A Year On.

Joseph Byrne sat enthralled as he watched her stood bravely up on that stage, in front of at least two hundred people, discussing the loss of their child. As young professionals, when an opportunity had arisen for mothers and fathers who had lost their child through miscarriage to meet at a charity ball and to talk about their experiences, Jac had decided it would be cathartic to say a few words to show that miscarriage doesn't only affect some, but can affect any one, whether a high flying hospital doctor for whom the baby and subsequent miscarriage had been a complete and traumatic shock or a mother already with children to whom it hadn't happened before. He could tell that she was nervous, her eyes kept finding his and every time they did he gave her a reassuring smile, prompting her to continue on. Though it had now become a more regular occurrence that she should discuss her feelings, discussing them in front of so many people was undoubtedly very hard for her to do and an obvious shock to her system. He didn't think he'd ever seen her show such bravery or heartfelt emotion as he was seeing her portray at that very moment, as her hair shone under the lights and the studs on her dress glittered, making her look almost angelic.

The past year had been full of ups and downs as both had tried to come to terms with the loss of Harry. Jac had been left broken and Joseph had to work hard to pick up the pieces and encourage her to open up enough to let him help put them back together again. She loved him, of that he had no doubt, and he loved her, once more, more than he ever felt possible. This time though, even with the traumatic circumstances surrounding their being brought back together, and the divorce proceedings to Faye now under way, he was sure that she would never hurt him or run away from commitment or her feelings again. He could see, that finally, she had realised that she needed him, and that he was the rock which had been missing all of her life and he had realised that he needed her and needed to be shown the love that she felt for him. She was the light in his life and while she could still be cold, and bicker and use barbed comments should the mood arise, he also knew that under all that was a woman who would give his hand a squeeze when nobody was looking, who would kiss his forehead or nose as she passed him in the hospital corridors, who would leave with him at the end of the day, letting him place his arm around her and show the affection he felt for her for everyone to see and who couldn't go to sleep without him cuddled up to her in bed, in the house they now shared, nor without a conversation about their days and their feelings and anything else that was playing on her mind. She had mellowed in a way that he never thought was possible and she never apologised to anyone for it, nor did she hesitate, if she felt that he or she needed it, to show support or affection for the man that she loved in front of the many prying eyes that she knew were watching her every step for some kind of cowardice. She no longer cared how they perceived her because she had the man she loved at her side, and that was more important to her than even her job.

As Jac finished, applause rang throughout the room, Joseph leading the other parents in a standing ovation for the bravery of the obviously emotional Doctor who had just bore her heart and soul to a multitude of strangers. She blushed and carefully made her way down the steps leading from the stage, walking a little self consciously through the crowds to Josephs side and immediately burying herself in his arms, with her head against his chest.

"I'm so proud of you." He whispered, kissing her red hair.

Jac looked up at him and gave him a glowing smile.

"Thank you." She replied honestly, kissing her partner on the lips and running her fingers through his hair.

As they went to sit down at their table, Jac faltered, wobbling slightly. Joseph immediately placed a steadying hand on to her back, helping her down into the chair.

"Are you all right?" He asked her concerned, brushing her hair away from her rosy cheeks.

"I'm fine." She told him though she was feeling a bit tired and queasy. "I think it's these shoes. Surgeons don't get to practice working in heels very often after all."

Joseph smiled, happy with her answer, but still shot concerned glances her way throughout the meal. When he found Jac unable to do anything other than pick at her food he decided enough was enough.

"I'm taking you home." He whispered softly, kissing her forehead.

Jac didn't argue. She nodded, letting Joseph help her up from the seat and lead her out of the claustrophobic hall. He embraced her tightly in his arms, Jac wrapping hers around him and breathing in his scent.

"Love you." She whispered tiredly as they climbed into the car.

"And I love you." He replied, leaning over and doing up her seatbelt before climbing in himself and driving her home.

After arriving home and helping to get her undressed, Joseph tucked Jac up in the duvet and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him. As he thought about it, he realised that she had been wearying more easily for the last two months or so, not always being able to eat, sometimes unable to keep her food down, other times being fine. Worry made his heart pound. What if she was ill? What if there was a chance that he could lose her? Joseph Byrne was nothing without Jac Naylor. He couldn't picture life again without her in it. Thinking such things made him pull her closer to him. He kissed her behind her ear and could feel her smile.

"Stop worrying." She whispered, turning over so that she was facing him. "I'm feeling better already."

Jac kissed Joseph on the nose.

"And well enough to go and have a nice bath."

Jac climbed out of bed, smiling as Joseph walked into the bathroom and began running a bath for her. She truly didn't deserve him, she knew that, but she also knew that there was no way she would screw things up again. There was no way that she could ever let him go.

Jac rifled through her drawers, pulling out a pair of Joseph's tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt and some underwear. Checking that Joseph wasn't in the room she also pulled a box out that she had buried at the bottom of the drawer, tucking it in the pile of clothes that she was holding so that he wouldn't see her take it into the bathroom. Her hands shook as she thought of its consequences.

"One strawberry bubble bath is waiting for you." He told her softly as he re entered the room, looking at her curiously as he noted her expression.

"I'm fine." She reassured him, giving him a quick kiss before entering the bathroom and leaving the door on the jar behind her.

When Jac hadn't surfaced after forty five minutes a worried Joseph, who had been sitting trying to read on the bed, although his mind was on his poorly girlfriend and nothing else, knocked on the door. When she didn't answer he quickly pushed it open to be greeted by the sight of Jac sitting frozen in position on the toilet seat, her body still wet and shivering with cold.

Josephs blood ran cold.

"Jac? Sweetheart?" He called out, rushing over to her, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her trembling body, rubbing his hands up and down over the top of it to warm her up. "You're freezing." He commented, trying to get her to look at him. He propped her chin up with his fingers and noticed how puffy and red her eyes were.

"Is this about Harry?" He asked her quietly, stroking her cheeks with his fingertips.

"Sort of." She whispered softly, looking Joseph right in the eyes.

"It was tonight wasn't it? I wondered if it would be too much for you. With that and feeling poorly..."

Jac placed a finger over his lips to quieten him. She couldn't help but smile at his sincere concern. He really was so sweet.

"There's a reason I've been feeling poorly Joseph." She told him softly, pulling the plastic stick out from behind her. "Look."

She held the test out with trembling hands, Joseph then taking it into his and studying it closely.

"Harry's going to be a big brother." Jac told Joseph softly. "I'm pregnant Joe."

Joseph looked at the woman in front of him, waiting for some kind of sign as to how she was feeling about the pregnancy. He himself was scared to death and worried but also so very happy. Jac wasn't giving anything away at all.

"And...How do you feel about that?" He asked her quietly, almost not wanting to hear the answer. Harry's death had affected her profoundly and he truly didn't know what words were going to pass her lips. "Are you happy about it?"

"No." Jac answered quickly at the floor. She then looked to Joseph, seeing the hurt in his eyes and feeling her own heart ache because of her dishonest answer. "Yes." She then told him. "I am, I'm just...I'm so scared." She admitted.

"Come on let's get you dry and warm." Joseph told her, pulling her gently up from the toilet and carefully drying her, hesitating as the towel reached her stomach. As Jacs gaze fell to him he began drying again, then helping her into the t-shirt and jogging bottoms and leading her out of the bathroom and into the bed.

"It's all right to be scared Jac. I am too." He reassured her as he placed the positive pregnancy test between them on the bed. "We had a terrible experience last time."

"What if it happens again? I'm not sure I could deal with that if it were to happen a second time." Jac admitted tearfully.

"But could you deal with terminating your child? Because that's the only other option. I know you couldn't put it up for adoption, you loved Harry. You have no reason to give our baby up. The only other option is a termination. Could you do that?" He asked her hesitantly.

She shook her head.

"Of course not. Maybe once upon a time but now...there's no way."

"Then we do this together Jac and we deal with whatever happens. But just because we lost Harry like that...it doesn't mean we're going to lose this little one too." He reassured her placing a hand on her stomach. She placed hers over his and squeezed it. "We're together now. I'm not going anywhere. We can do this."

"Are you happy?" She then asked him softly.

Joseph broke out into a huge grin which she found infectious.

"You've given me a child Jacqueline Naylor. Of course I'm happy. We're going to have our family." He whispered pulling her into his arms and kissing her passionately.

Jac giggled, but Joseph could still see the worry etched on her face.

"Do you want this child?" He then asked her quietly.

Jac tearfully nodded, clutching his hands in hers.

"So, so much."

"Wait here." He then told her, padding downstairs to the phone and leaving her alone on the bed staring down at the positive test, a small smile creeping on to her lips as she placed a hand over the stomach which housed her unborn child.

Joseph bounded back through the door with a smile.

"Get your coat. We're going to the hospital." Joseph then told her.

Jac looked at him with a confused expression.

"Do you want to see our baby or not?"