"Whatever." I groaned, and got dressed. I just wanted this night to be over. I saw Rob glance at me and try to hide his smile.
"You messed up your tie again." He walked over to me and fixed it, biting his lip.
"Sorry." I said in a sarcastic whisper.
"It's okay." He whispered back, taking my hand. "Are you ready to leave?" He asked.
"Mhmm, but one more thing." I let go of his hand and pulled his face up to mine and kissed him. He smiled as he pulled away.
"Beck, I know it's not easy. But you'll be okay." He promised leaning his forehead against mine.
"What is the worst part?" I asked, closing my eyes.
"Giving up your heart." He said. "Once you do that, the rest doesn't even matter."
"I think I've already done that." I asked.
"Then I guess we will see what happens." He looked up and handed me my phone and wallet. I bit my lip and led us out the door. My heart was pounding. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I just hope Andre can accept me. As we walked outside a wave of new york air hit me straight in the face. It felt like I hadn't been outside of my apartment in forever. I took a deep breath and let go of Rob's hand. He gave me an upset look, but I wasn't ready to publicly display anything.
Andre's POV:
"I don't want to see him!" I yelled at Jade.
"He is your best friend Andre! Even if he is gay, he is still the same person! The same person he has been since we graduated high school! He is still Beck. You never noticed he was gay when he was hiding it so what's the big deal?" Jade was fuming.
"He screws guys, Jade!" I hit the table.
"Look, if you were really his best friend you wouldn't care what he loved." She shook her head. "He is in love with Robbie. So much that he came to me, his ex-girlfriend when he hurt him. It's love! Just like you love me..." She frowned.
"But you're a girl baby. I love you because you are a sexy, talented, beautiful woman...Robbie is NOT a girl. Sure, he acts like one, but he sure as hell is not sexy."
"He is to Beck!" She whined. "Please come with me. Please."
"No, Jade. You go, I'm staying here."
"Fine. But when your best friends' heart is broken, I'll tell him that you're not worth the heart break." She bit her lip. "Screw you." She walked out the door and slammed it as hard as she could. No, there was no way I was going to see him.
Beck's POV:
As Rob and I walked into the restaurant there was only one person missing. The person I cared about the most. I felt tears coming on but tried to stop them, turning to Rob quickly.
"Please don't let me cry in public.." I whispered into his neck.
"I wont." He promised.
As we walked up I saw the girls they all smiled at us. I sat down as quickly as I could wanting to forget that Andre wasn't there.
"Hey, Beck." Tori said, handing me a menu. "How are you?"
"I'm fine, Tori. Thanks." I said, opening it.
"Hi, Robbie..." Cat said.
"Hi, Cat." He replied.
"Are you mad at me?" She asked.
"I could never stay mad at you." He said, smiling at her. Jade looked at me from across the large booth.
"Why isn't Andre here?" I asked, sighing.
"That doesn't matter, Beck." She said.
"It matters to me." I said. My voice cracked slightly and I leaned my head back. Rob took my hand under the table and squeezed it, letting me know he was here for me. I smiled slightly and bit my lip.
"He...didn't want to come." Tori said quietly.
"Tori!" Jade snapped, hitting her arm.
"I'm sorry! He deserved to know!" Tori defended. I looked away from them.
"Babe, don't cry..." Rob whispered in my ear. I looked down and wiped my eyes. I felt like I just lost half of my heart. I was breaking.
"I'm sorry, I have to go." I got up out of the booth, wiping my eyes again. Rob started to follow me then. "Rob, please stay here. I just need to be alone." He sat back down, biting his lips.
"Okay..." He said. I ran out of the restaurant. The streets were all a blur. The lights all fused together and I could barely see through my tears. But I knew where I was going. I ran across the street. I didn't care if I got hit. Nothing mattered anymore. All I could think about was loosing my best friend. I ran across what seemed like a thousand streets and went directly to Jade and Andre's apartment. I knocked on the door for what seemed like forever. but he wasn't answering.
"Andre! Answer the door!" I yelled, wiping my eyes again. "I know you're in there!" I banged on the door again. Finally the door swung open.
"What?" I he yelled. "What do you want?"
"I wanted to see my best friend." I sighed. "Why didn't you come see me?"
"We're not friends, Beck." He laughed. "I'm not going to be friends with a fucking faggot." I started crying harder than ever then. I tried to hold it in but I couldn't.
"Andre, please don't fucking do this to me! I'm still the same person!"
"Yeah? Well I don't want to have to worry about my best friend trying to screw me, too." He growled.
"I love Rob. I'm not even attracted to you." I said. "Please, just don't do this to me." I begged, wiping tears from my eyes.
"Oh stop crying you little girl. It's done. Just go home and watch some gay porn, you'll be okay." I punched the wall next to his door.
"Ugh! Fuck you!" I ran out, pulling on my hair. I couldn't believe that a person I cared about so much would shut me out like that. I already lost my mom. I couldn't take loosing him. I caught the first cab I could find back to my apartment. I just wanted to sleep. To make all of this pain go away. I needed a beer. I got inside and went to the kitchen. After 10 minutes I had three empty bottles on the counter. It felt like the world was crumbling under my feet. I took the bottle in my hand and slammed it on the side of the sink. The glass shattered over the kitchen. I picked up a shard of glass and ran it across my wrist as hard as I could, multiple times. And, the cuts got deeper. The blood was dripping out fast and I was light headed. I walked to the living room and grabbed a pen and notepad and started writing. The blood started dripping onto the page.
~Rob, I'm sorry it had to be this way. It's not enough to say I'm sorry for this and everything I have put you through. Maybe I'm to blame for all of this. Or maybe everyone else is. Either way I can't breathe here anymore. All I can say is goodbye. We're better off this way. I can't feel anything anymore. I can't take all of this. I hate myself for doing this to you. But my mind is already made up. I love you, Rob. Don't you ever forget that. And don't you ever take that ring off of my finger. I love you so much. I just want the pain to go away. This is NOT your fault. Please stay strong for me, even though I couldn't for you.
I'll always love you, Beck.~
I brought the note to our bedroom and layed in bed. I grabbed my sleeping pills and took as many of them as I could fit in my hand and closed my eyes to leave.