FS: Ha! Finally! I'm cured! Hehehehehehehehe! What ailment you ask? The only malady an author, like myself, could possibly have! WRITER'S BLOCK! But alas, I have absconded the grapple of its vile curse! I have wandered far and wide to search inspiration to ignite my burning desire of amusing my readers. It stuck me like lighting when I read once again your reviews to me. You, my reader, are my inspiration. You give me the strength to bang my head against the wall over and over again with full force, and because of that, I suffered internal head bleeding and more brain damage. But nonetheless, through the constant agony, I have wriggled out of the captivity of thinking nothing and sat in my cushy chair and finally started writing… And here am I… Equipped with ideas to amuse that prodding consciousness to read a Cloud and Tifa fan fiction story.
Sorry, I just watched the theater play of "A Midsummer Nights Dream"… Believe me, my friends, for I say the truth, when you watch this play, you'll speak not the same way as you do for now… For thou changes thy way of speaking and how art understands words of misunderstanding that confuses the cold soul to stand down and be trampled and caressed at the same moment…
Wha? Stupid poet… Stupid poetry… Stupid cousin…
NX: What did I do?…. Who are you and what did you do to my real cousin?
FS: (Very Evil Glare with glowing red eyes and unusual deep voice) Silence!
NX: Oh alright! Hmp! I'm not appreciated here… I hope you (the reader) are! (Anyone who knows to exorcise?)
FS: NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Evilly)
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Mr. Lockhart was bored. His wife and daughter went out to buy something to eat. Hospital food wasn't on his favorites list. It's too… healthy. Vegetable salad? Asparagus soup? Carrot cake and carrot juice? What to they think of him? A rabbit? A cow? A low life herbivore? And surely he was no vegetarian! What so good about vegetables anyway? There's only one word that could describe vegetables… Yuck.
Pushing away his tray and reaching for the remote; he turned on the television and found nothing except news about a moron who avoided running over a chicken with his car, which caused him crashing straight on in to a tree. Sounds familiar. Displeased, he clicked the dials again and found this channel about music videos.
"MTV? Isn't this the channel Tifa is crazy about?" he asked himself as he watched the next music video starting.
A girl popped up. A very revolting one. She was dressed somewhat like a hillbilly. Her face was full of pimples and has buckteeth enough to make a beaver jealous. Then a guy with ball-head followed her. They were in some kind of dollhouse, all made of plastic material. Music started to play and with narrow eyes full of repulsion and curiosity, he scrutinized.
Hey Barbie! Wanna' go for a ride?
Sure Ken!
Well… FORGET IT!
I'm an ugly girl!
My face will make you hurl!
Sad I have it!
I should buy it!
Acne everywhere!
Unwanted facial hair!
I'm a relation!
Frankenstein's creation!
You're so ugly!
You disgust me!
I'm a sad little girl!
All alone in the world!
I just wanna' be,
Someday, I'll be pretty!
You're a doll!
Like a troll!
Where you hit by a train?
Will you go away, 'cause you're stinky!
You can touch!
Wanna play?
I'm a bitch!
I'm always yours!
You're so ugly!
You disgust me!
Boo-hoo-hoo!
Yeah!
You're so ugly!
You disgust me!
Owwww-hoooo!
Owwww-hoooo!
I'm an ugly girl!
My face will make you hurl!
Sad I have it!
I should buy it!
Acne everywhere!
Unwanted facial hair!
I'm a relation!
Frankenstein's creation!
You're so ugly!
You disgust me!
Oh Ken! Let's go out and have some fun!
SORRY! But you're TOO DAMN UGLY!
OH! SCREW YOU KEN!
END.
"Mental note. Ground Tifa if caught watching this things…" he said to himself with his mouth agog. "Speaking of Tifa… What are taking them so long?"
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The mother and daughter rushed down the hallway to be met by the elevator. Entering, the younger of the two pressed the button with a number 12 on it.
"Why do we need to hurry?" Tifa panted, "Dad, couldn't be that hungry? Food was sent to him an hour ago!"
"Well…" her mother panted along with her, "Let's just say he's afraid to eat food made by a hospital…"
"Huh? Why?"
"This is a hospital, right?"
"Yeah… so?"
"Hospitals are full of sick people, right?"
"But aren't the meals sealed?"
"Can you see if the bacteria aren't sealed along with the food?"
"No… but… Isn't food from the fast-food joints aren't 100 protected from germs too… right?"
"But are fast-food joints full of people with severe illness like those in a hospital?… What else could be the reason they're in a hospital?"
"Yeah… but…" looking suspiciously at her mother, "Mom, do you and father hold a grudge against hospital food?"
"Nope."
"You really know what Dad likes, huh?"
"Of course, Tifa, I've been in love with that moron for 20 years. And sometimes when I stop and think about it… I wonder how I survived with him all these years! And the creepy thing is… I have no regrets!"
"You must really love him, huh?"
"Yeah… Hmmmm? Tifa?" looking at her daughter.
"What?" she asked.
"Is there anyone… you know… a certain blonde male that you… take a liking with? The little boy you always play with when you were young? Back at the village?"
"She's on to me" Tifa thought to herself, "Actually-"
Before she could finish her sentence, the elevator's opening doors interrupted her. The women stepped out and ran once again to the room of Mr. Lockhart.
Tifa opened the door and saw her father playing with his mechanical bed. Pressing the buttons, up and down, over and over again. Laughing like a child would if he gets a new plaything.
"If you brake that, then I have no choice but to leave you here…"
Lazarus looked up and saw his wife giving him a death glare. He stopped playing and noticed them carrying plastic bags from Burger Queen.
"Oh! Are those for me?"
"No."
"Mom!"
"Oh alright! There for you Lazarus…"
"Gee! Thanks! I'm starving!"
Tifa witnessed her father attacked the innocent burger and with one bite, the poor burger was already in half. She giggled when she saw her father behave like a child. Over-protective and 'wanna be young again', Dad. It was like having a little brother for a father. Well, that's life.
But then she frowned, remembering the incident back at the elevator. Her mother somewhat knew her secret. How could she? Never in her life she mentioned about 'him' to her mother. Not once! True, that they played together when they were young but… her mother or anyone else for that matter, never really knew that they had a 'secret relationship'… at the age of her 13 and him 14. She frowned again even more due to thinking hard, there's only one thing that knows Tifa inside and out… her diary.
"Tifa?" Her mother asked, "You alright?"
"Wha?" looking up, "Y-yes! I'm okay!"
"Looks like you were thinking about something…" leaning down to her daughter, "…or someone…"
This caught Tifa by surprise. Does she really know? How could she? It's either she read her diary or she's got mind reading ability… Nah. Definitely mind reading ability. Her diary is so locked up in that little drawer in her closet… wait! Her mother was the one who emptied her closet for packing!
All hell broke loose for Tifa.
"Thinking of someone?" asked her father, "Who!"
"Nobody, Lazarus." Her mother said, "Now finish that burger of yours quietly."
"Yes, dear."
Knock. Knock. Knock. And then it opened. It was the doctor. Quite old, really white suit and an expensive Rolex watch. (NX: I've always wanted a watch like that, only it's useless. Since I can't read time…. sob)
"Well, Mr. Lockhart. There's no further injuries that could cause you pain. Just broken bones that could heal inside your comfy home. You can go home now."
"Thank you, doctor."
"Oh and Mr. Lockhart"
"Yes?"
"I greatly admire you're sacrifice for my pet chicken, Alexander."
"The chicken's yours?"
"Yes. He's been with me ever since I moved here. I love him like my own brother. But he has this nasty habit of crossing roads. Thank you for avoiding him. And to show my appreciation, I paid for your car's damage."
"Thank you! Doctor!"
"No, no, no." waving his hand, "Thank you." And he left.
"That guy should be a vet instead of a doctor…" Tifa thought, "What else will happen in this crazy city?"
FS: (Unusual deep voice) If only you knew Tifa. If only you knew.
NX: You're really starting to freak me out. Stop it.
FS: NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Evilly)
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"Finally! We're home!" Tifa exclaimed.
"And just in time for dinner too!" her mother rushed to the kitchen.
"And the game's on!" as Lazarus switched on their television.
"Table Tennis?" Tifa asked.
"Yes! Backhand!"
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"Cloud! Our neighbors are home!" as his mother placed the apple pie inside the box.
"Coming!"
"Didn't I tell you to comb your hair?" his mother looked dismayed, "Your hair is more spiky than Sonic the Hedgehog's!"
"You know Sonic?" Cloud asked.
"Hey, you're momma was young once. Now, grab the pie and let's go!"
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"Dad, can we watch something other than Table Tennis?"
"C'mon, didn't you know that Table Tennis is the fastest game ever?"
"No, but the fastest game I know is Gran Turismo 4…"
"You young people today are so lazy! Why imprison yourselves in games that doesn't even make you sweat?"
"Dad, that's the whole point of video games… playing without sweating"
"Fine. What channel do you want to watch?"
"23. MTV."
"Alright, as long as no bucktooth hillbillies singing."
Ding-dong!
"Who can that be?" Tifa thought.
"That must be our guests!" as her mother ran to the door.
"Who?" Tifa asked.
"You'll see" as she opened the door. "I would like you to meet our neighbors, the Strifes!"
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
FS: And we're finished!
NX: Hooray for us!
Especially for Spikestrife- I didn't receive your e-mail… sorry. I never had a dog before. Mom prefers 'quite' animals. But I would like a dog. My girl bunny is pregnant too! I don't know if my boy bunny is the father or Law…
NX: HEY!
Enigma- Okay. We'll try your advice!
Midoriko-sensuta- We won't hurt you.
Tifas-love- Thanks! You're right. A certain someone shouldn't get affected by crap.
Jess- Yup! Who ever said we sucked is (toot!)…
Ultima-92- Sorry I acted that way…
Midas- We like it too!
Ham 007- Thank you for liking this fic!
Iain r m- Sorry. Don't worry, were going to continue this fic so you can be happy!
Zac Roy- There was a mob at our house… is it yours?
Angelockheart- Sorry it took us long.
Eveeee90- We did have bad dreams… is it yours?
Long- Okay, it was hard to delete this!
Raven cactuar- Nice to know that there's more Cloti fans out there.
Strawberry Gashes Lover- No bad words next time please? Oh and thanks for reading.