Later that evening...morning.

"See… everyone's so much calmer now," Garrett informed Jemma Simmons as the others packed up the campsite. The two of them were supposedly completing a pre-flight checkout but instead they were chatting as Garrett did everything. "Blake's not actively looking to defenestrate, Coulson's isn't anticipating that Buffy Summers will drive a wooden stake in his heart and I'm no longer convinced that you'll throw a walker in front of me so I'll trip and break a hip."

"I wasn't that bad," Jemma Simmons retorted.

John Garrett smirked at her, and she looked at her feet. "I didn't mean to be."

"We all have bad first introductions that we'd like to take back," he admitted. "Except for Ward and Sitwell. Always remember that bad impression."

"Am I not supposed to know that you three set that up with their old girlfriends?" Jemma asked. "It was rather obvious."

Well, now it was. At the time, not so much.

"Phil and I did it as we made a firm vow to be the SHIELD and defend the innocent from evil doers," Garrett assured her. "Blake wasn't involved as he's had problems with Frick and Frack, so he avoids them at all cost. Now I'm sure you remember how some of us had to fill out a rather detailed questionnaire for you to review? Time for you to fill a small one out for us."

He pulled out what seemed to be a very large pamphlet from his jacket pocket and bowed as he presented it to her.

"We'd like it by Monday, please." He smiled. Widely.

"It's forty two pages," she protested.

"Some are multiple questions, while others are essays, which we would like single spaced, please. It's only fair, and I've already talked to Fitz and he won't be filling it out for you. It's very difficult for us to take you out on dates if we don't know what you like to do you in spare time besides dissect things."

"Forty…." She began.

"Forty two pages," he stated.

"I'm being tagged-team right now, aren't I?" Simmons asked. "Coulson…."

"Phil," John Garrett retorted. "Let's not cause our Social Coordinator's head to spin. Poor girl is having enough issues as she melted Felix's coffee pot in her first hour of working for him."

"Phil leads the serious conversation, you are sent into charm and smooze…. And Felix…." Simmons asked. "Is he analyzing my responses and plotting a scatter graph?"

"Felix likes his coffee from a little shop called Café Grumpy," John informed her. "Don't smirk, it's got good coffee so I'd suggest picking some up for him on Monday as a thank you for dragging his eight inch…. Telescope… out into the wilds of Pennsylvania and spending the last four hours talking about the Greater and Lesser Magellanic Clouds. Felix likes Santa Teresa black, in the gallon jug size, and they have dog biscuits for Winston that they make just for him. Stop by and tell them you want the Blake Special and they'll hook you up. I'm partial to the Heartbreaker Expresso. Phil's a bit of a snob, Toarco Toraja is his favorite. And since we had to fill out a questionnaire, I think it's only fair that you have to fill it out. How else will we know where to take you on Group Date night?"

"Group Date Night?" Simmons repeated with a tremor in her voice.

"We ain't going into your lioness's den without backup, Simmons," John Garrett informed her. "On Single Date Night..."

"Single Date Night?" Simmons squeaked.

"Stop it with the squeaking," John requested. 'Yes, Single Date Night. There will be Group Date Nights as that way you get to deal with the three of us in a controlled setting. Single Date Nights are one and one dates where you get to know one of the eligible bachelors better – those will take place as soon as we old men loose our justifiable fear of Dr. Simmons. That's scheduled for month three."

"Me?" Simmons protested.

"YOU," retorted Garrett.

"I've never had anyone afraid of me before," she admitted. "I rather like it."

"I've created a monster!"

"So questionnaires, Single Date Night, Group Date Night. Time lines. You've put a great deal of thought into this," Simmons murmured. "Did Blake… Felix…. Put me into MS-Project?"

"That's not nice, Dr. Simmons," Garrett chastised. "Agent Blake had a building land on him. He broke both legs and his pelvis. He was trapped for close to forty-eight hours under debris and he was awake for all of it, with each shift of the building's weight, he thought that would cause the building to completely collapse on him and crush him. If he needs MS-Project to deal with this godforsaken insanity, cut him some slack."

"You're very protective of Felix," she remarked.

"He saved my life, I owe him, though he gets tired of me nannying him."

"Does he know you're suspended as you punched Sitwell and Ward?" Simmons asked.

"No, he'll be really pissed when he finds out," Garrett admitted. "Next question?"

"What conversations does Felix lead?" Jemma Simmons asked.

"Logistics," Garrett admitted in a very dry tone, which left Jemma Simmons confused if he was teasing.

"Logistics as in Procurement and Scheduling?" She repeated.

"Group Date Nights take a great deal of effort, as the three of us are very busy men, with full social calendars and we had to squeeze you and your merry sidekicks in."

"Basketball season is over, so… baseball?"

"What? You don't think women and men aren't lining up to date us?" Garrett protested.

She rolled her eyes at him and he barked a laugh.

"Someone has to make reservations, plan a nighttime of unforgettable fun and festivity," he stated. "Plus have sufficient bail money. Seriously, we're taking you out, we plan, we pay, as that's the way we were raised. We have access to your calendar, so Felix has sent invites for the next two weeks."

"Two weeks?" Simmons murmured.

"I think it's impersonal, but after experiencing your obvious lack of enthusiasm for your Harem of a Certain Age and Receding Hairlines first hand, we decided it would be less ego-bruising if we sent e-vites. Sunday night is Coulson's time to plan, so it's Sushi night. Just the four of us, as it's a very small spot. We'll have the Itamae do omakase. Bring your appetite as their sushi melts in your mouth. Then there's a Japanese Film Festival afterwards. There are subtitles."

"Sushi?" Simmons repeated as she wasn't really into sushi. "Japanese Film festival?"

"Yes and Yes. Group Date Night is scheduled for three times a week, it's not like we're dating every night," he explained. "Felix should be the one discussing the schedule with you, but since I'm here, I'll let you know. We're planning on ramping up the number of dates per week as we get closer to the deadline. You've got six months before you make your decision on who the lucky man will be. I'll pick you up on Sunday afternoon at four. Have you ever ridden a HOG?"

"HOG?"

"Fatboy," he continued before he paused "Ah, that look on your face, I'm talking about my motorcycle, not me. And I'm not a fat boy, I've got big bones. That's what my mum always told me. I'd appreciate if you'd get your mind out of the gutter, please. Also wear boots as I don't want you to burn yourself on the exhaust pipe."

Jemma Simmons nodded her head, realizing that she was adrift on the seas of fate, and it was just best to hang on.

"Time to load up," Garrett announced.

Fitz didn't say anything when they returned back to her flat, so Simmons sighed. "Go ahead, say it."

"No, no, no," he protested. "But I'm glad your attitude improved as you were a right stroppy cow in the beginning. I felt bad for your … boys…."

"Was not," Jemma protested.

"Was too! Moo. Moo. Moo. So….I noticed a distinct lack of snogging," Fitz offered.

"FITZ!"

"No snogging. None at all," Fitz mournfully announced. "Good thing they're being forced to date you, because when I date, I anticipated snogging on the first date. And not a dry, auntie kiss, but proper snogging with a great deal of tongue."

"I'm not that type of girl, I don't snog on the first date," Simmons primly stated.

"Especially as you'd have to queue them up in order to snog them. Would it be order of height or age?" Fitz asked before Simmons thwacked him HARD. "What's the next date?"

"Sushi and a Japanese Film Festival," she offered.

"Bluck," Fitz offered as he had an issue with textures. "Raw fish?"

"You're not invited," Jemma informed him. "Nor is Skye."

"Which is good as she's scared of your guys," Fitz insisted. "Coulson arches an eyebrow and she faints. Let's not even talk about how she's terrified of Blake who seems merely to want a decent cup of coffee."

"You mean she's afraid of… my Harem?"

"Harem? I don't think they'll let you keep all three of them," Fitz reminded her. "You get to try them all out and return two of them to the dating pool."

THWACK!

"Jemma, your harem members, they do know that you really haven't dated?" Fitz asked. "I mean, they're men, Jemma, not boys. There may be certain expectations on their end."

"I'm not a virgin, Fitz. I've had sex," protested Jemma. "More than once."

"And he broke your heart by sleeping with half the bloody Academy, male and female."

"I know where all the parts go, Fitz," Simmons snapped. "I won't need a bloody diagram."

She stormed off to her bedroom, as well, she didn't need to be reminded about THAT. Plus she had a fifty seven page questionnaire that needed answering.