Mmmm... don't hate me for this, I'm just letting y'all know that this chapter should be up by May 16 or 17, I'm so sorry for the hiatus but we've been really pissed about Season 3 but the finale is on Thursday and we're starting to accept where JRoth took the season... We are buckling down this weekend, we swear!

XOX JSull and BbyJ

Another update, I am so sorry, there's this scene that we just CAN'T get through—but we swear it's totally worth it—and it should be up within the next few days. This weekend at the latest!

:* BbyJ

OKay everybody, here it is... Chapter 10, probably the most frustrating chapter we had, but I swear, there's more Bellarke than there was in the Season 3 finale last night. Ugh the hand holding and everything Murphy and the Kabby hug, Kane regrets everything he did and it was beautiful and glorious but I have a massive bruise on the back of my hand from holding back a yell every 2 seconds because all the angst and build up was too much for me, everything I wanted in the season finales rn though I didn't like where they took the season at all and I love how they set up season 4 though I'm also hoping that Ally was just showing Clarke the past in hopes that Clarke would do what she wanted. But it's Clarke and she does what she needs to in order to protect her people.

And end rant. Happy reading, JSull.

Clarke rolled over and woke herself up when she rolled into a hard body next to her. She felt the sun on her face through the tent fabric before opening her eyes and found a mess of curly black hair in her face. Bellamy, she sighed, glad to know he didn't wake up obnoxiously early and leave her alone, again.

Again she sighed and watched him sleep for a few minutes before feeling restless.

She sat up and didn't want to leave him but she couldn't stay, she needed to stand, to walk around. She crawled out of the tent slowly before she felt his hand around her wrist.

Clarke looked back at Bellamy and grimaced at his lazy smile. "You can leave me but I can't leave you?"

"No, just stay with me for a while," he grumbled and Clarke grumbled, laying back down next to him as he pulled her closer. Clarke laid there with her head on Bellamy's chest until they heard the rustling of leaves outside, and low voices letting them know that Miller and Jaiko were awake.

"We should go and get ready to leave."

"Clarke," he smirked.

"What?"

"Good morning," he smiled up at her.

Clarke grimaced, "I'm sorry, good morning."

"Now, what part of this journey are we getting to today?"

Clarke grimaced, she hated this part the first time and she's going to hate it even more the second time around. "The graveyard, then we're going to a bunker and you're all getting heavier jackets because you are all going to freeze in Ice Nation territory. Oh, and if any of you leave the camps that I choose, you're dead."

"We're dead?" Bellamy smirked.

"Yes, I befriended one of their scouts whose parents were taken by Mount Weather and thanked me for ending the torture. She allowed me to get through their territory and I think if we stop at her post for a brief hour, we won't be fighting them our whole way."

"An Ice Nation scout?"

"Niylah, yeah," Clarke blushed, remembering her time with Niylah, hoping Bellamy didn't notice.

"Niylah," Bellamy repeated with an edge and sat up. "We should go out and start packing."

Clarke nodded, she knew what he was thinking, she knows him. No amount of time apart would change that. She knows he doesn't fully trust her, he doesn't want her out of his sight, but he still cares for her, lets his guard down. It killed her to leave him last mon—year—but she had to. She couldn't look at their faces, barely can now but she mans up and does it because it has to be done. She missed his face, that scar above his lip…she's always wondered about it, the story there, it had to have happened on the Ark, he had it the day they landed.

They climbed out of the tent and Miller stared at them with a knowing smirk. "What does Miller know?" she whispered to Bellamy.

"You've been gone a year and he's my best friend, he knows everything."

Clarke nodded nervously and started packing up their tent. When she finished, she went over to the tent Lincoln and Jaiko stayed in last night and started packing that up and Jaiko came over.

"You okay?" he asked folding the tent, helping her.

"It's weird, I was so used to turning to Bellamy when I needed someone to back me up and then I didn't have him for five weeks and I know that I talked to myself hoping that I knew his responses when I barely knew him three months. I was gone a year and I don't remember it at all. What did I do? How can I be with him without knowing what I've done?"

"You do, somehow but you're protecting yourself, you did something you don't want to remember because we don't have the ability to alter minds."

"Well, that's reassuring. I could have hit my head and forgotten whatever it was but it's a year."

"You know, the harder you search for what you can't find, the less likely you'll find it," Jaiko said folding the tent into the back pack.

Four hours later they were in the middle of the graveyard and Jaiko and Lincoln were rushing through while Bellamy, Miller, and Clarke were behind, trying not to step on the bones.

"What happened here?" Miller asked.

"I think it was a battle but I can't be completely sure," Clarke said. They were in the middle of an open field with bones scattered about. She knows it's an Ice Nation warning, she's been here before, she knows what to expect.

The bunker is another hour from the graveyard and when they got there Clarke tried hiding her drawing on the back wall. All the faces she remembered from Mount Weather, she was paying tribute, a memorial to their genocide. She had no idea what Jasper was planning, she regretted not waiting a minute to let Jasper get to Cage, but she had no clue, she should have watched the video feed a little closer, seen what Jasper was doing. Maybe they could have prevented all this.

She thought about Jaiko's words, the harder you search for what you can't find, the less likely you'll find it. The young grounder had a point, if she kept digging through her mind to try and find the past year she's not going to find it, she should enjoy the journey to the lake that's in Azgeda territory. She should be excited about seeing Niylah and…Bellamy…

"Bellamy!" she called through the bunker, and Miller pointed to the back room where the mural was and she ran.

"How long?" he asked after a few minutes of silence, still staring at the mural.

"Three days."

"Three…Clarke," he grumbled.

"This is why I didn't want you in here, I knew you'd do this."

"You drew all of their faces, Clarke, why? Did you think it would help you? Please tell me that's the reason because if not… if it isn't, I'm more worried about your sanity than I was before."

It stung, Clarke admitted but she knew Bellamy, his venom is saved up for the people he cares about most, the people whose lives he can't imagine losing. Octavia, Miller, Raven, Monty, Kane, Clarke and Raven being at the top, the rest of the delinquents, as they've dubbed themselves and Clarke's mother, Dr. Abby Griffin. But those people also knew how to throw it right back at him. Clarke scoffed, knowing Bellamy all too well, "You're blindly following me through Azgeda territory, who's sanity is farther gone, Bellamy?"

"You painted a mural as a memorial!" he accused.

"It was a year ago, Bellamy!"

"Which is weeks to you, Clarke. You think you've been gone a few weeks, I thought you died. I thought you'd have come back in a month or two and you just didn't. I thought I lost my best friend. And it turns out I did. She has this huge secret that she doesn't even know!"

"Float you, Bellamy!"

"You wish, Princess," he spat back at her and she shoved him hard and he crashed into the mural and latched onto Clarke's wrist giving her this glare that scared the shit out of her. He's only ever given her that look once before, when he was hell bent on getting the wristband off her wrist that told her mother that she was alive and safe. Their first few days on the ground, her last days with Wells. Not that she was aware of that but it was the look that she's always gotten from Murphy. She didn't know what she's ever done to him aside being born The Princess.

"Bellamy, you're hurting me," she whimpered and glanced down at her wrist in his tight grasp through watery eyes but somehow the pain also sent a shockwave of euphoria through her body and stopped at her core.

His eyes followed her gaze and loosened his grip. "Princess," he sighed, almost pleading.

"No, Bellamy," she choked. "You can't have it both ways. It's either endearing or spiteful, you can't use it both ways," she cried, a tear escaping down her cheek.

"I—I'm sorry, Clarke." He looked into her eyes, gingerly lifting her chin to show her how sincere he was.

"We can't push me to remember what happened Bellamy," she stated seriously. "I want to desperately but I have to stop trying to duplicate what I did last year, stop trying to force my memory back. It's not as important as being alive and here." Clarke the euphoria subsiding and she's missed the feeling, she needed it to stay, the last time was Finn before Mount Weather, before he… Clarke craved the feeling and Bellamy is her only option. That's real romantic Clarke, she told herself before adding, "With you."

"Clarke—?" Bellamy asked, confused and anxious.

"A little pain is worth a whole lot of pleasure," she smirked, pulling his face closer to hers.

Bellamy brought a large hand up to cup her delicate and sliced face. He saw the wheels churning behind her eyes, it seems as though they never stop no matter how hard she tried. She leaned her forehead against his and they stayed like that for a few minutes, thinking the things that they couldn't seem to speak. They pushed their wants and needs into each other's heads and Clarke slowly tilted her lips up to him.

Their lips met once, slight and hesitant and nervous. They broke the kiss and wrapped their arms around each other, each movement in sync, like they always were. He held her, making sure not to hurt her because that will never be his intention with Clarke, she knows that and was grateful but she needed him.

They kiss again, lips colliding frantic and tongues twist and taste as Bellamy trapped her against the wall, pressing himself up against her. Bellamy tears the leather jacket off her shoulders, pushing it down her arms, forcing her to release him without relinquishing his hold on her lips before pushing her shirt off her shoulder and leaned in, biting roughly at her neck.

"God, Clarke," he growled as he nipped at her collarbone and Clarke groans, pulling his shirt up, trying to get it off of him, to feel the heat radiating from his body and he finally lets her and it drops to the floor somewhere behind him. She fists one hand in his hair to keep him close, pulled at his curls when he trailed his teeth across her jaw, back to her lips and she scratched her nails down his back. He managed to press closer, his hand still at her hip, keeping her anchored against the wall, his right slipping under her shirt, teasing her stomach at the button of her jeans. Her stomach fluttered at the angelic touch of his fingers and she pulls his hair hard with the smallest whimper passing through her lips.

"Relax, Princess, we're good." Bellamy pulled back, and hoisted her up, legs wrapping around his waist as he pressed her back against the wall. God, she can feel him hard and pulsing against her clit.

"Bellamy," she moans into his shoulder and bit down on the muscles there. She grabbed onto his bicep and dug her nails in, causing Bellamy to groan into her cleavage as he kissed down her neck to her breasts. She arched into his hot, solid body, shifting her hips, causing more friction and she whimpered, she needed him. "Fuck, Bell," she groaned again, feeling his muscles in his arms flex in need as he ground his hips into her and damn is it hot.

"Mm, Princess," Bellamy sighed, somehow managing to get even harder as they ground their hips into each other and he needed more, he reached behind her and grabbed her ass, grinding harder, fully knowing that there's a bed right behind him but afraid that moving her will make her change her mind. His lips crashed back down over hers and bit down hard, pulling on the dark curls, hard before kissing the sting away as Clarke groaned into his mouth. Clarke's fingers tugged on the hairs at the nape of his neck, holding his head steady as she slid her tongue between his lips and ground down harder and faster into his groin.

"I can't, Bell, I can't," she begged. "Please!"

He leans his full weight into her and presses her heavily into the wall. Bracing her on his thighs, he slides his left hand up to cup her tits. His thumb found her nipple through her bra and she whimpered at the feeling of it.

"Bellamy," she pleaded, but his mouth is back on her own, even as he loosened her legs from their hold on his hips and placed her back on the floor.

She knocked her head back against the wall and trails her hands down to tug at the hem of her shirt. He smirks, grazing his fingers against her hips, teasing her and she let out another whimper that shot straight down Bellamy's back to his cock. She groaned impatiently and yanked the shirt off over her head and Bellamy's fingertips ghosted over her ribs, avoiding the skin that craved his touch.

Clarke smirked as she unbuckled his belt, scratching at the skin under his waistband.

"Mmm," Bellamy yearned. He flicked his thumb over her bra-clad nipple and smirked at the noise Clarke released just before he bent down and kissed her again, he couldn't get enough of her lips. They're intoxicating. It's steamy and dirty and Clarke swooped her tongue into his mouth as she released the button of his pants, pushing him away to see the look on his face. His eyes were dark with lust, waiting for her to take control.

Clarke leaned down over Bellamy and kissed him chastely, sliding her hand down over his chest and abs and straight into his boxers. She wrapped her hand around him and made a small pump. His eyes grow dark as she touched him with tantalizing strokes, tracing her thumb around the head of his cock and smearing the precum at the tip. She released him and pulled the hem of his boxers down, Bellamy raised his hips to help.

Bellamy looked into Clarke's eyes with a feral stare. "My turn," he smirked and flipped them over, pressing a sweet kiss on Clarke's lips as he lifted her Ark-issued, too tight bra over her head as he kissed down her neck.

He kissed her again, open mouthed and messy and she moaned into it. He slid his hands up from her waist and grabbed at her tits, cupping them. He worked his thumbs over her nipples, flicking them hard and fast and completely perfect, forming the tight peaks. The feeling is rough and hot and lit up Clarke's body so that she gasped over and over against Bellamy's lips, barely able to kiss him back.

"I know that feels good." His cock falls against her pelvic bone, teasing her blonde patch of hair there and Clarke stroked it, rubbing it between her hand and the soft hairs and Bellamy breathed out her name into the nape of her neck.

He wondered what she tasted like it didn't dare push it . He usually would but he didn't feel for anyone like he did her, he never wondered about any other girl. He let go of one of her tits and forked his fingers into his hair. And exposed her neck pressing kisses and sucking on her sensitive skin getting that one spot that drives her insane while he trailed his other hand down over her ribs down to her hips, clutching her skin and the waistband of her panties.

"I want… Bell," Clarke gasped, she craved him, wanted him to touch her. Treat her like one of his conquests, another notch in his belt. She liked him, has since their heart to heart four months—sixteen months—ago in the middle of the words. There was some connection there when he said he wasn't a good guy and she reassured him that there are no good guys. He rubbed her the wrong way back then, somewhat blamed him for Wells's death when she knew it was Charlotte she even tried sparing the twelve year old's life. The girl's demons consumed her like Clarke's guilt did but Clarke didn't take the easy way out, she didn't kill herself though there were many chances, she even thought about it the night with Niylah. Before Niylah helped her lose her inhibitions and made her forget everything l, no matter how fleeting it was, Clarke still felt the fight within her. Her fight to live.

Clarke shook the memory out of her head, she's with Bellamy now. Bellamy Blake that has irritated her for months but had this intense connection with that was almost palpable. She tried so hard that first month to keep away from him, to not feel the draw she had to him. When she was taken by Mount Weather, the first thing she thought was if he was okay, if he made it out because if he was out there then he would do everything he could to save them and bring them home.

Home, Clarke though wondering what her meaning of the word was, him or her mother. She scoffed and Bellamy's kisses stopped at the noise. "I thought I turned your brain off," he grimaced, watching her intently.

"You did, I'm here," she smirked at him and tried pulling him back down to her lips but he was too strong a match for her.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Bell, come on. Don't," Clarke sighed but knew Bellamy wasn't going to give this up. This dynamic was new to them but they still somehow knew what the other was thinking.

"Then tell me, Clarke, because I was actually happy. For the first time since coming to Earth, I was happy because I was with you and you disappeared on me again." He shoved himself up and stood on the floor, finding his boxers and slipped them on.

Clarke grabbed his wrist and he shied away. "Bellamy," she pleaded, her voice strained as he glared down at her in her naked glory. She didn't feel a bit of shame or embarrassment because this was Bellamy. She cared for him so much, relied on him and knew that whatever decision she's made was the right one once he backed it. "I was…" Clarke sighed and licked her lips, tasting Bellamy on her, his salty sweat, the cherries he ate earlier that day. She smelled his musk, intoxicating her in her dazed state of everything Bellamy but she didn't notice when he put his undershirt back on.

"Bellamy, please, I… I was thinking about our first month here, how we were always at each other's throats, you wanted to cut my hand off for the damn wristband but then a few hours later you saved me from the trap as we tried to save Jasper—when we saved him. I was thinking about home and what it meant for me. I don't know, Bell," she stifled back a sob before she even knew they were there two tears fell down her cheeks.

Bellamy sat on the edge of the bed and wiped them away. "We are your home, Raven, Monty, Jasper, Octavia, Abby, Kane, Lincoln," he paused, and she saw his own wheels turning. "Me," he added softly.

"I—I know, I just thought that, out of all the places that I've lived, the Dropship is the one place I think of when I think of home. It's where I met you, where I got to know you, the real you, Bellamy, not the façade you hide behind with the others. I wish we could just go back there, you and me. Not fighting people, not worrying about everything and just live, hunt and farm and…" Clarke looked at the ground, not knowing what she was going to say next because it's a big declaration.

She wants to live with him, be with him, alone, everyday. She didn't care if he loved her, she needed her best friend, her biggest confidante. She needed Bellamy more than she'd ever thought to admit.

"We lost track of time, Clarke, it's nearly dusk," Bellamy said avoiding her eyes.

Clarke watched him as he stood, half dressed and frustrated before she climbed off the bed and pulled her panties back on, avoiding everything Bellamy Blake.

OMG! I'm dying, JSull did the last half all by herself and though with a few revisions on my part, I believe she did a glorious job! Chapter 11 is in the works and idk if I should bring in a spoiler or just leave it be.

I'm choosing to leave it be. Now that I'm done torturing my angst ridden self, I'm going to go make Mac and cheese for dinner.

Kisses, BbyJ