DISCLAIMER: I do not own Supernatural. I am very glad Kripke and Co. have allowed us viewers into Dean and Sams lives.
Dean had been watching their old playhouse for some time. He should have headed straight to town, grabbed a few beers and found a woman to go home with. Instead he parked the Impala at Bobby's and walked back to the cottage.
Unable to see what happened to make Sam enter the house, Dean had changed his position in the brush to gain a better view through the side windows. He saw Sam and Lea as they moved throughout the house. Unable to hear what was being said, Dean hoped Sam was learning something new.
Dean was finding it difficult to stay, but was incapable of walking away. Lea's explanation was crap and he didn't believe it. Maybe he just didn't want to believe it. Either way Dean refused to believe Lea left him willingly. There had to be something more to her story. Dean just wasn't sure how to go about getting it out of her.
'There was always his brother' Dean thought.
Sammy was able to get people to talk. From the look on his face when he left, Sam wasn't accepting whatever line Lea had given him either. Dean planned on comparing notes with Sam later.
Dean's resolve to force Lea to tell him the truth weakened when her sobs erupted into the night air. It was gut wrenching and Dean imagined he might have sounded when he had given into his emotions after Sam threw himself into the pit.
While he wasn't sure it was the wisest move, Dean left the brush and raced towards the porch. No matter what she had done in the past, Dean found himself drawn to Lea. She was all alone and he couldn't stand it.
Stepping soundlessly up the steps, Dean's eyes went straight to the old swing. Lea was there, coiled in on herself letting out all her pain and anguish into a pillow. Dean moved swiftly to her, kneeling down and lifting her into his arms.
Startled, Lea tried to pull away until she realized it was Dean's arms around her. His touch was electrifying. She continued to cry as she wound her arms around Dean's welcoming body. Lea had no idea what the near future held, at this point she didn't care.
Holding her again felt so right to Dean. There were no words to describe how much he had missed her. Nothing was more important at this moment in time then to show her how he felt.
Supporting most of her weight, Dean lowered both their bodies down to the waiting swing. Lea sank easily into his side, refusing to let go. With her face buried in his neck, Dean listened silently as Lea's crying transitioned to muffled sobs.
Her breathing became less ragged as Lea's tears began to dry. Still she made no move to release Dean. She didn't know if she could. He had always known when she needed him.
Dean found it hard to speak, but knew they couldn't spend the entire night on the swing.
"Lea we need to move inside. It is getting cold out here and you need to rest."
Dean didn't want to move, but Lea had calmed down and it was time for him to leave. Earlier Lea had tried to make Dean believe she didn't want him around. The way she reacted to his touch told another story. Dean needed time to think, to sort through his feelings.
The tone of Dean's voice let Lea know he was done comforting her. His body had begun to stiffen as he tried to release himself from her grip. Hastily dropping her arms and moving away from Dean's warmth, Lea refused to look at his face. She was supposed to be stronger than this, not let her emotions get the better of her.
Standing on shaky legs, Lea forced herself to walk to the front door.
"Sorry if I ruined your shirt. Thank you for making sure I was alright. I don't deserve your kindness, but I appreciate it."
The words came out strangled. Before Dean could say anything to her, Lea had gone inside and closed the door behind her. Dean was left with a wet shirt and an aching heart. Clearly Lea was hurting too, but Dean couldn't tell if it was because she regretted the past or feared the future.
The walk back to Bobby's had not helped Dean figure it out in his mind. He really needed to talk to both Sam and Bobby, see if they could help him solve the puzzle of Lea. Besides, he still felt like ripping Bobby a new one. Dean didn't let go of anger easily.
Back at Bobby's Sam had warmed up some canned soup and made cheese sandwiches for dinner. He hadn't been surprised that Dean was absent when Sam had returned to the salvage yard. But leaving without the Impala was not something Dean usually did. It meant Dean was distracted and trying to think.
Sam wanted Dean to reappear ready to talk about Lea. He felt like their life was in limbo, not knowing where to turn next. If Sam felt that way, Dean might be even more lost. They needed a plan and making one together is how they worked.
Bobby had made himself scarce, knowing the brothers needed their space. He was giving them time to work through their thoughts and feeling. Bobby had never wanted to be a part of this lie in the first place, but growing closer to the boys over the last few years made his role in this mess harder on them all.
Dean had always hidden behind his smart mouth and quick wit. Even as a young child he had been able to out talk most adults. The only two people to ever bring out the real Dean were Sam and Lea.
Bobby had been so pleased when his niece and the boys had become friends. He hadn't expected love to bloom between Dean and Lea, but it didn't bug him too much either. Now he wished they had never met. All three kids would be better off if Lea had never come to stay that summer.
It was after midnight when Dean entered Bobby's small kitchen. He picked up a dried out sandwich Sam had left out, passing up the congealed green soup setting nearby. Grabbing a beer out of the old fridge, Dean walked lazily towards the livingroom. Maybe he would watch an old monster movie or just stretch out on the lumpy sofa and fall asleep.
Unfortunately Sam was already snoozing there; legs flopped over the end of the too short makeshift bed. 'Damn' Sam wanted to talk like girls and share their feelings. Why did his brother act more like a chic then a guy in these kinds of situations?
Nudging Sam's feet with his hip to wake him, Dean sat down heavily in the old recliner to the left of the sofa. He was exhausted, but wanted to get this out of the way. Dean was in no mood to listen to Sam bitch at him tomorrow.
Realizing Dean was in the room, Sam shot up to a sitting position looking at Dean to get a feel for his brother's mood. Sam knew Dean was not good at sharing his feelings, but they had been through so much in the last few years. Keeping everything bottled up had caused both of them to make some very bad decisions.
"Where were you?" Sam asked groggily.
Glancing up from his food, Dean looked perturbed.
"I could ask you the same Sammy. Where did you disappear to today? Learning anything interesting?"
Dean took a big swallow cold beer and watched for Sam to answer.
Sam ran his hands through his hair and steadied himself. He wasn't sure Dean would like his answer, but absolutely knew the truth was the best way to go. Lea had lost the right to privacy by refusing to be honest with them.
"I was walking around the woods, clearing my head when I had another vision. Before you say anything, just hear me out." Sam said defensively.
He could see Dean getting worked up, ready to focus on Sam's needs rather than his own. Dean was alarmed by the returning visions, but Sam was downright terrified of them. There was no way to know why they had returned or if the visions could be trusted.
Swinging his feet to the floor, Sam leaned forward, elbows braced on his knees. He was as tired as Dean looked and didn't want to drag this out.
"I saw Lea crying out in pain and felt the urge to help her, so I did. I ran to her place and found her struggling to wake up from what turned out to be a vision."
Sam waited to see if Dean had anything to say. His gaze intensified, but Dean said nothing. His brother was having a hard time hearing that both Sam and Lea were having visions.
"Dude, I had no idea about her visions until today. After you left Bobby filled in a few more detail. Lea began having visions about 8 months before she left. They really freaked her out I think she saw something that made her leave."
Dean was speechless. Looking back he could now see Lea had changed some before the fire. She had begun to spend less time with Dean in the months preceding the blaze, but he had thought that was due to their busy schedules. He was gone more hunting with Dad and she had been taking art classes at the local college. Had Dean really missed how unhappy Lea had been?
"Why didn't she tell me? I could have helped her deal with them." Dean said more to himself then to Sam.
"For some reason Lea chose to deal with it all on her own. Bobby doesn't even know the whole story. I don't think anybody does."
Sam wanted Dean to realize he did nothing wrong. It wasn't his fault Lea walked out. She had the chance to talk to any number of people about her visions, to figure out what they meant. Running away wasn't her only option.
"Did you know she left me a letter, under my pillow, the night before the fire?" Dean wanted to hear how much Sam knew about Lea.
Bobby had told Sam about a letter, but he hadn't said what was in it. Sam had assumed Lea broke up with Dean, but he wasn't going to ask his brother for details. If Dean wanted to share, Sam would listen no matter how uncomfortable it made him.
Dean turned his head away from Sam, trying to hide his distress. Squeezing his eyes shut, Dean kind of wished all of this would just go away. Revealing moments of hurt and humiliation was not something that guys did. Dean would have preferred Sam not have access to all of his inner most feelings.
Dean started, "I didn't notice the letter until early the next morning when I woke up to it stuck to my face. I was excited at first because I thought it might me a steamy love letter. With the first few words I felt my whole world caving in around me."
Unable to finish, Dean slammed his plate down on the book littered coffee table. Leaning forward with his face masked by his hands, Dean tried to steady himself.
Acknowledging how devastated he had been by Lea's rejection was one of the hardest things Dean had ever done. Sam had always known his brother felt emotions deeply, but Dean rarely let them show. He seemed to think it made him a weak, less capable person.
"She didn't try to sugar coat it; didn't try make me feel better or nothin'. Lea said she wasn't going to marry me, was no longer in love with me and was leaving town. She wanted away from hunting and everything to do with it."
Dean found himself getting angrier the longer he kept talking. Sam also heard pain and disbelief in his brother's voice. He had not known his brother had asked Lea to marry him. Sam wasn't sure what to say to Dean, he had no words to help his brother's heart stop aching.
"I loved her so much and was so sure I could change her mind. I had to see her, make her realize how much she loved me too."
Dean was now looking straight into Sam's eyes. His entire face was a canvas, a picture of heartbreak and loss. His green eyes were clouded in pain; furrows of worry were etched his forehead.
"I saw the smoke and heard the fire trucks way before I turned down her road. As bad as I was feeling before it was nothing compared to hearing she was dead. At least alive I could have force her to talk to me, explain how I could fix things."
Dean had moved from the recliner to stand before the unlit fireplace. Sam was left staring at Deans back. He could see his brother's muscles tight with strain under his t-shirt. Sam knew Dean wanted to hit something, make something pay for all the hurt he was feeling.
"I don't think I can forgive her Sammy. I could never trust her again. Yet tonight when I saw Lea all I wanted to do was kiss her, hold her and make her mine again." Dean's words showed how emotionally fragile he really was.
"Listen Dean, I can't pretend I know what you are going through, but I know what it feels like to lose the woman you love. It hurts so bad you know dying would be easier. Having your guts ripped out would feel better than taking another breath without her."
Sam moved from the sofa to stand behind his brother. Grasping Dean's shoulder, Sam tried to show his support without a bunch of mushy words he knew Dean wouldn't appreciate.
"Don't doubt that she loved you. She did man, everyone could see it. Lea wouldn't be hurting now too if she didn't care. We need to figure out why she did it."
Dean turned, gave Sam a look that said 'Thanks man, I don't know what I would do without you.' Swiftly Dean maneuvered around his brother and headed towards to stairs.
Without stopping, Dean said, "I am done being a mushy sap tonight Sam. I am headed to bed."
Sam knew Dean needed some space, so he settled himself back down on the old sofa. He needed to think things over too, work out a plan. Maybe Bobby would have some suggestions on how to get Lea to talk.