what do I do, Esme?"
"You, my dear son," she brushes her palm across my cheek, "you must remind your Bella of who her mate is and why she loves you and only you. She was tortured so with those disgusting beasts. They confused her and hurt her. You know this. You saw it. But did you think of your own experience and how lucky you were?" Her words make sense. I was very lucky to have Carlisle to lead me. We all were.
"Remember our time with young Jasper. His love for Alice is what helped him overcome is needs as a vampire. Think about how Alice dealt with Jasper's lashing out. Softly, kindly- lead her, Edward. Help her see the connection, feel her need for you. You have to be strong for her and not be weakened by your own fears of rejection. Edward, and remind her of her humanity as well as her love for you. You have to have faith."
"Faith. So much of our lives is up to fate. So much of our world is cruel and unfair, Esme."
"It is. You are very right. I won't deny you that unhappiness, my dear. But think of what you do get. If you can rise above this self-pity and fear... you will spend the rest of eternity with the one being on the planet that was created for you. Destined to be yours. Think about what you will gain, Edward."
She stands then, letting her words sink in, truly an Esme thing to do. The ever present mother. She leans down and kisses the top of my head, then wanders out to her garden thinking of new arrangements to create with her treasured blooms. I slowly make my way up the large staircase, the minds of my family fading in and out of my own frazzled mind. A vision from Alice claims my every being and I stop at the top of the stairs. Bella, frowning as she looks in a mirror. Her eyes flicker between Alice's and the mirror, she seems dismayed by what she sees.
When I walk up to Bella's room, I see her with Alice, and I can tell through Alice's thoughts that Bella is concerned. For herself, for me."You'll always be beautiful," I say without forethought. I cannot help but speak the truth. I need to do something to ease her mind and try to break through the blood lust. "I think we need to talk."
Alice smiles at Bella then at me. As she gets to the door she looks deep into my eyes and thinks about me hugging Bella and soothing her, I can't tell if it's a premonition or a suggestion. I smile and kiss her cheek, then she turns and quietly retreats from the room, her thoughts on her mate's well-being. Just as mine are.
For a long stretch I stand before Bella, mute, just staring at her. I don't know where to begin. When I met her, our courtship, me avoiding her, our evening ritual, my undying love...
She becomes uncomfortable by my eyes on her because she starts to pace. Similar to that of a caged lioness ready for the hunt, she moves languidly back and forth, not using her true speed, just moving her body, an outlet for her anxiety.
"Bella?" I ask, more or less because I just don't know what to expect from her. She stops mid-stride and turns toward me quickly, her body tense and ready.
"Do you want me to leave your coven?" Her voice is tiny. She tries to raise her chin in strength but drops it again when I don't speak right away.
I step toward her wanting to just hold her body to mine, but I stop when I see her muscles clench. "No. I want you to stay with us. With me."
Her eyes meet mine, the gold and red mixed with black. It's strange, but beautiful. She looks again like she's trying to figure out a puzzle and I wish beyond anything that I could read her mind at this moment as she turns her head a bit, in a confused manner.
"What are you thinking, Bella?" I edge a bit closer, within reaching distance, but I stay my hands to keep them at my side.
"I- I'm not sure. There is a lot of thinking at once. I think a lot, a lot of things, all at once." She shifts uncomfortably in front of me and my fingers twitch at the sight. "I see your face in my thoughts. I can see you talking to me, lying with me, being with me. Sometimes in my head you're smiling... but here, now, you are not smiling."
Maybe she is remembering me. "Do you want to stay here, with us?" I move to sit on the bed and she tracks me, not moving a muscle beyond her eyes. I can tell she's absorbing every detail and probably creating escape routes in her mind. It's what most vampires would do in a tense, unfamiliar situation.
By the time I settle myself at the edge of the bed, she's realized I mean no threat so she turns her body completely to mine. "I think I would. I can feel safe here. I want to be here. I don't know why..." her voice trails off at the end.
"I know you don't feel comfortable... we all have been where you are now." Her stare does not waiver as she takes me in, creating a picture of me in her mind, deciding if I mean to be threatening. "You are sensing more than you've ever been able to see and hear and feel. Your mind is registering birds miles away and movement downstairs and voices from other rooms. You are processing so much, but it's okay... it's okay to be scared, Bella."
"You call me, Bella. Why?" Her face has tensed.
"That's what you asked me to call you when we met." I finish and wait, wanting her to lead the conversation. I hope she remembers some of her former life. "When you came to Forks, where we live, I wanted nothing more than to know you, so I asked you every question I could. You told me you preferred being called Bella to your full name." I smile at the memory of our first conversation in that science lab, me trying so hard to resist her incredible scent, trying to hang on to my control surrounded by temptation.
"I was called Isabella. J- James, Victoria, Laurent, they called me Isabella." I hate the way their names roll off her tongue.
"Your parents named you Isabella Marie Swan, Charles and Renee Swan named you, their only child, Isabella. But you don't like being called that, by anyone." I may have said that last part too tersely. I just need her to know her life before James got a hold of her.
"Bella…" she tests the name and I see a hint of an upward curve playing at her lips. Her eyes never leave mine as she contemplates my information. "James made me... like you." The thought causes me to clench my fist and of course she sees and hears my body rejecting her information. She leans back away from me. "You don't like me. Maybe I should leave." She backs toward the door a few steps, still with her eyes locked to mine.
"No, it's not you. I more than like you." I stand but when she moves quicker to the door, I sit again and try to calm myself. "I care deeply for you, Bella. I just don't like hearing about your… maker." The word gets caught in my throat, sticking like tar against my tonsils. I never wanted to be her maker, yet the thought of him creating her new life causes me to burn with jealousy.
"I don't want to upset you or anyone else." She looks almost like her human self at this moment, so unsure, but also stubborn. "Alice says he was her maker, too, but that he was not her mate." I nod and she continues. "Jasper is her mate, but not her maker and she said that you, we, vampires don't submit to their mate, you are partners... that Jasper is her partner." I nod again, not sure if I should tell her about us or not.
As she continues, she paces the room again, her voice is hesitant and quiet, "I'm not sure what I want. I don't know how to feel. I feel it all at once, scared, mad, thirsty, thrilled, everything. The world is so overwhelming. Everything I do is wrong and I feel very alone." She curls into herself as she sits near the window a hand braced against the wall, looking out to the back of the property. I know she's a strong, muscular predator like me, but here, in her room, on the floor... she looks fragile. More fragile even than when she was human.
"Bella, I know it's a lot, but we're here to help you. I'm here. I was a newborn too and you will get better, it will get easier. I promise you. I won't leave you."
"But why are you here? I don't belong to you. Why do you want me? To use me like James did? Alice said he used me, but he kept me safe, he gave me blood, he gave me what I wanted."
"Enough with James already, Bella! He's gone!" She flinches away, pressing herself down into a crouch, but I continue, unable to control my feelings. "He is gone. I killed him to protect you. And I would do it again in an instant! He was slowly turning you in to a monster. A sick, feral, disgusting murderer, just like him and his mate. Victoria was his mate, even as fucked up as they were," I can see her rising a bit, keeping her eyes locked to me in preparation. "They were mates, not you. You were not and never were James' mate! He did use you! Sure he fed you, sure, he kept you placated..." I continue to move about the room trying to release the tension forming at the thoughts of what he did to her and how he treated my mate. "But no, he was not your mate and he was not protecting you. That is my job!"
"Did- did you protect me from James?" Her soft spoken words are like a slap in the face. My inner demons were all roaring at that very moment. I don't know if she knows exactly what she just asked, whether an accusation or not but it kills me.
"No. I didn't protect you from him. I should have, but I failed you." I hang my head and hear the disappointed thoughts of my family who can hear us speaking. They wanted me to remind her of who we were and how we came to be us, but instead I've lashed out at her.
"I'm sorry, Bella." Again I move toward her where she's sitting on the floor propped against the wall, but when she growls and bares her teeth and I stop in my tracks. "I know I should have done better." In so many ways, I should be doing better. "I loved you from the moment I saw you and I have always fought making you one of us and letting you live a long and happy life." Her body is coiling with tension. I hear the wall where she's holding begin to crack under the pressure of her hand. Her face looks pained.
Her eyes are locked on mine and I know her calm exterior, her unmoving body belies a vicious animal waiting to strike. "I always wanted you to be allowed to live your life. You deserved a life. Not a life sentence." I can't help the jerky movements of my hands as I gesture while spitting out all these words that have been racking my brain for months. "James didn't give you a choice and that was one thing I always wanted you to have. You gave yourself to him to save your family! I never knew until I went to avenge your death and found you with them. I never would've chosen for you to be like this," I say, gesturing to myself as I pace the room taking on her lion-like wandering, feeling more than just trapped by the walls around us.
Immediately, I know I've said too much, feeling Bella leap from where she was crouched and now standing directly in front of me. "You didn't want me like this..." she hisses looking every bit the monster I never wanted her to become.
"No!" I shout, "How could I sentence you to this hell... to live forever, but to always want to kill. It's not a life, not for someone as good as you were, Bella."
"As I was..." She looks even more agitated, her eyes flicker to the door then back to me. She's deciding, fight or flight. Better sense tells me to calm the situation, but at this moment, I'm angry and I'm hurt, and above all, I feel cheated.
"When I met you, Bella... you were kind, caring, selfless... now you want to murder innocent children for sport! No! This is not what I wanted! I just want my Bella back! Not the monster James created to punish me and satisfy himself." I'm interrupted mid-thought by a barrage of fleeting thoughts from my family. Alice is singing the Battle Hymn of the Republic in German and Emmett is doing Geometry. Something is up.
In the next moment, Emmett is standing in the room with this idiotic grin and telling me to "Shut it, bro." When I protest, I get a glimpse of what he has planned and my anxiety shoots through the roof. "No, Emmett. Absolutely not! This is not a game."
Bella is alarmed, eyes wide, crouched in the corner nearest the bed with a look mixed with fear and anger, her eyes darting between Emmett and me, a snarl forming upon her perfect red mouth. Knowing I caused this fear tears me up and I just back away from her.
We have to do something to give her back her control, her confidence. Emmett's thoughts make sense, but I don't want to hear them. What you're doing is obviously not helping!
His voice in my head makes my stomach roil. If I ate, I would throw up.
Hearing Alice from the hall only causes my anger to rise. It seems they're all against me. Let us try.
Trying something sick and twisted and probably hopeless like this, to toy with Bella, just to try... what good will that do any of us?
It might just work, Edward. Carlisle shows himself standing by the door.
"Yeah, and it might just be the destruction of Bella forever. And me."
E/N- This was a hard one for me. Feeling Edward's pain was a lot to handle. I hope I did his mind and heart justice. Please let me know what you think. I'm trying very hard to show that life can't be perfect as a vampire, especially as a newborn, or the mat of that newborn. Stick with me, folks.
If you are interested in recs, please follow me on twitter at theraingirl4- if you aren't 18 or older, don't. I also post teasers on my tumblr, it's attached to my twitter, if you're so inclined.
To whomever nominated my one shots: Unsportsmanlike Conduct and Extraordinary Girl for Single Shot Awards, thank you so very much.
And last, but certainly not least, if it weren't for 22blue, EdwardsEternal, and Sunshinegal3, this chapter wouldn't have happened. Each of them help me so much, they mean the world to me.