Author's note

Everything Doc says, is me purely guessing and nowhere based on how psychiatrists work.

Steph's POV

Later that day

After we left my parents' house, Ranger dropped Doc of at Haywood and drove us to the mall.

First we went to the cinema and watched Baywatch. He asked me to pick the movie; what can I say I love Zac Efron and the Rock and he only complained about the bad CGI after the movie was over. He treated me to 'VIP' seats, plenty of popcorn, nachos and drinks and even held my hand all the way through the movie. It made me feel like a teenager on her first date. After the movie, he bought me food at the Food Court, took me window shopping and treated me to a few very competitive rounds of Air Hockey, all of which he unfortunately won.

"I had a great time" I smile at him and get out of the car as well, once we are safely parked in his parking spot at Rangemen.

"Me too" He holds out his hand for me to take. Like I said, a teenager on her first date. The butterflies have not stopped flapping their wings since we stepped out of the car at the Mall.

Once we get to the fifth floor, I realize that it is shift change at Rangemen and everyone is assembled for the shift handover. As soon as I step out of the elevator everyone falls quiet and turns to look at us. Ranger nudges me gently forward, just when Hal pushes his way through the crowd and comes to stand right in front of me with a big ass grin on his face. Without saying a word, he picks me up and spins us around and around, until my head goes all funny from all the spinning. "Welcome home, Bomber" he grins, when he sets me down onto my very wobbly feet.

After that, one Merry Man after the other steps forward and hugs the air out of me. They are my real family and I didn't see it until now.

"I would hug you Angelita, but then that would go against my reputation" Hector smiles and draws me into a hug anyways.

"Everyone knows you are a big, bad softy Hec" My reply muffled by his Rangemen jumper and his muscular chest.

"Only for you..." He presses a kiss on the top of my head, before walking off to finish his shift.

"See...not so bad after all" Ranger says from behind me and right in that moment I know that he did this on purpose. And if I don't love him more for that. "But I may need to hand out a few matt times, just for the way they hugged you" He ads in a grumble.

"Pfft, as if" I smile.

Later that night

For the millionth time I turn around to the other side, trying to go to sleep. Today was a great day and I am far too happy to go to sleep. It was by far the best day I have had in ages. That all my Merry Men welcomed me back with open arms was the icing on the cake.

I can feel the weight of everything slowly lifting of my shoulders. Confronting my mother today, was a huge step, according to Doc Braddock. Maybe sometime soon, I can leave the clinic for good. But every time I think of leaving, I get scared. What if this happens again? What if I get depressed and cannot find a way out? Can I count on Ranger to be there and pull me out again?

And where will I go after I leave the Hamptons? Can I return to Trenton? I will have to, I suppose. Ranger is here. Rangemen Headquarters is here. He hinted at taking an extended time off, but that man is a workaholic who loves his job and his company. I would never ask him to choose. But if I come back here, what would I do? I can't just sit on my hands and do nothing.

I would need some serious training if I wanted to continue as a BEA and going back to working for Vinnie or Rangemen, I am not sure if I can or even want to do that anymore. I like puzzles and mysteries, but risking my life was never my agenda. Trouble just always found me.

But that leaves me still with no idea on what to do with the rest of my life. With a sigh and a few frustrated knocks with my head against the pillow, I give up. I quickly put my jeans and t-shirt back on, a pair of bright pink wool socks and Ranger's jumper jacket that he wore today. It smells like him and like a stalker I sniff it just because it makes me smile.

I grab my phone of the nightstand and wander out into the living room. I heard Ranger leave an hour ago, talking to someone assumingly on the phone. Which means he is probably gone to some sort of emergency.

Watching TV or playing video games doesn't appeal to me, so the only way to keep me entertained is to join the poor sucker who is pulling monitor duty. Decision made, I grab a key fob out of the bowl next to the door and make my way downstairs.

"Can't sleep?" Hal asks as soon as I step into the control room without turning his head. He must have followed me on the cameras.

"Less spying on Haywood's occupants, more watching the houses and business you secure" I try to imitate Ranger's voice, but end up giggling to myself.

"You can help me" Hal pushes the chair he just had his feet on towards me.

"That's why I came down here for. Definitely not the company" I smile and take a seat.

"Ranger left to deal with an emergency in Philly. He should be back by morning." Hal informs me, without me having to ask for it.

"Yeah, I figured when I heard him leave" I reply. "Where is the second person that is supposed to be here as well?"

"A skip broke Manny's arm last night and they couldn't get a replacement in" He explains and slides a bowl of cheesy puffs towards me with a sly smile.

"Hal...Hal...I promise I won't tell the boss" I smirk. "How did that happen? Is he doing ok?"

"Bobby took him to the hospital and he has a cast for at least four weeks. Skip took a steal pipe to fight Manny off" Hal shrugs "and our friend couldn't move as fast as the bastard could swing that pipe."

"I assume the skip was handed over in a less than pristine condition" I know how these guys handled things. Someone hurt their own, a punch to the gut or to the face, would almost right the wrong. Unless it involves me, then they usually end up missing or dead in prison.

"He may have banged his head against the car by accident" Hal smirks. "How are you doing Steph?"

"I am…" For a second I think about lying to Hal, but I know there is no use. A) I am a bad liar and B) he is my friend who happens to care about me. "I am getting there, I think. It's difficult to get past everything you are feeling and see it from a neutral perspective. Hard to accept that people do care and want you around" I shrug. "Talking to Dr. Braddock helps and the fact that Ranger is too stubborn to leave me be, helps too."

"He was in a bad place after you tried to kill yourself. Ranger was a shell of his former self and Les had to force him to go home while you were in the hospital." I heard this before from Les himself, but hearing it from Hal as well, really drives it home. I hurt Ranger as much as I hurt myself. "Hell, all of us weren't ourselves." He shrugs and suddenly turns towards me. "Bomber, no matter what, you can always come to talk to me. I promise I won't judge, just listen."

I really thought I had no more tears left in me, but I was wrong. "C 'mere" Hal pulls me into his broad, muscles chest and brings his arms around me. "You. Are. Not. Alone….you hear me?" I merely nod as an answer. "We are all here for you. No matter what. You are family!" And that is what does me in completely. The floodgates open and I cry my heart out.

Hal pulls me onto his lap, wraps his arms tighter around me and turns us back towards the monitors, so that he can still keep an eye on them.

"I didn't think about it, when I snapped." I confess after a long while. "I overheard that Ranger was on a date with another woman, you guys all stayed away...so I just figured it was easier this way. No one would care anyways. Now I see that I was wrong...

Lula always brought me back out of my slums. Always showed up and took my mind of things, when everything else just seemed to blow up around me. Which is funny since she always had a way of disappearing on me when the Cops showed up. But she was just always there. And neither Ranger nor you guys knew how to help and I should have asked for help, but I just couldn't. I am sorry I caused so much hurt, which was the last thing I wanted to do. I just wanted to make it easier for everyone."

"For us it would be worse if you were dead. You lighten this place up. Make a bunch of ex cons and veterans smile and laugh and I speak for everyone when I say you are family. You made us care, so we are not letting go of you that easily."

Ranger's POV

The next morning

When I walked onto the fifth floor last night and I saw Babe sitting on Hal's lap, I got instantly jealous. But when I heard what he said to her, I knew I had no reason to be. I am glad she is opening up to someone that isn't Dr. Braddock, even if it isn't me.

So I took my ass into my office and left the door open to watch them from across the room. At some point Babe crawled back into her own seat and soon after they were both laughing and talking loudly. When she hadn't realized that I was home already, after a while I made myself known. Babe joined me in the office while I got some more work done and ended up falling asleep on my office couch. I didn't have the heart to wake her up, so instead I carried her up to seven and tugged her fully dressed into bed. I have only so much restrained and undressing Babe is one too many temptations.

Instead of getting some sleep myself, I went to the gym before going back to my office.

"You look like shit" Braddock remarks when he walks into my office at 10am.

"Well thanks Doc" I reply dryly, without looking up from the email I am reading.

"It is better if you stay here" Braddock cuts right to the reason for his early morning visit." I have gathered from talking to Stephanie that Mr Morelli does not like you…"

"That would be an understatement" I snort. "I will stay...I don't like it, but I will stay."

"Stephanie needs to do this by herself. It is the only way for her to get better." Doc nods. "She needed you yesterday to pull through and make the final cut, but today she knows she has your silent support, so she won't need you right there."

"You can drive the Cayenne and I have two of my guys follow you." The further away I stay from Morelli's place the better or I might go and do something stupid, like kill him. The only way he is still alive, is because I have spent the last few months by Babe's side or holed up in my office.

"Perfect" Doc nods, just when Steph joins us in my office.

"Ready to go?" She asks and looks from Braddock to me and back.

"You are taking the Cayenne" I throw her the keys, while her eyes grow wide in surprise.

"Are you sure about that?" Babe questions with a raised eyebrow.

"Yupp" I nod. "Just don't make it go to the car heaven. I am rather attached to this one."

Hal, who in that moment walks past my open office door, interjects "I am putting it on the list. I am betting it will last five hours in Bombers care."

Babe flips him off with a smile and a shake of her head. "Car Heaven?" Braddock questions.

"I have a tendency to destroy any car I drive" Babe just shrugs and pockets the keys. "If Ranger wants to throw away 60 Grand, who am I to stop him?" She shoots me a devilish smile and wanders out of my office. "HAL" She shouts "I am betting I am going to make it the full day!"

"This place is good for her" Braddock motions behind him at the office. "She is well loved."

"She doesn't care about our background. Criminal or Veteran, she treats them all the same. In return they love her unconditionally." I shrug.

Steph's POV

An hour later

"I don't need to go in" I inform Doc, without moving my eyes from Joe's house where I spent the better part of my 20's. We are leaning on Ranger's Cayenne with our Rangemen SUV tail parked further down the road.

"And why is that?" He asks, also staring at the brick house.

"I just realized that I have nothing to say to him." I shrug. "I was done with him the minute I finally acknowledged my feelings for Ranger."

"How do you feel standing here in front of his house though?" Doc asks and crosses his arms over his chest.

"A bit of a stereotypical question, Doc" I laugh. "Honestly, I feel almost content. There is nothing to be resolved with Joe. Like I said, we were done the minute I finally admitted that I am in love with Ranger." I keep quiet for a moment, before all my thoughts spill out of my mouth.

"Joe and I had many good times, but the bad times...they were really bad. I know he cheated on me and I cheated on him. For people who were supposed to be in love, we were really lousy to each other. He asked me many times to marry him, I even said yes a couple of times, but it was more due to the fact that Ranger was unavailable than my love for Joe."

Tears spring into my eyes and I really try to hold them back, but fail miserably. "Part of me wishes I could have given Joe everything he wanted... a family, a white picket fence, a housewife, but I am just not that person. I get why Joe shouted at me when I got hurt or was in danger. He loved me, but I needed his support not his anger. He wanted to suppress who I am, Ranger made me feel alive and helped me fly."

"I should have been better at that" A familiar voice suddenly says behind me, making Doc and I whip our heads around. In the distance I hear the Rangemen SUV doors open and our escorts getting out; ready to protect me from Joe. "I should have let you fly." Joe looks thinner than the last time I saw him, his eyes haunted and his hair more grey.

"Joe" I manage to get out.

"I am Doctor Braddock" Doc holds out his and Joe shakes it.

"Nice to meet you" Joe nods, before his eyes come back to meet mine. "I am glad you are okay….After I heard what happened I tried to get information, tried to contact you, but they wouldn't tell me anything at the hospital. Ranger has kept a tight lid on everything and he wouldn't tell me anything either….Fuck Steph, I am so sorry"

Looking right into his eyes, I can see that he is telling the truth. He really is sorry. "I know that saying sorry doesn't make up for anything or probably won't mean anything to you, but I am truly sorry. I was angry and worried and as usually that means I wasn't at my best self. I should have checked on you, I should have been there."

My throat clocks up and I have a hard time swallowing. Hearing him say that, eases something within me and just when the tears start falling, I step forward and wrap my arms around Joe. I am not sure how long we are standing there just holding one another, with him letting me cry into his jumper, but at some point I hear Doc getting into the car and giving us space.

Something wet drops on my head and when I lift my head, I can see Joe crying as well. "Shit Steph...you scared the hell out of me. If you...if you were dead, I would never forgive myself...hell I am not forgiving myself. I should have been better, I should have been what you needed, even if it was just a friend. Thank god for Ranger." He tugs my head back under his shin and I close my eyes, enjoying the embrace.

Joe and I were friends first and then a couple. Maybe at some point we can go back to being friends. "I just didn't see another way out. When I heard what my mother said at the supermarket, my world just broke down around me. Ranger was always there and then he wasn't."

"Your mother is toxic, evil and she does not have a good bone in her body. I knew you were in line waiting and I didn't put a stop to it. My own anger getting in the way of doing what's right. Hell I became a cop to save people, not to get them killed." I can feel him shaking his head. "You should have seen him, after you...after you almost died. Ranger loves you, the way I could never love you. Unconditionally."

"I know" I sigh and finally let go of him. I wipe my face with my palms, suddenly glad I didn't put any makeup on today. Ranger prefers me without it and even once referred to it as war paint.

"I love you Steph and I am sorry that it had to come to this. I know you will come out of this stronger than ever. You deserve it all. But please, if that dick ever breaks your heart, don't do this again. Call me at any time." Joe tells me and smiles softly.

"I love you too. I don't think he will, but it is good to know" I nod and manage a small smile of my own. Just when he is about to pull away, I hold on tighter. "I forgive you."

"Oh cupcake" Joe pulls me even tighter into his arms. "I don't deserve it, but it means a lot that you going to give it to me. Take care of yourself and let me know the next time you are in town." With that he let's go of me, crosses the lawn and disappears into his house. A small smile spreads on my lips and I sigh in relief.

Joe is not a bad guy, but his Italian temper gets in his way more often than not. He wanted the best for me, but our versions what is best for me were never the same. Joe is right, he should stepped in, stopped the nastiness, but that I tried to kill myself is not his fault. It is mine.

"Are you okay?" Doc asks, when he steps out of the car, to join me once again next to the car.

"I should have reached out, I should have tried to get help, but I just lost my best friend, everyone pulled back because I wouldn't talk, so I didn't see another way out. It is no one's fault but my own that it came to this." I tell him and turn to face him.

"For all parties involved it is difficult to gauge what the person in distress needs. When in distress and depressed, people get something like tunnel vision. The only thing they see is what is right in front of them, usually the loss of a friend, negative things and so on. They can't see the people trying to help them. Don't blame yourself for what has happened. You physically couldn't make yourself see what is around you." Doc explains. "The only thing we can do, is try to prevent this from happening in the future. Give you pointers on how to deal with depression and negative feelings"

I mull that over for a moment and nod in agreement. "Let's go. I am hungry and fucking freezing." I tell him and walk around the Cayenne to the driver side.