These Melodies
by Impervious Marr
xoxox
Summary: Companion piece to 'Written Notes'. In this place that is too white and much too silent, Kurosaki Ichigo finds solace in music and melodies as he loses the abilities to track time and to judge what is right and wrong. Set in the distant future.
Warnings: AizenIchigo, insanity, ramblings and sadness. D:
A/N: I think the series is nearing its end, to the honest. xD; Because I already talked about everything there is to be had in Written Notes. SO, the next chapter might be the last; or even the epilouge. Who knows? I may go back later and edit everything XD I am so not satisfied.
But actually this will probably be the last chapter before the final final special. xD;
xxx
10
These Melodies
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On the table were little miniature figurines. Each one represented the sides fighting in this war.
Aizen idly moved his piece on the borders of the drawn Soul Society rather thoughtfully.
They were breaking through the walls.
And in no time at all they will reach the outer parts of Soul Society itself. Aizen tapped his fingers in thought - he expected a drawn out, long battle ahead; this was a war after all; but they took faster than before.
He drew out a calculation in his head, and smirked. It was an undeniable fact that no matter how much the Shinigami thought that they were impervious, the Arrancars were much persistent. Needless to say, he didn't need to worry about the Captains waiting for him behind those walls, and the key to finding the way towards the Soul Society King.
The Key to his dimension.
Where I can finally take over that empty place.
In his mind flashed the unbearably vacant throne waiting for him, on the top of the world. And the Shinigami will do nothing to stop him.
They will fall, undoubtedly.
xoxox
Ichigo whistled slightly as he stretched his hands out as far as he could, Ulquiorra watching him idly from his spot. Soon enough, he started - the melodies that filled the room were calm, soothing, but strangely disturbing. Ulquiorra couldn't shake off the undertone of silent anxiety.
"Don't you have work?" Ichigo asked solemnly, looking up from his perch. Ulquiorra blinked at the sudden scrunity, straightening his clothes.
"I will have to take care of Las Noches eventually," he relented, because he knew he had nothing to fear from Ichigo. The boy suddenly paused in his playing, the fingers actually stopping right above the keys; millimeters away.
Ulquiorra knew that Ichigo didn't understand what those words meant, and expected a question - not an acceptance. The green-eyed Espada watched silently as Ichigo spoke.
"All right..."
Ichigo stared up at the ceiling.
Aizen never told him anything, and he was happy about that. Whatever he was involved in, Ichigo didn't wish to know. He had a bad feeling near the pit of his stomach that he wouldn't like whatever it was one bit. The feeling nagged at him relentlessly; like an itch he couldn't reach - at the spot on his back, but he stubbornly refused.
I don't want to lose everything again. I don't want to lose everything again. Not these memories I have... These things I like... These things I love...
When I find out the truth... I don't want to hate.
I'm tired of hate.
Especially...
The words choked his throat though he didn't speak them out loud.Ichigo closed his eyes, feeling a sadness wash over him, clutching his sides tightly as if his own memories were in his hands.
A nightmare like no other.
Like sand, I can see them slipping from my fingers. The unbearable pain of not remembering.
He never wanted to let them go. He didn't want to go through that again.
"So it's starting..."
Ulquiorra sensed his distress, and felt a sense of uneasiness settle over his mind. He never liked it when Ichigo was sad. Months ago he would've relished at the feeling - but it gradually evolved into indifference, and finally the dislike took over.
He couldn't comprehend it at first, because for the first time, he felt as if he had someone to care about. He actually -
Genuinely, without a doubt - cared.
And he was unwilling to admit the sudden fear.
"Ichigo?" Ulquiorra broke the silence, voice steady, and Ichigo looked, looked at him. Those eyes were haunted. The startling depth in them starkly reminded Ulquiorra of himself.
When I'm looking in the mirror, I can see only a crying boy. I abhorred the reminder. These tear tracks remind me why I became who I am today.
I wonder what your eyes remind you of - because you told me yourself you can't remember anything.
I assume... That they remind you of your painful ignorance.
"Would you like a walk?"
Am I right, Kurosaki Ichigo?
Ichigo stared blankly, before a small smile graced his lips. Truly, painful ignorance. It was beautiful and so depressing at the same time that Ulquiorra had to take some time to shake the errant thoughts from his head, just enough to listen to Ichigo's voice.
"That would be nice."
xoxox
They left Nel Tu back in the room since she was stubborn on completing the puzzle game she recently acquired. Ichigo relented in the end. While walking, he insisted that Ulquiorra walked beside him, but the Arrancar shook his head lightly and pushed Ichigo to go ahead.
"Walk."
He sighed. "But I don't know my way around."
"Where do you wish to go?"
"Some fresh air would be nice..."
"Outside then. Just walk... I'll tell you when to turn the corners," Ulquiorra said idly, and Ichigo smiled brightly at the freedom.
"All right."
The silence was comfortable and it settled nicely above them. Ichigo was glad that Ulquiorra had the most perfect timing - he knew when to ask and when to let it all rest, and it soothed him. Completely at odds with Grimmjow, who had his own special way of interacting. They were so different.
He loved them to pieces.
But it inevitably brought him back to thinking the 'what if's, the what if
All of this
Is taken away -
All of this is taken away from me, everything I have right now just like before?
He was so deep in his thoughts that Ulquiorra was about to inquire, before a shuffle of sandals brought Ichigo's attention back to the world. It sounded... Different and familiar.
Just as he looked up, the newcomer blinked at him, before both of them smiled hesitantly.
"Good afternoon."
"Good afternoon. Kira, right?"
"Yes. Nice to meet you again, Ichigo-san. Ulquiorra-san," Kira acknowledged with respect, a slight tilt of his head signifying a small bow. "What brings you here?" he asked, like it was some sort of a code to ask these questions. Ichigo shrugged casually, looking around.
"I was going outside; taking a walk. Fresh air would do me some good."
"Indeed it would." Kira said politely, in a different kind of polite than Gin. Unlike the silver-haired man, the blond before him said it as if he meant it. "I'm taking a walk too."
"Why don't you join us?" Ichigo asked curiously, and Kira looked, for lack of a better word, completely thrown. He blinked before hastily getting back into the conversation.
"I... Can't possibly refuse," he said finally, and Ichigo smiled.
Ulquiorra kept silent throughout their whole exchange.
xoxox
They talked about things. Idle things, things about the palace, things all around them.
Everything and anything... And nothing.
Nothing to do with what they really were. Ichigo wanted to badly ask who he was, and the same went for Kira. The fact that Kira looked familiar to him didn't surprise him, but the constant flicker of familiarity that ran through Kira's eyes chilled him to the bone.
I can't recognize you... Why can't you recognize me too?
So many things they wanted to ask, but Ichigo looked regretful as he noticed that he needed to get back. The afternoon was closing fast into evening, though Hueco Mundo's sky never changed. He was getting accustomed to the timing, and the familiarity soothed him.
"I need to go back." Not enough time.
"That's too bad. I enjoyed your company, Ichigo-san." I need to ask.
"It's Ichigo; just Ichigo." Now, before you leave.
But I can't seem to bring up the words.
Are you the same like me, Kira? Are you like me; did you forget everything and learned everything again? And if you did...
The answers behind all of our 'what's and 'who's and 'why's - the things you hold dear at the moment - these precious memories slipping like sand -
Are you scared, just like me?
xoxox
Gin merely smiled at him disarmingly; as always; as he entered the dining room with a pensive frown.
"You talked with Kira."
"Yes," Ichigo replied, looking up at the sudden topic. "Outside."
"Interesting."
The usual pleasantries. They sat, and began their meal as normal, and began to talk as normal. The questions that needed to be asked danced around their conversations - Ichigo was always the one who had to ask first... But this time, he broke the barrier.
He was sipping his tea peacefully, and Gin was putting his chopsticks down.
"You're here to further Aizen's ambition." Ichigo took a deep breath, looking down. "Kira?"
The silence was muted.
"That is a question you would have to ask him yourself," Gin murmured, voice barely above a whisper. Ichigo looked up at Gin's sudden expressionless face - eyes still closed up, but his mouth was in a line. Then he sighed, as if in pain, and looked to the side then back - a lot of unnecessary movements, very unlike the usually calm, happy man; he interlaced his fingers and never looked up. "Remember our previous conversation?"
"Yes. You ask me what I thought about love."
"And I told you that I couldn't handle it. Well, Ichigo; I wasn't... Made to love." Gin shrugged casually. "I was a human before; a real soul, this you know. I died young, emotionally. I don't like sad stories, so I'll give you a simple version - I was never given affection before; I don't know how to manage it, nor give it - I don't even recognize it very well."
There was no family. There were no things such as friends. Nothing to put emotions to.
Nothing but the mocking laughter that shaped my grin.
Ichigo only looked normal as he listened.
"That was long ago. You know the feeling; love? If you love something - you never want to let them go." Gin smiled, relaxing back into his facade. "I likened it to only two people. You've met one of them; he's cracked close. The other one I absolutely can't let go. She's everything to me... It's a sick kind of love; it's an obsession."
Long, long, long blond hair. The most beautiful length, the softest of skins. Her voice and her constant need of attention - her laziness, just like him - her love of drink.
Gin sipped his tea for a while, relishing in the warmth; before continuing as if all was right in the world.
"She fought me and it hurt, you know? When I tried to make her see what kind of world I wanted her to live in. It hurt when she called me a monster, but I couldn't stop, because admittedly... I'm selfish."
"You said you didn't miss anyone when you left," Ichigo said, putting his head on a hand.
"It's true. I couldn't let her go."
She's somewhere. Sedated. A shell. But she's strong; she's not broken.
I think I love her more than anything in the world.
"And Kira?"
"Well, Kira - he was never the first. But it... Grew. He followed - his loyalty never wavered. He loves me unconditionally, have you ever noticed?" Gin asked idly, looking down on his hands. "He loves my bloodstained hands, the same hands which ripped everything apart from him - everything that he had ever known before this. He's just like you -"
Everything taken away from him.
Now he learned to love only what's around.
I wonder if he wants to remember?
" - only that I made his world into me and me only instead of picking at everything, because I'm selfish. In a way... That answers your question, doesn't it?" GIn ended, with turbulent thoughts disturbing his mind.
I've never had any love.
I craved it.
I wanted to make it for myself.
He sighed finally, running a hand through his silver hair as he did so. Ichigo merely sat back, and Gin was struck at the lack of judgement in Ichigo's eyes. The orange-haired boy only smiled slightly as Kira came in through the door.
"Ichimaru-taichou?"
"Kira," Gin admonished lightly, grinning, and Kira flushed. "You should knock."
"I'm sorry. Hello, Ichigo; do you want some chocolate?"
"Chocolate?"
"Here." Kira shoved a box into his hands, and he looked down, blinking. He popped one of them into his mouth, and decided that he liked it very much.
I wonder if he wants to remember, and seeing that smile he's giving to Gin...
I doubt it.
"Thank you, Kira."
What do I think of love?
Ichigo stared at the exchange, realizing that Gin's previous statement of Kira's unconditional love was right. The blond absolutely downright adored the silver-haired man; blatantly obvious through their conversation.
He smiled.
It's beautiful.
xoxox
Do you want to know about your friends, Ichigo?
Do you want to know if your family would approve of what you are now?
Do you want to remember why you hated Aizen before this?
Do you want to hate them again?
xoxox
These memories are in my hands and they're slipping away like dust to the wind. I can see the nameless and the faceless begging me to come back. They're telling me things I don't want to hear; they're showing me things I don't want to see. They're asking me things I don't want to answer.
They're making me write over my precious memories. They're trying to make me hate what I've become.
I can't handle hate anymore; so this is a dream.
This is a dream.
This is -
A -
Nightmare.
Ichigo gasped as he woke up, shuddering and immediately wrapping hands around himself.
That was the fifth time. He couldn't help but think it was a foreshadow towards something.
Oh, god, no.
The dream nagged at him until Aizen came in silently into the room. Ichigo was startled when two arms wrapped themselves around Ichigo's trembling form, shoving his head into a chest and rocking him lightly. A slight pressure was on the top of his head and Ichigo knew, suddenly, that he was given comfort.
From the man, that somehow, from some distant time ago - he was supposed to hate. But in these moments when Aizen was so human, Ichigo couldn't help the tears that threatened to spill.
"Ichigo, what's wrong?"
The orange-haired boy merely made a sound at the back of his throat, and dragged his hands to wind tightly around Aizen.
The words he spoke were muffled, almost inaudible.
"They taunt me... Everywhere," Ichigo said brokenly, clutching at Aizen's clothing. "Make them stop. I don't want to know. I love where I'm in now."
The eternal night.
"I love everyone here."
The Arrancar.
"I love these melodies I play,"
Everything. And above all;
"I love you."
Aizen took a deep intake of breath, unable to properly breathe. Ichigo didn't notice the slip, instead, he clutched closer, staring blankly into the ceiling above.
"So please... Don't let me know about anything that will make me hate them."
Aizen gathered Ichigo and pressed him closer, rubbing his back and he choked at something invisible.
"Shh, Ichigo."
But Ichigo didn't stop. He couldn't.
"More than anything in the world, at this moment - I don't want to see my old friends again, if it means I will have to look at all of you hatefully. Let me be in blissful ignorance." He closed his eyes painfully, and let the tears flow, if only to make them stop. He sobbed and he cried silently, body shaking from the effort. It took him a long, long time to recollect everything that fell apart in his mind.
He felt exhausted. Everything was muddled now, even Aizen's soft tone resonating soothingly near his ear. He was whispering sweet nothings and assurances - and everything else.
"I took everything away from you."
"Mhmm."
"Yet you can't find the hate."
Ichigo placed his fingers against his lips thoughtfully.
Why?
"I think... It used to be hate. Then I didn't know who you are, but you scared me. It was indifference... Then I never wanted to let you go. I talked about love with Gin earlier. I'm pretty sure that's what this is." Ichigo shifted lethargically, then smiled.
"You don't want to hate me?"
"No. I don't think I can ever bring myself to. Unless," My greatest nightmare, "I remember about everything before. But -"
Then he relaxed, eyes closing gradually as his own voice faded away.
"I don't want to - and don't let me. The pain would be too great to stand."
Aizen merely tightened his grip.
"I won't."
With those two words alone, Ichigo felt everything melt away into the dust. His fears and his worries and all of his tears. Aizen would see to it. He knew he would. Aizen ran a hand soothingly through Ichigo's locks, simply smiling as he did so, settling Ichigo more comfortably against him as he drifted off to the world of sleep.
And as Ichigo slept, Aizen couldn't help but study the boy in his arms.
Gin was right. He loves me unconditionally. The blood staining my hands mean nothing to him; even after I said I took everything away.
But he has nothing to worry about.
It doesn't matter if he sees his old comrades again. He'll not care for them anymore - I'll make sure of that.
Aizen kissed him lightly on his tear-stained cheeks, inwardly relishing at the significant victory he won from Ichigo -
And himself giving a part away to the boy.
Given enough time, maybe I will admit it -
But not today.
Tomorrow; maybe. We have till the end of time.
xoxox
Ichigo dreamt of merciless hands slaying those demons; brown and more brown.
Those hands were warm when they touched his skin.
xoxox
He opened his eyes with a little bit of difficulty, squinting at the scene around him. He was still in yesterday's position - Aizen didn't move at all. He immediately felt a bit guilty, but then the smile Aizen gave him cleared everything away.
"Good morning."
He smiled up at Aizen from his position, closing his eyes.
Everything will be fine.
Thank you.
Without a word, he got up, and started towards the piano lethargically. His movements were slow and uncoordinated, but strangely graceful as he ran two fingers halfways across the keys. He picked up his pen and wrote a few scribbles onto the paper - the bright red ink staining his fingers.
Then he placed the writing instrument to the side.
"Aizen?"
"Yes?"
Aizen merely watched as Ichigo sat down and positioned himself accordingly. What he didn't expect were the next words.
"I write notes," Ichigo whispered, as the thunderous first chord resonated through the room powerfully, "Instead of words."
His fingers alternated smoothly from quick to slow, quick quick slow. The feeling of a lover's embrace and the whispered sweet nothings; the scaling heights to the depths below. The raw feeling. Ichigo firmly pressed on the keys, letting everything out. The timing was to perfection - it had to be; otherwise the turmoil wouldn't be felt.
"They're melancholy. Cheerful. Maddening and exhilarating."
Then it gradually smoothed out. It was like being caressed by a beloved, his notes, soothing Aizen who watched him with pure fascination.
"These melodies -"
Ichigo ended the first part beautifully, saying his words during the first pause.
"Are what I feel."
He smiled, and started again.
"I love this piece the most. I just completed it yesterday - even Nel hasn't heard it yet. You're the first."
The pure emotion made Aizen transfixed.
So beautiful.
"I named it You."
And the whole of Hueco Mundo stopped to listen; as the angel they could never let go played and played to his heart's content - losing himself through the music, the ability to track time and to judge eluding him, in this painless void, this blissful ignorance.
My paradise.
xoxox
xoxox
xoxox
End Chapter Ten.
xoxox
A/N: YAY! :D LOL total ripoff from Written Notes for the last part. Well. Since this is the companion piece x3;
Let's see. o.o This is probably the last chapter! Well, I'll crank out another final chapter or epilouge or something then I finish? XD; I dunno... I mean -
We have yet to see what he says to his old friends once he sees them again... o.o Hmm, I gotta wonder.
Thank you for being with me all this time, readers! 8D
Have a nice day everyone! :D