Chapter 10
If you can pinpoint the exact moment that the world begin to shift, the minute that things changed irrevocably., the hour things stopped making sense, then you can claim to be a master at manipulating time. Time is a very precarious thing. So much so that pinpointing seconds, minutes, hours of one's life is only circumspect. It only takes a moment for everything you have ever known to change.
The lights were off in the hospital room, and they took it to mean he was sleeping. There was no sign of anyone sitting by his bedside, no glowing computer screen, and no head resting on the bar of the bed. They were shocked to find the room empty, the machines silent, and no trace of their son anywhere in sight. Had he been moved? Was he already being prepped for surgery? Had something happened that made it necessary to do so without telling them first? The nurse on duty didn't seem to know what was going on, and the doctor was inconspicuously missing.
"You're Damian Grimaldi correct?" the nurse asked politely.
"Yes."
"This was left for you," she said handing him an envelope with his name printed on it.
Damian took the missive, and thanked the woman before walking away from the front desk.
"What is it?" Lily inquired as she watched him open the envelope.
Damian took a seat in the waiting room, distracted momentarily from the search for his missing son. Lily sat beside him and together they read the note.
Dear Sir,
By the time you get this note I will be long gone. I am respecting your wishes and pulling myself out of Luke's life. Let Lily know that I have resigned from my position at the station and I will never set foot in Oakdale again. Do what you need to do to remove me from Luke's memory for I believe that would be best for him. Don't try to find me, and I will not try to contact Luke, you have my word on that. Take care of him Damian; he's going to need you.
Sincerely,
Noah.
"That is good news," Damian said folding the letter and placing it in his pocket. "That boy can't influence our son anymore."
"But Luke responded to him, Damian."
"Even he said Luke would be better off without him, Lily. I thought we were in agreement on this."
Lily pursed her lips and nodded. "I only want what's best for Luke."
"Let's go find our son," Damian said placing a hand on top of hers.
Lily was starting to get worried when they couldn't find him. They checked radiology to see if maybe he had gone for more tests. They checked the schedule for the O.R. His surgery was scheduled for that next morning. Everyone they asked didn't seem to have any answers, until finally they caught up with Dr. Hamilton.
"I was just coming to find you two," Dr. Hamilton commented. "I thought you decided to go ahead with the surgery?"
"We did," Lily said looking at Damian. It's on the schedule for tomorrow…we were just about to ask you if you have seen Luke. He's not in his room, so we wondered if there were some last minute tests we didn't' know about."
"Your son isn't scheduled for a surgery tomorrow, Mrs. Snyder."
"What do you mean we just signed all the paper work," Damian snapped.
"He can't be prepped for surgery if he is not here," Dr. Hamilton explained. "Your son is no longer in this hospital.
"Is Abby meeting us here?" Luke asked as the three men headed for the baggage claim area. "And what are we going to do about clothes and everything? I didn't see any luggage. Are we staying for a very long time or just a visit?"
"I think your dad needs to call your sister," Noah explained. "But I must say, you ask a lot of questions."
"I'm sorry," Luke frowned. "Do you want me to stop?"
"No," Noah said smiling. "I like hearing you talk, and I love that you seem to be feeling better."
"I think you have something to do with that, Noah. I feel better than I have in days…weeks even. But I know something is wrong with me…thank you for making me feel normal."
"You boys find someplace to eat," Holden said interrupting their conversation. He pulled out his wallet but Noah shook his head.
"I'll take care of the bill sir; you just give Abby a call and meet us over at the Arrival Café."
"Sounds like a plan to me," Holden said putting his wallet back in his pocket. I'll be right back."
"You don't have to thank me, Luke," Noah said resuming their conversation as they headed for the café. "As far as I am concerned you are normal. Now what would you like to eat?"
"Whatever you have I guess," Luke said frowning at the menu. "What time is it anyway?"
"Well here," Noah said looking at his watch, "it's just after midnight. It's actually after two back in Chicago. Go have a seat; I will get you something light, since you haven't really been eating anything solid."
"Okay," Luke said heading over to the table Noah had pointed out. Noah watched him sit down and a frown crossed his features as Luke folded his hands in front of him and looked around uncertainly. It was anyone's guess what he was looking for, but Noah could sense that he was still scared. He had to be called twice before he realized that it was his turn to place an order. He dared to take his eyes off of Luke for a moment, to order three sandwiches and three coffees, and water. He paid for the food and turned to watch his friend as he waited for their order.
Holden came in as he watched, and Luke visibly jumped when the older man touched his shoulder. Noah could only assume that Holden had asked about his whereabouts because Luke turned and pointed straight at him. Luke was getting fidgety and Noah deduced that it may be best to get their food and get out of there. He was still watching Luke and Holden when his order was called. He thanked the cashier and balanced the bag of sandwiches and the cup holder with the drinks as he made his way to the table.
"I'll help with that," Luke said coming toward him.
"Whoa, Luke, slow down," Noah cautioned as he handed Luke the sandwiches so he could grab the cup holder. The bag fell to the floor and Luke bent down to pick it up. "You okay?" Noah asked as Luke stood with the bag in his hands.
"I don't like it in here," Luke said looking around again as if he were searching for something. He clutched the bag tightly and Noah was concerned that he may be smashing the food.
"Luke," he said placing the drinks on a nearby table, "easy," he placed a hand on Luke's arm willing him to relax. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Holden stand and come over toward them. Holden picked up the drinks while Noah stayed focused on Luke. "No one's going to harm you here okay?" Noah whispered so only Luke could hear. "Just relax and take my hand, we're going to get out of here."
Luke loosened his grip on the sandwiches and did as he was instructed. He held tightly to Noah's hand as they followed Holden out of the café. He felt a little better once they were outside in the balmy California air. Still he held tightly to Noah's hand as Holden hailed a cab for them, and once again his friend assured him that he was going to be fine. The adventure was continuing, and Luke tried to keep that in mind as they climbed into the car.
He didn't' say much during the car ride. He didn't touch his food either. His dad and Noah ate, but he just looked out the window. He was hungry, but he was too nervous to eat anything. On one hand he was excited to see the sister he hadn't seen in ages. He missed her, and wondered how much had changed since he last saw her. He knew he was different, and that was what scared him. What would Abby think of him? Would she even like him? Would she want nothing to do with him, or think he was too weird? There were so many what ifs, and he truly didn't know if he was ready for them.
Noah glanced at his friend and frowned. He didn't regret what they were doing, not one bit; however he was worried at how much stress this was putting on Luke. He didn't have the heart to tell his friend that he was squeezing his hand just a little too hard. Noah didn't mind, he could stand the pain if it gave Luke some semblance of comfort. He was worried too about where they were going. He knew that Holden didn't foresee anything amiss about going to stay with Abby, but Noah still worried. He didn't want someone to take his place in Luke's world. He liked being Luke's center and he really didn't want that to change.
He knew it was selfish of him to think like that…after all coming to California was supposed to be about helping Luke…that was it. And if coming to see his sister was going to help, then Noah would go along with it. He figured he'd have to have a severe talk with Abby though, so that she knew what she was getting herself into.
Luke was still squeezing Noah's hand when they arrived in front of a sprawling ranch-style home. Holden paid the cabdriver as Noah helped Luke out the car. Somehow he convinced Luke to take a hold of his left hand for a moment, while he shook out the right one, attempting to get the blood flowing again.
"Sorry Noah," Luke said frowning as he watched him. "I guess I was holding on too tightly. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Don't worry about it," Noah sighed, kicking himself for allowing Luke to see that. "I'm fine; you just need to relax, okay?"
"I'm just scared," Luke admitted as they followed Holden to the door. "I don't know what to expect. Do you think I should let go of your hand? Will she think that it's weird that I want to hold on?" Luke was sincerely worried about Abby's reaction to them, and Noah didn't know what to tell him. He had no idea how Luke' sister would react.
"Let's just wait and see," Noah said squeezing Luke's hand as Holden knocked on the door. A few minutes passed before footsteps could be heard coming to the door. No sooner had the door opened then Luke hid behind Noah, peeking out like a kid hiding behind his father's legs. Noah kept his gaze forward, taking in the sight of the petite girl with light brown hair.
"Oh you can't hide from me, Luke Snyder," the girl laughed as she went right around Noah and pulled Luke into a bear hug. "Who gave you permission to grow taller than me," she said when she pulled back to look at him."
Noah watched Luke pull away completely and bow his head. "I'm sorry," he said, backing away until he was by Noah's side again.
"It's okay Luke," Noah tried to soothe. "She's not blaming you for anything, are you?" he looked pointedly at Abby. He was aware that his words sounded a lot harsher then he intended them to, but he was in defensive mode and Luke's feelings were all he cared about at the moment.
"No," Abby answered immediate. "I'm not blaming Luke at all. Luke," she said focusing her eyes on her brother, "it has been so long since I last saw you and you have grown into a very handsome young man. Do you think maybe your favorite big sister could have a hug?"
"I already gave you a hug," Luke said not budging from his spot beside Noah.
"Maybe we should all head inside," Holden spoke up, ushering everyone in so they could close and lock Abby's door.
"Dad," Abby said turning to her father, "Maybe you better tell me what's going on, and why Luke is so scared to have me hug him. And furthermore, who is the guy he is attached at the hip to? I don't think I have ever met him?"
"His name is Noah," Luke announced, before retreating back into his shell. "Sorry, you weren't speaking to me."
"Luke, you have nothing to be sorry for," Abby said softly. "I am just trying to figure out who he is, so I can welcome him properly. No need to get upset."
"He's…he's my friend," Luke said shyly. "You will welcome him right Abby. I don't think I can do this without him?"
"Of course Noah is welcome here," Abby assured him. "Any friend of yours is always welcome here. Now why don't we go into the living room where we can get comfortable and you guys can explain what's going on and how I can help."
"Is it really late here?" Luke asked Noah as they followed Abby into the living room. Noah checked his watch and shook his head in answer to Luke's query.
"It's just after 1 in the morning, Luke. Just an hour past when we got off the plane."
"Oh, Okay," Luke said yawning.
"Come on, have a seat," Noah said pulling him over to the couch. Luke sat down and Noah sat beside him. Abby sat in one of the chairs, while Holden took the recliner. "Is this going to take long," Noah asked. "He's tired and it's been a long day."
"You know what, Dad can fill me in on the basics, and then tomorrow morning, when we are all fresh, we can sit down and talk about what is going on, and how I can help. Luke, how about I fix up my guest room for you and Noah. And dad," she said turning her attention to her father, "We can work out your sleeping arrangements in a little bit."
"Sounds like a plan to me," Holden agreed. "I know Luke is exhausted, and Noah will take care of him. Just tell them where to go, and then you and I can talk."
"Just don't talk about me," Luke said yawning again. He let go of Noah's hand and rubbed his eyes, yawning once more.
"Someone's still on Central time," Noah chuckled. "Just tell me where everything is, Abby, I don't' mind setting up and getting him to bed."
"The linens on the bed are fresh so you won't have to change those. Let me get an extra blanket for you, and then you guys should be all set. I hope you don't mind sleeping in the same bed, but I only have the one guest room, sorry."
"That's alright," Noah said pulling Luke to his feet. "We'll figure out. It was nice meeting you Abby, have a good night." Luke looked at Abby over his shoulder as Noah led him away, but he didn't say anything. He was still a little spooked.
Holden frowned as he watched his son and Noah walk away. It was already obvious to him that this was going to be harder then he thought. "So," he said turning to Abby, "how have you been?"
"Okay, Dad," Abby said facing her father head on. "I'm good, things are going well here, but you didn't bring Luke and Noah out here to see how I'm doing." She waited a beat before continuing. "Tell me what's going on, please. I want to know what happened to my happy go lucky little brother, who now is hiding behind someone and won't meet my eyes."
"A lot has changed since you left, Abby," Holden explained with a sigh. "I'm not even sure where to start, but it's needless to say that Luke's life has altered significantly, especially with in the past year, and actually we're trying to figure out what's wrong with him. He was away from us for a year, and originally, I thought he was in rehab, but it's becoming quite apparent that wasn't the case. They wanted to do brain surgery on him back home, but his problem isn't physical, and frankly, Abby I don't think Luke could handle another surgery and Noah and I agreed that we couldn't put him through that."
"But Dad, what are you hoping to accomplish by bringing him to L.A."
"This is the last place Lily would think to look," Holden explained. "Besides I thought you could be good for him, because you don't have any expectations of how he should be acting. And besides that I miss you…and I miss him. I thought this trip could help us both."
"I have missed you too," Abby admitted sadly. "And I have to say that I don't like the Luke who came in here tonight. That's not my brother who came in here and I want him back. I will do everything I can to help. You are so right; this is the last place Lily will look for you."
"Just don't let Luke hear you say that, okay? I think you and Noah are going to be the ones he trusts. At least I am hoping he will be able to trust you. Me not so much. I'm still trying to understand what's going on in my son's head…he's not the boy I raised anymore, and if Noah is correct about where he was sent…then someone is going to have a lot of explaining to do.
"What do you mean by that, Dad?" Abby asked a frown crossing her lips. "Where has Luke been and why doesn't he trust you anymore?"
"I don't know why he doesn't' trust me, but if Noah's reaction is any indication, my son believes that I sent him away. As I already told you, I thought Luke was in Rehab but there seems to be a whole cover up here, Abby. And that's what Noah and I are trying to figure out. It would seem that Luke sent letters telling us he wanted to come home…but these were letters we never got. And the letters he received from me…" Holden trailed off and shook his head. "It's all a big mess. Have you ever heard of the Kreeger foundation?"
"No, I don't think so. Who is this Kreeger person? And more importantly what can I do to help?"
"There are a few things you can do actually," Holden said his expression thoughtful. "In fact you are helping out a lot by offering us your home, so thank you. Luke is going to need all the help we can give him, so I am hoping that being around you will help some…though now I see he is as apprehensive around you as he was about girls back home."
"Maybe it's just because he's tired," Abby suggested. "After all it has been an eventful day. Do you think being around Noah is a help or a hindrance?"
"Noah has been a godsend ever since Luke came home," Holden explained. "The fact that we are even here, and that Luke spoke to you at all, is all thanks to Noah. We definitely don't want to try to distance him from Noah."
""Okay, Dad," Abby conceded. "I'll take your word for it, but I am going to watch him, and if he seems to not be helping I will call him on it."
"Thanks Abby. Do you have any other questions for me? Or can we talk more in the morning?"
"Oh gosh, Dad. I am so sorry; I don't know what I was thinking. You must be exhausted; anything else can wait till morning. Let me get you a blanket and you can sleep here on the couch tonight. Tomorrow I will go and get a couple of inflatable mattresses for you and Noah."
Holden pulled his daughter up and enveloped her in a tight bear hug. "I've missed you so much," he said pulling her away so he could look at her. "Don't worry about me, just go get some sleep…and we'll talk tomorrow. And thank you."
"Dad, you know I love you right? I have missed you too, and now I can see just how much I have missed with my brother, and that makes me very sad. We'll work this out, Dad. I promise."
Holden pulled his daughter in for another hug and held her there for a long moment. He felt that he had made the right decision in bringing Luke out here. Maybe it would be a good move for all of them. He pressed his lips against his daughter's forehead and took her hands into his. "I hope you're right Abby. But either way, I want you to know I'm proud of you…now go to bed. We have a lot of years to make up for, and we have to be able to help Luke. I'll see you in the morning."
"Good night, dad. I love you."
Holden watched his daughter walk toward her bedroom and he sighed. For a moment his eyes wandered to the guest room, and he decided it wouldn't hurt to check on the boys. He quietly went over to the door and poked his head in, smiling at the sight before him. His son was wrapped in the blanket while Noah was lying on top of it. Noah was turned slightly with his arm wrapped around Luke like a shield protecting him from harm.
It was dark when Luke opened his eyes and felt a heavy weight against his chest. His first instinct was to panic, but there was something almost familiar about the touch. His eyes quickly adjusted to the light, as he tried to figure out where he was. The shadows in the room didn't look familiar. He frowned and closed his eyes trying to return back to sleep. It was safer there, and he could feel the fear creeping up, trying to overtake him. "There's nothing to be afraid of," He muttered to himself, "Nothing to be afraid of." He wanted to believe that, but he didn't know where he was.
The panic began when sleep wouldn't claim him. His eyes were closed but he wasn't finding that comfortable void…there was just more darkness and that led to fear. He didn't know where he was, this bed wasn't familiar to him at all and the shadows…they were strange…he didn't like them. He shifted in the bed, the heavy weight tightening around him causing him to struggle before he realized that it was Noah.
"Noah," He called as he continued to shift. His hands came up ready to push Noah's arm away, but at the same time he didn't want Noah too far from him. "Noah," he called again, moving away from Noah enough to shake him. "Please Noah, wake up. Noah!"
Noah could hear the urgency in h is friend's voice and he opened his eyes. He could barely make out his friend's head as it moved from side to side, as if Luke were trying to see something in the darkness.
"Noah," Luke called again. "NOAH!"
"Luke, what's wrong?" Noah asked, trying to grab Luke's attention. "I'm here."
"Noah," Luke called still looking around unseeing.
"Luke, focus," Noah said moving so he was sitting up in the bed, his hands darting out to capture Luke's face. "Calm down…I'm right here."
"I don't know where I am," Luke said once he managed to catch his breath. "And why can't I see you?"
"Shhh, Luke it's okay," Noah soothed. Open your eyes and focus on me. I'm right in front of you."
Luke let out a deep breath and opened his eyes, allowing them to focus on the dark figure before him. "Oh good, you're here." He breathed.
"Yes, I'm here," Noah said softly. "Now can you tell me what's wrong?" Noah allowed his hands to fall from Luke's cheeks, resting instead on his shoulders as he waited for a response.
"Where are we?" Luke frowned. "I don't know where we are."
"We're at Abby's, Luke. Remember we got here late last night. Your sister put us in the guest room so we could get some rest. Its okay, Luke. You're okay, and I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."
"Luke was looking at him blankly and he shook his head. Something Noah had said just didn't make any sense to him. "We're at my sister's house?" he asked, trying to understand what Noah was saying.
"That's right?"
"But, Noah, my sister lives in California…and I haven't seen her in years. Why would we be at her house?"
"Your mom and Damien want to allow the doctors to do brain surgery on you," Noah explained, "But your dad and I didn't think that was in your best interest. So we checked you out and brought you out here to spend some time with Abby. She was really happy to see you last night, and she wants to help you get better."
Luke heard the words but they still didn't make much sense. "I don't want brain surgery. I remember the doctor asking if he could fix my brain," he said frowning. That scared me, but I don't remember the rest. I don't remember again."
"Its okay, Luke," Noah tried to soothe, even though he was starting to worry himself. "Just relax. Your dad and I aren't going to let them anywhere near you to do that surgery. I think with time and us working together, we can help you to be okay. I need you to trust me, Abby and your dad in order to do that though."
"I…I do trust you, Noah, but why can't I remember?"
"I'm not sure why you can't remember," Noah said honestly. "But we are going to work together to figure it out. We'll help you recover your memory."
"I'm sorry, Noah," Luke sighed and put his head down.
"Why are you sorry, Luke?" Noah asked his tone full of patience. "You have nothing to apologize for."
"You left everything in Oakdale to come out here to help me," Luke explained. What if you can't figure out what's wrong? Then it was all for nothing."
"No, Luke," Noah shook his head. "You and I are going to figure it out, together, and we will get you well."
"Is Abby nice," Luke asked switching gears. He scrunched up his nose and shook his head. "I should remember if my sister is nice. Maybe I do need help," he sighed.
"You haven't seen your sister in many years from what I understand, so I don't expect you to know whether she is nice or not," Noah retorted. "She was very happy to see you when we got here last night. We all just want to see you well, and as close to your old self as you can be."
Luke nodded as he allowed Noah's words to sink in. He was trying to piece together the events of the past few days and there were things he needed to ask about. "Noah…can I ask you something?"
"Sure, Luke. You can ask me anything."
Luke bit his lip for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to approach the question. "Did you…I mean did we," he frowned. "Did I kiss you or something?"
Noah was startled by the question but he recovered quickly. "I kissed you when you were in the hospital...just the one time. We slept here in the same bed because Abby only has one guest room. Nothing happened, Luke, we just slept and I will say that is the most restful sleep you have had in weeks."
"Yeah?" Luke asked his voice laced with awe.
"Yeah," Noah said a soft smile crossing his lips. "You were so peaceful. I could have slept on the floor, but I didn't think you would mind if I slept on the bed. Do you mind? If you do, I will figure out other sleeping arrangements."
"You slept with me before…I think," Luke said stretching his memory back as far as it would go. "I like you being there."
"Oh yeah? Why do you think that is?"
Luke frowned. "Should I not like it? I guess I shouldn't. I'm sorry, Noah, I would try to sleep on my own but I…you are more um…you make me feel safe."
"There is absolutely nothing wrong with you liking having another person in your bed," Noah assured him. "I am glad that I make you feel safe. I don't want that to change. I will keep you safe, Luke, don't ever doubt that."
"I can't ask you to do that, Noah. It doesn't seem right."
"You aren't asking," Noah countered. "As long as you need me I will be here. If you need me to hold you, so you feel safe at night, then I will be there. All you have to do is ask."
"That's so confusing."
"Why is that," Noah inquired.
Luke shrugged. "Just something I learned. His frown deepened as Noah's words waged war with what he had been taught while he was away.
"Luke," Noah's voice intruded on his thoughts, "there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help or comfort. Who taught you that?"
Luke shook his head, a pained expression crossing his face. "You can't send me back there, Noah. It hurts there."
"I'm not sending you back anywhere, Luke," Noah soothed. "Not the foundation, not even back to Oakdale. I will protect you. That I promise you. If you need me to hold you, or comfort you in any way all you have to do is ask." He paused for a moment, wondering just how honest he should be. "I like holding you; it makes me feel like I am doing a little something to take away your pain."
Luke frowned. "Maybe you can help me then," he said thoughtfully. "I…I need to work on being what my dad wants…I have to be straight, but I've tried to pull that off and I don't know if I can. And it's not fair, because…I don't know how to feel anymore. But you make me want to…feel I mean. I think that confuses me too."
Noah wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. He knew he needed to help Luke understand…but where to start? Everything Luke was saying made him even angrier about the foundation and he couldn't wait to continue his research about it. "Luke," he said finally, making sure his friend was focused on him, "there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling what you are feeling. Your dad doesn't care whether you are straight or gay."
"How do you know that for sure?" Luke protested."
"I know that for a fact, Luke," Noah said pressing a finger to Luke's lips. "He took me in and treated me like his own son, and he knew right up front that I was gay. I don't want you to be confused, but just know there is nothing at all wrong with having feelings for me."
Luke shook his head. "I don't know what those feelings are though," he said the frustration clear in his voice. "And if I try to think about them, then it's going to hurt me." He looked around then, needing to make sure they were truly alone before he spoke again. "If they even think I'm looking at guys again, then they will come and teach me a lesson. They've done that before…a few times, especially when they isolated me." He frowned. "I think it's supposed to make it painful, so you won't want to do it…." He scrunched his nose and covered his mouth as he realized he was running off his mouth yet again.
Noah reached up and pulled Luke's hands away from his mouth and held them tightly as he spoke. "Don't be afraid to say what you are thinking, Luke. No one here is going to punish you for saying what's on your mind, or how you feel. I don't know who these people are that hurt you that way, but if I ever get my hands on them they will be very, very sorry they ever touched you."
It was hard to tell who was more startled by the movements that followed. Their fingers untangled, and their arms; Noah's wrapped around Luke's waist, and Luke's twined around Noah's neck and he buried his head in his shoulder, holding on tightly.
Damian stood with his jaw set as he watched Lily make phone calls. She was on her third, and he was growing slightly annoyed with every negative response they received. It seemed that Luke had been checked out of the hospital by Holden…but that was all they knew. The man had seemingly disappeared off the face of the earth. His own mother didn't seem to know where he was. Lily had called Aaron and Meg as well, but neither of them knew where Holden could have gone. Lily was running out of options, and Damian was running out of patience.
"Well?" he asked as Lily hung up her phone once more.
"Iva hasn't seen or heard from Holden in a while," she said with a sigh. "She said if she hears from him she will let us know."
"This is unacceptable, Lily. How does someone just disappear?"
"I don't know, Damian, but stop snapping at me. I'm just as worried as you are about Luke. But I'm certain he is okay with Holden…wherever he is."
"Our son needs to have surgery…and he is in serious danger with that fool of a husband of yours," Damian charged. "Luciano is not safe with that man. Your husband may have just killed him."
"Don't say that," Lily said tears filling her eyes. "Holden wouldn't let any harm come to Luke, Damian."
"He already did when he took him out of the hospital, Lily. We have to find him…and fast. This surgery was the best chance to save him, what was Holden thinking."
Lily frowned, she was frustrated and sad...her baby boy, her first born was missing, and the last thing she felt like doing was placing blame. "I don't think Holden would hurt Luke Damian. He loves that boy; he has loved Luke since the day he was born. We should have listened to him, and paid more attention to his fears. Holden is just trying to protect Luke in his own way."
"By taking him out of the hospital when he is sick?"
"He's not sick, Damian," Lily protested. "I'm not convinced that there is anything wrong with my baby. Nothing besides what we caused by sending him to that place."
"Shhh, keep your voice down, Lily. You agreed that I had made the right decision on that, and you were all aboard."
"I know," Lily said her frown deepening. "I know this is just so messed up, Damian. I think we made a mistake."
Damian pulled Lily into his arms and tried to comfort her. "We will find Luciano, Lily and we will make sure he is well. We have to wait 24 hours before we can declare him missing…and that might prove difficult since Holden has legal right to him. I will figure out something. Did you give your mother a call? Maybe she has seen or hears from Holden?"
Lily pulled away and pulled out her phone to dial Lucinda's number. In her mind she was thinking it was a lost cause. A mother always knows when something is wrong with her child…and she could feel in her gut that she wasn't ever going to see her precious boy again. And if that was the case…then it was her fault, and she knew that too.
He was quiet as he moved toward the kitchen. His dad was sleeping on the couch, and the other bedroom door was still closed. He assumed that room belonged to Abby, and she was still sleeping too. Noah was looking something up on the computer, so he was left to his own devices at the moment.
He took a moment to look through the cupboard until he found a glass and made his way to the refrigerator. He smiled when he found a carton of orange juice toward the back. That would work just fine. His eyes glanced over the contents of the fridge as he grabbed the carton and balanced the glass in his hand while opening the carton. Finally he was set to pour the juice into the glass. He felt a sense of triumph having conquered the task on his own.
"Hey Luke, what are you up to."
The glass and the carton fell to the ground as Luke jumped at the sound of the voice. He heard the glass shatter on the floor and the sticky juice splashed on his feet as he turned to see his sister standing behind him. "Um," he said moving away from the mess so he could close the refrigerator door. "I'm sorry, Abby, I was just trying to get some juice and now I've made a mess. I'll clean it up if you just tell me where the paper towels are."
"Luke, stop," Abby said softly. "It's okay. It's just a little juice. No big deal."
"Oh, okay," Luke said, though he was still uncertain about her response.
"Are you okay, sweetie? I didn't mean to scare you. I just saw you standing there looking so happy with yourself, I wondered what you were up to," Abby explained. "It was the same look you used to have as a kid when you had figured out a way to get what you wanted."
"Oh," Luke said, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. "I was just glad I got the carton open, and managed to balance the glass at the same time."
"Be careful there, Little brother," Abby warned. "Let me get the brook to sweep up the broken glass. I don't want you to get cut." Luke watched as she made quick work of the glass and the juice and discarded both glass and napkins into the trash. "There, now all better. Why don't you grab a stool at the bar, and I will get you a glass of juice. Then you can tell me what you want for breakfast."
Luke pulled out a stool and took a seat, watching as his sister poured a fresh glass of orange juice and placed it in front of him. He didn't really know what he wanted for breakfast. Noah had told him he wasn't really eating solid foods yet, so he wasn't certain how his stomach would react to food. He didn't even touch the sandwich Noah had purchased. "Well," he said as he thought about it. "I think eggs would be okay. Noah said I needed to eat something light. And I need to take my medicine."
"Eggs it is then," Abby said jumping off her stool. "I will add some fruit on the side for you to nibble on, and some toast too." As she spoke she moved around the kitchen, getting the eggs out of the fridge and the frying pan from beneath the sink. She pulled out the fruit, a large knife and some bread as well. "Do you have your medicine with you? What are you taking medication for? Dad didn't go into a lot of details last night. He only said you guys needed a place to stay and help you get well. What's wrong little brother? I want to help you get well too."
"Well," Luke said trying to choose his words carefully. "I…I have to take medicine for my kidney transplant, and I think Noah put it in his bag. As for what's wrong with me. I don't really think I could explain that very well. Noah said I just needed to get out of the hospital, and he is probably right because I don't like them. And my brain is just a little confused on things."
"Oh Luke, it's alright, sorry about that," Abby frowned. "I didn't mean to overwhelm you. I'm just glad you are here and I get to spend some time with you and Dad. I have really missed you guys. So you are not sure what is going on that Dad checked you out of the hospital and brought you out here?"
"Noah said that they wanted to get me away from the hospital, because mom and Damian wanted them to operate on me." As he explained Abby placed a plate of eggs in front of him. He picked up his fork and took a bite and swallowed before continuing. "The doctor told me he wanted to fix my brain, but I didn't want them to cut me open again. Noah said that Mom and Damian were going to go through with the procedure anyway so he and Dad brought me out here to figure out how to help me. Noah is always on his computer looking up stuff, and that's what he's doing now actually. He had to explain what happened yesterday because I didn't remember when I woke up."
"Tell me about Noah," Abby inquired as she ate her own eggs. "You seem pretty dependent on him for a lot of things. Has he hurt you in any way?"
Luke frowned as he continued to eat his eggs. He wasn't sure why Abby would ask him something like that. "Noah is my best friend," He said a smile crossing his face. "He was living with my parents when I came home in July and he's been nothing but nice to me since I met him. I don't know what I would have done the past few weeks without Noah here to help me."
"Sorry Luke, I didn't mean to upset you," Abby sighed. "It's just that I am not used to seeing you so dependent on someone else. Everything you have said is "Noah Says" and that just really scares me. It's like you don't know anything other than what Noah tells you. How can you be sure that Noah is telling you the truth?"
"Noah is the only person who hasn't lied to me," Luke insisted, even as he frowned again. Was he really too dependent on Noah? Did Noah mind that? Should he back off a little bit…and give Noah space to breathe? He wasn't sure if he could do that, but if it needed to be done…he'd have to ask Noah about it. "Do you think I am too dependent on Noah?"
"Oh sweetie, that's not at all what I think. I'm just not used to you not knowing what's going on, and it kind of threw me," she explained. "Noah has been very respectful since he got here, and until he gives me a reason not to trust him, I will go with whatever you and Dad say. But mind you, I will be watching and if I see or hear something I don't like I will tell you and call him on it."
Luke nodded and focused on his breakfast. He would talk to Noah later; he didn't want to do anything that would make Noah mad at him. "I'll try to be better about that, Abby. I'm sorry." He pushed his plate away and slid off the stool. "Thank you for the breakfast. I think I'm going to go back to my room now." He heard his sister call his name but he didn't turn around. He kept his head lowered and went back to the room where Noah was still working on his computer. He sat down on the bed and watched his friend work. Noah seemed to be really concentrating on something and Luke frowned when he didn't lift his head even to acknowledge his presence. Luke was curious to know what Noah was looking up, but he didn't want to ask. It probably wasn't polite, nor was it any of Luke's business. And that was if Noah would even tell him.
Abby's words worried him, and the more he thought about it the more he figured he probably was doing something wrong. He did lean on Noah quite heavily…did he mind that…and he just didn't want to say? Would Abby try to send Noah away unless he tried to distance himself some? That thought didn't make Luke very happy. What if Abby was right and Noah wasn't telling the truth at all. What if he left?
"Noah, please say you won't leave," he said breaking the silence and startling his friend who finally looked up from the computer screen. "You said you weren't going to go anywhere…right? You weren't kidding about that were you?"
"Luke," Noah said putting the computer aside and focusing on his friend. "What happened? I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to."
"But I don't' want you to go," Luke said sadly. "I want you to stay, but you won't because you think I'm too dependent on you and I'm sorry for that. I don't mean to be, I swear. And if you need me to back off just say so, because I don't want to do something that would make me lose my best friend, because I don't think I could deal with that at all and I can't do this by myself, Noah…I can't."
"Luke, calm down," Noah said reaching out to touch Luke's shoulders. His friend moved out of his grasp which made him frown. "I don't think you are too dependent on me…what gave you that idea? I care about you, Luke, if it ever gets to be too much I will tell you. I promise, but I don't think it will ever get to that point. I would never leave you to do this on your own."
"Are you sure," Luke asked his eyes wide as he looked at his friend. "I don't' want to do something that will make you mad at me, Noah. You...you help me remember things, and you show me how to do things, but that's not bad." He sighed. "I'm sorry, I know I probably sound like a little kid and I should start acting my age but don't' you see you are like my whole world right now and I don't understand anything else except that I want you here…and I want you to help me, because I know I can trust you even if Abby is worried that I can't."
"What do you mean Abby said you can't trust me." Noah's voice caused Luke to start and he grabbed a hold of the blanket as he watched Noah. "Who the hell does she think she is? I am the one who has been by your side making sure you get what you need, not letting those stupid doctors cut on you when you don't need it. Where does she get off saying that I can't be trusted? I am going to go have a little chat with your sister. Why don't you stay here and rest, I will be back in just a bit okay."
"I'm sorry, Noah."
"Don't worry, though I can already see that you are, Luke," Noah said touching his friend's cheek. "I'm not mad at you, Luke. I'm just a little upset at your sister. Maybe coming here wasn't the best option."
Noah gave Luke's shoulder another squeeze before heading out the room in search for Abby. "What did you say to him?" he asked when he finally found her in the kitchen.
"Excuse me?"
"To Luke," Noah clarified. "What did you say to him to get him all worked up and upset?"
"Look, Noah," Abby said placing the dish rag on the counter, "Luke is my brother and I love him. I am worried about him. The young man who had breakfast with me this morning is not my little brother. He is scared of his own shadow and afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. In the span of 10 minutes I heard "Noah says" at least a dozen times. I asked him about you, and why he feels so dependent on you. I didn't mean to upset him. I'm just trying to figure all of this out."
"Well you did," Noah snapped. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Look. Luke has been through a lot since he came home, and we just learned that between July of last year and July of this year he was in a place that wasn't treating him very well. They messed with his brain, and we're still trying to work out how to help fix the damage that was caused. What that means is that right now anything you say to him you have to be very careful how you put it. Otherwise he picks up on one word and starts to think that he's doing something wrong. He's very fragile right now and you can't just go telling him that's too dependent on me. Right now I'm the only one he trusts, and if he feels like you are a threat to that he won't trust you."
"What do you mean they didn't treat him well?" Abby asked frowning. "Where was he? And I'm not trying to be anything but the best sister I can be to Luke. I love him." Noah could tell that she was sincere, but it didn't stop him from narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms. He couldn't let her off the hook completely…he had to look out for Luke. "I would never, ever hurt him," Abby7 continued. "You have to understand, Noah that I don't know you or anything about you, and for Luke to be so dependent on you or anyone else is not healthy. I hope that you understand that I want to do everything I can to help my brother, but I won't let you or anyone else tell me not to interfere. That is where I draw the line in the sand. So don't think even for a minute that if I see something I don't like I won't open my mouth and say so. Are we clear, Noah? I don't know anything at all about you. To me you are a complete stranger who seems to know more about my brother than even he does."
"If you want to know about me then ask me, Abby," Noah railed. "I would be more than happy to tell you about my life, all of it if it would make you feel better. But don't you dare stand there and threaten me when it comes to Luke. I have done nothing but care for him ever since I met him, and if you must know he is my best friend and I care deeply for him. I am the one who has been helping him. It was me who sat by his bedside and held his hand in the hospital when he had to go through the tests, and it's me who is able to get him to calm down when he's freaked out. Me, Abby, and whether you want to realize it or not I happen to care about Luke too, and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. But when you tell him he's too dependent on me, it makes him think he did something wrong, so I'm telling you to stop doing that."
"I just don't want to see my brother dependent on anyone, not you, not me not Dad," Abby insisted. "That's not Luke. Luke is the happy go lucky one that everyone loves. He makes everyone smile and loves unconditionally. I don't know what happened to him, and I am very upset that he has had to go through all of this. I am trying to do the right thing here, Noah. I wasn't trying to turn Luke against you. I just need to know that you are the right one to be helping him. I love my brother, and if you can't see that, then you are blinder then I thought."
"You sure have a funny way of showing it," Noah retorted.
"I want my brother back, and how am I to know that you won't fill him full of lies about me to make yourself look better and keep him depending on you, instead of standing on his own two feet."
"Are you kidding me?" Noah said incredulously. Neither of them heard a third person enter the room, as they were focusing completely on each other. "You really think I am out to hurt Luke? Would I have convinced him that you were a nice person if I was really out to harm him? Would I had sat with him this morning when he woke up not knowing where we were if I had a hidden agenda. I get that you love your brother but maybe you don't understand me. I CARE ABOUT HIM TOO, and the minute you start to get that through your head the better off we will be. For the record I want Luke to stand on his own two feet. I want him to be okay, and I want him to feel like he is in control of what happens. Luke wants me here, and I won't leave him."
"You can't leave, Noah," Luke said startling both Noah and Abby with his presence. He came over quickly and stood beside Noah grabbing a hold of his arm. "Noah has no reason to lie to me," He said facing his sister head on. "He is the one who told me you were nice, and he said you wanted to help me. But yelling at Noah is not going to help."
"Luke you have to understand that I know nothing about Noah," Abby tried to explain to her brother. "To me it looks like he is telling you what he wants you to know and I am just trying to make sure that he is not going to completely alienate you from your family. I do want to help you and I respect that you are leaning on Noah, but don't you think maybe you could lean on me too?"
"He hasn't alienated me from the family, Abby," Luke said frowning. "It's not Noah's fault I don't trust anyone. I've just been through a lot and it has been family that put me through it. I…I don't even trust dad, but Noah has been trying to help me with that. And if you want me to trust you then you have to trust me. If you don't I will leave, and then you'll never be able to find me."
:"Luke, stop that."
"I'm serious, Noah," Luke said turning to face his best friend. "If Abby won't let me be close to you then I don't want to be here. I thought you were taking me somewhere where people didn't want to hurt me anymore."
Noah sighed and glared at Abby momentarily before facing Luke. He placed his hands on Luke's cheeks and pressed their foreheads together. Holden entered the kitchen at that moment and came to stand by his daughter while Noah spoke. "No one is going to hurt you as long as I am here, Luke. Do you understand that?"
Luke nodded and bit his lip."
"Good. And you know that I am not going to let anyone take advantage of you, nor will I take advantage of you…right?"
"But, Abby," Luke started. He was stopped by Noah's lips brushing against his softly.
"Abby only wants what is best for you, Luke; she cares about you, just like I do."
"And Dad?"
"Yes, your dad too. We all care about you, and we only want what's best. And you can't run away from me…okay? I couldn't stand that, and I know you don't want to make me sad, right."
"No I don't want to make you sad," he said pulling away so he could look into Noah's eyes. "You aren't mad at me are you?"
"No Luke, not mad. And I'm not leaving," Noah added before Luke could voice his next question. "I told you I'd be here for you and I'm going to stick to that. Remember what I told you earlier?"
"Yeah, I actually remember that," Luke said smiling.
"Okay, good," Noah said smiling as he pulled Luke close one more time. "I'm going to take care of you, okay? Always."
Luke impulsively wrapped his arms around Noah and ducked his head into his shoulder. He held on tight, and Noah completed the hug, resting his chin in Luke's soft blond hair.
Holden placed a hand on Abby's shoulder and motioned for her to take a seat at the bar. He then walked over to Noah and placed a hand on his shoulder as well. Noah pulled away from Luke and led him over to an empty stool. They took their seats, but Luke refused to let go of Noah's hand. Holden sat and looked around at them as they waited to see what he had to say.
"Can someone tell me what's going on in here?" he asked facing his daughter first. "I could hear you guys screaming…is everything okay?"
"I'm sorry, Dad," Abby sighed. "This is all my fault. I upset Luke this morning when we were having breakfast, because I questioned his dependency on Noah. It just felt wrong to me, so I said something and Luke got up and left and went to find Noah, I assume. Noah came in here to confront me about it and things escalated from there."
"Actually, Luke just came back to the room and sat down," Noah corrected. "I'm not really sure how long he was sitting there before he actually spoke to me and told me not to leave him."
"I think it was an hour later or something," Luke piped up, trying to help. "It's my fault, Dad. I didn't mean to make Noah and Abby mad at each other. I was just afraid she would make Noah leave."
"IT's my fault, sir," Noah said sighing. "I was just angry because Luke was upset and it took me a little time to calm him down and convince him I wasn't going anywhere. I know Abby didn't mean any harm but Luke is my first priority."
"See, Abby," Luke said smiling. "He does care about me."
"I can see that, Luke," Abby admitted softly. "I'm very sorry Noah. I love my brother very much, and I am not used to the Luke that is sitting here with us right now. Can we work together to help Luke get better? I will work with you, if you are willing to work with me."
"Just remember that the Luke you know is still here," Noah said squeezing his best friend's hand. "He just needs to know that he's allowed to come out." A soft smile crossed his lips as Luke gave him a bewildered look. It seemed his best friend had caught the double meaning of the statement. "I will work with you, Abby…and I am sorry. I know you care about Luke too."
"As do I," Holden agreed. And I know we actually need to tell you what's going on, Abby. I'm sure Noah can fill you in on all he has found out. For now you and I have to follow Noah's lead…okay? He's the one Luke listens to."
"I understand, Dad," Abby nodded as she watched her brother and Noah interact. "Noah, Luke, I'm so sorry for reacting the way I did. I will do whatever you need me to do to help Luke get better and come back to us. Don't be afraid to be yourself here Luke. I love you and will never judge you."
"Okay," Luke said shyly as he rested his head on Noah's shoulder. Noah placed an arm around him and looked at Holden and Abby. "I think he's had enough excitement already, so I will take him to our room so he can rest. Did you take your medicine?" he asked Luke.
"No, it's in your bag, I think," Luke said frowning against Noah's shoulder.
"Okay, go wait for me in the room, and I will get some juice so you can take it."
Luke slipped off the stool and headed out the room without another word. Noah watched him leave and then turned to face Abby and Holden. "I'm going to go make sure he takes his medicine, and then I want to talk to you guys…so I'll be back."
"I'm just trying to understand, Dad," Abby was saying when Noah returned to the kitchen. "So, Noah is gay and Luke is gay…but Luke was sent to some place that wanted to make him straight? That sounds like something right out of a science fiction novel or something."
"Unfortunately it's all too real to be fiction," Noah stated as he reclaimed his seat. "From everything Luke has told me over the past few weeks and all the information I found online…we're actually very lucky that Luke can be helped."
"Is it that bad, Noah?" Holden asked frowning. "I know you were looking into the Kreeger foundation. What else did you find out about it?"
"I was online this morning actually, and this Kreeger guy is indeed very slick. On the home page it appears to be a simple camp for teenagers. There are pictures of kids swimming and going boating and there are even horses. Everything needed to make the place look appealing and fun."
"But, I don't get it," Abby said shaking her head. "Why was Luke sent there? And who sent him there? Why would someone want to change Luke? And why doesn't he trust Dad? Dad you and Luke were always close…I just don't understand any of this."
"That's what we're trying to figure out, Abby," Noah intoned. "We want to answer all your questions, and our own questions. And we have to do that first before we can fully help Luke. In the mean time I can urge him to trust you both, but just understand that it's not as easy as it sounds. And there will be setbacks."
"What kind of setbacks?" Abby asked frowning.
Noah turned to Holden for a moment but his words were directed at both of them. "Luke doesn't remember much after Doctor Hamilton told him he wanted to fix his brain."
"You mean he doesn't' remember the plane ride or the time he spent in the Arrival Café?" Holden inquired.
"I think he remembers our conversation," Noah clarified. "I mean he recalls me telling him that I wouldn't take him somewhere where someone would hurt him. He doesn't remember the events though…he was very disoriented when he woke up this morning and didn't remember where we were."
'Are you sure we shouldn't take him to a doctor?" Abby asked her voice laced with concern. "We should really have him looked at, if he was supposed to have surgery."
"That's that last thing we need to do," Noah shook his head vehemently. "Luke would feel so betrayed if we took him to a doctor or a hospital right now. Even talking about it is a risk, because believe me he hears us even when we think he can't. Right now he's sleeping so we can talk…but don't mention doctors to him. He has not had good experiences with them, especially not at the Kreeger foundation, or the last time he was in the hospital."
"The last time"" Abby asked. "You mean just before you guys came here? I thought the doctors at Memorial were pretty great…isn't Bob still there?"
"Yes, Bob is still around Abby. But what Noah is talking about is a different hospital stay. Apparently Luke was in the hospital prior to him coming home to us. Noah hasn't been able to learn too much about that yet."
"Except that I know the doctors must have done something to him there too" Noah said frowning. "Luke just hasn't had the best time…but I think together we can help him."
"How"" Abby asked, looking between her dad and Noah. "How do we make my little brother normal again?"
"Let's start by not letting hear you say that," Noah pointed out. "Luke feels weird enough on his own without us adding to it by saying he's not normal. He's still Luke…we just have to help him with some things. And hopefully help him get his writing ability back. The electroshock therapy played havoc on his cognitive functions."
"Why are you doing this?" Abby asked. "I mean what do you have to gain from helping my little brother? As you said yourself you don't even know him."
"Because, I…" Noah started and stopped as he realized what he was about to say. The words were on the tip of his tongue and he couldn't believe he was about to admit them here. He wasn't even truly sure that he knew what it all meant, except that he knew it was true. The feelings he had, the sense of protectiveness he felt, and the genuine fear in his heart every time something happened to Luke. He felt Luke's pain and he lived to see the smile that was so rare these days. The sparkle in Luke's green flecked brown eyes sent him into a tailspin and there really wasn't anything he wouldn't do…and he couldn't live without him. There really was no denying it…even if he couldn't admit it to Luke.
He was in love.
"Noah?" Holden asked catching Noah's attention. He looked at Holden for a moment before allowing his gaze to rest on Abby who had posed the question.
"I love him," he said putting a voice to his thoughts. "I'm in love with Luke."
"Noah don't say that if you don't mean it," Holden said seriously. "Luke needs us to be focused and if this is going to make you not able to focus then maybe we need to take a step back."
"No sir," Noah said shaking his head. "I'm more focused then I have been about anything in my life. I know what I'm feeling and I know how to help Luke. We don't need to take a step back, I can swear to that. I am completely devoted to your son and I'm going to help him."
It only takes a moment for everything to change. One second in time for the world to shift on its axis and one minute for life to alter its course. Sometimes that change can be dangerous. It could lead to a world of trouble, and no guarantees of coming out unscathed. Other times it can be a welcome thing, with one simple admission. When love is realized, the change it brings is full of warmth and comfort.
26