10 – Is Forgetting All of the Questions We Called Home

The next morning was no different than the ones before. Cara didn't speak and she merely packed up silently. Arthur once again attempted to get her to speak with him, but she said nothing. Cara felt strong enough to ride on her own today, but the knights watched her warily.

It would be a few days before the gash was fully healed and she was back to normal, but Dagonet reassured the knights that she was fit to ride, though it didn't ease their worried minds. They had lost Gareth. They couldn't bear to lose their only sister so soon.

Cara resumed her position behind the knights. She listened to the nature around her. The birds were singing gaily as they always did and Cara didn't like it. She couldn't understand how the birds could sing at a time such as this. Clouds covered the bright sun and a few drops of rain fell from the dark sky. A soft wind whipped the through the trees and the branches swayed. Tristan's hawk screeched overhead, but Cara did not look up. Hearing the mournful cry was enough.

A few tears ran down her cheek at the memories. During the day when she rode by herself, Cara couldn't escape the memories. There was nothing stopping her mind from running away with her. The moment she saw Gareth in her memories was the moment she focused on Aidan. The black stallion beneath her was plodding along like he usually did. He merely followed the knights because he knew where his master belonged.

A flock of birds flew out of the trees spooking the black horse. Cara held onto his mane as Aidan reared and tossed his head. The other knights turned around at Aidan's whinny. They watched as Aidan stood on his hind legs and they waited for Cara to slip from the saddle.

She was stronger than they believed her to be and it annoyed her to no end. Aidan's hooves were once again on the ground and Cara stroked his neck soothingly. Lancelot let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. The knights continued on. All except Arthur, who waited for Cara to catch up to him.

Cara sent him a brief glance as she passed knowing what was coming. "Cara, I know you are hurting," he said simply, keeping his eyes on the road ahead of him. "I know that Gareth meant a lot to you." Cara winced at the sound of his name. She felt the immense sadness well up in her chest. "But he's gone now."

Cara couldn't control the tears that fell. He wasn't gone. He wasn't. He couldn't be. Cara shook her head, denying his previous statement. Arthur was forced to look at the girl the rode beside him. It was now that he realized what Lancelot had said that night. Cara was broken. Her heart and soul were shattered.

Her determination was gone. It was like she gave up on everything. It was as though she was in a daze and no one could pull her from the endless nightmare. Arthur tore his gaze away from her. He couldn't look at her anymore. She just wasn't the Cara he knew. He rode beside her for a few more moments before picking up his pace and riding amongst the knights once more. Cara couldn't ignore the memories this time and she let them swallow her.

FLASHBACK

"Block. Parry," Gareth coached as Cara battled against him on the practice field. The thirteen year old was no match for the stronger seventeen year old, but the practice was good. "Keep your eyes on me," he ordered as Cara looked to the side. "Keep moving," he said, as she stopped to block one of his blows.

"Stay focused," he said whirling around behind her. Cara was good, but she wasn't ready for combat yet. She had made so many mistakes that she would have been dead long ago. Cara swung for him, but he easily blocked it. Their swords clashed until Gareth finally won the upper hand and Gareth's sword was at her throat. "If this were real you'd be dead by now."

"Good thing it's not," Cara shot back. She back up and pushed his sword away with her own. "Again." Gareth shook his head, smiling.

"You don't give up easy do you?"

"Again," Cara repeated, twirling her sword like a baton. Without warning Gareth attacked and Cara wasn't ready. She was thrown to the ground at the unexpected blow. "Always pay attention," Gareth said as Cara stared at the sword that was once again at her throat. Cara swung her legs right under Gareth's and he fell to the ground hard. Cara was on her feet and now her sword replaced Gareth's.

"Follow your own advice," she said smiling. She removed her sword and extended her hand. Gareth accepted and heaved himself to his feet.

"Well played," he commended. Cara shrugged her shoulders.

"You're still better," she countered.

"Only because I've had more practice," he said, making her feel better. Cara and Gareth walked over to the knights that had watch from a distance.

"Good job, Cara," Bors praised, slapping her on the back. Cara had the wind knocked out of her for a moment.

"Take it easy, Bors," Gareth scolded, seeing Cara's discomfort. Bors only laughed, but Gareth put a hand on her shoulder. "You okay," he asked, looking her right in the eye.

"I'm fine," she answered, still trying to catch her breath. She gazed back into his green eyes and got lost in the dense forests.

END FLASHBACK

Cara snapped back into reality. The memory was haunting, but clear like it happened only yesterday. She could remember each and every detail. She remembered what he had worn that day and each of the words he said. A small part of her screamed that this was wrong. She shouldn't be thinking about such things. A small part also screamed that Gareth was dead and he wouldn't be coming back.

However, a larger part refused to believe that. Her heart told her that he was still alive and she refused to believe otherwise. Aidan snorted in boredom as he trudged along behind the knights. Cara stroked his soft, silky neck. She didn't like the slow pace either. It gave her more time to think which was something she would rather not do.

"Cara!" Galahad called. She looked up and met the eyes of the youngest knight. He waved a hand, beckoning her toward him. She kicked Aidan into a steady lope. The black horse was eager to go and relished the change in pace. His gait was smooth as she made her way toward the waiting knight.

She didn't say anything when she reached him, but her eyes were curious and they spoke for her. "Are you alright?" he asked. Cara took a minute before nodding. It was all she seemed to do now. A nod here a shake of her head there. That was all she did. Galahad understood that she was grieving, but Cara never, ever stopped speaking. To put it in plain terms Gareth's death had struck her dumb.

"Arthur wishes for you to stay closer," Galahad said, relaying his commander's message. Arthur had hoped she might talk to one of the others, but so far Galahad wasn't having any luck. Cara looked at the young knight coldly. She was able to take care of herself whether he believed it or not. Galahad walked beside her silently for a few paces, before he broke it.

"I'm sorry about Gareth," he said softly. There was his name again. Her chest tightened and her heart nearly stopped beating. She felt the sadness well up once again and felt the salty tears brim her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "You need to realize something, Cara," he began. "Gareth is gone. He's not coming back."

Cara could tell he was trying to be pleasant about telling her to get over it, but the way he said things made it seem like Gareth didn't matter to him at all. Cara's eyes no longer held tears of sadness, but tears of anger. She halted Aidan abruptly. "Cara…" Galahad began, but it was too late. The damage was done.

Cara kicked Aidan into a fast gallop and headed for the woods. "Cara!" Galahad called after her, but she didn't stop. The tears flowed down her cheeks as she fled into the trees and away from all she knew.