When I woke up, I had a billion different feelings running through my body and my mind. I felt the ache between my legs from when Edward took my virginity and made me his. I felt my heart about to thump out of my chest when I thought of him telling me that he loves me. Edward Cullen loves me. Not like a brother or a friend. He loves me.
My head was resting on his chest and I could feel him breathing slowly, still asleep. I slowly pulled out of his embrace, careful not to wake him. I gently crept from the bed to the bathroom, in desperate need of freshening up before he woke.
In the shower, I flashed back to our perfect night before. Edward made me feel beautiful. He showed me how much he loved me. I felt my body flush as I thought of the intense pleasure we had shared.
Everything was different now.
After my shower, I lazily dressed in his boxers and his t-shirt. As much as I didn't want to wake him, I needed to feel wrapped in everything that was Edward as soon as possible. I tip-toed into the kitchenette and turned on the kettle, preparing coffee for the two of us. I had every intention of kick-starting round two as soon as possible and figured that caffeine would be the best way to pull him from his deep slumber.
When I walked back into the room, coffee in hand, I froze at the doorway. The sun was starting to shine into the room and it was as though Mother Nature was creating a spotlight of her rays just to highlight Edward's perfection. His hair shone, tousled beyond anything I had ever seen before. He seemed to glow.
Bella Swan is one lucky motherfucker.
Hell yes.
I giggled to myself as I sat on the bed next to Edward, placing the coffee on the nightstand. The combination of the soft shaking of my giggle and the smell of the coffee started to pull him from his slumber with the sexiest smirk on his face. He went to pull me toward him on his bed when we were interrupted by his phone vibrating in the drawer under the coffee. I had to wrestle away from him to get to it, but somehow managed.
"It's Alice, Edward. We need to answer it. They are probably going mad with worry."
He pouted at me, but nodded his head in agreement. "You're right. Come back here and answer her on loudspeaker. You can talk to her, but I want you back in this bed. You look too damn good in my clothes to be standing so far away." Well, who was I to resist the pout?
I sat back on the bed, taking his hand into mine. "Hi, Alice."
"Don't Hi Alice me, runaway. Where is my asshole of a brother?" Although I wasn't expecting anyone to be happy with our sudden disappearance, I was taken aback by the aggression of her voice. Edward seemed to be too.
"I'm here, Ali. You're on speakerphone. Don't speak to Bella like that. Calm the fuck down."
"Don't you dare tell me to calm down, Edward." She was practically growling down the phone now "You are lucky I am calling you at all. You are lucky Emmett is driving the car and can't take the phone off me right now." We could hear Emmett in the background, telling Alice to hang up the phone. Fuck. Alice spoke over him, determined to finish delivering her news "The parents have locked in on your location. Well done on using your credit card, dumbass."
"Fuck" Edward jumped off the bed, spilling his coffee all over himself. He snatched the phone from my hand, refusing to meet my eyes. "How long do we have?"
"An hour, give or take. We are driving in convoy to you now. It took me a few hours to decide to call you." She sounded as though she still wasn't sure if she wanted to give us a heads up, but I was grateful that she had. At least we weren't going to get caught in the midst of round two now.
Damn. Game postponed due to bad weather. Parental storm front moving in.
Edward hung up the phone on Alice without saying good bye and started throwing on his clothes.
"Fucking Asshole Mother of a – " Edward almost ripped his jeans, shouting every expletive he could come up with . If the circumstances were different I would have laughed it off, saying that he spent too much time with Emmett.
"Edward, calm down. It is going to be ok. We just explain to them that senior year was a little more intense than you expected so we took a weekend away. We know we should have told them, but we are sorry. We take whatever punishment they dole out and move on." I only half believed what I was saying, but Edward was starting to freak out about the parents moving in on us and I was starting to worry. After getting dressed, he had sat in a chair and had started to run his hands frantically through his hair, almost tearing it out.
"Edward, look at me, please. You are scaring me." I rooted my feet to the floor, still standing in his boxers and t-shirt.
"Damn it, Bella. Do you really think it is a good idea that your father and brother walk in here, the hotel room smelling of sex, and you wearing my clothes?" His head snapped up, green eyes burning. "They can't come into this room, Bella. We are in enough shit as it is. We left my parents house in the middle of the night without telling anyone what was going on or where we were going. We haven't been in touch with them in days. And on top of all of that? I deflowered Charlie and Emmett's precious little Bella last night. Do you still want to tell me that everything is going to be ok? Bullshit, Bella. Grow up. Now go and put some fucking clothes on."
I ripped his t-shirt off my body and threw it at him, storming away. I ran to my bag and threw on a pair of jeans over his boxers, a bra and a wife beater. Girly Bella was not going to be on show today.
Edward and I manoeuvred around each other in silence, packing up our things as quickly as possible. All traces of us ever having been in the room were removed without a second thought. My chest felt as though it was going to cave in and I needed him to tell me everything was going to be ok. But Edward was too busy muttering indecipherably under his breath. He grabbed our bags and headed for the door of the room. I followed wordlessly behind, wishing I could return to the perfection of the night before.
__________________________________________________________________________
Edward checked us out and dragged me to the car without so much as a glance my way. He drove the car with aggression, weaving through traffic, manically putting distance between us and the Best Western. He kept on thumping his hands on the steering wheel as he drove, followed by outbursts of "Fuck" or "Damn it" sporadically.
After 20 minutes, my nerves were shot. Despite all of the declarations we had made the night before, he couldn't even look at me. I didn't understand what was happening. We knew that we couldn't hide forever. "Where are we going?"
Edward stopped thumping the wheel for a moment and clenched his jaw. He didn't respond.
I pulled my eyes from the side of his face and took in our surroundings, realising that I recognised them. We had driven along here not 24 hours before. Things had changed so much since then.
**"…my thoughts are not exactly brotherly anymore, Bella"**
**"I don't want them to be, Edward"**
I tried to remind myself of the words we had spoken to each other. He was just freaking out about how everyone else was going to react. That had to be it. Too much had been said and done between us to allow me to believe anything else. He loved me. I loved him.
"It's going to be ok, Edward."
He thumped the steering wheel again. "DAMN IT, BELLA. Can't you see that it isn't ok? You heard Alice on the phone. They are all ready to rip our heads off without even knowing what happened last night. Your father has a gun. Your brother is a giant. They are going to kill me." He removed one of his hands from the steering wheel and started pulling at his hair. I tried to reach out to soothe him, but he swatted my hand away before I could.
"Don't, Bella. Just don't."
Tears started to run down my face of their own accord. I didn't want to cry, I shouldn't be crying. Less than 12 hours ago my best friend had made love to me. We had whispered sweet declarations as we moulded our bodies together. How had things gone so wrong, so quickly?
Before I knew it, we had pulled into the parking lot of The Bridge of the Gods. There were tourist groups mulling around at the base of the bridge, laughing and taking happy shots. I felt as though they were mocking me, intruding on a place that had been the scene of the second most defining moment of my life so far. I wished them to go away, but they seemed to multiply.
Edward stepped out of the car and went to the boot, before opening my door. "Get out of the car."
He had my bags in his hand, but not his own. Every fibre of my being told me to jump out of the car and latch onto his body, but self preservation told me to stay where I was. "No."
"Stop acting like a fucking child and get out of the car."
**"Fuck, I want you so badly I can't see straight"**
How was this the same boy? I made no move to undo my seatbelt and stayed where I was. I was starting to shake and hot tears were streaming down my face now. I had no idea what was going on or why he was doing this. He became impatient and leaned over me in the car, undoing my belt. I tried to slap him away, telling him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. "Get out of the car."
He yanked on my arm, dragging me from the car. I almost hit my head on the door on the way out and something in me snapped. As soon as I was standing on my feet, I started to push him away repeatedly. "What the fuck is going on, Edward? Why can't you look at me? Tell me what the hell is going on inside that brain of yours and we can work it out."
My sudden change registered immediately and he matched it.
"What do you want me to say, Bella? What do you want to hear?" He held me by the wrists, stopping me from assaulting him any further. But he still wouldn't look me in the face. "Do you want me to tell you that I have spent the entire time since hanging up on my sister screaming inside my head? That I have made the biggest mistake of my life and have no idea how I am going to fix it? Is that what you want to hear?"
I started to choke on my sobs, the pain of his words threatened to break out of my lungs as I struggled to breathe. "Don't you dare say that, Edward. You told me that you love me. You told me that you were in love with me. Don't you dare take those words back now."
I yanked my wrists from his hold, the pain not even registering. It was no match for what was going on inside my heart. He moved to grab me again, but I quickly avoided his reach. It would not be the touch I was craving. He finally looked me in the eyes and I saw the smirk appear on his face.
"What did you think was going to happen, Bella? Did you think we would go back to Forks, tell everyone that we were together in unholy union and live happily ever after? Grow up."
**"Can't you feel how much I want you? "**
I tried to match his bitter words to the ones spoken with such tenderness the night before and could not submit to the change. "What do you mean, Edward? Were you lying when you said that you loved me?"
"Of course not, Bella. I have always loved you." His voice softened slightly, vulnerability seeping through. It was barely noticeable, but I knew him enough to recognise it.
"I love you Edward. You say that you love me too. Why does any of the rest of it matter?" I could feel myself pleading with him now, desperate, but it didn't matter. My pride was not my concern. Being with Edward was. "It's you and me, Edward. It has always been you and me. It is just a different variation of the original."
He started shaking his head violently, almost ripping his hair from his head. "No, Bella. It isn't. Can't you see? This is nowhere near the original. This is so far from the original that no-one recognises what it was before. Everything has changed. It can't be Bella and Edward anymore. It isn't enough."
I couldn't accept his words. I knew that what he was saying was fighting with what he felt in his heart. I needed to hear that it meant more than just sex. It had to. "Were you lying when you said you wanted me?"
**"So beautiful"**
Edward changed. If rewinding in slow motion, I could have shown the exact moment that he snapped. I asked him if he wanted me. I was begging him to fight for us. But he took the easy way out.
He took a step toward me, looking more predatory than I had ever seen him before.
"Of course not, Bella. Any guy would be an idiot not to want you. I am just the lucky bastard that now knows what a sweet cu-"
I couldn't let him finish his sentence. My fist connected with the side of his face before either of us realised what I was doing. How could he speak to me like this? Even if he didn't want me like he had sworn he did, how could he rip our friendship to pieces with a few disgusting words. With his interrupted sentence, he told me that I was wrong. That it was just sex. In that moment, I had never felt more disposable in my life.
He laughed as soon as he realised what I had done, and raised his hand to the corner of his mouth where I had connected with. Blood was trickling out of the split, making me feel slightly vindicated. "You were so easy, Bella."
I raised my hand to strike him again, but this time he was quick enough to stop me first. "Now now, love. Let's not resort to that." The term he had used with such affection was now dripping with sarcasm.
"Fuck You, Edward." I practically spat in his face.
He laughed again. "I already did."
I froze for the second time in the morning, but this time it was for a very different reason. He took the opportunity to get my jacket from the car and place it with my bags. I heard him walking around to the drivers side, pausing before getting in. "I've texted Alice. She and Emmett will come and pick you up here soon."
My chest suddenly felt hollow when I realised what he meant. He had already planned this. Before he pulled me out of the car, he was already planning on leaving me.
"It was what it was, Bella. But it's done. Move on."
I didn't hear the Volvo drive away as I crumbled to the floor.
I was numb, shaking, choking and crying, not caring if the world opened up and swallowed me. but it wouldn't take me whole. Edward had taken my heart with him.
**"Your heart is pounding."
"It isn't mine anymore."**
Edward had lied to me and left me broken.
I don't know when Emmett and Alice arrived, or how long I had been lying on the gravel by my bags. I couldn't answer them when they asked where Edward was. The sound of his name only made me sob harder and the cavity where my heart used to be burn. I turned away from them, vomiting up the non-existing contents of my stomach. I dry retched for an eternity as I felt my brother stroke my back, trying to calm me with his words.
"What did he do to her, Alice?" I don't think he realised I could hear him over my own wretched sounds, but I did.
I didn't hear Alice's response. Instead, my mind decided that it had endured enough and I welcomed the black that engulfed me.
A/N
Ok, so I need to apologise for this chapter. It is full of angst and overdramatisation, but we are experiencing this story through the mind of a sixteen year old girl. That is how they think. I wouldn't know any other way to write it.
It hasn't helped that I have suffered a major case of writers block (hence the delay). I knew that I wanted this to happen, but had no idea how to do it. I also love Bella and Edward together and hated doing this to them.
What did you think? Any suggestions on how to improve it? Did it suck completely?
Yours in frustration…
J